Ragnarok
by SageQueen
Summary: It's the end of the world and then some. - Complete in being incomplete. For notes on the ending, see gametourists blog.
1. Breathe

**Ragnarok**

(Valkyrie: Part 4)

* * *

><p><strong>Author's (rather long) Introduction:<strong>

So, Mass Effect 3...

This game astounded me.

Fan feelings about the final game in the Mass Effect series are strong and they are _mixed_. A number of people loved the game, no qualifications needed. Many hated it, starting at some point in which things went south for them: a point in which auto-dialog took over their vision of Shepard, or where their Mass Effect 2 romance suddenly got hit by a giant plot bus, or where the great deus ex machina that would take over the ending began to rear its pointy little head.

Others, like myself, were lucky (or unlucky) in that the game played out perfectly every step of the way...right up until the absolute head-trip that is the last 5-15 minutes of the game.

I envy the optimism of the first group and I sympathize deeply with the second. For myself, my experience with the game put me more in the third camp. I loved Mass Effect 3 right up until the end. As I played along, I was amazed and delighted. I kept thinking that the game was just what I'd hoped for, just what I'd imagined it would be. At times I almost thought I was dreaming it up, it fit my vision of the story so perfectly.

And then the ending hit me like a punch to the gut.

If you haven't finished the game, I won't spoiler it for you. If you have, I won't go into long details about the ending. You know what the endings were like, and you can read about them in articles, blogs (including my own), forums, etc. Heck, you've probably had your fill of speculations and theories.

At the time of writing this, ending DLC has been promised, but it's still pending. And honestly, I wonder how well a DLC will be able to 'fix' what is wrong with the game. On that score, I go from irrational hope to irrational despair and back again - often in the same day. I felt (and feel) a little stupid about how much the ending of Mass Effect 3 bothered me. After all, it's just a video game, right? But on the other hand, I'm obviously a little invested in it. Obviously.

But two things have helped me crawl out of my sadness. One was that several people wrote to me asking me to continue my fanfic. I was really honored and touched by this. Your comments mean a lot of me, so thank you. I appreciate that you'd like to see my fanfic continue, and that you'd like me to co-opt the ending of Mass Effect 3 and smooth out the wrinkles of the story.

And I thought... yeah. Yeah, actually, that's the beauty and travesty of Mass Effect 3 right there: There is so much amazing and convicting about the story and the world, and that _that's _why the ending hurts me so much. There were clues all over the frickin' map - or codex - whatever. Point is, the ending just doesn't fit the Mass Effect universe _at all_. But it _could have_. I still can't quite understand how the same folks who crafted this sci fi world with such care and pride could destroy it so thoroughly in so short a time.

Alright then. Enough introduction:

This is the final chapter of the Valkyrie's story: Ragnarok, the end of the world.

As always, Mass Effect and all aspects thereof are the creation of BioWare (sidelong look with narrowed eyes). Commander Kyrie Shepard is my own creation, born out of the first two games and Jennifer Hale's amazing voice acting. And in this last story, I'm gonna claim her as mine. After all this time writing her, I think I can reasonably do that.

-Sage

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 1: Breathe<em>

* * *

><p>The sky burst in an explosion of clean white silence. Her body flew backward and struck something. Her body then fell forward and landed on a solid surface that might have been another wall or maybe the floor. Pain roared through her limbs and her vision danced with stars. For a moment, she rolled, shoulder over shoulder. The world stopped shaking and she came to a halt. She lay there, dazed, uncertain if it was her body or the world around her that had been blown apart.<p>

_Breathe_, Commander Shepard told herself. _Just breathe_.

Her lungs sucked in air; her head felt heavy as a stone. She was alive, she realized. The pain was indication enough of that. Grunting, she tried to sit up, but found she was too disoriented to move. She thought she heard someone call her name, but she couldn't quite tell through the bright ringing in her ears.

**"**Shepard!"

This time, she was sure of the voice. A hand found hers and she clutched it tightly. The world pitched as someone hauled her to her feet. She nearly collapsed again, but that same arm held her upright. A moment later, her center of gravity returned and she found her bearings. Shepard opened her eyes and almost wished she hadn't.

All around her was wreckage: torn metal, torn bodies and blood. A moment ago, those admirals had been alive, asking her how they were going to fight off the Reapers. She had told them the truth, but that hardly mattered now.

They were dead.

Shepard swallowed hard as a shard of icy guilt and rage seemed to slide into her stomach. For six months, six _goddamn _months, she had tried to get an audience with these people. For six _months _she had petitioned the Defense Council for a hearing. For six months she had sent them every scrap of intel she could scare up, wrote them repeated warnings, shown up every day in her dress blues demanding an audience. And for six months, the brass had ignored her.

And now they were all dead.

Shepard's gaze slid along the floor and up to the world beyond the broken windows. The scene outside was like something from her nightmares. Great machines slid down from the skies: shapes as large as twenty ships, vaguely roach-like in appearance. The Reapers had come at last, numerous as locust in a Mindoir drought. Their great, claw-like bodies dwarfed the Vancouver skyscrapers, twitching as they touched down upon the earth. In her mind, they appeared to be feeding from and yet mating with the city.

Other images assaulted her in a rush: bodies clutched together in agony as they melted into one, cities burning, torn flesh, a child's scream.

Prothean visions flooded her mind. The beacons had once given her a warning of what was to come, and now, it felt as if every ancient memory was rushing to the fore at the same time. The sight outside was lost in a blur of pictures: chaos and carnage as seen by a thousand eyes, pain as endured by a thousand souls. Shepard fell to the ground, clutching her head, vaguely aware that she was vomiting her breakfast onto her knees.

**"**Come on!" A hand under her armpit yanked her to her feet. A good shake seemed to break up the barrage in her mind.

**"**We need to get out of here." A voice told her. Admiral Anderson solidified before her face, his expression grim and determined.

The sight of that face, that familiar, human face, broke Shepard from her shock. The Prothean vision began to melt away, like rain wiped from a pane of glass. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and nodded, forcing herself back to the present.

**"**Take this," Anderson said. A gun found its way into her hand and Shepard's fingers reflexively curled around the grip. After months without a firearm, the weapon was both heavy and familiar. Shepard felt as if the weight she had been carrying around on her shoulders had suddenly dropped into her hands.

**"**We have to get to the Normandy!" Anderson yelled to her. "This way!"

He leaped out of the window, onto the ledge and into the fight.

Shepard walked to the edge and looked out at the city before her. The deep mechanical roar of the Reapers groaned as if echoing through her skull. For a moment, courage failed her. Surely there was no resisting so many. Earth had no plan, no real weapons. Humanity was nothing more than children with sticks fighting canons. But then again, she told herself, the future was still unwritten. If there was any chance that humanity could survive, she had to fight for that chance. She had failed to prepare Earth, but she would stand by her own words:

She would fight, or she would die. There was nothing else to be done. Checking the heatsink on the pistol, she readied herself for the jump out onto the battlefield.

_Breathe_, Shepard told herself. _Just breathe._


	2. Machine

**Authors Note: **In trying to piece together the events that led up to the opening of Mass Effect 3, I found myself reading the ME wiki, the Codex, poring over maps of Vancouver, replaying Arrival and the opening sequence, and generally being a fangeek. This is my best interpretation of the chain of events, plus a few interpretations and liberties. After all, some Sheps don't go soft around the middle, not when the Reapers are on their way...

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 2: Machine<em>

* * *

><p><em>the day before...<em>

* * *

><p><strong>"<strong>How is Shepard?"

How is Shepard?" A snort accompanied these words. "How do you think? She's a goddamn machine."

Lieutenant James Vega didn't bother to look up from his breakfast tray as he spoke. He'd managed to fit two plates, a coffee cup and a glass of orange juice on the small rectangle of plastic and already, he had eaten his way through most of the meal. The pancakes were gone, as were the limp rashers of bacon and the oily hashbrowns. Only the undercooked eggs and two burnt pieces of toast remained. Across the table sat Admiral David Anderson, a single cup of coffee in his hands.

"A machine?" Anderson asked. "A machine how?"

Just that," James shrugged. He took a bite of the eggs, then made a face and quickly washed them down with a swig of orange juice. "I mean, I could see it for a while. A week or two. But it's been six months._Six months_. And every day, she does the exact same thing, more or less. It's unreal."

There was a pause as Anderson took a sip of his coffee. "What is she doing, exactly?" he asked.

"Well," James said, looking up at a point in the air above Anderson's head, "She wakes up at the same time every day. And it's _damn _early. She gets dressed and reads until I show up. She reads a lot."

"What's she reading?"

"Boring shit," James snorted. "I mean, stuff." He coughed and gave the admiral a sheepish look. "Alien languages. Prothean legends. And she listens to this sad-ass Colony Western station when she isn't listening to the Alliance chapel broadcast."

"The chapel broadcast?" Anderson said, a little surprised. "Well, I guess we all find our ways of coping."

"Yeah, I guess," James said doubtfully. "So I get there and then we go out to Old Stanley Park. I stand in the cold and she sticks her headphones in and runs for an hour."

"What? Just out in the open like that?" Anderson asked in mild surprise.

"The brass seem to think there's enough security on the compound," James replied. "Me, I don't like it, and not just because any sane person would be doing their running indoors this late in the year. But I guess they figure she needs some fresh air. Anyhow, after an hour of running, she does some biotic martial arts shit on the green and finishes off with another two laps on the Oval. She stops by the mess hall and scarfs down two energy bars and a litre of water, then she hits the gym and lifts weights for an hour. Hits the showers. She comes back here to the mess hall, sits by herself and eats a _lot_. More than me, even. Has three coffees in a row."

The lieutenant picked up his own coffee cup and drained it, then rolled it back and forth in his hands as he continued:

"She goes back to her room, changes into her dress blues, visits the parole office to petition for a hearing. Gets denied. Petitions for a meeting with the Defense Council. Gets denied. Petitions for access to Alliance archives and intel. Gets denied. Petitions for permission to visit the firing range and practice with live ammo. Gets denied. Every damn day she gets denied."

Anderson nodded, as if he expected that. James set down his coffee cup and went on.

"She goes back to her room, changes back into her casuals, lies down, sticks her headphones in, takes a nap. Wakes up exactly an hour later, goes to the mess, eats something, drinks a coffee. Then she goes to the gym again. Spars with the VIs dummies and beats the hell out of them. Freaks the shit out of the guards. I mean..." he cleared his throat. "She's been working on this biotic punch that's pretty impressive. I wish they'd let her fight the other detainees. That would be a nice change of pace."

Anderson frowned slightly in disapproval at this suggestion, but James did not seem to notice. He just picked up a burnt piece of toast, then reconsidered eating it and set it back down again.

"Then she uses the climbing wall if it's open. Otherwise, she runs on the gym track since it's dark out by now. Hits the showers again. Eats again. Has one coffee. Goes back to her room early. Starts in on some biotic meditation ball thingy that creeps the hell outta me and that's when my shift ends." He held his hands out to his sides and if in surrender. "That it. That's what she does. Every damn day. Every damn week."

"I see."

"You want a more detailed report, I can write it up for you. But that's about it. I don't know how she hasn't gone insane yet. Hell, _I'm_going insane just watching her do it. I'm _dreaming _about her doing this stuff. I mean, not like _that_," he amended quickly. "Not, you know... Just, the only break I get is to hit the pub in the evening and I get the weekends off. Other than that, it's like watching the same vid over and over and over. Like torture, is what it is. "

There was a long pause as Anderson considered his words.

"Insane, huh?" the admiral replied.

"Yeah," James said, taking another bite of eggs. "I'm seriously going insane."

"I mean Shepard," Anderson clarified. "You've been watching her all this time. What do you think of her? Regarding her sanity, that is."

"Not sure what to think," James said, setting down his forkful of eggs. "I know a lot of folks think she's nuts but me..." He trailed off, still staring at his eggs.

"But you?" Anderson prompted.

"I dunno. She knows I'm not supposed to be friendly and all, so she doesn't say much. But when she does talk, well..." James raised his eyes to the admiral. "She seems pretty lucid."

"Lucid," Anderson repeated.

"But given what she's seen, what she's done..." James shook his head. "I thought those sons-of-bitches were lying, that that vid was lying. But if she really did do it... If she really did blow up a relay..."

"Three hundred thousand Batarians died," Anderson said softly. "All to buy us some time."

"And that's time we're not using," James snorted. "The brass still don't believe her, do they?" He shook his head again. "They must think she's a monster."

"They don't know what to think," Anderson replied. "Her psych eval was textbook, but they're convinced she knows how to get around the tests. That's why I wanted to get your opinion. You've been watching her all this time. How do you think she's holding up? Truthfully now."

James shifted uncomfortably. "Pretty well, I guess." He paused, then leaned forward and spoke low. "But honestly, sir? There's something a little strange about her, and it's not just her weird-ass schedule."

"Oh?"

"It's just, I dunno. It's scary to be around her some days. It's like she's in constant training for the apocalypse."

"Technically, she is," Anderson said grimly. "We all are."

"Yeah, but..." James frowned and hunched his shoulders. "I see how she looks at things sometimes: like she can see everything going up in flames in her mind. At first I thought it was PTSD, but it's not quite like that. It's more like she's looking _forward_, not back. I'll be honest with you: it's freakin' me out."

"It's probably inaction," Anderson said, thoughtfully. "Some of us aren't meant to be stuck inside four walls all the time. I know that better than anyone." He looked up and met James' eyes. "But, hopefully, now that I'm back, I can get it sorted out, get Shepard back into the fight where she belongs."

"She'll be glad to hear that, sir," James said, nodding with approval. "She keeps asking me when the Normandy will be done with the retrofit."

Anderson froze and his eyes narrowed sharply. "How does she know about that? That's classified."

"Uh," James blinked. "I thought someone must have told her. She asked me to take her gear over there just last week. Joker was waiting for me and said he'd put it in her locker. I thought it had all been authorized." He looked genuinely confused.

Anderson glared at the lieutenant a moment longer. "Hmm," was all he said. He looked up at the clock, then back at James.

"Speaking of Shepard, doesn't your morning shift start now?"

"Huh?" James whirled around and looked at the clock, then scowled. "Ah, damn," he said, shoving a mouthful of cold eggs into his mouth. He grimaced, swallowed and stood. "Good talking with you, sir."

"Thank you for taking time to meet with me, lieutenant," Anderson replied, shaking his hand. "And say hello to your charge for me."

"Maybe you should visit her yourself," James suggested. "She doesn't get much company."

Anderson frowned. "That's unfortunate. But I don't think that's wise just yet. The brass is keeping a close eye on me as well. Please pass along my apologies."

"Yes sir," James said, saluting. He then picked up his tray and paused.

"By the way, sir," James added. "The brass had better hope they're right about Shepard being crazy."

"Why's that?" Anderson wanted to know.

"Because if they're wrong, we're all screwed."

* * *

><p><em>Breathe<em>, Shepard commanded her freezing lungs. _Just breathe_.

All around her, the trees stood as silent guardians. A few leaves clung to the branches, each vein outlined in an armor of delicate frost. The rest of the foliage lay crushed on the ground, coated with mud and crusted with ice. There were no geese flying through the clouds overhead, no children playing among the trees, no elderly men sitting on the iron bench by the path. Shepard found herself alone in the frozen morning.

_Breathe._

The cold knife of the morning air sliced her nostrils, serrated her lips, and rattled down into her chest. Icy wind whipped her cheeks, pressed a stinging kiss to her lips, scored her throat with each indrawn breath.

_Breathe._

Shepard raced through the park, arms pumping at her sides, legs scissoring out a brutal pace. A biotic barrier coated her body in a sheen of blue. The energy rippled slightly, the pattern like looking at sunlight from underwater. Once, she could only keep up a protective mass effect field for a short time, but constant training had changed that. Now, she wore a barrier like a second skin whenever she went outside.

_Breathe_, she willed herself again. _Breathe_.

Breath was a funny thing, Shepard thought distantly. It wasn't like a heartbeat, that went on without exercising will over it; nor was it like her leg muscles that ran because she wanted them to. Rather, breath was one of those things she could pay attention to or not. She could let it slip by, or she could hone it, use it, direct it. Breath was not unlike life itself, in that regard. There was a time when she had gone through life without thinking. But that had certainly changed in recent years. Now, there was too little time left to treat any of it cheaply.

_Breathe._

Shepard willed her breath to rise up to meet the ache in her muscles, the gnawing worry that threatened to take over her mind most days. She rounded the corner and broke out from the close cover of the trees and onto the green. She slowed her pace and put her hands up above her head, biotic barrier still shimmering. Looking around, she saw only one figure in the distance. Her personal guard stood by the side of the clubhouse, staring off at the bay. As usual, he looked bored and slightly inattentive.

And that suited Shepard's purposes just fine.

As she let her hands drop to her sides, Shepard switched on the headset that curved behind her ears. It crackled for a moment, then a man's nasal voice droned:

_...__What I really lack is to be clear in my mind about what I must do, not what I must know, except insofar as knowledge must precede every act. What matters is for me to find a purpose, to find that which the Divine wills me to do_...

Shepard tuned the voice out, instead stretching her arms up, reaching until she stood on her tiptoes, then lowering her arms only to stretch them back up again.

_...the crucial thing is to find a truth which is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die..._

She had repeated her exercise only a few times while the man read on, then suddenly, his voice cut out. There was a moment of silence, then:

**"**Hello Shepard."

Shepard paused her stretching for just a moment and allowed herself a small smile. The voice on the other end was soft and musical, familiar to Shepard as her own.

**"**Hey Liara," Shepard murmured, keeping her eyes on clubhouse beyond. "What's new?"

**"**Nothing good" Liara said. A distinct note of worry marred her oft-cool voice.**  
><strong>**  
><strong>**"**What's wrong?" Shepard asked. As she spoke, she dropped her arms and began one of her biotic energy routines. It was not unlike tai chi, only with a crackling barrier flaring from her like the corona from the sun. As an added bonus, the increased flaring obscured the movement of her mouth. As an added precaution, though, Shepard worked hard to move her lips as little as possible.

**"**Is it the Reapers?" she asked, softly.

**"**I don't believe so," Liara said, a frown evident even over the comm-link. "It's just that a few of my agents have failed to report in for several days now."

**"**Is that normal?" Shepard asked, worriedly.

**"**For Batarian space? Yes," Liara sighed. "Communication is always tricky where the hegemony is concerned. I'll send another agent to check up on it, but intel has been hard to come by out here on Mars. In fact," she added, "I may be off the grid for a while."

**"**Why's that?" Shepard asked.

**"**As you may recall, EDI is running our communications through the Sol comm buoy and back again..."

**"**...and feeding it directly to my headset while making the signal look as if it's an in-house Alliance frequency. I remember. I may not be able to come up with this kind of spy-vid stuff on my own, Liara, but I can follow simple instructions. So what's the problem?"

**"**This link has been receiving a lot of static this morning. I cannot tell if it is coming from the Sol comm buoy, or if it has to do with the power fluctuations here at the Archives. Also," she added with a slight edge to her voice, "it is becoming difficult for me to link into the extranet without arousing suspicion. One of the newer additions to the team keeps interrupting my work."

**"**Does some poor scientist have a crush on you?" Shepard teased, trying to lighten the mood.

**"**No," Liara replied rather coldly. "Dr. Eva is not exactly cordial. She's simply underfoot at the wrong times. As a result, this may be my last conversation with you for a while. I need to focus on my research and avoid suspicion."

**"**Ah," Shepard said. As she continued into a pivot and strike, she tried not to feel disappointed. Her talks with Liara had been her one link to the outside. Once again, she felt her hard-won calm fading. The frustration that always simmered below the surface in her threatened to spill out. Her barrier flared a dangerous shade of blue-white.

_Breathe_, Shepard told herself.

She exhaled, slowed down her routine again, and tried to focus on what Liara was now saying.

**"**... not exactly what I intended to find, but it is something," Liara was telling her.

**"**What's something?" Shepard asked, returning to the task at hand.

**"**I've found something here in the archives," Liara replied. "It's some sort of, well, I'm not sure, exactly. The trouble is converting of the units of measurement into galactic standard. The dialect used on the inscriptions is pre-Metaconian in nature, despite the fact that this Prothean outpost would have been founded long after those wars. I wonder if this was not a safety measure against..."

**"**Liara," Shepard interrupted. "The short version."

**"**Right, sorry," Liara cleared her throat. "I have found blueprints of some sort."

**"**Blueprints?"

**"**I think."

**"**What of?"

**"**I'm not sure, exactly," Liara admitted. "It's some sort of machine."

**"**A weapon?" Shepard asked hopefully.

**"**I'm not sure. Whatever it is, it is enormous in scope. But that must be a mistake in my translation. The numbers I'm getting are simply too large to be believed."

**"**The Reapers are big bastards," Shepard murmured. "Figures it would take big guns to take them down."

**"**I don't know if guns that big exist, Shepard," Liara said, doubtfully.

**"**Sure they do," Shepard replied, raising her arms into guard position. "Remember that derelict Reaper that Cerberus sent me to?"

**"**The Reaper that fell into Mnemosyne?"

**"**Exactly," Shepard turned her toe and slid into a deep stretching stance. "Well, thanks to Cerberus pulling its usual bullshit, we barely got out in time. The only useful thing we learned before the Reaper crashed into a brown dwarf was that the Reaper had been killed when it was hit with a mass accelerator. That round was fired from some sort of gun. A _big _gun."

**"**Yes. The blast hit another planet, if I recall."

**"**Right," Shepard said, continuing her movements with a slow, thoughtful punch. "_That's _the kind of weapon we want. It took down a Reaper in a single blast. We're going to need one of those. _Lots _of those. Maybe that's what you've just found."

**"**It couldn't be," Liara said, "The weapon you're speaking of came from a time before the Protheans. And if the Protheans had such a weapon themselves, they would have used it."

**"**Oh, right," Shepard scowled behind her barrier. "Good point."

**"**Furthermore," Liara went on, "I'm not certain this machine _is_a weapon. The diagrams indicate it is meant to generate and release massive amounts of dark energy, but the exact function remains unclear. In fact, it almost appears that half of the design is missing."

**"**So we don't have much to go on," Shepard grumbled, "as usual." She sighed heavily. "I dunno, Liara. You're the expert on this one, but I still think you're wasting your time in a backwater outpost like Mars."

**"**There's a lot here in the Archives, Shepard," Liara replied. "Give it time."

**"**Time is exactly what we don't have," Shepard said, turning around and dropping into a crouch. "You know that, T'Soni. Aa for me, I'm dead in the water."

**"**Still no luck with the brass?" Liara asked gently.

**"**It's hard to organize a resistance when no one wants to admit that there's anything worth resisting," Shepard said as she slowly rose to standing. "I need more proof if I'm going to convince them to let me out of here, much less join me in preparing for war. So far, all I have is visions that only I can see and a trail of collateral damage from one end of the galaxy to the other."

**"**I saw visions of the Reapers, too, if you remember."

**"**Yeah, you saw them through _my _mind," Shepard pointed out, intricately moving her hands in a trapping motion. "I need hard evidence to persuade a bunch of stubborn humans. And every day they stall is one more point for Team Reaper."

**"**Yes, well," Liara said thoughtfully, "this is why you have me on your side. Intel is what I do. I have my agents looking in every place I can think of."

**"**Thank God for that," Shepard muttered, continuing on to a sweep. She righted herself swiftly and rose up into a high strike. "Any word from the others?"

**"**Very little," Liara replied apologetically. "Your ex-Cerberus team hid themselves well and I've been focusing much of my attention on the Archives. Also, most of my gear is still packed up in crates." She laughed softly. "The scientists here think this is all tools for the dig site."

**"**Little do they know the remains of the Shadow Broker's base is in your trunks," Shepard chuckled back.

**"**Exactly," Liara said. "It doesn't help that I had to deactivate Glyph. The VI was arousing suspicion."

**"**Was it his uncanny habit of broadcasting government secrets to the entire room or the fact that he called everyone 'Shadow Broker' that gave him away?" Shepard chuckled.

**"**Both," Liara replied. There was a strange crackling on her end, then a moment of quiet.

**"**Liara?" Shepard called, freezing mid-routine.

**"**I'm sorry, Shepard," Liara said breathlessly, coming back online. "I need to get going. It seems we're having energy fluctuations again."

**"**Right," Shepard said, "When will I hear from you again?"

**"**I don't know," Liara replied.

**"**I'll have my headphones on as often as possible," Shepard told her. "Just, you know, yell loud, 'cause I tend to turn this station down. This theology stuff isn't exactly my favorite soundtrack."

**"**Yes, well, you should probably listen to the broadcast anyway, in case anyone asks you what you think of the Alliance's motivational series. It might blow your cover if you cannot give a satisfactory answer."

Shepard couldn't help it. She laughed out loud.

**"**Liara, do you honestly think anyone is going to ask me my opinion on a bunch of sermons? That's the reason we picked this topic. No one wants to talk with a religious nut. And no one wants to talk to me, either."

**"**I'm sure that's not true."

**"**It is," Shepard replied, letting out a breath that fanned her hair from her eyes. "Seriously, Liara, you're my one link to the outside world right now. Hell, you're my one link to _anything _right now."

**"**It won't be too much longer, Shepard," Liara assured her.

Shepard nodded grimly and looked up at the overcast sky.

**"**I know," she said softly. "That's what I'm afraid of."


	3. Drydock

**Author's Note**: Omg, FanFic. Damn you and your auto-formatting, too. If you want to follow me on Twitter, I post updates to this fic and other random musings. sage_queen. With the 'at' symbol, obviously. I'm also at sagequeen(dot)com (again, screw auto-formatting) if you want to read this without the hackzoring that happens when I upload files to this site.

Also, I do so love comments on my fic - thank you for the feedback. Please feel free to leave those either here or on my site. I check both accounts.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 3: Drydock<em>

* * *

><p><em>also on the day before...<em>

* * *

><p>Major Kaidan Alenko stepped off of the shuttle, duffel bag in hand. He hadn't gone further than two steps when he stopped and stared. There she was. Again.<p>

The Normandy.

The ship before him was twice as big as the original Normandy and took up an entire side of the east hangar bay. A few docking clamps held her aloft, and just below her, a couple of technicians had opened up an electrical panel on the port thruster and were checking their work against a datapad. For a moment, Kaidan just stood there, dumbstruck by a sense of deja vu and about a million questions colliding in his mind. The foremost question was, of course:

_What the hell is she doing here?_

Then, speaking of colliding, a man in a rear admiral's cap shoved past Kaidan, nearly knocking his bag out of his hand. Kaidan looked around and realized he was blocking the door out of the shuttle. The other passengers were lined up behind him, but clearly weren't about to push aside a ranking officer. Kaidan gave them an apologetic half-smile and hurried on down the gangplank.

When he reached the docking platform, however, Kaidan found his steps slowing again. He came to a stop out of the way of the bustling crowds and allowed himself to stare at the Normandy. She really was a beautiful ship. She looked rather like an old-style European racing car, what with the solid body and the thrusters out at angles to the sides. Even from across the hangar he could tell that the guns on the bow had been upgraded - with Thanix cannons, if he wasn't mistaken, though they appeared to be shorter and wider than the ones currently employed on Alliance dreadnoughts. And given the few Alliance reports he'd seen regarding the speed of this new Normandy SR2, Kaidan was willing to bet that hidden inside the mid-sized frigate was a mass effect drive core that could outrun any other ship in the galaxy. Given how rare those reports were, Kaidan was also willing to bet the SR2's stealth systems outclassed even the old SR1's.

She was a marvel of engineering, but that wasn't what had Kaidan staring. No, it was the Alliance emblem painted in bright blue on the black-and-white hull that had him stunned. Because the last time he had seen the Normandy, there had been a gold Cerberus logo painted on the side. So once again, he just had to wonder:

_What the hell is she doing here?_

And this time, Kaidan didn't mean the ship.

_She's been here_, he thought wildly, _in my hometown, and she didn't even bother to tell me._

Kaidan heard his teeth grinding together now, and realized he had a white-knuckled death grip on the handle of his duffel bag. Yet, even as he felt frustration seething inside of him, another part of his mind raised a warning. After all, this was how things had started before: hurt and confusion had met with shock, then boiled over into anger. And when his brief fury had ended, he'd been left with almost a year of regret.

_Calm down_, he told himself. _Just do some recon and figure out what the hell is going on. She might not even be on the ship. She might not even be _here_._

_That _thought made him feel as though his stomach had dropped into his feet. If she wasn't here, but the Normandy _was_, then he could imagine any number of scenarios to explain the situation. Each of them was more horrifying than the last. His anger dimmed, replaced by growing worry.

Determined now, Kaidan hiked his duffle bag onto his shoulder and hurried through the crowd to the far side of the docking bay, The Normandy's private boarding platform was surrounded by a line of holographic tape. A small knot of people stood nearby, the technicians looking at their datapads, the soldiers standing there with assault rifles pointed at the ground, looking rather bored. Kaidan sized them up, trying to figure out which of them was in charge. Just then, a pretty young woman with an olive complexion and dark eyes looked up from her datapad.

"Hello?" she asked him in a clipped British accent. "May I help you?"

"Major Alenko," Kaidan said, waving a hand absently at the rank insignia on his shirt. "Just wondering if I could take a look around. I was part of the old crew," he added, in case she dismissed him as just some curious passerby.

"Major!" the woman started. She hastily saluted, slapping her datapad to her forehead. "I didn't...! Ow!" She let her hand drop and rubbed her head where she'd struck herself with the plastic. "I'm sorry. But the ship's off limits. Off limits, _sir_," she added quickly. "Only authorized personnel, you see, and I wasn't sent word of you. I do apologize."

"Well, I'm in town to see Admiral Anderson," Kaidan said. "He used to be the captain of the Normandy, you know. Just figured I'd stop in first and say hello to everyone. From the old crew, that is. We go way back."

That was true in a sense, Kaidan thought to himself. Though 'going way back' and being on speaking terms were not exactly the same thing. The woman with the datapad looked at him doubtfully.

"I'm sorry," she said. "But unless I get confirmation, I can't..."

"I don't suppose Joker is on board?" Kaidan asked quickly.

As soon as Kaidan said the words, he regretted them. Going through Joker might not be the best idea. The last time they'd seen each other had been under strained circumstances. Point of fact, it had been at a funeral. But before Kaidan could rethink this choice of action, the woman said, "Um, I think so," and turned on her comm link.

"Lieutenant Moreau?" she asked briskly, "This is Specialist Traynor. There's a Major...um..." she glanced at the name badge on Kaidan's casual uniform, "...Alenko here to see you. Should I send him in?"

This announcement was greeted by silence.

_Okay_, Kaidan thought. _This was probably a bad idea._

"Lieutenant Moreau?" the woman repeated into the comm link.

There was a screeching sound, then, "Alenko?" Joker's surprised voice sounded over the comm. "You're kidding. What is _that _bastard doing here?"

Yep, definitely a bad idea.

"Ah..." Traynor hesitated, looking at Kaidan nervously. "He wanted..."

"What? To chew me out? Call me a 'traitor'? Or maybe he just wanted to stop by and then leave again. You know, because he's so good at walking away from his friends with his moral principles shoved up his ass."

Traynor's eyes widened in surprise. Kaidan opened his mouth to say something along the lines of 'never mind,' but Joker wasn't done yet.

"You know what," Joker continued over the comm. "Send him in. Yeah, send him _in_. I would _love_to hear what he has to say."

"Are you sure?" Traynor asked nervously. "Because he's not authorized..."

"Oh, I can vouch for him," Joker interrupted. "Yeah. I can vouch that he's a first class assho..."

There was another screech as Specialist Traynor let the link drop. She looked up at Kaidan, then pasted an overly bright smile on her face.

"Welcome aboard," she said, cheerfully.

Kaidan didn't miss the question in her eyes. He gave her a tight smile and walked into decontamination. The door closed behind him, white beams washed over him, and for just a moment, Kaidan had time reflect that this was a truly terrible idea. But then the door in front of him slid open, inviting him into the ship.

Kaidan stepped out into a narrow hallway that looked so familiar that he felt like he'd walked into a memory. To his right, the hallway was flanked on either side by gunnery and systems critical stations. Further down the command deck, he could see the CIC, much larger than he remembered, but still filled with the navigations computers surrounding a large, holographic galaxy map. The lights were low here, giving everything a bluish tinge. A faint electrical hum filled the air, and to his left was...

"Joker."

The helmsman turned his chair around at Kaidan's entrance. The fact that the chair rotated a full 180 degrees was about the only thing that was different up here, Kaidan reflected as he walked into the cockpit. Well, that and the upgraded haptic adaptive displays. The stations were in the same place, the angles of the walls and ceiling almost exactly the same. There were windows in the ceiling now, though. Through the skylights, Kaidan could see the hanger around them and out the far end of the docking bay, he could see the overcast Vancouver sky.

Kaidan walked up to Joker and held out a hand, feeling again as if he was reliving a scene out of the past. Hadn't he once greeted Joker just like this in this exact same room? He was sure he had. But he was sure Joker hadn't scowled at him like that, nor had the helmsman just stared coldly at Kaidan's outstretched hand. It was a rather stark reminder that more had changed around here than just the computer interfacing.

"Hey Joker," Kaidan said, trying to paste on a friendly smile.

"Hey?" Joker said with a small snort. "Really, Alenko? Just, 'hey'? That's it?"

Dimly, Kaidan remembered once getting angry over a similarly stupid greeting. Being the one to _give _the stupid greeting, however, he couldn't think of a better one.

"I..." Kaidan broke off and let his hand drop, unable to think of what to say.

"What are you doing here?" Joker asked, blunt as ever.

"On the Normandy?"

"

In Vancouver."

"I got a message from Anderson last week," Kaidan told him. "Said he wanted to see me about something or other. Figured I'd visit the folks while I was at it."

"So you just arrived?" Joker asked, nodding at Kaidan's bag.

"Yeah," Kaidan said. "You?"

"Been here longer than that," Joker replied enigmatically. He said nothing more, just looked Kaidan over without moving. Coming from someone as chatty as Joker, Kaidan found this extremely unnerving.

"So, um..." Kaidan said, looking around. "It's changed a bit in here."

"Yup," Joker said. He continued to look at Kaidan with an expression of expectation laced with irritation.

"But it also looks pretty much the same," Kaidan added lamely, trying to draw Joker into conversation.

"Yup," Joker gave him the same look. Silence fell in the cockpit.

"Okaaay," Kaidan said after a moment. "So, uh...where's Shepard?"

Joker rolled his eyes and snorted. "I was wondering when we'd get to that."

"Is she here?"

"Not exactly."

The worry that had been growing in Kaidan's gut seemed to explode throughout his chest. "She's not..." He couldn't get any further than that.

"She's not being brutally tortured in a Batarian prison, no," Joker replied. "No thanks to you or any of those jackasses in the brass."

"No thanks to _me_?" Kaidan blinked. "What are you talking about? Where is she?"

"Her room, probably," Joker replied. "Or no, wait, if it's 9 am, she'll be out running in the park."

"The park?" Kaidan gaped at him.

Kaidan's worry drained out of him, swiftly replaced by a growing anger. Here he'd been wondering where Shepard was, what corner of the galaxy she was hiding in - _hoping _she was in hiding, and not in danger - and now he was being told she was out jogging in some _park_?

"Yeah," Joker went on. "Then she'll be back under lock and key for the rest of the day. Good luck getting in to see her."

Kaidan blinked at that, anger now smothered by confusion.

"Lock and key?" he repeated. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't know?" Joker asked. Kaidan shook his head.

"She's been relieved of duty," Joker said, flatly.

"Relieved of duty?" Kaidan repeated. His eyebrows drew together and he let the duffel bag drop to the floor.

He should have guessed, he realized, but he hadn't thought it would come to that. Yet, it all fit now. The one piece he'd been missing was what had happened to Shepard, which of the many planets in the galaxy she was hiding on.

Funny that she'd been hiding out on Earth - in a manner of speaking, of course.

"Relieved of duty?" he repeated again.

"Yup. Wasn't even a trial. Just a hearing, then Bam! The ship is in drydock, and Shepard is in the detention wing. And here I thought you knew."

"I didn't know," Kaidan said.

"Well, I bet you can guess why," Joker said. "I'm sure you heard about the Alpha Relay."

"I heard," Kaidan nodded.

Oh yeah, he'd heard. He'd heard in probably the worst way possible, looking back.

Eight months prior, Kaidan had been made head of the Special Forces Biotics Company. The unit, which was modeled after asari commandos organization and tactics, was based out of the Alliance's special forces academy in Brazil. And while Kaidan had taken the promotion to major and the transfer to the biotics division with some reservation, he quickly came to love the training grounds. He lived in the same complex that housed the N-division training that Shepard herself had gone through years ago. While the military base was rather spartan, the city surrounding it was anything but. And he'd gotten rather comfortable there - comfortable and hopeful.

He blamed Rio. With the sultry sea air and the sunsets and the shops and markets and local women walking around in loose sundresses with their hair down, Kaidan couldn't help but think that when Shepard finally contacted him again, he would persuade her to come visit him there. Between the beaches and the hills and the views, the city was the perfect spot for a couple of battle-worn soldiers to work out their messy history. And he and Shepard had a lot to work out. He knew that. But hey, Kaidan thought, maybe they could go out for drinks, then take a walk on the beach and talk things through. And once that was out of the way, they could enjoy a humid night back at his place and wake to a peach-colored sunrise the next morning.

And alright, so that was probably too optimistic. Kaidan knew himself too well to think he could just turn on a dime and forget all his doubt and frustration of the past two and a half years, even with Rio helping the reunion along. But then again, Brazil made that kind of thing almost seem possible. Given enough drinks and enough sunsets, he and Shepard could figure things out. He hoped so, anyhow.

But instead, the whole thing had taken a turn that Kaidan could simply not have imagined.

It had been a Monday. He remembered that because he had been preparing for a short lecture on dark energy transfers before taking the team outside for a demonstration of the so-called 'reave' technique. He had been checking his notes on his omnitool when he walked into the mess hall to find a crowd standing around a vid screen in various expressions of shock. Some soldiers held trays full of rapidly cooling food, others held mugs of lukewarm coffee. All of them were watching the Alliance News Network in stunned silence. On the screen, an animation kept playing over and over, showing a glowing red mass appear at the edge of a galaxy map, then suddenly disappear. A talking head in the upper right corner explained that the radio readings had come from an exploded mass relay. An entire Batarian star system had been destroyed.

Most startling of all, the reporter concluded, was that just two hours before the explosion, a distress call had gone out, ordering a system-wide evacuation. None of the Batarians had heeded the warning, however, and little wonder: the broadcast had cut out almost as soon as it had begun. And the person who had attempted this aborted warning, who had sent the entire Bahak system up in flames, was none other than former Alliance war hero and known Cerberus operative, Lieutenant Commander Shepard.

Kaidan had just stared at that screen, feeling like his insides were exploding in the same way that relay had gone out - a pulsing shockwave of red, then nothing. His brain, it seemed, had gone completely numb. Shepard, _his _Shepard, had just caused the destruction of a star system and the death of over three hundred thousand Batarians. And, what's more, she had tried to warn them first.

It didn't make any sense.

Of course, a bunch of so-called 'experts' immediately came on the screen, coming up with wild theories about why Shepard might hold a grudge against the Batarians. There were plenty of reasons, not the least of which being the destruction of her home by Batarian pirates over sixteen years ago.

But rather than listen to the newscasters' opinions, Kaidan walked out of the door and went to a quiet corner of the training grounds. He sat down on a bench that had a view of Sugar Loaf Mountain and the bay beyond, and switched on his omnitool. And rather than finishing his lecture, he read through every single one of the sixty-three messages Shepard had sent to him two months before, plus the additional one explaining how she had sent those first sixty-some messages by mistake. He then pulled up every bit of information he could find out about the Alpha Relay and the Viper Nebula. Even now, he remembered that odd morning: the sun shining, the breeze rustling his hair, the cry of the gulls overhead - and there on his arm, he had pored over evidence for and against Shepard: the world damning her on the one side, a collection of jumbled messages as her only defense.

He hadn't meant to put Shepard on trial that morning, his omnitool as the courtroom, himself as the judge, but in essence, that was what had happened. And, like so many times before, the verdict came up inconclusive. Kaidan simply could not put together what had happened. So he sent a message to Shepard's Alliance account.

_What happened? _was all he said.

He never received a reply. And after a weeks and months of silence, Kaidan had formed his own answer.

**"**So, let me guess," Joker said, dragging Kaidan's attention back to the present, "You probably think the Cerberus made her do it."

"Do what?" Kaidan asked."

"Blow up the Alpha Relay," Joker clarified. "That's what you think, isn't it?"

"No," Kaidan replied, "Clearly that was..."

"Because actually," Joker spoke over him. "It was...

"...the Alliance," they both finished together.

Joker looked at Kaidan in shock and Kaidan stared right back at him.

"What?" Joker gaped at him.

"So I was right?" Kaidan asked at almost the same time.

"Yeah, you are," Joker said, looking amazed by the fact. "She tried to get off a warning to the colonists, too, only that crazy bitch cut off her transmission."

"What crazy...? What are you talking about?"

"Uh, never mind," Joker said uncomfortably. "Look, don't ask, okay? I'm not supposed to talk about it." For some reason, his eyes slid to the port corner of the room nervously. "Anyhow," he went on, "how did _you_know the Alliance was involved? Did Anderson tell you or something?"

"Anderson wasn't around at the time," Kaidan told him. "But I sent a message to Hackett asking about it."

"You bugged an admiral about it?"

"Figured it couldn't hurt to ask him."

"And did he say anything?"

"He wrote back that said everything was 'classified' and not to pursue it."

"Typical," Joker snorted.

Kaidan shook his head. "No, it's not. That's the thing. That's how I knew. I think he was giving me a hint, actually, considering he always thought highly of Shepard. Why tell me everything is classified if the Alliance had nothing to do with it? 'Classified' is code for 'there's dirt on this.' And then there was the way the brass handled it. The Batarians were out for blood, but nothing happened. If Shepard had blown that relay on Cerberus' orders, or just out of revenge or whatever, then the brass would have let the Batarians have her. Hell, they would have joined in the hunt, if only to get the hegemony off their backs. The fact that the Alliance did nothing convinced me that they were somehow involved."

Joker nodded, his round-as-saucer eyes never leaving Kaidan's face. "Wow," he said, slowly. "That's good, Kaidan. That almost sounds like you were thinking with your head instead your dick. Good job."

"Don't be an ass, Joker," Kaidan scowled at him. "I'm saying I figured that you guys didn't blow up the whole Bahak system just because Cerberus told you to."

"But I bet you did wonder," Joker said, his eyes suddenly narrowing. "If Cerberus told us to, I mean. I bet that's the first thought that went through your head, huh? That we were out there with Cerberus, killing aliens for shits and giggles."

"Not exactly." Kaidan didn't quite meet Joker's eyes as he said it.

"Yeah, exactly," Joker looked disgusted. "Come _on_, Kaidan. When are you going to get it through your head that Cerberus wasn't that bad?"

"Seriously, Joker?" Kaidan blinked at him. "How can you _say_that? You were part of the original crew..."

"And I was also part of the second crew," Joker interrupted. "While you _weren't_, Kaidan. And they were good to us. Right up until the end, anyhow. We didn't have any major psychos on our ship. Well, only a few, but Shepard kept them in line."

Kaidan felt his jaw tighten, both at Joker's flippant words about a terrorist organization, and at the suggestion that Shepard had gotten chummy with operatives from said organization. She probably _had_gotten friendly with them, but he didn't want to hear about it.

"I can't believe you'd defend them," Kaidan said, shaking his head.

"I can't believe you're just as stubborn about this as you were back on Horizon," Joker replied. "And yeah, I heard what you said back then. We all did. Shepard was hooked up to the comm link, you know."

Kaidan felt slightly ill at that thought. In his moment of anger back then, he'd said a lot of things he hadn't meant anyone to hear but Shepard herself. Then again, there were a lot of things he said that he wished Shepard hadn't heard either.

"So is that how Shepard feels about it?" Kaidan asked, trying to keep his voice light. "That Cerberus isn't that bad?"

"Haven't talked to her in a while," Joker replied with a shrug. "You'd have to ask her yourself. And speaking of that, isn't that the _real _reason you stopped in here?"

"I wanted to talk to you, too, Joker."

"Yeah, sure you did," Joker snorted. "Anyhow, good luck getting close to Shepard." He neatly dismissed Kaidan by turning his chair back around.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan asked, refusing to be put off so easily.

"Security on her is tight," Joker said absently, bringing up a haptic display, then another and another. "Pretty much no one gets near her, not even the other prisoners."

"Why's that?"

"Dunno for sure," Joker said. The fingers of his left hand danced over a keyboard while his right hand swiftly dragged and dropped files from one screen to another. "But I can guess. Probably has something to do with her always going on about one particular subject these days."

Kaidan immediately knew what _that_meant. His stomach knotted in a familiar way, one that always followed Shepard's warnings.

"The Reapers?" Kaidan asked hollowly.

"Bingo," Joker replied, tapping at the screen.

Kaidan frowned, absently watching Joker configure the new communications links.

Funny how it all kept coming back to the Reapers, Kaidan thought. The thing was, he believed Shepard about the Reapers. He really did. But it was _hard _to believe her. It was difficult to face a revelation like that day after day. He wasn't quite sure how Shepard dealt with the knowledge - or the visions.

As for Kaidan, he had no visions or nightmares, just memories: memories of fighting a possessed, half-cybernetic Spectre agent named Saren who had fallen prey to a form of Reaper mind-control called indoctrination. Kaidan remembered Sovereign, too, the thing they thought was just Saren's ship and which turned out to be an actual Reaper. He couldn't forget those things, even though the brass had issued the official story that the Reapers were a myth and Shepard was mentally unstable.

And though he'd stayed with the Alliance, Kaidan liked to think that in his own way, he'd been preparing for the day when the Reapers arrived. He'd tried to gather intel on the Collectors; he'd tried to fight back against the Collectors with the GARDIAN project on Horizon and elsewhere. Hell, even his biotic team in Rio had been trained with Reaper ground forces in mind. He knew what they'd be going up against.

But even so, it was easy to forget on a day-to-day basis that a vastly powerful ancient machine race threatened to harvest all space-faring life in the galaxy some time within the next few years. When the sea breezes blew through the palms in Rio, it was easy to forget about things like, well, looming galactic extinction. It was like trying to imagine the end of the sun, Kaidan thought. Sure, you knew that someday Sol would up and burn out, just like any other star. But it seemed hard to believe it right here and now, when the damn thing was up there in the sky, golden and normal and shining. Well, here in Vancouver, it wasn't shining. Here it was hidden behind a thick bank of clouds and the wind was freezing. Still, the point was, it _was_rather easy to forget about the whole thing. Kaidan knew the Reapers were coming and _he_didn't want to believe it. Was it any wonder, he thought, that no one else wanted to think about it, either?

"She still trying to convince the brass, then?" Kaidan asked Joker.

"Every damn day," Joker snorted. "Only Hackett and Anderson believe her."

"And me," Kaidan added.

"Much good _that's_done her," Joker muttered.

"So they're not letting anyone see her?" Kaidan pressed.

"Not without top-level clearance."

"I don't suppose she's checking her messages?"

"Nope."

"I don't suppose you can get a message to her for me?"

"Ah, nope."

"Wow, Joker," Kaidan said sarcastically. "You're really helpful, you know that?"

"I aim to please."

"We _could _get a message to Commander Shepard, Jeff," a female voice said, suddenly. "On secure channels, if necessary."

Kaidan started and looked over his shoulder, but there was no one there. He looked back at Joker, but the helmsman was still alone in the cockpit - alone except for a holographic blue sphere that had popped out of the port side haptic interface.

"Who said that?" Kaidan asked. "Is there someone on the comm link?"

"Ah, that's EDI," Joker said quickly. "The ship's _VI_." He said the last with particular emphasis and glared hard at the blue sphere. "She's broken. Ignore her."

"Ee-Dee?" Kaidan asked.

"Enhanced Defense Intelligence," the female voice automatically replied. As it spoke, the little blue sphere flickered down the center. "The crew call me EDI. And I am _not b_roken. I manage the cyberwarfare defenses for the ship, as well as..."

"Other stuff," Joker cut in. "Yeah," he added, patting the station, as though he was petting the display. "That's our VI. But she only responds to me, you see. That's why they let me stay on the ship."

"Hence why you're not in the brig, keeping Shepard company?" Kaidan asked wryly.

"Hey, shut up," Joker scowled over his shoulder. "I've been in lockdown as long as Shepard's been locked up, so don't you start with me. Six months is a _damn _long time to be grounded."

"Six months?" Kaidan's jaw dropped open.

"Well yeah, what did you think?" Joker replied, rolling his eyes.

"I thought you were out in the traverse hiding from the Batarians and then..." Kaidan broke off. "Six _months_? You've been here that _whole _time?"

"Yeah," Joker scowled. "And I'm really sick of this town. It always rains."

"No it doesn't," Kaidan replied in automatic defense of his home. "Six months," he murmured to himself. "If I'd just visited the folks more often. I might have heard something. I might have..."

He might have _what_, exactly? he asked himself. Stormed headquarters walls, demanding to see Shepard? Sent a handwritten note to the detention wing? Maybe he could write on it: _If you don't currently have ties to any terrorist organizations, would you consider going out with me again? Check 'yes' or 'no.'_

Yeah, _that _would have gone over well. Somehow, Kaidan simply couldn't think of any reunion scenario that would have worked out with Alliance HQ's Detention Center as the setting.

"There is very little likelihood that you would have heard of Shepard's imprisonment even if you had been stationed within the immediate vicinity," the blue sphere put in helpfully. "Her presence here has been kept secret by Alliance command in order to avoid repercussions with the Batarians. It is only because _Jeff _is unable to keep a secret that you have learned of it."

That last statement got Kaidan's attention, even distracted as he was by thoughts of Shepard. For a moment there, the VI had sounded almost like she was chiding Joker. Kaidan gave the blue sphere a strange look.

"Ah, ignore that," Joker said, nervously. "EDI's got a weird VI personality thing goin' on. She uh... She got coded by a smartass."

"You've picked up programming, Joker?" Kaidan said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, really funny there," Joker said.

"Wait," Kaidan said. "If you've been here that long, then you all must have been captured right after the Alpha Relay was blown."

"Captured?" Joker spun around now and glared at him. "What the hell do you mean _captured_? Alenko, this is the _Normandy_you're talking about. Hell, this is me and _EDI _you're talking about. We don't get _captured_." He held his hands up to make little air quotes around that last word.

"Well if you weren't caught..." Kaidan reasoned.

"Shepard's sense of Alliance honor got us all screwed," Joker told him, his scowl darkening. "She figured she 'owed' the brass some answers - doesn't owe them shit, I say - but whatever. She also wanted more ships to fight the Reapers. So we dropped off all the Cerberus kiddies wherever they wanted to go, and then she turned herself in. For all the good it's done us."

Kaidan blinked at him once, twice, then once more.

"She _what_?" he exclaimed.

"Aw, damn," Joker scowled. "I wasn't supposed to say any of that."

"No, you were not, Jeff," EDI said, the blue sphere flickering again. "That is classified."

"Shepard came here for help?" Kaidan gaped at him. "But I thought..." He shook his head. "And she just let Cerberus operatives _go_? What, out to terrorize more colonies?"

"Hey!" Joker snapped. "Those people were actually _there_for us in that Collector base. That place was _hell_, Alenko, and you weren't there." His eyes narrowed and then he just shrugged like the fight had gone out of him. "Yeah," he said again. "You weren't there."

Kaidan opened his mouth, but whatever he might have said - and he hadn't exactly decided what he ought to say anyhow - got cut off. Because just then, his omnitool lit up, a chime telling him someone was trying to reach him. Kaidan snapped his jaw shut and hit the communication link.

"Alenko here," he said, a little shortly. "What's going on?"

"What's going on?" a familiar voice asked on the other end. "Where are you, major? I thought we were going to meet at nine thirty sharp."

Kaidan glanced at the time on his 'tool and bit back a curse.

"Sorry, Anderson," he said. "I got caught up in..." He glanced at Joker, who just raised his eyebrows and gave him a 'yeah, how do you plan to explain _this_?' sort of look. "I'm sorry," Kaidan repeated. "I'll be there shortly."

"Well, hurry," Anderson said. "As it is, we won't have much time. I have meetings all afternoon."

"On my way, sir," Kaidan said. Shutting down his omnitool, he looked back at Joker.

"I wasn't there because I stuck by the Alliance," he said.

"Wasn't the Alliance that stopped the Collectors," Joker told him, folding his arms over his chest.

"Right," Kaidan said, letting out a sound halfway between a chuckle and a weary sigh. He shook his head and picked up his duffel bag. "Good to see you, too, Joker."

Joker just raised an eyebrow at him. Kaidan turned to go, then stopped and turned back.

"Look," he said, brows furrowing, "I... If you would, tell Shepard I said 'hi.'"

"Of course, Major Alenko," EDI said brightly. Her little blue sphere flickered cheerfully.

"Maybe," Joker said, glaring at the sphere. "If we can. Which we probably _can't_."

Kaidan frowned, taken aback by Joker's harsh tone. He now felt incredibly stupid for having come up here at all. He'd made himself late for a meeting with an admiral, and for what? This conversation had done little to ease his mind. Instead, all he'd managed to do was stir up old grudges with Joker over their respective changes in career paths. That hadn't been his intention at all.

Trying to curb his irritation, Kaidan held out his hand to the helmsman once more. "See you around, Joker," he said. Joker stared at it a moment, then took it.

"Take care," he said. Then he quickly let Kaidan's hand drop and swiveled his seat around. It wasn't entirely hostile, but it wasn't exactly friendly either. Kaidan frowned and let his hand drop.

"Goodbye, Major Alenko," EDI said helpfully.

"Goodbye," Kaidan replied.

And then he left.

* * *

><p>Joker waited until he was certain the doors had slid shut behind the major, and then he looked around to make sure none of the other crew were within earshot. When the helmsman was certain he was alone in the cockpit, he turned to the blue sphere and gave it his full attention.<p>

"Alright," Joker said, glaring at the ball. "What is it, EDI?"

"I do not understand, Jeff," the female voice immediately replied. "I have not said anything since Major Alenko left the ship."

"I can hear you thinking, EDI," Joker told her. "I can tell by the way the ship is humming."

"I will refrain from humming then," the voice replied, stiffly.

"Come off it, EDI," Joker said. "What's up?"

There was a pause. Then the blue sphere flickered.

"I did not like the way you dismissed me when I introduced myself to Major Alenko."

Joker made a face. "Dismissed? EDI, you were about to blow our cover."

"I merely offered to help him get a message to Shepard."

"And then he would have asked how we could do that when no one else can," Joker told her. "Look, you know what our story is. And you know what the stakes are. Seriously, it's better Alenko thinks you're just a simple VI than something that can get around Alliance protocols."

"Some _thing_, Jeff?" EDI's voice was cool, clinical, but even Joker heard the note of hurt in it.

"Some_one_," he said quickly. "Someone, EDI. Look, I'm sorry. It's just that Alenko has dealt with AI before. He's fought geth; he was with Shepard when she took out that rogue VI-turned-AI-thing on Luna base. He isn't as dumb as your average soldier."

There was a long, humming silence in the cockpit.

"According to Alliance IQ tests, Major Alenko is, as you say, far above average intelligence," EDI said at last. "I believe you may be correct in your caution, Jeff."

"IQ tests?" Joker cocked his head to one side. "Huh. I didn't know you had access to that kind of stuff." He looked around, scratched his beard, then casually asked. "So uh, hey, where do _I _rank on those tests?"

"It would be unethical of me to say," EDI replied primly.

"Aw, come on."

"Naturally, you are considerably lower than both Major Alenko and Commander Shepard."

"What? Come on. Really?"

There was a long silence.

"Okay, EDI," Joker said. "Tell me that's a joke."

"The test results are none of your business, Jeff."

"So you're making that up about Shepard and Alenko?"

There was another pause.

"I might be."

"Oh, come on," Joker snorted. "Now you're just messing with me. Though, wait. Are you? Messing with me, I mean. See, given Shepard's lousy tech, I would have thought... But then I guess she does have all that, like, spatial intelligence and giving speeches intelligence and blowing shit up intelligence..."

"I do not believe human intelligence quotients have a category for 'blowing shit up intelligence,' Jeff," EDI informed him.

"You know what I mean. But whatever. It doesn't matter. You're just messing with me."

"I am," EDI agreed. "Your scores - and those of the commander and the major - are all well above average and, confidentially, lie within a narrow percentage of one another. And no Jeff," she added, before he'd even opened his mouth, "I am _not_telling you exactly what those scores are or who ranks most highly."

"Okay fine," Joker said. "You're no fun."

EDI said nothing.

"Okay, come on," Joker said. "I didn't mean that. Look, I'm sorry."

"You are what?" EDI's blue sphere flickered.

"I'm sorry," Joker said.

"I'm not sure I heard you."

"Oh, stop," Joker said, glaring at the blue sphere. "Come on, don't make me grovel. Look, I didn't mean to insult you in front of Alenko. But you gotta watch yourself around him, okay EDI? People tend to underestimate that guy. You think he's not listening because he's totally preoccupied with checking out Shepard's ass and then he looks away from Shepard's ass for like five seconds and it turns out he was listening to everything you just said and now he has all this dirt on you."

"I gather you speak from personal experience," EDI said, her tone wry.

"I might be," Joker said. "He's not dumb. That's what I'm saying."

"He seems nice," EDI said.

Joker just snorted. "Nice. Right."

"And he seems to care a great deal about you, Jeff."

"Sure," Joker laughed, but there was little humor in the sound. "I could really tell how much he cares about _me _what with his stopping by the ship just to check and see if Shepard was here and all."

"He likely wished to make sure she was not in Batarian custody," EDI pointed out.

"I guess," Joker grudgingly admitted. "Still."

"Also," EDI went on, "he also seemed to wish to speak to you as well as Shepard. But he clearly showed signs of distress. Based on my observation of human males in conversation, I gather that he wished for a reconciliation with you, yet did not know how to get past his distrust of Cerberus."

"Cerberus," Joker grumbled. "He sure knows how to carry a grudge."

"Also, your behavior towards him did not encourage communication."

"Really, EDI?" Joker frowned at her. "You're going to take _his _side?"

"I am not taking sides," EDI replied evenly. "I am merely making an observation regarding Major Alenko's apparent motives in taking time to visit you."

"Hmph," Joker grunted, not sure how to respond to that. "Well, I still say he wanted to see Shepard more than me."

"I imagine so," EDI agreed. "Considering their correspondence."

"Correspondence?" Joker asked, suddenly curious. "What, they've been writing to each other?"

"Not for some time," EDI replied. "And no, Jeff, I will not forward their private messages to your accounts."

"Like I'd want to see it," Joker replied. "Just watching those two was always embarrassing. Can't imagine _reading _it, too. Don't know how you can stand it."

"I am merely trying to help them," EDI told him. "I am intrigued by their affection for each other."

"Okay, no," Joker made a face. "No. If you go like watchin' them have sex and stuff, that is gonna totally gross me out."

"I find it your narrow interpretation of the word 'affection' curious, Jeff," EDI said, but Joker wasn't listening to her.

"'Cause, I don't have a problem with voyeurism on _principle_..." he went on.

"I would imagine not, given your video collection," EDI put in.

"...but I completely draw the line when I actually know the people involved. That's just... yeah," Joker shivered. "Maybe Shepard. Maybe. If I knew she wouldn't kill me... Yeah, no. She'd kill me. So no, not Shepard. But watching Kaidan get it on is just..." He shuddered and slanted a glance at EDI. "I doubt that they'll both be on this ship together again, but if they ever are, seriously EDI, promise me you won't go watching them."

"I will not, so long as they refrain from unregulated use of the common rooms, where I have security cameras employed as part of my new Alliance protocols," EDI replied.

"Okay, _if _that ever happens, you just shut yourself down, okay EDI? Ignore those protocols, since you're not actually shackled anymore and all."

"That sounds respectful," EDI agreed. "Contrary to what you may think, Jeff, I do not wish to intrude upon Shepard's privacy by watching her and the major engage in sexual acts..."

"Ew," Joker made a face as if he'd just swallowed some bad Varren meat.

"I am merely curious about human relationships, especially pairings that appear to bring complication and distress to both parties involved."

"What, you mean like dating and marriage and stuff?" Joker snorted. "Good luck understanding _that_. I don't think any humans get it. I certainly don't."

EDI remained curiously quiet.

Joker sighed suddenly and shook his head. "Man, this is pathetic. I cannot believe I am sitting here, having this conversation. It's like that mystery vid-game: _Clue_. Only with sex instead of dead bodies. Alenko gets some, _from _Shepard, _in_the common rooms, _with _the medigel as lubricant. Ugh." He shook his head and went back to his work. "My life is currently pathetic."

"How is your life pathetic?" EDI asked. The hum in the air picked up just a notch.

"I'm stuck," Joker grumbled. "Again. I've been stuck in this ship for months, in this damn chair for months. It's like the Alliance has figured out a way to forget about me all over again."

"I am here with you, Jeff," EDI pointed out. "I have not forgotten you."

"Yeah, but when I talk to you, it's like talking to the walls. Or talking to myself. I mean, you talk back, but I'm still talking to the walls."

"I am _in _the walls."

"Yeah, I know," Joker said. "It's just weird talking to walls and not a person all the time. I mean human people. Not that you aren't..." He broke off again. "Ah, hell, EDI. Nevermind." Joker scrubbed his face with his hands, then stared right through the haptic display.

"When are we ever going to get out of here, EDI?" he asked, bleakly.

"I intercepted some secure signals this morning," EDI said after a moment's pause. "It seems that several comm buoys on the Outer Arm of the Milky Way have dropped offline. While most of these systems contain only unregistered Batarian settlements, some house Alliance colonies. Meetings are currently being scheduled among the members of the Defense Committee to discuss a course of action. It may be our stealth systems will be required soon."

"Can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Joker muttered. "I hope it's not the real deal. 'Cause if it's the Reapers..." Joker broke off and shook his head.

"No, I just want there to be a nice, medium-sized crisis that only Shepard can handle, and then we can all get the hell off this rock." He looked back at the display and began shifting the controls around.

"Ugh, Earth," he muttered to himself. "Being back here in HQ is like going to my high school reunion and getting locked in the janitor's closet for the entire summer."

"I do not understand this metaphor," EDI told him, "having never attended high school."

"You know," Joker replied, "I guess that's one really nice thing about being a computer, right there."

* * *

><p>Shepard turned the last corner. She hit the final stretch, biotic barrier flaring, feet pounding the rubber track.<p>

Just then, a screech sounded right in her ear.

**"**Ow!" Shepard shouted, wincing and nearly stumbling. "God damn!" She reached up to yank the headphones from ears, but just then, a voice came over the comm link.

**"**Shepard?" The voice was nearly as loud as the screech.

**"**Joker?" Shepard asked, too surprised to keep from speaking aloud. She instantly slowed her pace.

**"**Yeah, it's me. Hey, um, okay, EDI is making me call you up, but honestly, I don't think you want to hear it..." His voice trailed off as someone spoke in the background. From the cool tone of the other voice, Shepard guessed it was EDI.

**"**She won't," Shepard heard Joker say. "It'll just piss her off. Yeah, but... Okay, Shepard?"

**"**Here," Shepard said softly, barely moving her lips. She had slowed to a walk now. "Something wrong?"

**"**Not wrong exactly, just... Well, ah..."

**"**Hurry it up, Joker," Shepard murmured, taking note of the figure standing beside the bleachers at the end of the track. He had turned towards her now and taken a step. "I'm being watched. Is it the Reapers?"

**"**Huh? No. No it's Alenko."

Shepard stopped short, completely frozen on the track.

**"**_Kaidan_?"

**"**Yeah."

**"**Is he in trouble?" Shepard asked immediately, her stomach feeling like it was dropping out of her body through her sneakers.

**"**No, no," Joker said. "He's just here, that's all."

**"**He..." Shepard's barrier burned off in a sudden nova flare. "_What_?"

**"**Dunno if he'll be able to get in to see you, but just um, heads up."

**"**I..."

**"**Okay, sorry, gotta drop the link. EDI's having trouble with Sol comm static and Traynor's in decontamination to come check it out. Later."

The comm link dropped out with another screech, but this time Shepard only flinched at the attack to her eardrums. Her stomach appeared to have shot right back up from the ground into her belly and was currently twisting itself in knots.

Kaidan was here? _Here_?

What did Joker mean he was here? Kaidan had family in Vancouver, she knew. So was he just visiting them and might stop by later if he could? Or was he on his way to see her right now? Would the brass even let him _do_that? Did he _want _to see her? Did he even know where she was being kept?

Not for the first time, Shepard cursed the fact that this damn chapel-broadcast thing only went one way and didn't even have a proper comm link in it. She now had no way to call Joker back and ask for clarification. Even as she thought that, the droning voice of the preacher came back on.

**…**_and time is the most valuable thing that we have, because it is the most irrevocable... _

Shepard didn't pay attention to the man. All she could think was Kaidan was here - _here _- and that she had absolutely no way to contact him unless he chose to seek her out. She couldn't deviate from her usual schedule, lest someone think she was trying to escape. And she couldn't very well ask to see him, otherwise someone would wonder how she'd known he was here, and _that_could get a whole lot of people in trouble.

As always, she was stuck, unable to move or do anything, unable to be anything like the commander who had saved the galaxy not once, but twice...

**"**Hey!"

Shepard looked up just as James Vega came running over.

**"**Hey," she said in return.

**"**What the hell?" he asked, looking her over. "Something wrong? You shouted and then stopped, then let your barrier drop. What happened? Did you pull something?"

Shepard shot him a withering glance.

**"**James," she said, "I may be older than you by about a decade, but I'm in decent enough shape that I'm not about to pull something on a measly morning jog, of all things."

**"**Five years," James said.

**"**What?"

**"**You're older than me by five years, tops," James replied.

Shepard glanced his way, but instead of some sarcastic rejoinder, she frowned and glanced nervously back at the cluster of buildings that made up the central hub of Alliance headquarters.

**"**What's up?" James said, his gaze following hers. "You see something? Was it a sighting laser?"

**"**Huh?" Shepard said.

**"**Hey," he said, elbowing her and reaching for the pistol he wore at his hip, "Get your barrier back up. Pirate snipers are hacks, but if they're using cryo rounds, we might have trouble."

**"**What? No," Shepard reached out a hand to stay his arm. "No, it's not that, I just... Um..." She stared at HQ a moment longer, still frowning.

Damn Joker and his complete lack of people skills, Shepard silently cursed. He'd told her just enough to get her guard up, and yet managed to convey no useful intel at all.

**"**Hey, you there, commander?" James asked beside her. He hesitated, then waved a hand before her eyes.

**"**Yes, James," Shepard said, flinching. "I'm here. Stop that." She batted his hand away.

**"**I just thought it might be another um, you know...vision." He said the word nervously, like it was something he might catch just from speaking about it.

Shepard gave him a sympathetic look. She could hardly blame the guy. She imagined guarding her was no walk in the park. Well, there were walks in the park involved, but given how cold it was out, they weren't terribly pleasant. Still, as long as James was making assumptions, she'd go with it. Better that than have him guess the real reason for her stopping in the middle of a run.

**"**Um, yeah, visions," she said. "Sorry about that. I'm back now. Let's go." She gestured to the bleachers where she'd left her water bottle and sweatshirt and started walking toward them.

James fell in line beside her. After a moment of watching her face closely, he said, "Oh, by the way, I met with Admiral Anderson this morning."

Shepard's head whipped around at that. Anderson _and_Kaidan? Was that a coincidence? Did that have something to do with her? With the Reapers? She had opened her mouth before she remembered that she couldn't ask any questions, not without arousing suspicion, Damn this spy-vid stuff, Shepard thought for about the hundredth time.

Instead, she opted for a neutral and entirely too high-pitched, "Oh?"

**"**Yeah," James said, his tone apologetic. "I told him you might like a visit, but..."

He trailed off. Shepard just shook her head.

**"**Let me guess," she said, stomping up to the bleachers. "Can't get through the brass? What a shock."

James looked askance at her, caught off guard by her suddenly bitter tone. Shepard snatched up her hooded sweatshirt and stabbed her arms through the sleeves - first the charcoal grey one, then the one with a red-and-white stripe down it. Then she flipped her hair out of the tangled-up hood and zipped it sharply. As she did so, she bit back a few choice cuss words and a few choice questions as well. It wouldn't do to get James involved, she told herself. He seemed a decent sort, but he wasn't her friend, after all. No, her so-called friends were out there somewhere, ignoring her - or giving her completely unhelpful messages. _Thanks for that last one, Joker,_she thought again irritably. God, this being-a-prisoner thing was getting old.

**"**Gym?" Shepard asked curtly, picking up her water bottle.

**"**Of course," James muttered. "What else would I be doing at 10 o'clock?"

Shepard took a drink and ignored his sarcasm.

**"**Are you gonna lift, too?" she asked, wiping her mouth with her hand.

**"**Yeah," James said with a shrug. "Might as well."

**"**You're going to need the training soon enough," Shepard told him.

**"**See," James said, "You say things like that and that's why everyone gets freaked out by you."

Shepard gave him a speaking look, but said nothing.

**"**I didn't mean it like that," James said quickly. "Most of the guys in here were brought in on drunk and disorderly. Whereas you..." He held up his hands as if in innocence. "A lot of these soldiers respect you, ma'am," he told her. "They just don't know what the hell to do with you."

Shepard snorted and fell in step beside him as he led her back to the detention wing.

**"**Story of my life, James," she muttered.


	4. Connect

_Chapter 4: Connect_

* * *

><p><em>invasion day, 0830 hours<em>

* * *

><p>Dr. Liara T'Soni frowned at the message on the computer screen:<p>

_Data transfer aborted._**  
><strong>_Unable to establish a connection._

"Strange," she murmured to herself. It seemed the static coming from the Archives was still causing problems for offworld communications. Odd how the static had increased steadily in the last few days. Usually, it only lasted for a few hours. Unfortunately, that meant her last message to Admiral Hackett hadn't gone at the desk in her room, Liara logged into her research terminal down at the Mars dig site. A few clicks gained her remote access to her data and she attempted to send the files to Hackett a second time.

_Communications link not found.  
><em>_Sol comm buoy offline._

Liara blinked. That couldn't be right. Quickly configuring her message settings, Liara had the computer hail a different buoy than the one it usually used. There was no reply. Growing more worried now, Liara pinged the next buoy and the next, until she had worked her way through all six communications devices in the local cluster. None of them could connect to the communications network that piggybacked off of the mass relay system. From here, Liara couldn't tell if the problem was related to the Mars static, or to the Sol comms themselves.

A terrible suspicion flickered at the back of her mind. The memory was no more than a faint whisper, like a landscapeseen through a mirror and out a window - far off, reversed, confused. By connecting to Shepard's mind, Liara had once seen visions of the Reapers, of death and fire and empty worlds. And in the visions, before the bloodbath began, there was always a brief but terrible silence.

_It couldn't be_, Liara thought with a shiver. _Not yet. Surely we have more time._

With a slight pursing of her lips, she tried to send her message again.

_Error.  
><em>_File system unreachable.  
><em>_Connection to MarsResearchNet has been lost._

"Blast!" Liara exclaimed. Now her connection to the dig site computers had gone down as well. She had some of her files backed up here on her personal computer, but not the most recent ones - and not the most important ones. Dr. Harrison, curse him, had insisted upon keeping critical project data housed in dig site computers, where there was less chance of a security breach. Liara understood his concern about losing important information to an enemy - or an academic rival - but now his caution was going to cost her the morning. It would take at least an hour to get through the security checkpoints and tram systems that guarded the dig site.

And yet, Liara thought with a roll of her eyes, Cameron Harrison hadn't been quite so cautious last night when Dr. Eva Coré left the Archives. The man had actually left his datapad out in plain sight in his haste to catch up with the woman on her way to dinner. Liara had to log him out and lock down the door after. But then, Dr. Coré had that effect on the male researchers - some of the women, too. Liara, however, found the impossibly proportioned doctor both cold and unoriginal. She was probably just here to try and steal a thesis out from under some unsuspecting scientist.

Well, Liara thought with a frown, if she couldn't access the bulk of her files, there was only one thing to be done. She had to get down to the archives and back up her data to her omnitool directly. After that, she needed to get far enough away from the archives to get free of the static surrounding the facility and attempt to send her message to Hackett again. Perhaps, she could borrow a shuttle from the docking bay and fly up into orbit for a few hours. That ought to tell her if the connection problem was limited to Mars - or threatened all of the Local Cluster.

Liara pushed back her chair and walked to the door. She was reaching for the latch when she heard it: the distinct sound of a heatsink being popped into a gun. At once, she froze, her hand an inch from the door. The latch panel remained green for one moment, then suddenly turned doors slid open upon the sight of a primed rifle and a suit of white armor. Liara reacted instantly: she swept her arm up to the ceiling and a wave of blue energy followed her hand. A stasis field froze the trooper in place, like a statue. Liara had just enough time to register the black-and-gold insignia on his armor before she heard footsteps clattering down the hall.

Two more troopers rounded the corner. One shouted and pointed at her, the other just lifted his gun. Liara flung a pulse of energy right into the stasis field she had created. The trapped soldier's body exploded in a burst of blue electricity and red blood; the shockwave knocked the other two troopers back. Liara slammed her hand into the panel on the wall and the door slid shut. With a few flicks of her fingers, she locked the door.

_Cerberus. Damn._

What they wanted here, Liara hadn't a clue. But she wasn't about to stick around and see if they wanted her dead or as a hostage. Spinning around, her eyes immediately went to the ventilation shaft in the corner of her room. Years of living on the run from the Shadow Broker and then several months _being _the Shadow Broker had taught her to always have an escape route.

Swiftly, Liara grabbed her computer and smashed it on the floor. The circuits flickered for a moment before the haptic display winked out. Some vital data lost, she thought coldly, but nothing irreplaceable. Her important data was down in the Archives and her important Shadow Broker hardware was in storage in the cargo bay, all misleadingly labeled as 'Volus Genealogies Vol I-CXIV.' With any luck, Cerberus would walk right by them without thinking twice.

Striding to the bed, Liara yanked a box from underneath. She drew out a pistol and shoved in four heatsinks, one after the other. Behind her, she could hear an ominous, yet familiar, thumping at the door. It sounded like the troopers were putting adhesive explosives on the metal instead of attempting to hack the lock. That was sloppy, Liara thought with a raised eyebrow. By the time they realized her body wasn't in here, she could be halfway to the archives. Provided they didn't already have control of the tramway, of course. And provided she didn't run into more of them.

Liara heard a telltale beeping sound on the other side of the door. Ah, yes. Contraband terminus explosives for the assassin on a budget. She had used that model herself once. And if memory served, the charges would take at least sixty more seconds to detonate. That was plenty of time for an escape.

Without a backward glance, Liara went to the corner vent, yanked the grate from the wall and slid inside.

* * *

><p><em>invasion day, 0850 hours<em>

* * *

><p>Kaidan stood on the deck, arms resting on the railing as he waited for his shuttle. Apparently, things were running a little behind schedule over at HQ. He'd been out here long enough that his ears were freezing, even though he'd turned up the collar of his jacket against the wind.<p>

Before him, the sun blinked wearily as it rose above the mountains to the east. It left a smattering of golden ripples on the water, a shimmering pathway that led toward Lion's Gate Bridge and Burrard Inlet beyond. In the cool, clear morning, he could see all the way across the English Bay, could even make out the comm towers and the cluster of buildings that made up the Alliance Command complex. And yet...

"So close, and yet so far away," Kaidan muttered.

Because even though Kaidan knew that Shepard was in a cell over there somewhere, he obviously couldn't see her from this distance. And once the shuttle came for him, he'd be right in the thick of those buildings and he _still _wouldn't be able to see her. She'd be under lock and key, and he'd be stuck in meetings all day. There had to be some kind of metaphor in that, Kaidan thought wryly. Something about how recently, no matter if he was halfway across the galaxy or standing right in front of her on Horizon, the two of them just never seemed to connect. Yesterday certainly hadn't brought about a reunion with Shepard. Nor, come to that, had it shed much light on why Anderson had originally called Kaidan here in the first place.

"Shepard?" Anderson had started when Kaidan had mentioned her name. "How did you find out she's here?"

"I saw the Normandy when I disembarked," Kaidan explained, deciding to leave out his conversation with Joker. "I figured she must be nearby."

"She is," Anderson said. "And she's well enough, or so I understand. But no, this isn't about her. I called you here because the brass needs answers, and you're one of the few people who can tell them what's really going on."

"Really going on?" Kaidan said warily. "What do you mean?"

"Seems our deep space comms have been acting strangely. Can't get a connection to anything near the Outer Rim."

"No connection?" Kaidan asked, thinking at once of his past experience with the Collectors, "Have we lost another colony?"Before Anderson could answer that question, an aide pulled him aside with an urgent message.

"Looks like the Defense Council is calling in all members for an emergency hearing," Anderson said, turning back to Kaidan. "Seems they're finally listening to the warnings Shepard has been giving them."

Kaidan had felt a dark wave of dread creep over him at those words. If _that _was what this was about, then a few missing colonies were the least of the Alliance's troubles. Still, the Reapers couldn't get to Earth so quickly without running through a lot of dark space first. Surely they still had time. Though, even as Kaidan told himself that, he wondered how much longer the Alliance could stall the Reapers before the invasion actually arrived.

"I'm going to recommend that you speak to the brass tomorrow morning, first thing," Anderson said, breaking into Kaidan's thoughts.

"To the Defense Committee?" Kaidan was taken aback. "About what?"

"About what we knew all along," Anderson said darkly. "Gather all the intel you can about what might be causing total comm darkness and be back here at 9am sharp. I'll send a shuttle for you. And don't be late this time, major."

With that, Anderson had hurried away and Kaidan had been left to wander the grounds, his stomach churning at the thought that the invasion was actually coming at last. In a daze, he stopped by the detention wing and was, not surprisingly, turned away without seeing Shepard. Kaidan asked to leave a message for her, but that request was denied. In fact, the guard on duty wouldn't even confirm that Shepard was in custody. Kaidan knew stonewalling when he saw it. He briefly considered contacting Anderson to ask for clearance to see Shepard, but decided to put that off until after tomorrow's meeting. Clearly, everything was in an uproar at present, what with admirals and technicians all roaming the halls wearing worried expressions.

Without anything or anyone else to keep him at HQ, Kaidan went to the transport hub and called a taxi, then flew over to stay the night at his parents' house in West Bay. After about a half hour of catching up with his folks, Kaidan had excused himself to put together his report for the admirals. His stepmother had been a little disapproving of his plan to hide out in the guest room, typing away on his omnitool, but his father understood how things worked in the Alliance. So his folks went out for the evening and Kaidan got to work. The pale November light faded around him until, at last, Kaidan found himself sitting alone in a cold guest room in near darkness.

He could have gone out, he supposed, but there wasn't anyone in town he planned on seeing. So instead Kaidan had gone to bed early and then woke early as well. He had gone on a run this morning, even though it was bitterly cold out and each breath felt like inhaling a cryo round. He then returned home and took a shower, then grabbed a coffee and a bagel from the kitchen and came out to wait for the shuttle.

And now he was _still _waiting for said shuttle, nearly twenty minutes later. Kaidan hoped Anderson didn't take him to task for being late today, since the shuttle was clearly to blame here. Not that Kaidan was in any hurry, really. Likely, he would get stuck waiting on the other end, too: waiting for the meeting, waiting for orders, waiting for Shepard... The entire day would be a waiting game in the endless corridors of Alliance HQ.

"Beautiful, eh?"Kaidan's father pushed open the sliding door, then shut it behind him. He walked out to the railing with a cup of coffee in his hand, still wearing his pyjamas under a thick bathrobe.

"Yeah," Kaidan said, turning back to the view. "Gorgeous."

"Yeap," his father said, leaning onto the railing. He took a sip of his coffee and let out a satisfied breath. "Nice day for autumn."

"Almost winter," Kaidan corrected.

"Hey, if the sun's still shining..." his father shrugged. "You gotta take what you can get this far north. Not like your endless sun down in Rio. Oh, hey, before I forget, when you get back from your meeting today, I was wondering if you'd help me with the wiring in the bathroom. Your stepmother wants to install this new vanity VI interface and I have to admit, that kind of tech is a little beyond me."

"Uh, dad," Kaidan said warily. "This isn't going to be like last time, right? I mean, I'm happy to help with one short project and all, but I don't really want to spend the whole time working on renovations."

"It's just the one thing. Well, maybe, two. But you didn't have plans, did you?"

"Ah, no, not exactly," Kaidan said. "But still..."

"And if you do nothing, you'll just get the headaches, right? And you know how your stepmother feels about you doing biotic stuff in the house."

Kaidan frowned. "I remember. I'll train somewhere else while I'm visiting."

"Great," his father said with a satisfied nod. "Then I'll pick up what I need at the hardware store today."

Kaidan made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a disbelieving snort. "Wait. How did we go from 'I won't use biotics in the house' to 'I'll be your handyman while I'm here?'"

"Your stepmother just had a few things she wanted me to do," his father said quickly. He patted Kaidan on the shoulder. "Shouldn't take us more than a few days."

"That's what you said last time," Kaidan said. He was about to protest further, but just then an Alliance shuttle came hurtling over the water toward the house. Given its trajectory, Kaidan guessed that it had come for him.

"That your ride?" his father asked.

"Looks like it."

"I coulda flown you over in the car, but I guess you get your own transport these days, eh major?" He seemed very pleased by that thought. He then held out his hand and Kaidan shook it.

"Thanks for putting me up, dad," Kaidan said.

"Of course," his father replied, "You better get going."

"Right," Kaidan nodded. Since everything he had to show to the committee was on his omnitool, Kaidan stuffed his hands into his pockets to warm them against the cold. The shuttle landed on the lawn and Kaidan hurried down the steps to meet it. A dreadnought sailed overhead, making a keening sound as it caused the pines in the backyard to tremble. Higher up, two cruisers and several frigates shot over the water as well. A flock of shuttles followed in their wake. All the ships appeared to be heading toward HQ. Kaidan felt a slight knot tighten in his gut.

"What's going on?" Kaidan asked the shuttle pilot, nodding toward the growing armada over the bay.

"Dunno for sure," the guy replied. "Hackett's mobilized the fleet, but no one is saying why."

The knot in his gut grew. Kaidan turned back to the house, but his father had already gone inside. For a moment, Kaidan considered running back inside and saying something, but then he figured he could just call his dad via omnitool once he learned more from Alliance command. Not that he could say anything official. But he could suggest to his dad that now might be a good time to make sure the guns in the basement were clean and fitted with heat sinks. Just in case.

"Let's go then," Kaidan said, to the shuttle pilot, strapping himself in. "Don't want to keep the brass waiting."

* * *

><p><em>invasion day, 0915 hours<em>

* * *

><p>Inside her cell, Shepard sat on the floor in the center of her room, legs crossed, forearms resting on her knees. A biotic barrier rippled over her body and a ball of blue-white energy hovered before her chest. It gave off a slight hum, churning like a basketball-sized star. Other than the hoodie and the decided lack of asari tentacles, she might have been mistaken for a Siari meditation statue.<p>

According to the surveillance cameras in her room, Shepard didn't move a muscle. She was the perfect picture of Justicaar-like calm. In truth, she was listening rather anxiously to the footsteps that echoed down the hall.

_Thank God_, Shepard thought distantly. _Took him long enough._

She had begun to feel alarmed, given how late James was running. He should have been her an hour ago. Between his tardiness and all the other weird stuff that had happened yesterday, her mind was racing over all sorts of nightmarish scenarios. Shepard breathed in and out, trying to slow down each breath, trying to calm her mind, trying to become one with the energy, trying to...

Trying to listen as the footsteps continued on down the hall without stopping. What the _hell_?

Shepard scowled with her eyes still shut tight. Where was James?In her frustration, Shepard lost her concentration on the biotic ball in the air before her. The dark energy mass swiftly grew in size as its core destabilized. Then, with a spark and a flash, it collapsed and detonated in an explosion of blue, white and black.

"Shit!" Shepard hissed, throwing her hands up in front of her face. her barrier took the brunt of the flashback, bursting in a nova around her. An acrid smell filled the room and Shepard quickly patted her hair to make sure she hadn't set herself on fire. She had not, but now there were scorch marks on the metal floor. Shepard brushed them with her hand and scowled at her blackened palms. The warden wasn't going to be happy about that.

"Amateur," she grumbled.

Shepard shoved herself to her feet and picked up a datapad from her desk, but she didn't even look down at it. It only had access to the detention center's library anyhow, and she'd read everything there worth looking at. Instead, Shepard crossed to the window and gazed out at the view. An narrow road separated the detention block from a handful of apartment buildings beyond. She strained to catch a glimpse of Stanley Park from here, but she couldn't quite see it. It was killing her to be stuck in here when she could be out there, running off her nervous energy.

With a sigh, Shepard grabbed the upper sill of the window and rested her head on the back of her hand. Yesterday had been a waste of time, as usual. The difference was, she had learned Kaidan was in town. Far from being comforting, that just meant she spent the whole day wondering if he would stop by, and if so, when. Her life seemed infinitely more stagnant when Kaidan was out there, free to come and go as he pleased, while she was stuck in here, just waiting for him - or anyone, really - to take notice of her and her warnings.

And it was because she was so bad at sitting still indefinitely that Shepard had decided to try her luck with a little recon yesterday. It was a stupid idea, really. It could have tipped her hand regarding EDI and the hacked chapel connection, but she hadn't been able to resist. When she had gone to petition the Defense Committee office for a hearing, Shepard waited around just long enough for the cute red-headed aide's shift to start. As expected, the girl hung up her coat and then instantly began chatting with James. Shepard waited until the two of them were flirting outrageously, then dared to return to the main desk and press the secretary for one extra bit of information.

"Hey," she had said, "I don't suppose you have record of a Staff Commander Alenko arriving, do you? He was supposed to get clearance to come and see me. Admiral Anderson's orders, you know. I just hope that didn't get fouled up in paperwork."

She almost winced to hear the story come out of her mouth in that overly-cheerful tone. Shepard hated lying, especially since she was never sure if she was even remotely convincing. But the secretary had apparently believed her. Or if he didn't, he glanced up with a bored expression and typed into his computer all the same.

"Nope," he said. "No commanders by the name of Alenko." His tone made it pretty clear that he considered his research at an end.

"Are you sure?" Shepard had pressed.

"Look, ma'am," the guy had said, turning his screen around, "Query for commanders plus query for 'Alenko.' Nothing there."Shepard had been about to open her mouth and suggest that there must be some mistake when she remembered that Joker hadn't specified if Kaidan was on HQ grounds or just in Vancouver. Likely, Kaidan just simply hadn't checked in yet. And just then, James had returned to her side, red-headed aide's omnitool address in his hand and a big grin on his face. So instead of making a bigger nuisance of herself or drawing James' attention, Shepard let the matter drop.

By the end of the day, Shepard had been in a truly foul mood. Kaidan hadn't visited, Joker hadn't called, and she'd been so upset she hadn't eaten much at dinner and her body punished her for the oversight. Biotics had to eat often and a lot or they got cranky, and Shepard was already on edge from listening to the chapel broadcast channel all day long, waiting for more messages from Joker.

And then, as she lay in her bed last night, staring at the ceiling, stomach growling loudly enough to wake every inmate on the ward, Shepard felt _it _again. It had been months - eight months and two weeks, to be exact - since she'd last felt that buzzing at the back of her skull. She knew what it meant _then_. She just wasn't sure if it meant the same thing now.

"Removal would require cutting into healthy brain tissue," Mordin had informed her after he'd spent two weeks examining the problem. "One wrong move, one vital neuron clipped, would result in permanent brain damage. Cannot advise."

**"**So what _do_you advise?" Shepard had frowned.

**"**Difficult to say. Illusive Man appears to have engineered optical surveillance system to be irremovable," Mordin told her, bringing up a holographic display of her body. The glowing golden limbs and head were filled with natural synapses and unnatural wires in various displays of colors. It looked, Shepard thought, like a human Christmas tree, all strung up with lights and ornamentation.

**"**Cerberus clever," Mordin said, nodding. "Allowed you to believe you had removed all monitoring devices from ship. Overconfidence kept you from digging deeper, discovering Cerberus had eyes everywhere, so to speak. An ignorant mole is most the effective."

**"**Geez Mordin," Shepard said. "This is making me feel so much better about having a vid-camera stuffed inside my brain."

**"**Not just camera," Mordin corrected. "Auditory feeds, too. Also greybox. Greybox recording device the vital piece. EDI has dropped connections to Cerberus, but data remains. Device still recording everything you do, all you see."

**"**Like I said, Mordin. Feeling so much better, here."

**"**Imagine you are feeling better," Mordin replied, either not noticing her sarcasm or choosing to ignore it. "Headaches have stopped now that EDI has blocked data transfer from greybox to Normandy computers, correct?"

**"**Well, yes," Shepard said, "But just because my skull doesn't buzz every time I get on board the ship doesn't exactly make me feel better about the fact that there's still a damn vid recording of everything I've seen and done since Project Lazarus got its hands on me. If that data fell into the wrong hands..." Shepard shuddered. "What am I saying? It _has_fallen into the wrong hands. The Illusive Man has all of it, right up until we stopped the Collectors."

**"**Indeed," Mordin agreed.

**"**What if we routinely scrub the data from here on out?" Shepard suggested. "The greybox records, but EDI just deletes it every evening. Kind of like, I dunno, the mental equivalent of cleaning out the garage."

**"**Scrub data in what way?" Mordin countered. "Greybox has firewalls. EDI struggling with brute-force hack. Also, unclear if hack would disturb vital brain functions. Less elegant methods, such as smashing hardware or exposing greybox to radiation or electric shock, may have...unpleasant consequences." He trailed off, his eyes narrowing in disapproval.

**"**Right," Shepard said, not really wanting to hear the details. Given Mordin's worried expression, she could imagine them well enough. "Okay, so we're back to the first plan. We take it out."

**"**Are not listening, Shepard. Cannot take system out."

**"**Well, if they put the damn thing _in_..." Shepard began.

**"**Cerberus put system in under optimal circumstances," Mordin reminded her.

**"**Right, I was in a coma - or...whatever," Shepard shook that thought off. "But what goes in can come back out, right?"

**"**Wrong," Mordin replied. "Here," he added, pointing at the holograph, "Biotic implant wires travel up medulla into brain. Also through amplifier jack. Is where I originally thought to go in, using skull saw."

Shepard cringed a little and lightly touched the back of her head.

**"**Cannot operate, however," Mordin went on, "Biotic wiring runs close to surveillance system. All connections are tangled with greybox in curious anchoring system."

**"**Anchoring system?"

**"**Foreign DNA used to grow neural tissue to anchor greybox in place. Has grown into native tissue, connected to brain itself. Aggressive growth pattern. Synthetic polymers, unprecedented structure, root-like cell structure. Bears some similarities to samples in Cerberus databases, but entirely reworked. Not human, not mammalian, might be..."

**"**Synthetic?" Shepard asked aloud, cutting off Mordin's ramblings. She frowned at that thought. She really didn't want even more cybernetics in her system.

**"**Difficult to say," Mordin replied. "Unclear if DNA is modified organic material or new construct. Neuron-like, has melded with brain tissue, but fails to transmit electrical charge. Dormant. No further growth. Now merely holding system into place."

**"**But," Shepard said, feeling ever more desperate, "Isn't there some way to just, I dunno, take out that neural web thingy? Just kill off that foreign tissue and then pluck the greybox out. The rest of the wires can stay. I just want that part out of my head so it stops recording."

Mordin frowned and pointed again to the holographic display. A knot of tissue held the greybox into place; a second web had spread beyond the greybox and wrapped around a more central part of her brain. Together, the clusters looked like two clenched fists, one refusing to let go of the greybox, the other refusing to let go of her mind.

**"**Foreign tissue growth surrounds basal ganglia," Mordin told her. "Decision-making center of human brain. Determines reasoning, choice, formation of habit. Difficult, difficult place to operate. Even for an expert, like myself."

**"**So what you're saying is..."

Mordin shut down his omnitool so that he could fix her with his great, dark, amphibious eyes. Without the glowing holograph hovering there, the science lab felt suddenly stark and cold.

**"**Sorry, Shepard," was the verdict.

A few weeks later, they dropped Mordin off on the Salarian homeworld and Shepard's best chance at getting the surveillance system out of her head literally up and walked off of the ship.

At the time, Shepard had felt rage, but also a very cold calm creeping over her. The damn thing was staying in, apparently. She was - and remained - a walking security leak of the highest magnitude. Even now, looking out at the Vancouver skyline, her brain was actively recording everything she saw.

Of course, she hadn't told anyone about the greybox beyond EDI, Mordin, and Miranda - and Tali and Garrus, of course. But even Joker didn't know about it. The reason was, first, Shepard kept hoping somehow she'd figure out a way to get the thing out of her - no matter what Mordin had said about it having been practically grown in. And, if she were honest, the deeper reason was because she didn't want anyone knowing how powerless she'd been in Cerberus' hands. The Alliance already thought her judgement had been compromised. Even if Miranda had told Shepard there wasn't a control chip in her brain, Shepard doubted the Alliance would take the word of a Cerberus operative. They'd think the surveillance system in Shepard's head was evidence that she was a sleeper agent for Cerberus. They would assume the worst, and frankly, Shepard could hardly blame them. But she also had to stay _here_, if only to try and prepare the Alliance for the coming of the Reapers. So each day, Shepard pretended the thing in her head wasn't there, knowing that if her little secret were ever found out, there would be hell to pay.

And it looked like today just might be the day that hell called in its chips. Because even as Shepard stood there at the window, she felt it again - that awful buzzing, like some little insect made out of needles and static was trying to claw its way up the back of her neck and burrow itself into her glanced around, half expecting to see Cerberus bogies dropping down on jet-powered boots. Yet, all she saw was a single shuttle, flying over the detention block toward the committee chamber's landing pad.

_Calm down_, Shepard told herself. After all, the greybox had been set to upload via the Normandy's computers. EDI would never allow a hack through her systems, so the chances that any old operative would be able to bypass the firewalls was unlikely. In order to get into her head, someone would probably have to hack into EDI and then remotely into Shepard's head. And Shepard knew little about tech, but she at least knew that wasn't too easy to do. Plus, it wasn't like she'd been doing anything very interesting lately. If the Illusive Man wanted to get the scoop on her, all he had to do was hack into the detention block security cams and he'd have his fill of her doing boring stuff, day after day after day.

Clearly, Shepard thought, being incarcerated for so long was making her more paranoid than usual. And James being so late was just adding to the equation.

As Shepard stared out of the window, a flash of movement caught her eye. She looked down to the building below and caught sight of a kid playing in some rooftop garden. He was running around in circles and laughing, a replica of an Alliance cruiser in his hand.

Shepard smirked. He was a cute kid - though why were his parents just letting him run around alone on a roof, of all things? She had to scowl at that. After all, kids tended to find whatever trouble was handy and it wasn't like there was a railing up there to keep him from falling. The kid actually reminded her a little of her younger brother - or rather, how her little brother had been just a few years before the attack on Mindoir. Matt had been so into ships back then - he could spout off every bit of trivia about any class of ship in any fleet. Shepard had always figured he'd become a pilot someday. The thought made her feel suddenly sad.

With a shake of her head, Shepard sighed. It was a rather depressing thought, but that kid out there was the first happy person that she had seen in months. The Alliance detention wing tended to be a rather somber place, and she included herself in that drab company.

Just then, the door chime sounded. Shepard spun around at once.

_Thank God_, she thought. As much as her routine drove her crazy in some ways, at least she had a checklist to accomplish every day. She just had to ignore the fact that the items on said list never changed.

"Commander," James walked through the door and saluted her._Well_, she thought wryly. There's item number one off of the list for the day. The guy was nothing if not persistent.

"James, come on," she said, turning from the window. "We've been through this. I have no rank anymore." She went to grab her water bottle, which she'd filled from the nearby sink. But James shook his head and held out a hand to stop her.

"The Defense Committee wants to see you," he said.

"Really?" she asked, both her eyebrows shooting up when James nodded. "Wow. Anderson works fast. Good man. Now only if he'd shown up a few months ago. Hey, do you mind leaving while I change?"

"Change?" James blinked.

"Into my dress blues," she explained.

"No time for that," James shook his head. "They need you now. Come on."

Shepard frowned, as much from the worry in his tone as from the fact that she was currently wearing a sweatsuit. Of all the times she'd changed in and out of her dress uniform just to impress the brass enough to get a hearing, and now when they finally were willing to see her, she just _had _to look like some new recruit at basic, out for her morning drills.

_Well_, she thought, _at least the hoodie has an N7 insignia on it. Maybe that'll impress them._

_Then again_, she thought, dropping her datapad on the bed and falling in line behind James, _maybe they'll just think we're a couple of dumb grunts. _James, after all, was wearing a skin-tight t-shirt and sported a new tattoo creeping up his neck.

As James ushered her through the detention wing checkpoints and out into the skybridge that connected her building to the central cluster of Alliance command, Shepard grew even more worried. The place was crawling with soldiers of all ranks, and all of them looked nervous.

The nervousness was catching; Shepard now felt it, too. Still, she tried to keep her voice calm as she asked:

"Okay, come on James, what's going on?"

"Dunno," James replied. "All I got was that Anderson's waiting for you and the Defense Council wants, and I quote, 'all the intel you've got'."

"I've been trying to give them intel for months. _Now _they want to see me?" She shook her head as they rounded the corner.

"_All _the intel I've got?" Shepard muttered. "That'll take some time."

* * *

><p><em>invasion day, 0930 hours<em>

* * *

><p><strong>"<strong>That's all the intel you've got?"The bald admiral stared down at Kaidan with a displeased expression. Kaidan tried to remember the guy's name, but couldn't. Admiral Baldy was sitting too far away for Kaidan to be able to read the name tag pinned over all those medals on his chest.

"That's it," Kaidan said as evenly as he could manage.

Kaidan stood stiffly, his arms behind his back, uncomfortably aware that his palms were sweating. He hoped that his datapad didn't slip right out of his fingers and clatter onto the floor. Kaidan tried to keep his eyes straight ahead, ignoring the dizzying sensation that every eye in the room was watching him. Most of the people here were, in fact, watching him, but several were whispering amongst themselves. He wasn't sure which unnerved him more.

Kaidan swallowed, hoping that the dryness in his throat wouldn't give him away. He really hated public speaking - always had. He could _do _it, sure, but he hated it. The only thing that made it even remotely possible for him to stand up here in front of all these people was the fact that he knew his nervousness didn't show. Over the years, he'd learned to hide it well enough.

Even as he thought that, Kaidan realized how ludicrous it was that he should be nervous from talking in front of all these people. The _subject _of his briefing was the truly terrifying thing: the Collectors, the Geth, the capabilities of Cerberus, and worst of all, the Reapers. It seemed that the Defense Committee couldn't figure out what, exactly, had knocked out the comm buoys from the Local Cluster all the way to the Outer Rim. So Kaidan had presented the intel he had on the four groups he'd studied in the past few years. His gut instinct was that the Reapers were involved somehow, but he could tell the committee was hoping it was Cerberus.

That would be the easiest one to deal with, that was for damn sure.

"Thank you, Major Alenko," one of the admirals said at last, her regal tones sounding more like she was a queen accepting tribute rather than an officer taking the possible end of the world under advisement. "That will be all."

"Ah, yes ma'am," Kaidan said. He saluted the lot of them, then turned to go.

"Why was he brought in again?" Kaidan overheard one communications technician whispering to another as he passed. "He's just a biotics guy, right?"

"I think he knows an admiral or something," the other one whispered back.

Kaidan gritted his teeth, more disgusted with their ignorance than their low assessment of his competence. If these people weren't listening to him, with all the intel he'd gathered over the years, then it was little wonder they wouldn't listen to Shepard, with all her first-hand experience. Hell, Kaidan thought, they probably wouldn't believe the Reapers were real until they saw one tear apart a building with a single laser blast.

And speaking of Shepard...

Kaidan slipped from the hearing room into the antechamber beyond - and then he stopped short. For standing on the other end of the room, just standing _right there_, waiting for her turn before the Defense Council, was none other than Commander Shepard herself.

_No_, Kaidan thought at once, his palms sweating again, but for an entirely different reason. _Not now. There isn't time for a proper reunion _now_._

_Just let it go_, Shepard told herself as she turned away from Kaidan. _So that reunion was awkward as hell. At least it wasn't Horizon. Get over it. We have the Reapers to deal with._

Yet even as she walked past Kaidan, she couldn't help but think of those _emails_, those goddamn emails that she had almost completely forgotten about. Her friendly smile suddenly turned queasy.

_He probably thinks I'm insane._

_There's no time for that_, Shepard told herself firmly as she left him behind and marched into the hearing chambers. _If the Reapers are here, there might not be time for anything._

Forcing herself back to the present, Shepard took note of her surroundings. The walls of the committee chambers were filled with vid screens and computers, around which a dozen technicians were standing. At the far end of the room, a giant, two-story window looked out on the spires of downtown Vancouver. A massive desk ran before the length of the window, and seated behind it were the grim-faced admirals who had ignored her warnings for months. She had tried so long to connect with these people - the leaders of Earth. And only now were they willing to listen to her - when the end was nearly in sight.

Once again, Shepard wondered at the madness of Fate that had caused _her _of all people, to be the one that touched the Prothean beacon. She had been pestering the brass for ages now, but they hadn't paid any attention to her. If she had been different somehow, Shepard wondered, would they have listened? If she had been an admiral, if she had played by the rules just a little more often and hadn't pissed off so many superior officers, would that have swayed them? Hell, if she hadn't _died _for a while there, might she have finally gotten their attention? And if the Alliance _had _listened, might they have been more prepared now?

Coming to a stop in the center of the room, Shepard looked from one worried face to another. Even though she knew it was entirely against protocol to speak before spoken to, even though that bald admiral was glaring at her, Shepard couldn't help herself. She just had to know.

**"**What's the situation?" she asked in as clear a voice as she could manage. She tried to project an aura of calm that she most certainly did not feel.

The admirals exchanged nervous glances before they turned back to face her. That alone told Shepard all she needed to know. The restless worry she had felt all morning now expanded into full blown fear. It wasn't unlike the way that biotic meditation ball had exploded on her earlier. Just one slip of calm, and the whole thing burst.

_I'm too late_, Shepard thought desperately._There's no time left at all._


	5. Knowing

Author's Note: Come on, you didn't think I'd rob you of the reunion, did you? -sage

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 5: Knowing<em>

* * *

><p><em>flashback:<em>

_three years ago, Normandy SR1, enroute to Ilos_

* * *

><p>It was as if time had slowed to a near stop, drifting gently like the stars outside. Blue lights and blue shadows shimmered in the air like the trailing veils of the galactic arms. Every sound, from the hum of the engines to the lingering exhalations of breath, seemed to be winding down to a standstill. Only his deep, steady heartbeat signaled that time was marching on.<p>

Kaidan lifted his head, brushing his lips over Shepard's neck, her jaw, her temple. One hand still held her breast; the other supported his weight behind her head, his fingers threaded through her hair. Kaidan breathed in once more, then let out a long, shuddering breath.

Had he really said that this couldn't change anything? He'd spoken those words just a short while ago, but the present moment proved them false. Now that he felt the heat of her skin, now that he had dropped the reigns of his careful self-control, he knew the truth:

This had changed everything.

Shepard shifted slightly beneath him. "Hey," she murmured, her lips right beside his ear.

"Hey," Kaidan murmured back. He pushed himself up onto his elbows to peer down at her face. For a moment, Shepard's features were lost behind the flickering blue-white sheen of her biotic barrier, but then the ripples of energy faded, revealing a soft, wondering expression in her eyes. Kaidan swallowed hard as an unfamiliar feeling rose in her chest. His barrier faded as well, and whatever Shepard read in his expression caused her lips to curl up into a brilliant smile.

_And now I know what Commander Shepard looks like when she's satisfied_, Kaidan thought, gazing down at her. It was a sight he wasn't likely to ever forget. More than that, he felt a strange pride that _he _was the one to make her feel this way. After all these months of wanting her, it was odd to find that he'd given so much of himself.

"Well," Kaidan said, his voice even deeper and huskier than usual. He reached up and ran a finger along her cheek.

"Well?" Shepard asked, tipping her chin up.

"That was..." Kaidan sighed and let his hand drop. His eyes trailed down to her lips and then back again.

It was so many things he hardly knew where to begin. It was as if, for the first time, he wasn't being asked to leave half of himself outside of the door. In the past, his biotics had always been unwelcome, for a start. His previous girlfriends, all two of them and that one fling, had made it very clear that such powers were fine as long as they didn't enter the apartment or, God forbid, the bedroom. The striking similarities between their attitudes and his stepmother's house rules had been a bit of a turn off, to say the least. Kaidan had tried to point out that biotic flaring was little more than heat and static. When explanations failed, he just learned to keep tight control of himself. Not surprisingly, that physical reservation had translated to an emotional one and that, in turn, had become a sexual one. Kaidan had enjoyed himself in the past, sure, but in a vague, distant kind of way. He just hadn't realized just how much he'd been missing until now.

"That was...?" Shepard prompted. She reached up and threaded her fingers into his hair, drawing him back to the present moment. Kaidan leaned into her hand, kissed her wrist, then lowered himself onto his side. He drew her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her.

"That was incredible," Kaidan said, pressing his lips to her hair. "_You_ are incredible."

It was true, Kaidan thought. He hadn't held back at all, not from the beginning, when her first kiss had sent him reeling and flaring, and not even at the end, when she'd clung to him and gasped into his kiss as they both had burned. Instead of drawing back from him, Shepard had embraced him, even his energy - even met his energy with her own. Being with her had been like making love during a thunderstorm: fierce power all around, yet with a tenderness at the core.

Kaidan ran his hand absently down her shoulder, wondering if she had any idea how unusual it was, what they just shared, wondering if she felt even remotely the same.

_Incredible_, Shepard thought, as Kaidan stroked her shoulder. Yeah, that pretty much summed it up. Incredible how everything had worked out, for once in her life. Incredible that instead of another lonely night, someone cared enough to come looking for her. Incredible that said someone was such a good guy: decent and smart and possessed of an actual sense of humor. Incredible that she'd been able to finish what she started, instead of everything spinning out of control and going all to hell. Well, things had spun out of control, she thought, but in a good way - in a _very _good way.

Shepard smiled. And most incredible that it should be Kaidan, her first real friend in a long time, who made it all happen.

Shepard rested her face against Kaidan's chest, her nose tickled by his chest hair, and breathed in the smell of his skin. He smelled good, which was seriously weird since he mostly just smelled like sweat. Clearly afterglow had shifted something in her brain, because instead of grossing her out, that salty scent was making her mouth water. She also felt relaxed in a way that couldn't entirely be explained away as physical exertion. Kaidan seemed to have drawn out some inner part of herself that she'd always kept hidden. And judging from how playful she felt right now, it seemed that inner part of herself held a happiness she thought she'd lost forever.

"Yeah," Shepard murmured. "I _am_ pretty incredible, aren't I?" She stretched, rubbing her breasts against Kaidan's chest. "_So_ incredible."

"And so modest, too," Kaidan added wryly.

"When you've got it, flaunt it," she sighed. "Or something like that."

"Flaunt away," he said softly, trailing a finger down one breast. Shepard moaned and rewarded him for that move with a kiss.

"So," Kaidan asked, pulling back. "Did I pass muster?"

"Hmm?" Shepard pressed a kiss to the center of his chest, right above his breastbone.

"Did you enjoy that?"

"You mean you couldn't tell?" She grinned and lightly tongued his nipple. Kaidan drew in a breath, then let it out on a groan.

"You're not always...that easy to read, Shepard," he managed.

"I'm sure I gave myself away just now," she said, meaningfully, resting her forehead on his chest. "In more ways than one."

"Yeah," Kaidan replied. "Speaking of which, did I hurt you?"

"What, with the biotics?" Shepard replied. "Nope. Two biotics on the the right frequency actually create really good... is 'thrummings' the word I'm looking for? No, _vibrations_." Shepard smiled and made a deep sound in the back of her throat. "Mmm, yes. Vibrations. I was so fevered I thought I'd burn you for sure..." She trailed off, then sleepily added. "I didn't hurt _you_, did I?"

"No. Barriers, you know. Soaks up the energy flares."

"Hmmm," Shepard grinned again, her eyes still closed. "Energy flares."

"But I, ah...," Kaidan shifted beside her and sat up, allowing Shepard's head to slide down onto the pillow. "Actually, I sort of meant the other thing."

"Other thing?" Shepard asked softly, her words muffled by the pillow.

"You said you'd never..."

"Oh," Shepard frowned, realization dawning. "Uh, I said 'technically.' Technically. As in, I, um... yeah. Just technically."

Shepard paused there, hoping Kaidan wouldn't press for details. She still couldn't believe she'd admitted even a fraction of her awkward history to Kaidan. In the past, things had always fallen apart shy of the main event. Her biotic powers seemed to flare whenever she lost her cool, and that always freaked guys the hell out. No matter what they said beforehand, they always stopped the moment the static kicked in.

But Kaidan hadn't minded the static, Shepard thought, or the heat, or the slight shift in gravity, just mild enough that they'd tumbled onto the bed for support. In fact, he'd taken it all in stride and then some. His powers had met her own in a way that had driven her crazy. Hell, if she'd realized this was possible between two biotics, she might have tried to date a biotic long ago. Then again, Shepard thought, opening her eyes to look up at the man gazing down at her, just any old biotic wouldn't do. At least not anymore.

No, Shepard thought, it definitely had to be Kaidan.

"Okay, sure," Kaidan said, evidently still concerned. "But the transition from 'technically' to 'actually' didn't hurt, did it?"

"That's my medic," Shepard said teasingly. "Always looking out for me."

"I'm serious, Shepard. I was pitching a frequency that was..."

"It's okay," Shepard assured him. She propped herself up on her elbow beside him and gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I know your biotics, Kaidan. I've worked with you in the field for how long now?" She reached out to brush her fingers against his cheek. "It takes a while to feel out a frequency, yeah, but I know where yours is at."

"Just wanted to make sure you were alright," Kaidan told her, his worried expression easing.

"I'm fine," she assured him.

There was a pause in which Kaidan considered her words. "Just fine?"

Shepard let her fingers trail down to his mouth and brushed her thumb over his lower lip. "Just fine," she said. Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"But only fine?" he asked.

Shepard chuckled as she let her hands drop. "Are you fishing for compliments, Alenko?"

"Just wanting a status update, ma'am," Kaidan replied evenly, but a slight curving of his lips gave him away. "I mean, I told you that you were pretty incredible, but I'm still waiting for my performance evaluation here."

Shepard snorted loudly. "You are such a _guy_, Kaidan," she said, breaking into a laugh.

"Well?"

"Do you really need to ask? Let me put it this way: it's a good thing you kissed me when you did, otherwise I'd have screamed loud enough to bring the entire ship running. Is _that_ what you wanted to hear?"

Kaidan eyes lit up and a slow grin spread over his face. "Yeah?"

"Yes, _yeah_," Shepard rolled her eyes. "And don't tell me you don't know it. You were absolutely... incredible, to use your own words. You know you were. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Only if it's true," Kaidan replied.

Shepard smiled, then reached out and wrapped her arm around his neck. "It's true," she said, looking him right in the eye. For one long moment, she searched his dark eyes, then her smile grew sad.

"God, I wish we had more time."

Kaidan stilled.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I shouldn't have brought that up."

"Why not?" Kaidan said, his throat sounding tight. "It's true. We have..." He let out a long sigh. "We have a lot to do."

"Kaidan, you are the master of the understatement."

He gave her a wry smile and a shrug.

"I wish..." Shepard began. She broke off and shook her head, "I really wish that we'd done this earlier."

"You know why we didn't."

"Regs," she said quietly.

"Regs," Kaidan agreed.

"I know," Shepard sighed. "Believe me, I know."

"If it weren't for the fact we're already breaking so rules many to pull off this mission..."

"You wouldn't have come here tonight?" Shepard suggested softly.

"Not tonight," Kaidan agreed. "But eventually, I would have. Shore leave, you know."

"Yeah," Shepard said, pursing her lips. "But if that was our plan..." She frowned. "I suppose I should have seen this coming. I suppose I should have requested a transfer for you a while ago."

Kaidan stiffened and pulled away from her. "A transfer?"

"As soon as I started having feeling for you, really. That's the official way to deal with these things, right?"

Kaidan's jaw tightened and his eyes filled with hurt. "Is _that _what you're going to do?" he choked out. "You're going to _transfer_ me? I mean, for you to be with me like _this_ and then for you to just shuffle me off... God, Shepard, I thought..."

"No!" Shepard said hastily, holding up a hand, then letting it drop to his chest. "No. Hear me out." Kaidan gave her a wary look, so she pressed on: "I have no intention of losing you, Kaidan. Now or ever. When I think of what we have to do, of what's at stake..." She broke off and shook her head.

"No," she said firmly. "I need you. On the team and as a soldier. I'm not going to punish you for this."

Kaidan looked at her for a moment. "That's what I meant, you know," he said, his voice low. "When I said this couldn't change things. Well, it's mostly what I meant. I don't want to lose my posting here. I don't want to lose _you_, Shepard. I mean..." He cleared his throat. "I don't want to leave the Normandy. This is the best assignment I've ever had."

"This?" Shepard asked doubtfully. "Committing mutiny in order to stop a rogue Spectre from allowing the Reapers to enter directly from dark space into the heart of the galaxy? _This_ is your best posting?"

"I didn't say it was the easiest," Kaidan replied, folding his arms over his chest. "But yeah, if this is where the real fight is, you'd better believe this is where I want to be."

Kaidan cocked his head at her, his stance exactly the same as when he was arguing some point in the comm room during a meeting. He wore a look of confidence that bordered on stubbornness, apparently unconcerned with the fact that he was completely naked. Shepard gazed at him fondly, sure that her admiration was written all over her face.

"And this is why I want you with me, Kaidan," she said. "You'd march right into the fight even if it was the end of the world."

"Come on, Shepard," Kaidan said with a shrug. "So would you. So would Garrus or Wrex or even Liara. Anyone on this ship would do that."

"And that's why they're here," Shepard agreed. "That's why _you're_ here. So believe me when I say that I don't plan on giving you up, no matter what happens. Besides, I'm a Spectre now, so officially I'm outside the chain of command..."

"Yeah, but I'm not," Kaidan reminded her.

"I know," Shepard gave him a sad smile. "But we'll figure it out. If we get that far."

"You'll get that far," Kaidan told her. "If anyone can, it's you."

"It's us," Shepard said. She considered him a long moment, then ran her fingers through the hair at his temples. He had a single gray hair there, standing out amongst the black strands in the low, blue light of the room. Shepard figured that must be a recent addition. Given the past few months, it was hardly surprising. Still, she hadn't noticed it before.

"You know," she said aloud. "For all the time we've spent together, I feel like I never knew you before tonight, Kaidan."

Kaidan gave her a strange look. "How so?"

"I don't know. I just..." She gave a small, one-shouldered shrug. "I knew you one way as a soldier. I knew you a different way as a friend. But tonight, I guess this is just a side of you I've never seen. And I'm glad I saw it, and I'm not just talking about seeing you out of your armor, though God knows, I like that."

Shepard smiled and let her hand drop. Kaidan took her hand in his, but continued to give her a searching look. Shepard's brows drew together as she realized how badly her words were falling short of what she wanted to say. She wished she could convey the sensation that Kaidan had not only drawn some inner part out of her, but had somehow made that inner part of her into a part of _him _and... Yeah, that sounded strange and was probably best left unsaid. Words were evidently not her strong suit, now or ever.

"I guess what I mean is," Shepard said, charging on, "is that I'd wondered for a long while now what you'd be like in bed..." She broke off when Kaidan's eyebrows shot up. "Uh... never mind."

"Don't stop now, Shepard," he said, his startled expression now growing intrigued. "Go on."

"Well, now that I know you in the Biblical sense..."

Kaidan gave her a curious look. "The what now?"

"You know that saying?"

"Uh, no, can't say that I do. That some kind of colony euphemism?"

"Not really. It's just a thing in scripture when prudish translators don't want to write 'and then so-and-so got some.'"

"I haven't done much reading on the subject, but I imagine 'got some' would sound kind of strange in the Bible."

"There's more sex in there than you'd might think," Shepard chuckled. "When I was a teenager back in that stuffy, white-walled chapel on Mindoir, I used to snicker every time I heard the pastors read, 'And then he went unto her and he _knew_ her.' I mean, really. Who do they think they're kidding? But," she shrugged, "maybe there's something to that after all. 'Cause I kept wondering how it would be with you. And now I know. In the Biblical sense, you see."

"I see." Kaidan paused, then asked. "So, now that you know...?"

"Hmm?"

"Come on, you can't say you wondered how I'd be and then not tell me what you decided."

"Still fishing for compliments, Kaidan?"

"_You_ brought it up."

"Fine." Shepard fixed him with a considering look and Kaidan sat up a little straighter, shoulders back. "Well," she said, "I kept wondering if you'd be relaxed like you are when you're off duty or intense like you are when you're concentrating. I was wondering if I'd get the friend or the soldier, if I'd get the biotic or the tech guy."

"And?" Kaidan prompted when she didn't go on.

"And I didn't think it was possible, but I got both." She smiled. "I like both."

Kaidan gave her such a satisfied look that she snorted with laughter. "Okay, and now I've gone and inflated your ego."

"Among other things."

"Oh really?" Shepard asked, looking down to his lap to check.

"So," Kaidan asked, his voice nonchalant, "When were you doing this wondering about me and my bedroom capabilities? Was that at the same time we were out fighting for our lives against the geth, or was it one of the times I awkwardly attempted to flirt with you?"

"I think it was pretty much always," Shepard admitted, glancing away.

"Good," Kaidan said firmly. "Because I can't think of a time that same question wasn't somewhere in the back of my mind."

"Yeah?" she asked, looking back at him.

"Yeah. Usually at the front of my mind, too. I wanted you from the moment I met you."

"That soon, huh?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Awfully presumptuous of you, lieutenant."

"Always," he replied. "I'm surprised you didn't have me court-marshalled for it, commander."

"I couldn't tell, actually."

"You must be joking."

"You're kind of hard to read, too, Kaidan."

"Not as hard as some," he replied quietly.

"Well, for the record, I wanted you pretty much from the start," Shepard told him honestly.

"Sure you're not just saying that to spare my feelings?"

"After all this time and all the crap we've been through?" Shepard shook her head firmly and pulled Kaidan forward into her embrace. He followed her down onto the bed, and she found herself looking up at him once more.

"After we got our biotics in tune both on the battlefield and off?" Shepard leaned up to give him a long, lingering kiss that left the both of them breathless and the room crackling with the onset of biotic energy.

"After you finally got through to me in a way nobody ever has?" she murmured against his mouth.

Shepard pulled back to gaze into Kaidan's eyes for a moment, and suddenly felt as though her heart had grown about three times too large for her ribcage.

"Come on, Kaidan," she whispered softly, "You know me better than that."

* * *

><p><em>invasion day, 0935 hours<em>

* * *

><p><em>You know the commander?<em>

_I used to._

Kaidan strode down the hallway as if he could outrun the stupidity of those words.

Really, Kaidan thought wryly. _I used to. _What an understatement _that_ was.

Yeah, Kaidan mused as he rounded a corner, he used to know Shepard. He used to know her in the most basic sense: he'd served with her and they were acquainted. And he _used_ to know her, in the sense that his knowledge belonged to the past and he often felt that he had no idea who Shepard was anymore. But he also used to _know_ Shepard, with full, innuendo-laden meanings thereof. And just now, when some soldier had asked him a completely innocent, reasonable question, Kaidan had stuck his foot in his mouth and nearly let slip his secret of the past three years.

_I used to._ Honestly.

Thankfully, Kaidan had gotten out of the courtroom antechamber before that soldier could ask anything more. He'd muttered something about serving on the original Normandy and then excused himself, saying he had to use the toilet. Where the toilet was, however, Kaidan hadn't a clue, nor did he care. He just need to get away to a quiet spot where he could let himself think. He hadn't been able to think very clearly back in that room, after all.

It was ridiculous, really, Kaidan thought as he slipped past a group of soldiers who were blocking the hall as they listened to orders from their squad leader. There was clearly a crisis at hand, and more than that, the crisis might very well be due to the arrival of the Reapers. His own personal life - or lack thereof - shouldn't qualify as a primary consideration or even a secondary one. Hell, it shouldn't even be on his radar. And besides, he'd had plenty of time to deal with his feelings for Shepard. By now, the memories should have faded. By now, the thought of her shouldn't send him into a fog, wondering what went wrong. And the very sight of her shouldn't hit him like a punch to the gut.

But it did. It had.

He supposed he should have been prepared for it. He knew Shepard was somewhere around Alliance HQ, after all. For a moment there this morning, he thought he spotted her. He saw some blonde looking out of a window as his shuttle had flown over the complex, anyway. But knowing he might see her and actually seeing her were two different things, apparently.

So when Kaidan had come out of that meeting with the admirals and Shepard was there, just right _there,_ he had frozen. He had been paralyzed by the overwhelming thought that Shepard really was alive - that her survival wasn't just something his brain had come up with to spare him continual guilt and pain. And somewhere in all of that, a greeting escaped his lips. Kaidan croaked out her name as if the word had grown thistles and lodged itself somewhere halfway down his throat.

Then Shepard turned around and Kaidan had fully expected to be struck dumb by her beauty.

Only he wasn't.

There might have been a spark of something when she first spotted him over her shoulder, but by the time she faced him, an icy mask had fallen over her features. A wary distrust filled her eyes and Kaidan was left wondering if she had always looked that tired, that utterly jaded. There were dark circles under her eyes and some fine lines around her mouth that hadn't been there before. Her hair had grown out since the last time he had seen her, which was to say she was no longer bald as a biotic cultist. But she looked older, frankly, as though the last year had aged her by a decade.

Was it time that had dimmed the fire inside of her, Kaidan wondered, or was it Cerberus? He found himself paralyzed again, but this time from disappointment and confusion.

As for Shepard, she walked up to him with an attitude so aloof and guarded that Kaidan noticed little else. Even when Anderson asked him questions about the meeting, Kaidan had a hard time dragging himself back to the immediate conversation. The next thing Kaidan knew, Anderson had announced Kaidan's promotion to major. Shepard started at that, emotion finally peeking through the mask, but then she did the oddest thing. She closed her eyes briefly and muttered:

"Of course. _Major_. Damn Alliance database queries."

Kaidan had no idea what _that_ was supposed to mean.

He had muttered something like an apology, though what he was apologizing for, he couldn't say. Shepard had responded with a thin half-smile and for a moment, she almost - _almost - _looked like her old self again.

"It's been a long time, Kaidan," she said.

But then she frowned, like she had caught herself being friendly and couldn't allow that to happen. Suddenly, the shutters closed again and the light in Shepard dimmed. Then Anderson had whisked her away and the moment ended. The reunion Kaidan been looking forward to for months was over and done.

Kaidan shook his head and resumed his pace over the skybridge to the next building. That was the problem, really. He had been looking forward to a reunion with Shepard for so long that his expectations had been raised pretty high. But _that_ reunion back there was just so...so... pedestrian_._

He was _supposed_ to have met Shepard in Rio. He was supposed to greet her shuttle at the landing pad, preferably in his dress blues. He was supposed to have reservations at a nice beach-side restaurant and she was supposed to have worn a sundress... Okay, maybe that last one was a stretch, considering it was Shepard he was dealing with, but hell, they were supposed to have _time_ at the very least.

But instead of a rose-colored sunset, he and Shepard had met under the garish fluorescent lighting of the courtroom antechamber. Instead of privacy, there had been a small crowd of people urging them in opposite directions. Instead of having something charming or clever to say, Kaidan had just stood there like a stone and Shepard had stared at him like a stranger.

Kaidan had to admit that it wasn't the _worst_ reunion he could imagine. In fact, he could imagine a worst reunion with startling clarity. It had already happened about a year ago on a remote colony called Horizon.

Looking back, Kaidan couldn't remember exactly what he'd said back on Horizon. He just remembered saying it in anger. But Kaidan most certainly remembered that feeling of complete and utter betrayal: that after two years of believing Shepard to be dead, she wasn't. She had an explanation, but it involved comas and terrorists and being rebuilt into an L5 biotic and Kaidan could hardly believe that she'd put him through two years of hell for _that_.

Kaidan halted suddenly as he came to a crossing in the hall. The skybridge met with another corridor that curved around a corner to his left and led off into a block of offices to his right. Before him was a wide glass doorway that opened onto what appeared to be a dining hall. The bright sunshine might have lent it a cheerful air if not for the sterile decor: metal tables and chairs, a linoleum floor and a far wall made entirely made out of windows.

Kaidan had no idea which direction to go, so he let his steps slow to a stop outside the dining hall doors. There, he stared off into space, his mind still wandering.

Because now that he thought about it, Kaidan felt he had finally come to the heart of the matter: he had _trusted _Shepard. He'd trusted her as he'd never trusted anyone before or since. That had been the foundation of everything that had grown up between them. In friendship, in sex, as a soldier, as an officer, he had trusted her.

And then, when he'd seen her on Horizon, that trust had been torn out by the root and tossed aside. It left a gaping hole in him that nothing seemed to fill. Shepard's death had nearly destroyed him, but her survival hadn't healed him. Instead, it left him in ruins.

He still had feelings for Shepard, Kaidan realized, but he had no trust. What the hell was a guy supposed to do with _that_?

* * *

><p><em>They still don't trust me<em>, Shepard thought, glaring up at the admirals as they whispered behind their tall desk. _There's no time left to prepare and they _still_ don't trust me._

She couldn't see the admirals' faces very well from down here, but she could hear the condescension in their voices, right along with the fear. It seemed like this meeting was turning into a popularity contest, with her the losing contestant.

"Where is Admiral Hackett?" Anderson muttered next to her. "Surely he's got the information they want."

"The problem doesn't appear to be intel," Shepard murmured back, nodding to the technicians. "They've got that in spades."

"True enough," Anderson murmured wryly.

No, intel wasn't the problem, Shepard thought with a scowl. She didn't have the details on whatever Liara had found on Mars, but there was still plenty of other data. EDI's hard drive held codes for Reaper IFF frequencies, diagnostics on Reaper shield technologies, and Reaper laser cannon schematics and Shepard had a copy of Liara's three volume series on the Prothean extinction cycle on her datapads.

But more than that, Shepard had the proof right in her own head. The Prothean visions gave her a knowledge of the Reapers like no one else had - save Liara, of course, who had touched her mind long enough to catch a glimpse.

Shepard hated the nightmares the visions gave her, but she'd endured them for months now with recon in mind. She'd followed Liara's advice and written down everything she saw in her dreams. Some of it was clearly stuff from her own head: visions of Mindoir burning, the Batarians, the cages, the empty colonies and piles of dead bodies in a ship built like a hive. But there were Prothean memories jumbled in there, too: command posts hit in the first wave, colony worlds left for last, indoctrinated refugees giving away the location of hidden bases until all the spacefaring worlds were wiped clean.

There was a method to the Reapers' holocaust, and Shepard was the only person who had insight into it. She intended to use that knowledge, as soon as she could sort out a pattern. Understanding how the Reapers fought could be the difference between survival and annihilation.

The trouble was, however, that the admirals had called her in here and they still didn't seem to be ready to listen to her. They still didn't believe her.

And neither did her former friends, Shepard thought with a scowl. Kaidan's face came unbidden to her mind, as did the meeting that had happened just minutes before in the hallway outside. Kaidan had looked so wary, so judging. And it wasn't like she had been given any time to explain herself, either, Shepard reflected. Running into him like that had to be the worst reunion in the history of reunions.

No, Shepard reminded herself. There had been Horizon.

Right, she thought. There was that.

It was one thing to know Kaidan was in Vancouver and another thing entirely to actually run into him. It was one thing to know that he had a deep, raspy voice that reminded her of bedroom sighs and groans and another entirely to hear that voice call her name from across a crowded room. It was one thing to know his eyes were a deep, whiskey brown and another to see them narrowed at her as if he was weighing her every move. And it was one thing to know she was under constant surveillance here at HQ and another entirely to have Anderson and James both standing right there beside her. Was it any wonder then, that she'd frozen up like an idiot and barely managed to force a few inane words past her lips?

Of course, Kaidan, damn him, looked as handsome and composed as ever. _He_ wasn't wearing a sweatsuit. He wasn't a current resident of Alliance Command's detention wing. No, he was walking around free and clear and properly dressed, just like an officer ought to be. And, as always, he had acted perfectly charming. He'd even been promoted to a major, for God's sake. Which, come to think of it, explained why he hadn't shown up in the databases yesterday when she'd asked the secretary to look him up.

Shepard for her part, had completely choked. She'd muttered a few awkward, non-committal greetings and then she'd opened up her mouth and said, "It's been a long time, Kaidan."

Mortification swamped her as she realized the last time she'd said those words: that horrible meeting on Horizon, where everything had gone so wrong. But if Kaidan remembered, he didn't say anything. He didn't really have a chance to. Anderson had reminded her of the meeting and she had forced herself to return to the task at hand. There were, after all, more important things to do. There were always more important things to do, she thought bitterly.

But then, Shepard recalled, her mind drifting back to that meeting once more, there had been a moment there, right at the end, when Kaidan had smiled at her. His smile had lit up the entire room, cheap military lighting notwithstanding.

It was a small thing, that smile. But maybe, just maybe, it meant that meeting hadn't gone as badly as she thought.

* * *

><p>Yeah, Kaidan thought to himself, that meeting really had gone horribly wrong from start to finish. And the most embarrassing thing was that his body was in disagreement with his mind, apparently. His body seemed to think that the reunion had gone wonderfully.<p>

Because when Shepard walked by with that pained half-smile, Kaidan had fought back the sudden urge to reach out and grab her arm, to just pull her away to a quiet corner where they could...talk.

Okay, Kaidan admitted. Talking had not been on his mind just then.

For as Shepard walked away, Kaidan's eyes had traveled involuntarily down from her face to her rear end and he found himself staring after her backside for a moment before the doors to the committee chambers slammed shut. Even in sweatpants, maybe _especially_ in sweatpants, Shepard's posterior was remarkably toned. He'd kind of forgotten that. He'd also forgotten how tall she was - the better to glare directly into the eyes of anyone who presumed such a thing. Or how long limbed she was, the better to wrap her arms and legs around a guy. And all that long, lean body had sauntered off with a graceless swagger that looked far more athletic than alluring.

Kaidan figured most guys wouldn't appreciate a woman who walked like Shepard did, but he had to admit, he kind of liked it. Shepard always carried herself as if she assumed she was the toughest person in the room and she defied anyone to test her on that. Her confidence had been her most attractive feature at first, long before Kaidan had become partial to her pale, irregular features. So when Shepard walked away in that stomping gait that made her rear end swing side to side...

Kaidan stopped himself with a scowl. Really, he thought, this was ridiculous. Still, he could hardly blame his body for the impulse. It knew what it wanted. And the last three years had been very long in that regard.

Shepard gave herself a small shake, forcing her mind back to the present. The admirals were still whispering amongst themselves, even though the technicians on one end of the room were looking back and forth at one another's computers and frowning.

Clearly, Shepard told herself, she needed to get her head back to the task at hand, not dwell on the mistakes of five minutes ago - or a year ago or even three years ago.

Kaidan didn't fit into her life anyway, Shepard told herself firmly. She should have known better than to mess around with someone under her command. She should have known better than to flout regs. Actually, she _did_ know better. She had just been on such a hormonal high at the time that she didn't care.

Though even as she thought that, Shepard knew she was partially lying to herself. Yes, she'd made some really, _really_ stupid choices where Kaidan was concerned, but it had been more than hormones that drove her. Because there had been far deeper reasons that she had stayed with Kaidan, even when she knew it was wrong.

Being with Kaidan had been like finding the right biotic pitch to cast a combination attack on. You couldn't say it; you couldn't see it, but it was there, just as real as anything. For one brief, blessed moment, she had connected with him. She felt like he understood her, through and through. It was silly and romantic and utterly unlike anything Shepard had ever experienced in the long, cold, professional stretch of her life before or since.

And now she had to return to that professionalism, Shepard told herself sternly. Because even if she did manage to catch up with Kaidan and persuade him to trust her again, what would come of it? She was incarcerated. _That_ was going to put a serious crimp in her style. And even if she got reinstated any time soon, she couldn't very well ask Kaidan to drop whatever posting he now had as a major and just follow her around being her dirty secret. He deserved better than that. She only wished she'd treated him better than that right from the beginning.

It didn't matter, Shepard told herself firmly. As she waited for the admirals to finally turn back to the task at hand, she realized that it really didn't matter what she'd done: back three years ago or even just now in the hallway.

Because if the Reapers were well and truly on their way, then she had no time to set things right. If the Reapers were here, there was time left to fight for survival, and nothing more.

* * *

><p>The most depressing thing was, Kaidan thought, staring distantly at the windows on the far end of the mess hall, that the reunion back there might very well be the last time he would ever see her.<p>

Horizon had been awful, true, but even then, Kaidan had been sure he'd see Shepard again. He had no idea why he'd assumed that, but he had. He doubted he would have gotten so angry if he'd truly thought it was his last chance to speak with her. But now, a battle was brewing. If the Reapers were on their way, then Kaidan would be sent back to Rio and deployed with his unit. He might be leaving this very afternoon. As for Shepard, well, she'd probably be reinstated and sent off with the Normandy, right? That seemed most likely.

And he probably wouldn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

"Hey!"

Kaidan started as someone elbowed him hard in the shoulder. He winced and stepped aside, thinking it was just an accident from some person in a hurry. But then Kaidan realized the offending soldier hadn't moved on.

"You lost?" the guy asked. Kaidan turned to find a tall, broad shouldered Marine in a white t-shirt looking at him expectantly. It took a second for recognition to dawn.

It was the guy who'd asked Kaidan about knowing Shepard. Great. Of all the luck.

"Uh, no," Kaidan replied cautiously. "Not lost."

"Oh, well you were just standing here like you didn't know which way to go."

"Just trying to figure out what to do with myself," Kaidan replied. He almost kicked himself for that remark. Yet another understatement for this guy to have a field day with.

But then again, Kaidan thought, now that he got a good look at the guy, this soldier didn't seem the type to pick up on subtle double-speak like _"I used to,"_ and _"Just trying to figure out what to do with myself." _In fact, everything about the guy was most decidedly _not_ subtle, from his wide muscles to his tight shirt to the tattoos creeping out of his collar along his neck and all up his forearms.

"Yeah," the guy said with a knowing nod. "That's the brass for you. Call you in, then let you sit for the whole day. Or longer. They don't give a damn about anybody's schedule but their own."

At the soldier's words, Kaidan relaxed. Yeah, this guy was definitely not one to pick up on conversational undertones. He didn't seem dumb, exactly, but neither did he seem insightful. Thank God for that.

"You have experience with that, I take it?" Kaidan asked, glad to continue the conversation along those lines.

"Me? I'm always on someone else's schedule. Pretty annoying, really. Looks like I have an hour or so to kill. Think I'm gonna get something to eat. Wanna join me? I hate eating by myself."

"Is it lunch time already?" Kaidan asked, checking his omnitool.

"It's always lunchtime," the guy replied. "Besides, since all the brass are in town, they're bound to have something decent on the menu." He slapped Kaidan's shoulder with the back of his hand and started to walk toward the mess hall doorway. Then he seemed to catch himself, turned around and stuck out his hand. "Oh, I'm James, by the way. Lieutenant Vega, if you want to get technical. But James works."

"Major Kaidan Alenko," Kaidan replied, shaking the offered hand.

"Major?" The guy - James - started at that. "Oh, shit! I mean, ah..." He yanked his hand out of Kaidan's grip and saluted hastily, then dropped his hand with a cough. "Sorry about that. Didn't realize you were so high in the ranks. Thought you were just a grunt like me."

"Staff Lieutenant is hardly a grunt job," Kaidan replied. "I remember those days, myself." He tried not to think overmuch about that time - tried and failed. "So," he said, trying to leave thoughts of serving with Shepard behind for the moment. "Am I uninvited to lunch now?"

"Uh..." James hesitated, then shrugged. "No sir. I don't mind. So long as you don't mind that I'm likely to cuss my way through the meal."

"I think I can handle that," Kaidan replied evenly.

"Alright then," James said, but he looked a little more nervous than before. "Alright. Let's get lunch. I'm hoping it's roast beef. The actual cow kind." He clapped his hands and rubbed them together, then took off for the lunch counter.

Kaidan stared after the guy - James, he corrected himself - for a moment more before he shrugged and followed after. What else was he going to do while he waited? Stand here and think melancholy thoughts about Shepard? That was hardly a way to spend the morning.

Besides, roast beef was roast beef. A Marine couldn't argue with that.

* * *

><p>Shepard shifted her weight from one foot to the other. It was the only sign of anxiousness that she dared to show. Beside her Admiral Anderson remained stock still; the admirals were still deliberating amongst themselves behind their giant desk. The technicians, however, looked decidedly nervous. A few of them were muttering together and looking over at one computer station in particular. All at once, the woman sitting at that computer station jumped to her feet.<p>

"Sirs, ma'am," she said, her voice rising in alarm. "We finally have a signal. U.K. headquarters is using one of the old radiowave channels, but it..."

"Put it on screen," the bald admiral commanded. The woman did so at once.

"It's just a visual," she explained, "The sound feed is still..."

The woman broke off as the largest screen in the room filled in with the image of a man's face. The building behind the soldier was burning as he screamed noiselessly into the camera. Suddenly the scene cut to black as the signal dropped out.

Every technician in the room stood in alarm. Shepard, already standing, stared numbly at the words that flashed across the screen:

_Signal Loss_.

Shepard instantly guessed what that meant.

The invasion wasn't just weeks away, she thought wildy. It wasn't days away. Holy hell, it probably wasn't even hours away. It was happening _now_.

Shepard could scarcely breathe. She thought the brass would give her time to deliver her intel, but they hadn't even given her that. A sudden fury filled her. She couldn't believe their stupidity, but some of her anger was also directed at herself. She had been so trusting of them, so sure they'd come round in the end. She hadn't pushed nearly as hard as she ought to have. She simply hadn't seen the sands of the hourglass running out.

"What do we do?" one of the admirals called out.

Shepard turned around, astonished to find that he was looking at her.

_Really_? a part of her mind distantly asked. _They're asking _now?

Shepard strode right up to the desk and fixed him with a glare.

"How well stocked is the munitions depot?" she demanded.

"The what?" he blinked.

"We need weapons," she replied. She then thought of the huge weapon that Liara had mentioned. Well, weapon-like thing. Whatever. It was weapon-ish, and that suited her purposes just fine.

"We need to get to Mars," Shepard told them. "Requesting permission to take the Normandy to the Archives in order secure Dr. Liara T'Soni and her research data."

"Mars?" one of the admirals blinked.

"What doctor?" another slanted a questioning glance at Anderson.

"What are you talking about, Shepard?" Anderson asked her sharply.

Shepard realized she hadn't explained that part. She hadn't explained much of anything. But right now, she didn't have time to get into all of that.

"We can talk when we're armed," she told them. "For now, we need to get some guns and make sure the Normandy is secure and ready for the mission."

"The fleet is in orbit over earth," one admiral began. "Surely there's no need..."

"That's not enough," Shepard shook her head. "Usual emergency protocols will be useless. We need to evacuate the city, get the civilians out into the countryside, spread out as thinly as possible..."

"I agree," Anderson nodded beside her.

"That's not how we..." the bald admiral began.

"You don't understand," Shepard interrupted. "The Reapers use civilizations against themselves. They round people up in cities, they find them on settled worlds. They herd crowds into a slaughtering ground. We're like mice to them. We stay in a nest in the farmhouse, they catch us. We hide in the fields, it takes time to flush us out."

"Mice?" the bald admiral balked. "You're comparing us to mice?"

"To them, we're less than that," Shepard told him. "You have no idea how futile our usual battle plans are against this enemy. We have to think differently in order to survive."

"You must be joking," the other male admiral laughed, but there was little humor in the sound.

"If you'd paid attention to any of the intel I sent to you," Shepard snapped, her temper getting the better of her, "You'd know that I'm not."

"Shepard's right about that," Anderson agreed. "And more than that, we need help. We need to call on our allies, send word to the Citadel. We need to rally the galactic fleets to meet this enemy head-on."

"And have the turians swarming all over our skies?" the bald admiral scowled. "I think not."

"Don't be stupid!" Shepard glared at him, forgetting protocol in her anger.

"You're going to see a lot more than turian fighters in our skies before too long," Anderson said more diplomatically.

"Send me," Shepard told them. "The Normandy can get to Mars and then to the Citadel faster than any other ship in the fleets. And I can handle the Council." _I hope_, she added silently. Given how badly she was handling this meeting, she didn't entirely believe that.

"The Normandy is being retrofitted," the female admiral told her. "It's not..."

"It's almost done," Shepard interrupted, ignoring the way that the admirals started in surprise to hear that she knew about that. "We need to move now. We don't have any time to waste."

"Clearly, Shepard, your time in the detention wing has done little to curb your impulsive ways," the bald admiral remarked.

Shepard's biotics flared as she felt her temper snap. "Well, it looks like sitting behind that desk has curbed your _balls..._"

"Shepard!" Anderson cut her off. "We don't have time for this," he glowered at her. Speaking more loudly, he fixed his gaze on the admirals. "We need to rally the Council, and with the Sol comms down, we need to send someone in person. I'll go with Shepard, if it will make you feel more comfortable."

"We need you here, Anderson," the female admiral said. "You've already proven invaluable in setting up emergency plans for this eventuality."

"You have?" Shepard said, looking at Anderson in surprise.

"Don't look so shocked," Anderson murmured back. "You're not the only person who's been preparing for the Reapers. "

"Thank God for that," Shepard muttered.

"Shepard's status as Spectre is our best chance to persuade the Council," Anderson informed the room. "They owe her their very lives."

"And she owes them her life as well," the bald admiral countered. "Considering that they chose not to charge her with treason when she joined Cerberus."

"Oh, for God's sake..." Shepard growled under her breath.

"Besides," the female admiral put in, "We need Shepard to give us intel about this doctor person and Mars. Someone else can go in her place. Perhaps that soldier we just heard from: Major Alenko, was it?"

"Yes, that makes more sense," the bald admiral nodded. "Send him. Someone call the man back in."

Shepard gritted her teeth. While she felt better about handing this mission over to Kaidan than anyone else, it grated on her that she was being cut out of the loop here. At least Kaidan knew the Normandy, Shepard thought. He also knew Liara and had met the Council he could keep his temper better than she could. He'd manage things fine.

So now she just had to sit through another awkward meeting with him as he took over her mission because the Alliance admirals still didn't trust her.

Lovely, Shepard thought. Awkward meetings seemed to abound today. But what else could she do?

* * *

><p>"Hey," James whispered to Kaidan as they stood at the lunch counter, waiting for one of the cooks to return and serve them. "Sign says two sandwiches a person. Be sure and get two. If you don't eat the second one, I want it."<p>

"You want three sandwiches?" Kaidan asked him, dubiously.

"Hey, I'd take four," he shrugged. "Okay, that might be pushing it. Can't eat quite as much as Shepard can, but I come close."

"Shepard still eats a lot?" Kaidan couldn't help ask.

"Like a horse," James snorted. "Must be a biotic thing. But you probably knew all about her biotics, serving with her. Hey, actually, I wanted to ask you a question about her."

And here was the conversation Kaidan had been hoping to avoid. Maybe he'd read this James wrong and the guy was going to turn out to be insightful after all.

"Don't know what I can tell you about Shepard that she couldn't tell you about herself," Kaidan said, noncommittally.

"She doesn't talk much," James said. "She's pretty quiet."

"Really?" Kaidan frowned. "That doesn't sound like...Well," he amended. "That sounds like the old Shepard."

"There's an old one and a new one?" Vega asked, chuckling.

"Yeah... I mean," Kaidan shook his head. "Never mind."

Just then, Kaidan's omnitool pinged. He set his tray down on the counter to check it, but by the time he'd pulled up the glowing yellow mitt, the channel was gone. That was strange, Kaidan thought. It must have been a mistake. Before he could check to see who had sent the message, James elbowed him again, catching his attention.

"See," the Marine said, "I really want to know about Shepard's training. Did she ever talk about it?"

"Her training?" Kaidan asked. That was not what he'd expected. "You mean her biotic training?"

"Biotics?" James snorted. "Why would I want to know about that? I may eat a lot, but I'm no biotic. No, I mean the N7 training. Did Shepard ever talk about it?"

"Uh," Kaidan had to think for a moment. "No, not really. Why?"

"I've applied," the guy said proudly. "For N7. Just wondering what I can expect."

"Oh," Kaidan said, relieved to find the conversation returning to safer grounds. "Well, I don't know much about the N training program itself, but I'm stationed at the special forces center..."

"Wait," James' face lit up. "You're from Rio?"

"Ah, actually I'm from here, but..."

"Great! See, here's the thing," James cut in. "It's been a long time since I was in the field. Been stuck here _way_ too long and I think I'm losing my edge, you know?"

"Why's that?" Kaidan said. "I mean, if you don't mind my asking. Ground team guys usually get sent back into rotation pretty quickly. They never give a good soldier much leave if they can help it."

"Huh?" James blinked. "Leave?"

"Well if you're not on leave..."

"Wait. You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

James raised his chin in greeting to the cook who had just arrived behind the lunch counter and was pulling on a pair of latex gloves. Then James turned back to Kaidan and explained:

"I'm Shepard's guard."

Kaidan blinked at that. "Her _what_?"

"Guard," James replied. "Extra protection against the Batarians, watchdog to make sure she doesn't, I dunno, do whatever it is the brass thinks she gonna up and do."

"She has a full-time guard?" Kaidan asked, amazed.

"Most-time, guard" James shrugged. "Just when she's out of her cell for the day. Honestly, I'm hoping this ends soon. Six months is a long time to play MP and it's boring as hell. If I'm lucky, I'll hear back from Rio soon and can get some training in before the invasion hits. Then someone else can have this crap posting and I can get down in the field fighting Reapers."

Kaidan fixed the guy a long look, trying to decide if he was braver than most or just clueless about what humanity was up against. James was currently holding up two fingers to indicate how many sandwiches he wanted.

"Don't forget to get that second sandwich," James added to Kaidan in an undertone. "He wants two," he said aloud to the cook.

"Do you have any idea what the Reapers are like?" Kaidan asked James.

"Big and machine-like, I guess," the Marine replied. "The commander isn't supposed to talk about them, but she's said a few things."

"She isn't supposed to..." Kaidan trailed off. The irony of the situation hit him at once. Right now, the brass were talking to her about that taboo topic, when it was probably too late to do anything about it.

"So yeah," James was saying, heading to the end of the lunch counter, "Given my track record, N7 ought to take me. I mean, my sniping isn't up to snuff, but I figure if you can lob a grenade that far, it'll work in a pinch. I'm more a front-line kinda guy anyhow. I think they'll respect that, right?"

Kaidan walked a few more steps in silence.

"Major?" James asked, frowning.

"Beg pardon?" Kaidan blinked and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm a little distracted here. The um, committee hearing. Reapers. Still mulling that over."

"Oh, right," James said, frowning. "Yeah. That's...um... That's a lot of shit to be hitting the fan just now, huh?"

"Yeah," Kaidan said. He let that one word speak for itself.

"Geez," James said, leading Kaidan into the mess hall. "To think Shepard's been right about this all along."

"Yeah," Kaidan said again.

Really, what else was there to say?

* * *

><p>"What do you mean you can't get a message through to Major Alenko?" the bald admiral grumbled to his aide. "Well then, send someone down the hall to find him. Honestly."<p>

He turned and fixed his glare back on Shepard, as if he wanted her to be someone else - as if he wanted her to be saying something other than what she was saying.

_Well screw it_, Shepard thought. She would have told them the same thing months ago if they'd bothered to listen. It's not as if she had ever changed her tune.

Suddenly, Shepard felt a buzzing to split her skull. She gasped at the pain and almost reached for her ears, but she caught herself just in time. She didn't want the admirals thinking she was even crazier than they already seemed to believe.

But when she looked up, the admirals weren't looking at her. Instead, they had stood and were now staring out of the window behind them.

And it seemed that Shepard wasn't the only one who had heard that sound. The buzzing in her skull was underscored by a deep roar, a kind of scream on the lowest frequency a human could hear - probably lower than that, even. The sound shook the entire room.

It seemed to shake the world, Shepard thought.

* * *

><p>Suddenly, James shouted and ducked like he'd hit his head on some invisible doorway. Kaidan winced as a headache hit him at the same time. But unlike his usual migraines, this one seemed to start at the back of his head, like someone had struck his amp jack with a hammer.<p>

"Aaaah, shit!" James yelled. Kaidan just rubbed the back of his head.

"What _was_ that?" James scowled. "That _sound_. It felt like something just got shoved into my ear."

"Sound?" Kaidan asked. "What do you mean sound?"

"What the hell? Didn't you hear it? It was like...? Ah!"

James swore again, and this time, through the headache, Kaidan heard it, too.

It was a sound Kaidan had never been able to forget: a low groan on a pitch that seemed to shake the very core of the Earth, accompanied by a high whine that pierced his head and seemed to skitter down his implant wires. And in the center of it was a buzzing - not a sound so much as a static throbbing in the air around them.

James clutched his ears and looked up at the ceiling. Kaidan threw on a biotic barrier and looked immediately to exits, then to the wall of windows.

And through the glass, Kaidan saw them.

* * *

><p>"Oh my God," one of the admirals breathed, gazing up at the windows. She and the others stared, stupefied, as the dark tentacles of a Reaper slid into view below the clouds.<p>

For one moment, Shepard froze as she registered the familiar sight of the enemy. Then instinct roused her to action. She reached to her hip for a pistol. She had none. Damn. She drew on a barrier, gathered a pulse of biotic energy in her fist and backed toward the door.

"Get moving people," she called out loudly, but calmly. "We need to get to the munitions depot." Beside her, Anderson began to unbutton his jacket, no doubt going for his holster.

"Hey!" Shepard shouted now, deference and protocol entirely forgotten. "Get away from the windows!"

But no one moved. They were all still gaping at the sight of the Reapers descending from the sky, tentacles spread wide, like so many grasping hands.

* * *

><p>Kaidan felt cold fear all along his skin, as if someone had doused him with ice water.<p>

So many of them. Dear God. He hadn't realized there would be so many of them.

"What the hell is that?" James asked, pointing. Kaidan shook his head, tried to answer, but his throat had gone dry.

"Don't tell me those are _Reapers_," James said, his voice sounding as though he was hiding terror under joking irritation. "When Shepard said..."

But at at the same moment, Kaidan saw a red beam flare outside the window.

"Get down!" he shouted.

* * *

><p>"Move!" Shepard yelled. But only she and Anderson had the sense to run.<p>

* * *

><p>Kaidan grabbed James by the shirt and yanked him down beside the lunch counter. At the same time, a claw hit the ground outside, shattering the complex in the same way a skyscraper might if it were flipped upside down and slammed into the street. The shockwave rattled the floor beneath their feet.<p>

The glowing beam swung toward the building. Kaidan threw on a barrier, pushed it outward to include James - and then windows of the mess hall exploded.

* * *

><p>The windows in the council chamber burst in a cascade of glass. The giant desk at the front of the room went whirling end over end through the chamber, crumpling bodies under its weight, tearing out equipment right and left.<p>

* * *

><p>Shepard narrowly ducked it, skidded to a halt just as the thing slammed into the doors, cutting off her escape route. She spun around, saw the second beam of light and then...<p>

_BAM._

* * *

><p>Kaidan held the barrier against the barrage of debris, his ears ringing from the blast, his head aching from the Reaper's cry.<p>

For a moment there was dust and smoke and screams, then silence.

* * *

><p>Shepard clutched her head, distantly aware that she'd stopped falling, distantly aware that someone was calling her name.<p>

* * *

><p>Kaidan opened his eyes and let the barrier drop. Beside him, a scratched and bloodied James Vega unfolded himself from where he'd ducked down into cover and swore:<p>

"_Dios_."

Kaidan followed his gaze. There was nothing left of the mess hall but torn metal tables and an empty hole where the window had once been. James looked half in shock. The feeling was mutual, Kaidan thought distantly.

All of Shepard's warnings had come to life, and they were left standing in the stuff of her nightmares. The sight was enough to force the air from Kaidan's lungs.

_Breathe_, Kaidan told himself, trying to fight for calm.

_Breathe_, he told himself, slowly rising to his feet.

_Breathe_, he thought, looking out on the wreckage of the world outside the windows.

_Just breathe._


	6. Duty

Author's Note: The first fight sequence goes by so quickly in the game that I didn't realize how many questions I had about it until I went to write about it. Why _can't_ Anderson contact the Normandy? Why does Kaidan say that he's 'almost to' the Normandy twice? What are the rest of the soldiers doing during this fight? And what is up with that one kid? (You know which one I mean.)

Anyhow, this is my take on things.

Oh, also Language. It _is_ the end of the world. Expect some folks to cuss.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 6: Duty<em>

* * *

><p>"<em>You know what the difference between a soldier and a civilian is?" Kaidan's father once asked after about three too many beers.<em>

"_I've heard this one before," Kaidan replied, still working on his first beer. They were sitting on the deck, looking out at the Armistice Day fireworks over English Bay. "A civilian never does more than he's paid to do."_

"_No," his father shook his head, oblivious to Kaidan's sarcasm. "No. You're bound to a life of service. That's what it is. You follow orders; you do your job right. You belong to humanity now." He trailed off and squinted, as if he could see his words, hanging in the air before him, and found them deep and ponderous. "You belong to humanity..."_

"_I take it this is your way of saying 'congratulations on making it through Basic,'" Kaidan said, glancing over at him._

"_A soldier's life isn't his own." His father nodded sagely and took another pull of his beer. "That's the true meaning of duty, son, right there."_

* * *

><p>"Holy shit!" James muttered, looking around the wreckage.<p>

"Yeah," Kaidan said, his voice barely audible over the continued roar of the Reaper outside.

Kaidan let his barrier drop at once and looked around the now-destroyed mess hall. Where the window had been a moment ago, the building was now torn open to the world outside. The tables had all been tossed to the far end of the room, a tangled mass of metal and plastic. The cook who had just been serving them a moment before lay in a crumpled in the rubble on the other side of the lunch counter. Kaidan jumped over the counter, dropped to a crouch and rolled the man over. Dead. _Damn_. Kaidan's long-disused medic's training came back to him instantly as he scanned the room for other survivors. There was no one else visible in the mess hall, but there were a number of people clambering out of the wreckage in the hallway beyond.

At that moment, Kaidan realized the attack extended much further than the mess hall.

"Shepard," he breathed. A second thought followed the first: "Dad."

"What do we do?" James asked him.

Kaidan wanted to say that they needed to get to Shepard and make sure she was okay. He also wanted to say that he should call his father and warn his family to leave town. But he knew better than that. Personal concerns came second to duty in a crisis. Every soldier knew that. If he made Shepard his goal right now, he was bound to lose the ability to think clearly. So Kaidan shoved that desire away and made himself picture the most rational course of action instead.

Thankfully, the most rational course of action wasn't too far off from protecting Shepard anyhow.

"We get back to Anderson," Kaidan told James, heading for the door. "He'll have orders for us."

"We aren't going to reach him that way," James said, pointing past him. Kaidan followed his gaze and saw that the skybridge back to the other building had been blown away.

"Damn," Kaidan breathed. He shook his head, then thought of another idea. "I'll hail them. Figure out where they need us." He brought up his omnitool, but stopped when he saw a notice he had half expected:

_State of Emergency declared.  
><em>_Initializing emergency protocols: Please stand by.  
><em>_Error.  
><em>_Unable to access AllliaNet.  
><em>_Please contact your network administrator._

"Network administrator," James said, peering over his shoulder. "Damn it, that building was the one with all the tech guys in it. Now it's shot to hell."

"They're trying to sabotage communications," Kaidan muttered, remembering a similar tactic from all those years ago on Eden Prime.

Back then, of course, Kaidan had been standing right next to the soldiers he was fighting with. Now, however, he needed to reach Anderson and Shepard wherever they happened to be on the battlefield. He tried to acquire a secure comm channel and found nothing but static.

Kaidan frowned. If central dispatch was down, that meant he was reduced to directly hailing Anderson's omnitool via unsecure point-to-point connections, not unlike the old days of walkie-talkies and radios. It was a backup system that he'd never used before. Soldiers were discouraged from using such communications except in a dire emergency - though if anything counted as a dire emergency, this would be it.

Thankfully, as a major, Kaidan had access to all the higher-ranking officers' omnitool addresses. He hailed Anderson's 'tool at once. Mercifully, the man answered immediately.

"Major Alenko is that you?" his voice crackled over the comm.

"It's me," Kaidan said, relief seeping into his voice. "Looks like our secure comm links aren't working."

"Looks like it," Anderson agreed. "What's your status?"

"Uninjured, but surveying a lot of damage," Kaidan replied. "They've taken out the mess hall. Casualties are high; the soldiers are regrouping. What's happening over there?"

"They've taken out the entire Defense Committee," came the grim reply.

"My God," Kaidan rasped out.

All those admirals - dead. He had just been talking to them, too. Kaidan nearly choked on his next question: "And Shepard?"

"She's right here," Anderson replied. "A little dazed, maybe, but she's on her feet. Everyone else just stood and stared as the Reaper came down from the sky. She's the only other one who had the sense to run."

Kaidan let out a breath. Yeah, that sounded like Shepard. Thank God, too.

"We're coming for you, sir," Kaidan told him. "The bridge is out, but if we take the stairs down..."

"Don't," Anderson said shortly. "Debris is blocking the door. We'll have to go through the windows. I'm trying to reach the Normandy, but they aren't answering."

"If the stealth systems are engaged, they wouldn't," Kaidan replied, remembering how things used to work on the old SR1. "It would give away their location to answer an unsecured communication."

"Right," Anderson said. "In that case, we need to get to them on foot. Can you get there?"

Kaidan glanced up at James to see the the lieutenant had heard that question. James nodded. "That way," he mouthed, jerking his head toward the hall.

"We're on our way," Kaidan said. Beside him, James suddenly tensed.

"Good," Anderson replied over the comm. "Shepard and I will meet you at the landing zone. Anderson out."

Kaidan turned to James. The man's mouth was now hanging open.

"What?" Kaidan asked James, letting the comm link drop. Then he looked over his shoulder and his mouth also dropped open. But unlike James, Kaidan had a good idea of what he was looking at and his reaction was one of horrified recognition, not dumbfounded disbelief.

Two white hands grasped the ledge where the sky bridge had been a moment before. Then those white hands hauled an equally white body up into the hallway. The thing looked like a corpse, forced to life by the cybernetic tubes and wiring holdings its rotting body together. And in fact, that's exactly what it was.

Even as Kaidan watched, a second Husk joined the first, and then another and another. The few soldiers that had crawled out of the rubble readied their weapons. The husks rushed into the hallway, a blur of flailing limbs and open mouths. The other soldiers fought back as best they could, with guns if they had them, omniblades if they did not.

Kaidan immediately gathered his biotic energy and rushed into the fray. He tore apart one Husk with a reaving biotic attack, then slashed at the other with his omniblade. Instead of going down, however, the injured Husk grabbed him by the shirt and shook him so hard that Kaidan's teeth rattled together. Kaidan fumbled for a moment, his face turned aside from the roaring mouth, then he wrenched his arms free and slammed the Husk in the face with a biotically powered punch. The thing went down in a heap on the floor. Kaidan scarcely had time to breathe before another Husk launched itself at him, slashing the air with long fingernails. Kaidan stumbled back, pain flaring suddenly across his chest.

Just then, a shot rang out. The Husk's head exploded in a fountain of black and blue gore. The body fell limply to the ground and twitched once. Kaidan took a deep breath, then looked over his shoulder to see James had leveled a gun at the fallen creature.

"What the hell _is_ that?" James asked, staring down at the still, white corpse. His eyes were wide with what appeared to be a mix of fear and fury. "Is that thing _human_?"

"Not anymore," Kaidan replied. He absently brought his hand up to his aching chest, then looked down at himself. The Husk had torn his shirt, leaving scored nail marks across his chest. Thankfully, they didn't look too deep.

"You aren't going to turn into one of them, are you?" James asked. His hands twitched a little, like he was about to lift his gun up to point it at Kaidan, but had caught himself just short of doing that.

"No," Kaidan shook his head. "It doesn't work like that."

The way it worked was much more horrifying, Kaidan thought. The Reapers pinned humans on spikes, running them through with so-called 'Dragon's Teeth' in order to shoot live victims full of cybernetics. The process killed them and turned them synthetic all at the same time.

"You sure?" James asked.

"I'm sure," Kaidan replied.

"Okay," James said doubtfully. He then blinked and cocked his head to the side, as if seeing Kaidan for the first time.

"You're a biotic," he said.

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at that. "You just noticed this?"

"I noticed before," James said defensively. "I just didn't think about it when you were keeping shrapnel off of us with that barrier in the lunch line."

"Yeah, I guess you were a bit distracted, what with losing your sandwiches and all," Kaidan said, completely deadpan. James just blinked at him, then he laughed.

"I guess so," he said, chuckling. "Huh." He looked around, sobering instantly. "So, um, you gonna need a gun or are you just gonna keep flinging that blue stuff around?"

"I could use a gun," Kaidan said.

"Right," James replied, still looking a little dazed. He glanced around, then spotted a guard who lay in the wreckage, impaled on a length of rebar. Ignoring the dead man's twisted corpse, James snagged the guy's assault rifle. He also grabbed the soldier's second pistol and handed it over to Kaidan, then snatched up the few grenades on the guy's belt and carefully stuck them into his own.

Kaidan accepted the gun without comment. He quickly checked the heat sink and sights to make sure it was in working order. Kaidan then looked up and out of the space where the skybridge had been just a minute ago.

It was chaos out there. Screams and sirens blared; buildings had toppled. The Reapers stalked among the skyscrapers, and down in the parking lot, dozens of people foolishly ran toward their cars. Even as they did so, a cluster of Husks ran after them, leaping from car to car like cats chasing after scampering mice. From up here, Kaidan could only watch as a Husk swung its arms once, twice, and then took a woman down to the ground and tore her apart in a spray of blood. A lump formed in his throat, even as his mind swept the image away, shutting it behind a door, along with his feelings.

He couldn't take that in, Kaidan thought. He couldn't feel anything about any of it right now. He couldn't even worry about those people or his father or his stepmother or even Shepard and Anderson. He had a mission and he couldn't afford to think of anything more than seeing his duty done.

Kaidan took a breath and allowed years of training and deference to orders take over. He would have to become like a machine in order to do battle with these machines. He'd have to be like a machine to carry out his duty now.

Get to the Normandy. That was his mission.

Kaidan motioned to James and the two of them took off for the stairs.

* * *

><p>The software contractor winced and ducked as an earthquake-like rumble shook the building. That didn't sound good. Down here in the basement with the servers, it was sometimes hard to tell what was going on above, but that actually sounded ominous.<p>

"Initializing emergency protocols," a cool VI voice spoke into the quiet. "Activating server room lockdown."

"Wait, what?" The contractor looked up, then his horrified gaze slid to the doors. He leaped to his feet and ran for the exit, but a second pair of metal storm doors slid into place. He barely got his hands out of the way in time to keep his fingers from being sliced off.

"Shit!" the contractor hissed. He hit the comm link on his omnitool and snapped into it. "What the hell, guys? I'm still down here!"

There was no response. The contractor cursed again, this time more colorfully, then he fired up his omnitool to hail the comm tower control room.

_Error.  
><em>_Unable to reach central dispatch._

"Oh, shit," he grumbled.

Great, he thought. Now he had no way of knowing what was going on up there or how long he'd be left to rot while this 'emergency' passed by. With his luck, it was probably just a test. Though there had been that shaking rumbling thing. And now, just there, there had been another tremor. It couldn't be a volcano, could it? He knew Vancouver's mountains were all really volcanoes, but he hadn't heard anything about possible explosions. Given how advanced seismology was these days, there should have been a warning on the Alliance News Network this morning at least. Instead, there had been nothing but talk of people having trouble reaching the extranet.

So maybe that was it, the contractor thought. The guys up there must be trying to stabilize the links to the Sol comms. It probably wasn't anything too serious, he assured himself. It was probably just enough for the guys up there to forget he was down here and lock him in for who knew how long.

Not that it mattered, he thought darkly. He had no plans beyond work for the day - or the night, for that matter. He had no one waiting at home for him anymore. So why _not_ lock the chronically single guy in the server room overnight?

Still, the contractor thought, he had no intention of going all morning without coffee. He'd left his double-shot espresso outside on the bench, not wanting to risk spilling it on the servers. It was killing him to think that his brew was going cold just on the other side of those locked doors.

The contractor considered his options. He could get himself out of this a little faster if he just pushed back a bit. And he did know how to push back. He used to be Alliance, after all. He remembered how the systems worked. That's why he'd been hired on in the first place.

The contractor configured his omnitool to directly access the server and logged into the communications network:

_State of Emergency declared.  
><em>_Initializing emergency protocols: Please stand by.  
><em>_Error.  
><em>_Unable to access AllliaNet.  
><em>_Please contact your network administrator._

"What the crap?" the guy blinked. That had to be a mistake. Even as he thought that, another blast sounded overhead. He sure hoped that didn't mean that there had been a major hardware fail in the comm tower. Maybe _that_ was the source of the extranet trouble he'd heard about? It would also explain the lockdown protocols.

But if this was an emergency, then the Alliance emergency communications VIs ought to be kicking in. Only it looked like they weren't. And since he couldn't reach the network, he couldn't get hold of a network administrator.

No, he was just stuck down here with the servers and his omnitool, interrupted in his work to upgrade the Alliance's omnitool software. However, he thought, brightening, that did give him access to a list of all 'tools on the network. Surely he could contact someone directly. He just needed to know who to hail.

"Okay," the contractor said, searching for a list of all online personnel. "Who's left up there? Get ready for a roll call, guys."

* * *

><p>"What the hell are you <em>doing<em>, EDI!" Joker shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Are you planning on keeping us here until the hangar comes down around us?"

"I have engaged our stealth systems, Jeff. Our presence should go unnoticed."

"They could _see_ us in here, EDI!"

"It appears the Reapers are alerted to the presence of organics by heat signatures or broadcast signals. Only co-opted platforms with pre-existing optical units - such as Husks - will 'see' us."

"The Collectors didn't have any trouble tearing us a new one when we were stealthed a few years back," Joker countered. "And those are actual _Reapers_ out there this time."

"That is because the original Normandy's stealth technologies were rudimentary," EDI replied "The old stealth systems were based on Prothean technologies - and so also on Reaper technologies. Also, you did not have _me_ installed on the original Normandy, Jeff. By observing the Collectors and adapting their identify friend-foe protocols, I have made appropriate adjustments. Provided we keep a low profile, I believe we will be safe."

"Believe?" Joker gaped at the control panel.

"Our odds of remaining undetected are 99.97% or better," she clarified. "At least for a short time."

"We don't _have_ time!" Joker scowled. "We need to get out there! Out there in the fight!"

"I am monitoring comm chatter," EDI replied. "While stealthed, I do not wish to accept a direct hail, but I detected an unsecured communication between Major Alenko and Admiral Anderson. It seems they are on their way here."

"What?" Joker said. "Kaidan and Anderson are on their way? Well hell, why didn't you just say so in the first place? 'Stay put, Joker. Your friends are alive and kicking.' _That_ would have been helpful."

"I was in the process of saying this when you..."

"Whatever. Okay, let's get things ready to go."

"Unfortunately, we are stuck," EDI told him. "We cannot loose the docking clamps from inside the ship and all spaceport personnel have either vacated the premises or are dead."

"Ugghhh," Joker groaned. He looked out of the window and could see the short, squat command tower from here. It was a good quarter mile down a tarmac.

"And we've got a skeleton crew that isn't exactly handy with guns," Joker said miserably. "Can't send them out there and expect them to live." He scowled and ran his hands through his hair.

"Damn it all! Where's a ground team when you need them?"

* * *

><p>Kaidan and James raced down the emergency stairwell, taking the steps two at a time. As they reached the landing, James yelled out a string of cuss words and Kaidan stopped short.<p>

Coming the other direction were a couple of five-eyed something-or-others that shot bullets out of their _hands_.

"Dear God," Kaidan muttered, throwing on a biotic barrier.

"Watch out!" James yelled. He shoved himself against the wall of the stairwell, and returned the monsters' hand-bullet fire with a round from his assault rifle. Kaidan joined in with pistol shots and the first creature dropped to the ground.

Instead of advancing up the stairs, however, the second creature just turned to its fallen comrade and _ate_ it. Kaidan and James stood there in shock for a moment.

"What the fuck?" James gaped. "You don't _eat_ your fellow soldier. You sure those things used to be human?"

"Don't think those were," Kaidan said calmly. Thinking on his feet, he used the monster's momentary distraction to give himself time to come up with a new tactic. He quickly configured his omnitool to turn his basic pistol shots into cryo rounds. It was a bit of a hack; it would only allow him to use the snap-freeze attack every few seconds. Still, a frozen Cannibal-thing would sure be easier to crack open with biotics or bullets than a moving target.

Kaidan finished his work and fired off a cryo blast. The Cannibal froze with its mouth half-open around the other Cannibal's head. At the sight of the iced-over monster, James recovered himself enough to run down to the landing below and shatter the thing with a strike from the butt of his assault rifle. The sound of breaking ice filled the stairwell.

James and Kaidan exchanged a grim look, then, by silent agreement, jumped over the bodies and continued on down the staircase.

The last few flights were empty. Kaidan and James burst out into the hallway, ran down a passage, and finally came to the east hangar of the Vancouver Spaceport. The Normandy was in there, the only ship in sight. She was hanging above the concrete floor, suspended by three docking clamps. Alone above the wreckage in the hangar, she looked rather like some sacrificial offering to the gods of spaceflight. Below her milled half-a-dozen of those five-eyed Cannibal things and a handful of Husks.

"Hey!" James yelled to them, displaying more bravery than sense, "Leave our ride alone!"

The Reaper ground forces turned at once. The Husks came running, the Cannibals let out a scream. James just roared back and lobbed a grenade at the advancing Husks. Kaidan pulled a reave transfer on one of the Cannibals and then ducked down into cover to dodge the bullets that came flying back at him.

"Alenko?" Kaidan almost didn't hear the comm link over the gunfire. "Alenko? Can you hear me?"

Kaidan snapped off a cryo attack to freeze a charging husk in place, then fired a round of bullets into its head to shatter it. He ducked back down below an overturned crate and let James take out the next Husk with assault rifle fire.

"Here sir," Kaidan replied.

"I'm setting up a comm frequency," Anderson said. "Patching in Shepard."

"Kaidan," he heard Shepard say, sounding remarkably calm. "You alright?"

Kaidan let out a breath. The relief he felt was like taking a sip of water while running through the desert. He was still parched, but the sound of her voice made his throat feel just a little less tight.

"Fine," he replied. "We're almost to the Normandy. Lieutenant Vega is with me. We're taking heavy fire."

"We're on our way," Anderson said. "We..." The words broke off in silence.

"Anderson?" Kaidan called. "Shepard?" But the link had dropped in a crackle of static.

Kaidan scowled and looked at his omnitool, but didn't have time to configure it for a new channel. James was running low on thermal clips beside him and there were still a handful of Husks left running at them. Hoping beyond hope that Shepard would pull through, Kaidan turned his attention back to the fight in the hangar, feeling like his throat was dry all over again.

* * *

><p>"You haven't forgotten how to shoot, have you?" Anderson shouted. Shepard slammed a spare heatsink into her gun scowled at him.<p>

"Why bother to shoot them?" she snapped. "Those Husks are running _away_ from us. Gonna save my heatsinks for the stuff coming _at_ me."

Just then, however, something caught her eye, moving across the rooftops. Shepard whipped her head around and saw not a Husk, but a child, dashing for the penthouse apartment of the building below them.

_You cannot save him_.

The thought went through her head before she could even rationally analyze it, before she could even see who that child was. She didn't get a chance to look more closely, however, for just then, the kid slipped through the doors into the apartment and a trio of husks clambered up the side of the building and onto the roof.

Shepard dashed to the ladder leading to the roof below and slid down. Anderson followed close behind. Shepard unloaded her clip into one of the Husks. A second Husk turned to her, but it blew apart as Anderson fired a concussive shot into its midsection. That left the third Husk. Shepard pulled the trigger of her pistol, then heard a tell-tale click.

"Aw, damn it," she grumbled. That's what came of wasting clips. With a snarl, Shepard slammed the pistol down on the Husk's face, then side-heel kicked the thing off of the roof. It went flying in a very satisfying way, all flailing arms and legs.

"Heh," Shepard smirked, looking after it. But then her gaze swung upward, to where a Reaper was splashing through the waters of the bay, creating small tidal waves in its wake. It turned toward them, its red laser optic swinging right at the building.

"Shit!" Shepard hissed, running and sliding for cover.

The beam hit the ground twenty floors down, then ripped up the side of the complex. At the same time, the windows of apartment beside her - the apartment the child had just run into to hide - burst open in a rain of fire and glass.

* * *

><p>The blasts rocked the building all the way down to the basement. The contractor tried not to think overmuch about just how much concrete and metal rebar was stacked above him. Unfortunately, his understanding of civil engineering and mathematics was conspiring against him:<p>

_If the average skyscraper weighs about 3000 tons per floor and this building is twenty three stories high..._

_Shut up, shut up, shut up! _he told himself refusing to think along those lines. Instead, he turned his attention to the list of personnel left up there. Or rather, he was watching the list of omnitools online at the moment. A few of the names on the list flickered to green as the soldiers attempted to set up point-to-point communications with one another. The majority remained red-lettered and silent:

_Admiral Abrams offline.  
><em>_Admiral Anderson offline.  
><em>_Admiral Cooper offline.  
><em>_Admiral Chan offline.  
><em>_Admiral Evanovich offline.  
><em>_Admiral Koyev offline.  
><em>_Admiral McLaughlin offline.  
><em>_Admiral Smythe offline.  
><em>_Admiral Thomasin offline.  
><em>_Rear Admiral Akawa offline.  
><em>_Rear Admiral Michalovich offline.  
><em>_Rear Admiral Lansing offline.  
><em>_Rear Admiral Song offline.  
><em>_Captain Adams online.  
><em>_Captain Bahdwar offline.  
><em>_Captain Banks offline.  
><em>_Captain Christophson offline..._

The list went on and on, off the screen.

The contractor swallowed hard. That many of them were offline? He certainly hoped that didn't mean that many people were _dead_. For that many of the brass to be out of commission, well, that was just unthinkable. No, it must be a mistake.

He hoped so, anyhow.

Quickly, the contractor set up a query to search for the omnitools that were still _online_. That list was much shorter. The names flashed up, then flickered away as the people out there tried to hail each other, then spoke for maybe a minute at most before their comm channels got cut down.

_That_ worried him. Volcanoes and failed hardware couldn't actively seek out and shut down point-to-point communications systematically. It all pointed to one thing: this was an attack. Something was out there - a very technologically advanced something - and it was cleverly breaking down the Alliance's ability to coordinate a counter attack by keeping their communications offline.

The soldiers out there were fighting blind, the contractor thought.

Watching the omnitools flicker online and then off, he almost thought he saw a pattern to the madness: the links on higher frequencies would go down first, then the lower frequencies, then the the reverse would be true. It was like someone was sweeping through with a firehose, he thought, washing away the links in steady bursts of static. Maybe if he had more time to analyze this, he could adjust for the tactics...

Suddenly, the contractor stopped short as two new names popped up on to the list of online personnel:

_Admiral Anderson online.  
><em>_Major Alenko online._

The contractor blinked, and then a brief, humorless laugh escaped him.

"Son of a bitch," he said. "You didn't even tell me you were in town."

Typing furiously on his omnitool, the contractor tried a direct hail using an old omnitool address. Maybe, he thought, he could finally figure out what was going on out there. But because the contractor wasn't Alliance anymore, the emergency protocols blocked him from getting through. Apparently, only someone with high-level clearance could hail a ranking officer's omnitool in a time of crisis.

With a determined glint in his eye, the contractor tried a different tack. After all, he'd been sent here to set up omnitool firmware, right? That meant he had a backdoor into every 'tool on the network. And what he was planning to do might be considered a breach of contract, but hey, what was it they said about desperate times and desperate measures? Besides, what use were his more nefarious skills if he never got to use them?

"A hacker's gotta do what a hacker's gotta do," he muttered as he typed. "Alright, Alenko. I hope you remember your old pal, Dean."

* * *

><p>Kaidan started as his omnitool started chiming wildly. He looked down to see an omnitool notification pop up, then another and another. For a moment, Kaidan thought it might be Anderson, contacting him again. Kaidan dropped below cover to check his 'tool. But instead of a message, he saw something else entirely:<p>

_AlliaNet FirmWare Upgrade Notific...(cont.)_

Software updates? Kaidan thought, blinking at the notification. Now? Hell of a time for that. James was shooting down the last of the Cannibals and Kaidan wasn't about to let up his support fire to deal with a software upgrade, of all things. Instead, he glanced around the side of the crate to fire off another round from his pistol.

As he did so, Kaidan heard another software notice arrive, then another and another.

Kaidan ignored the pinging, concentrating instead on a pair of Cannibals that were happily devouring their fallen Husk brethren. Kaidan tore into the one with a reave attack while James shot it with assault rifle fire. That left the second one to charge them both. It got hold of James and clutched at the Marine's throat. Kaidan rushed over and grabbed the Husk from behind. It clung to James, but Kaidan pulled its head back as far as he could and sliced the creature's throat with his omnitool. The blade narrowly missed James's arm and the Husk fell to the ground. James rubbed his now-raw neck and glared at Kaidan.

"A little close there, Blue," he remarked.

"Blue?" Kaidan blinked.

"Yeah," James said. "'Cause you're throwing blue and glowing blue. You know, Blue."

Kaidan looked down at himself and let his biotic barrier drop. "Very original," he said.

"I thought so," James said. "Watch it next time."

"If you don't want them at melee range, then don't fire at the thing I just reaved," Kaidan replied evenly. "Haven't you ever fought with a biotic before?"

"No," James replied.

But before Kaidan could say anything about combining attacks with a biotic for maximum effectiveness, Kaidan's omnitool went up in another round of chiming from all those notifications.

"What's up with _that_?" James asked.

"No idea," Kaidan said, turning his arm over to look. Now that the fight was over, he figured he'd better disable the updates and try to contact Anderson again. He brought up the latest message and actually opened it this time. At once, his eyes went wide.

_AlliaTool FirmWare Upgrade Notification:  
><em>_HEY ALENKO! It's Dean. Emergency channels are down, but I got a link open on channel 8937. I'm at AlliaNet Server lab01-bank15-cpu398. Get on this frequency now. I need to talk to you!_

"Oh my God," Kaidan murmured.

"What is it?" James asked.

"A friend," Kaidan replied. "Guess he's our tech support."

"Tech support would be good right about now," James said, nodding.

Kaidan punched in the frequency and hailed the computer at once. All he heard was static.

"Dean?" he called. There was a moment's silence, then...

"Alenko!" The voice was crackling with static, but it was definitely Dean's. "Geez, took you long enough."

Kaidan let out a sigh of relief. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Could ask you the same," Dean's voice replied. "I got locked in the..." The comm link suddenly went dead.

"Dean?" Kaidan didn't even have time to feel worry, for immediately his omnitool pinged with another update. Kaidan opened it at once.

_AlliaTool FirmWare Upgrade Notification:  
><em>_FFFFUUUUUU... Channel 7094. Same machine._

Kaidan actually chuckled at that. He dialed in the new channel.

"Son of a bitch, that got shut down fast," Dean snapped the moment he got on the comm. "Hadn't had that channel open more than a minute..."

"Where are you, Dean?" Kaidan asked, interrupting the guy.

"Locked in the central server room," Dean replied. "What the _hell_ is going on up there? I got nothing from the comm tower and what I can see from here is list of omnitools that are offline and there's a damn lot of them..."

"Reapers," Kaidan said grimly, cutting him off. "They're here."

"Reapers?" Dead repeated. "That's...That's..." There was a long pause in which Kaidan wasn't really paying attention because he was looking around, trying to make sure the coast was clear in the hangar bay. Then Dean broke back into his thoughts with, "Yeah, that actually explains it. Same jamming frequency as the Citadel attack. I _knew_ that story about the geth being to blame for that was bullshit. Geez! You'd think the brass would have adjusted the VI protocols at least."

"Anderson said he wanted to," James put in. "I'm guessing he never got authorization."

"Well it damn well shows on this end," Dean said, apparently overhearing James' words.

Kaidan gritted his teeth at that bit of information. It seemed that there was a lot of preparation that simply hadn't happened. It wasn't like _he _could have done anything about it, Kaidan thought. He was just in charge of his one unit, after all. Still, it stung to think of how unprepared the Alliance was, to think of how they should have been listening to Shepard's warnings from the beginning.

At the thought of Shepard, Kaidan felt worry seize him again. He ruthlessly pushed that thought aside.

"Reapers. Sweet Jesus," Dean murmured over the comm. "Oh, God, do you think they hit Vegas, too? Because that's where Katie..."

"Dean," Kaidan cut him off. "I'm sorry, but I'm in a hurry. I don't really have time to talk."

"Right," Dean said, "Right, of course not. If it's the Reapers... Okay Alenko, if you can come get me, we can get this thing stabilized. If I have your help and your clearance..."

"I can't," Kaidan said sharply. "I have another mission."

"Okay," Dean said. His voice now sounded oddly hollow. "Mission, right. Son of a bitch. The Reapers. I just hope she's... Doesn't matter. Listen, Alenko. Whatever's out there - the Reapers - whatever - they're fucking up the emergency channels but good. I'm watching these signals get blocked one by..."

There was nothing but silence as the link dropped again. This time Kaidan waited for a just a moment before his omnitool gave him the next frequency to use.

"Damn, that's annoying," Dean said. "Okay, first thing I need is to get into the system. Can you give me access?"

"You don't have access?" Kaidan asked.

"I'm just a contractor now," Dean grumbled. "Took your advice, which was shit, by the way... Never mind. Look. I may not be Alliance anymore, but I'll do what I can to pick up the pieces. Just give me access and I'll see what I can hack together. And if you can get someone to come bust me out of here, I'd appreciate it."

"I don't have access," Kaidan replied, "but I know who does. Patching him in."

* * *

><p>Anderson ducked under Shepard's arm, then stopped as his omnitool comm link blinked bright gold.<p>

"Anderson?" Major Alenko's voice came over the comm.

"Yes major?"

"I'm patching in a friend," Kaidan said. "I think he can help us with the comm situation. Request that you accept his transmission."

"Accepted," Anderson replied. A moment later, a new voice came over the comm, sounding slightly less composed than Kaidan had been.

"Admiral Anderson? Um, this is Ben Dean. Used to be Technicians Chief Dean, worked on the Citadel? I'm a contractor for the Alliance."

"What's this about, Mr. Dean?"

"I'm in the server room," the guy said. "The comm staff is all dead - I think. I'm not sure. I'm going to try and stabilize our comm channels. The Reapers keep cutting through our frequencies. It's like whack-a-mole."

Anderson blinked. "What now?"

"They find our channels, they take them down. They're doing the same thing with any sustained point-to-point unsecured channels like this one. The Alliance comm VI is switching the emergency channel every time we lose connection, but the Reapers just find the new one and shut it down. I'm going to try and override the emergency VI, see if I can find some way of jumping channels before the Reapers figure out what frequency we're on. I'm gonna try and get us some uninterrupted broadcast time at the very least."

"Good," Anderson said, feeling a small jolt of hope at the man's words. It was hard to think of communications when he and Shepard were fighting hand-to-hand against Husks, but clearly they needed communications back online as soon as possible. Many soldiers lives depended on it - many civilians, too.

"There's one problem," Dean went on. "I need authorization to override the emergency communications VI and start messing around in the systems. I'm just a contractor, so I don't have access."

"Understood." Anderson hesitated for only a moment before giving the man clearance. While it was a irregular to give a contractor full access to the systems, even one who was former military, Anderson decided that this was clearly a case where necessity trumped protocol. As far as Anderson was concerned, this Dean had just demonstrated in about thirty seconds that the Alliance shouldn't have let him go so easily in the first place.

"Thanks sir," Dean said. "I'll see what I can do. Also, I'm, um, sort of locked in the server room. If I could maybe get out of here and not starve to death in a room full of machines, that would be great."

"I'll see what I can do," Anderson replied. "But I have a pressing priority right now."

"Right," the contractor muttered. "Okay. Thank you, sir."

Anderson dropped the comm link, then looked behind him. But instead of Shepard standing right there, waiting for him, she wasn't anywhere to be seen. She hadn't even followed him through the door. Anderson tamped down a sudden flare of worry and went back to find her.

* * *

><p><em>Calm down<em>, Shepard told herself as she crouched before the vent. _Take a breath. Don't freak this kid out. You act sharp with him, you're going to scare him away._

"It's okay," she said aloud, trying to soothe her tone, make her face look less like the fierce battle-mask she knew had settled upon it moments before. "I'll get you someplace safe. We can look for your parents from there. You won't find them in that vent, you know." She tried to smile, to make it a joke, but the kid was clearly having none of it.

_So like Matthew_, the thought went through her mind. _He never believed your bullshit stories either. He always saw right through you._

Shepard could only hope this kid was the trusting type. Because if this boy didn't come with her, he wasn't going to make it. It must be some kind of a miracle that he'd survived the blast that had rocked the building moments before. Hiding in the vent seemed to have worked for him though, because he didn't have a mark on him.

Shepard stretched her hand out to him, but the boy just glared at her, his eyes huge and luminous in the darkness.

"You can't help me," he said, his voice hollow, full of despair.

Shepard blinked at the kid, his words surprising her so much that she dropped her outstretched hand.

_Of course I can help_, she almost said in reply. _I'm Commander Fucking Shepard, kid_.

But of course, she didn't say that. She instead opened her mouth to say something reassuring, mother-like even - something totally at odds with the raging inferno of anger and stress inside of her, when the groan of a Reaper sounded through the air. The roar seemed to shoot right up through Shepard's implant wires and right into her brain. She winced and squeezed her eyes shut against the sound, swinging her head around to peer out the open window.

A Reaper claw was closing in on the building; they were running out of time. This child was in danger and she had to get him to safety. She _had_ to. Even if she managed to save no one else, this boy, this child who looked so much like Matthew, so much like the brother she couldn't save, she had to get him out of here, had to...

"Shepard!"

Shepard blinked and stared. Looking up, she saw Anderson was glaring down at her.

"What are you doing?" he asked sharply. "That's no way out."

Shepard was about to reply that there was a child here who needed saving, but then she turned back to the vent and realized the boy was gone.

Shepard's heart leaped into her throat. Surely the boy hadn't gone _into_ the vent? For God's sake, there was a warning sign _right there _on the wall with a rather grotesque graphic of a human head being split open by a bolt of electricity. Shepard briefly wondered if macabre signs like that were just a Canadian thing, or an Earth thing. Even if the kid couldn't read, he had to understand _that_.

But maybe he hadn't seen it. Maybe, even now, he was stuck further in there, or had taken a deadfall into darkness...

"Shepard!" Anderson shouted nearly in her ear. "We can't fit through there. Come on, there's a passage here."

He headed for the doorway that led from the apartment into the complex beyond. Shepard took one last glance down into the vent, half wishing the child would return, but knowing that he wouldn't. She looked back down into the vent, then stood and followed the admiral around the corner.

And even though she told herself that she had to move on, she couldn't help but shake the feeling that she was doing something horribly wrong by leaving the boy behind.

* * *

><p>Spaceports were usually noisy places: full of the roar of mass effect engines and voices broadcasting what ships were cleared to land and leave. But aside from the battle in the skies overhead, the hangar and the tarmac beyond were eerily still.<p>

"You think anyone is still alive up there?" James asked doubtfully, looking at the Normandy. His voice was little more than a whisper.

"Dunno," Kaidan replied softly, trying to figure out how difficult it would be to get a gangplank up to the Normandy's port entrance. The only ramp he could see was tangled and lying in the wreckage below.

"Alenko!" A voice shouted through the silence. At the same moment, the port entrance to the Normandy slid open. Joker stood there in the doorway, an assault rifle in hand.

"Joker!" Kaidan cried back hurrying across the empty docking bay.

"And there's our answer," James said, following Kaidan.

"You okay in there?" Kaidan asked.

"Fine," Joker shouted back. "Actually, not fine. The docking clamps," he pointed up, and Kaidan slowed as he registered the grips.

"We're trapped in here like a volus with a broken zipper," Joker explained. "EDI can't get us loose from here. Emergency lockdown to keep enemies from stealing ships and all that shit. Like that kind of stuff matters with the Reapers," he added scornfully. "Not like Husks could figure out how to fly this baby."

"Where's the override?" Kaidan asked.

"You see the comm center tower?" Joker said, pointing. Kaidan followed Joker's gaze to a bunker about five hundred meters down the tarmac. "You need to get in there and manually override the systems."

"Oh great," James grumbled. "We're going out there on _foot_? Through hordes of Husk things? You've got to be kidding."

"Come on," Kaidan said, turning to James. "Cover me."

Kaidan just hoped that by the time he and James returned, Shepard and Anderson would have reached hangar. It was easy enough to forget about Shepard when he was fighting Husks, but Kaidan knew it would be hard to keep his focus if he was just sitting on the ship, waiting for her.

"Wait!" James said, his eyes lighting up. He turned and pointed at something just to the side of the bashed up gangplank. Kaidan followed his gesture. A baggage tram hovered just above the ground there, its mass effect thrusters still engaged. Apparently, the vehicle had been abandoned in great haste.

James grinned and his eyes gleamed.

"I have a better idea," he said.

* * *

><p>"This is a goddamn mess," Anderson grunted, pushing his way through the debris cluttering the apartment stairwell. "They just wiped through our defenses, took out central dispatch. I never got the new emergency comm protocols put in, but I doubt even <em>that <em>would have helped."

"We knew they were coming and we did what we could," Shepard said flatly.

Yet, even as she said the words, they rang hollow. Shepard herself was overflowing with regret: regret over six months wasted in the detention wing, regret over one year with Cerberus that she hadn't used more wisely, regret over _being_ with Cerberus in the first place... Regret over failing to persuade that one child back there to come with her, regret that he was now lost on the battlefield, alone.

"True enough," Anderson said quietly. "We have to move forward now." He sighed and took a deep breath. "And since you and I are the only ones who survived that last meeting of the Defense Council, we're the only ones who can carry out a plan."

"We didn't get to the plan-making part," Shepard reminded him.

"So we do that now," Anderson said. "I very well might be the last admiral left in Vancouver. We need a plan of counter-attack and we need it now. I don't have time to form another committee and debate things."

Shepard felt a chill wash over her. Just thinking of all those dead admirals made her realize how completely leaderless the Alliance was right now - not just here, but likely everywhere.

"Okay," she said, trying to push that thought from her mind. "So what's our plan?"

"We need to get you to the Citadel," Anderson told her.

"We need to get _us_ to the Citadel," Shepard corrected. "You and me together will have much better chance of convincing the Council than me alone."

"No," Anderson said, shaking his head. He fixed her with a look, forcing her to meet his gaze. "I have to stay here."

Shepard scowled. "No. You said it yourself: you're the last admiral in all of Vancouver. You need to go to the Council and speak for the Alliance."

"It's _because _I'm the last admiral here that I have to stay," Anderson replied.

"The hell you do," Shepard snapped. "You were a Councilor, for God's sake. They'll listen to you more than they will listen to me."

"I _was_ a Councilor,," Anderson countered. "Past tense. I'll do what I can here, buy you some time. We're going to need the entire galaxy to fight together to stop the Reapers. You know that. Go talk to the Council. Get all the damn races of the galaxy to help us if you can."

"Anderson," Shepard said, feeling desperation explode through her chest. "I am the _last_ person who can pull of that kind of politics. You saw that mess back there with the Admirals. I'm no good with words."

"Words won't sway the Council," Anderson replied. "I know that. I tried words for years. It's the ability to show them strength, to get things done."

"Sir..."

"No, Shepard, listen to me," Anderson said earnestly. "It has to be you. You're a Spectre. That means you can do what the Alliance can't. I know how treaties work. Sometimes war makes for strange bedfellows. We need someone who can do whatever it takes to save humanity. You can command authority within the Alliance and yet, as a Spectre, you aren't entirely bound by our protocols. You have a foot in both worlds and that's exactly what we need right now.

"Besides," he added when she opened her mouth to protest, "We're going to need someone to get us some more intel on the Reapers, and that means special ops. You know I'm too old for that. Let me do what I do best. I can lead these people. And that means you need to leave."

Shepard pursed her lips, considering his words as the Reaper's groans shuddered through the air.

"I don't like it," she told him, frowning.

"I'm sure you don't," Anderson replied. "But I'm making it an order."

"You can't treat me like a free agent one minute and then order me around as if I was under your command the next," Shepard said irritably.

"Watch me," Anderson replied, steel in his tone.

Shepard started at that, then chuckled and shook her head. Anderson was playing both sides here, but that didn't mean he was wrong to do so. In fact, she could see that he was right. She _was_ both Spectre and commander, both inside of the Alliance and outside of it all at once. And that really did put her in the best position to go get help from the Council.

Now she just had grow a capacity for diplomacy between here and the Citadel in order to pull that mission off.

With a sigh, Shepard gestured at the narrow ledge before them. "Alright, I'll do it," she grumbled. "Meeting adjourned, sir?"

"Meeting adjourned," Anderson agreed, stepping back to let her pass. "Let's get you to the Citadel."

"By way of Mars," Shepard told him, edging out onto the narrow walkway. "I need to pick up T'Soni before the Reapers take the Sol system."

"Yes, you mentioned Mars," Anderson said, slanting a glance at her. "What's the asari doing out there?"

"Liara is researching the archives," Shepard told him. "She thinks she found something. I'm hoping it will help us defeat the Reapers."

"A weapon?"

"A device, actually. Something weapon-like. Liara was going to tell Hackett about it, but I'm not sure if she was able to reach him."

"I see," Anderson said, considering her words. "And how do you know all this?"

"Uh..." Shepard frowned as she looked down at a blasted-out stairwell. She tried to think of a way to avoid mentioning EDI's role in all of this. It wasn't that she wanted to lie to Anderson, but she also wasn't comfortable blowing EDI's cover just yet.

"James said you also knew about the Normandy's retrofit," Anderson pressed. "Who's been feeding you information? Was it Joker?"

_No_, Shepard thought, _but close enough._

Just then a shudder rocked the building. Shepard nearly tumbled, but Anderson caught her and helped her right herself.

"Thanks," Shepard said tersely. She took a breath and continued on.

"So it was Joker, right?" Anderson asked again as they continued off the ledge to the safe space beyond.

"He had help," Shepard replied enigmatically. When Anderson's eyes narrowed on her, she gave him an apologetic look. "You didn't think I'd just sit by and do nothing while I waited for the brass to get it together, did you? You were gone; _they_ weren't listening to me. I had to do something."

Something like guilt flashed over Anderson's face and Shepard hurried on.

"Sorry if I abused my 'one phone call from jail' privilege," she said. "I just hate being in the dark. I'm sure you can sympathize. But I wouldn't do anything to compromise the Alliance. You know that, sir."

Anderson considered her for a moment, then nodded.

"I trust you, Shepard," he said. Shepard let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Well, that was one person who did, she thought. It wasn't much in all this battle, but it meant a great deal just now.

"And if you say you need to go to Mars," Anderson added, "Then we'll get you there."

* * *

><p>"Here we are," James said, parking the baggage cart by the communications bunker. Kaidan looked up at the small, two-story tower. It was built entirely of cement, with heavy windows about fifteen feet above their heads.<p>

"Let's do this fast," James said. "Those damn Husker things could come up on us any second."

"Yeah," Kaidan said, climbing down. He turned to the door, then frowned.

"No good," he said. "We're locked out. I don't have clearance."

"Great," James grumbled. "We got all the way over here and we can't get in?"

Kaidan tried synching his omnitool up to the glowing red latch panel once more, then frowned as nothing happened. "Damn," he grumbled. He immediately punched in the comm frequency to hail the Normandy, then stopped himself.

"Ugh," he said. "I can't hail the ship directly."

"Why not?" James asked.

"Stealth mode," Kaidan explained. "The VI won't allow outside hails."

"I have found away around that problem, Major Alenko," a friendly feminine voice suddenly said over the comm. It took Kaidan a moment to place it.

"Uh, Evie?" he asked.

"EDI," the voice corrected. "While the Normandy is stealthed, I am bouncing this signal off of Jeff's omnitool. He is standing at the port side airlock with his hand stuck outside the door."

"Bet he's loving that," James muttered.

"The bunker is in lockdown," Kaidan replied, ignoring James' comment. "Storm doors are engaged, and I don't have clearance to get through the lock manually. Does Joker have authorization codes?"

"He does not," EDI replied simply.

"Damn," Kaidan said. "Okay, maybe Anderson..."

"If you will allow me," EDI's put in, "I believe I can help. Please move yourselves to a safe distance. Ten meters ought to suffice."

"Ten meters?" Kaidan repeated.

"I will attempt to blast the doors open with the Normandy's Thanix canons," EDI explained.

"Holy shit!" James cried, grabbing Kaidan by the arm. "That thing's gone crazy!"

"I have not gone crazy," EDI said primly as the two soldiers raced for cover. "Nor do you need to be alarmed. I assure you, I am an excellent shot."

James and Kaidan ducked behind a concrete barrier that lined the landing pad just as the Normandy's canons swiveled around.

"What the hell you doing on that ship, Joker?" James shouted, as if Joker could hear him from across the tarmac. "Programming the VI to shoot guns? What are you _thinking?_"

"Firing," EDI informed them.

A moment later, an explosion burst the silence of the spaceport, followed by the clinking echo of debris landing all over the concrete.

"The door is clear," EDI said helpfully as Kaidan and James headed back to the bunker. The two soldier slipped through the hole EDI had punched through the doors and hurried up the stairs. Whatever else Joker had done, Kaidan thought, surveying the strategic blast, it appeared that he'd programmed EDI to be a crack shot.

"I need you to find the master traffic control station and disable the docking clamps," EDI informed them as they rushed up the stairs into the upper level of the comm tower.

"Disable the uh...What now?" James frowned at all the panels in the room. Every spare inch of space was devoted to haptic displays save for a narrow band of windows and the floor. Even the ceiling was covered with control units.

"Got it," Kaidan said, finding the controls and typing at the keyboard. "I've... Damn it. I still don't have clearance."

"Shit," James hissed.

"I can hack the systems, Major Alenko," EDI said. "I cannot get access remotely, but if you can establish and forward a data link via your omnitool, I believe I can get access."

"Okay," Kaidan said, plugging his omnitool directly into the control panel, "I can get you hooked up to the computer, but hacking it is going to take..."

"Done," EDI announced. Her pronouncement was punctuated by a movement to their right. Kaidan and James looked down the length of the tarmac and into the open hangar bay, where all three docking clamps had popped off the Normandy at once. The thrusters engaged immediately, leaving the ship hovering in the air right where it had been held a moment before.

"That EDI is something else," James muttered to Kaidan. "Dunno what mojo Joker's been working on the VI core."

"Yeah," Kaidan said doubtfully. "Though I wonder if it was Joker or Cerberus doing the programming. He's never had the patience for coding before."

"Well, he has the patience for EDI," James replied, "Actually, I think he's taken a little _too_ much of an interest in her. It's kind of creepy, the way she acts almost like a real person."

"I heard that, Lieutenant," EDI said over the comm. James jumped and then gave Kaidan a look as if to say, _See what I mean?_

"Get on the damn ship!" Joker's voice suddenly sounded over the comm link. "I got a couple docks workers in here and one soldier, but that's not going to hold us for long. More of those Husk things are on their way."

"Why don't you come get _us_?" James countered.

"Because we're _hiding_ in here," Joker shouted back. "The big ones haven't noticed us yet. I want to keep it that way."

"That damn hangar is going to come down on you..." James started.

"Move it," Kaidan said shortly to James. He turned and ran back down the stairs to the waiting baggage cart, James at his heels.

James jumped in the driver's seat and glared down the empty stretch of tarmac. "This is insane," he stated. "If all the other ships are out in the fight, then why the hell aren't those ships _doing _anything?"

"Because of that," Kaidan replied, pointing.

In the distance, a single Reaper stood in the bay, decimating a squadron of Alliance fighters. The Reaper's targeting optic swung around wildly, like an eyeball with no nerve connection to its skull. Its laser blasts tore through the sky like a slim, red knife. A few Alliance ships fired back, but their attacks made no difference. Even when a dreadnought fired a full cannon blast, the Reaper's kinetic barriers shivered and sparked for only a moment before flashing back into place.

"We're going up against _that_?" James gaped.

"Just get us to the Normandy," Kaidan said, elbowing him. Then he punched in a point-to-point frequency to hail Anderson.

"Anderson?" he called.

"Major Alenko," The voice sounded over Kaidan's comm just as James whirled the baggage cart around. Kaidan had to drop his hands for a moment to grab the seat to keep from falling. The movement made the comm link crackle.

"We're in sight of the spaceport," Anderson's voice was nearly lost in static. "ETA, three minutes."

Kaidan barely heard this status update. For just then, a ball of fire, like a small comet, crashed onto the tarmac. Several creatures popped up from the wreckage: more of those Husks, and more of those Cannibal things. James veered hard right as the Reaper ground forces opened fire, but there was little he could do to hold off the attack. After all, they were racing along the length of the tarmac in a _baggage _cart.

_This is insane_, Kaidan thought, tossing on a barrier and trying to push it outward to guard as much of the cart as he could manage. _This is absolutely insane._

"Headed to the Normandy," Kaidan informed Anderson via the comm. "We're taking heavy fire." He did his best to hold on as James steered sharply to the left. A few bullets pinged off of the short windshield in the front of the cart. Just then, a blast overhead caught Kaidan's attention and drew his gaze skyward.

"Oh God," Kaidan said, half to himself. "They're going to take down the dreadnought."

And they did. The giant Reaper out in the harbor focused all its energy on the flagship of the Vancouver fleet. The dreadnought's barriers crackled, its hull buckled, and then the massive ship exploded in a rain of debris.

"Evasive maneuvers!" Kaidan shouted as large chunks of the ship rained down on the spaceport. Thankfully, the first few chunks took out the Cannibals, but there was still more metal falling.

"Evasive maneuvers?" James hollered back, turning hard right in a move that dodged a length of ship hull but nearly toppled Kaidan out onto the concrete. "What the hell do you think this is, Blue? A Hammerhead?"

"Get moving!" Joker shouted, his voice suddenly sounding over the comm. "You guys need to double time it."

"This thing doesn't _do_ double time," James shouted back.

Kaidan could only hold tight as James weaved the cart around the tarmac. He kept his biotic barrier against the rain of shrapnel as best he could manage, as well. A moment later, the cart ducked under the cover of the hangar. A couple of Husks were clawing over the wreckage in the hangar bay, making for the Normandy. As James brought the cart to a screeching halt, Kaidan took one Husk down with a few shots from his pistol. Then Kaidan jumped down and tossed the other Husk so hard it flew over the ship and smashed into the wall on the far side of the hangar.

"Come on," Kaidan said to James, nodding to the Normandy airlock.

"What the hell?" James yelled after him. "If the Reapers can take down a fucking _dreadnought_, then getting into a ship - _any_ ship - is suicide."

"That's an order, lieutenant," Kaidan shouted back, clambering over a pile of rubble to reach the Normandy's gangplank. Before him, an anxious-looking Joker stood in the port airlock.

"Get the hell in!" the helmsman yelled. Even as Joker spoke, the ship shifted downward just enough to place the doorway on level with the crumpled ramp. Kaidan scrambled up the gangplank and hauled himself into the ship, then reached down to help James in after him. The second they were in, the ship's door slid shut.

"Who's flying this thing?" James asked, looking up at Joker.

"EDI," Joker replied. "And me, too, in a minute."

"And we're going out in _that_?" James asked, pointing out the cockpit windows.

"No," Joker told him. "We're gonna wait here for Shepard and Anderson and _then_ we're going to head out into that." He seemed a little more cheerful now that the ship was actually free from its docking clamps.

"Oh, and Alenko," Joker added, "Welcome aboard and all that protocol shit."

"Thanks," Kaidan replied with a slight smile. Joker returned it, then his expression grew serious.

"You do realize you're the XO, right?"

"I..." Kaidan blinked. He hadn't realized that, actually. It had been a long time since he'd served as a ground team based out of a ship. Also, the Normandy looked so familiar to the old one, for a moment, he'd almost believed himself to be in the role of lieutenant again.

"Well, you're the senior officer for, like, five minutes until Anderson gets here," Joker corrected himself.

"Right," Kaidan nodded. Joker stood and hobbled back to the cockpit. Kaidan turned his attention to James.

"Please tell me you have guns on this ship," he said, glancing around at empty deck and the half-open crates everywhere.

"We got guns," James said replied. "The armory down is down in the hold. It's not well stocked, but it's stocked. But that's not going to count worth shit if this bird gets shot down."

"Joker, are the cannons ready to fire?" Kaidan called out.

"The cannons are in working order," EDI informed them, "but Jeff and I will be more effective at keeping us stealthed if we do not have to calculate targeting trajectories as well."

"Then we do that manually," Kaidan said, turning to march down the command deck toward the CIC. "James, can you handle the ship guns?"

"Sure," James said, falling in line behind him.

"Good," Kaidan said, nodding at the nearest station. "Get ready to shoot anything that's not human that gets near the ship."

"Just hope that damn thing is set to go," James grumbled. "I'm no good at calibrations."

"Is that the only way to the armory?" Kaidan asked James, pointing at the elevator.

"Unless you want to crawl through the vents," James told him sitting down at the gunnery station.

"Stairs are faster," Kaidan said half to himself as he headed to the elevator. "Leave it to Cerberus to add something slow."

A woman looked up at Kaidan as he came walking by the galaxy map. Kaidan instantly recognized her as the woman who had been standing outside of the Normandy yesterday, the one who had allowed him aboard. She looked terrified, her eyes wide.

And _he_ was the XO, Kaidan remembered suddenly. He was in charge of all of these shell-shocked people, if only for a few minutes. The realization had him halting his steps and heading to the CIC.

"I'm Major Kaidan Alenko," Kaidan said to the woman, nodding by way of greeting. "You are...?"

"S-specialist Traynor," she stammered.

"Right. How many people have we got aboard?" he asked, looking around. No one else, other than James, stood on the command deck.

"Umm, I think... Seven, sir," she said. Kaidan noticed her hands were shaking. "Wait, no. Counting you and the other soldier..."

"Okay," Kaidan said, cutting her off. "That comm link working?"

"Yes, sir."

Kaidan took a deep breath and hit the comm switch.

"This is Major Kaidan Alenko," he said, his voice coming out cold and raspy over the comm. "We're waiting here for the arrival of Admiral Anderson and Commander Shepard. All able-bodied personnel get to your stations. Anyone with ground team experience report to the shuttle bay. Be ready for battle and await further instructions."

Kaidan let out a breath. "Alenko out," he said, and let the link drop.

* * *

><p>"Any word from Kaidan?" Shepard hollered to Anderson. She jumped up above cover just long enough to toss off a singularity that caught several of the Cannibals into its orbit. At least <em>that<em> skill wasn't too rusty after all her time in jail, she thought with some satisfaction.

"Trying," Anderson replied. "It's hard to find an open channel when we're fighting these goddamn things every few seconds." He fired off a concussive shot, knocking a Cannibal off of the pier into the water. Shepard unloaded a clip into the flying mass of Cannibals caught in the singularity and popped another heatsink into her pistol.

"Hold them off," Anderson shouted to her, "I'm going to try hailing the Normandy again."

"Roger that," Shepard agreed. She jumped up and tossed off another singularity to keep the advancing enemies at bay.

"Normandy," Shepard heard Anderson saying between bursts of her gunfire. "Our escape route was cut off. We have to re-route. Do you copy?"

The other end of the comm was lost in static.

"Normandy, come in."

The only sound was roars from the Reapers and gunfire from the Cannibals. Shepard swore as her barrier got shot out and she dropped below cover next to Anderson.

"Lost him," Anderson said right beside her. "And I can't seem to find another open channel. Looks like we need another way to contact them."

"Unless they shut that new signal down, too," Shepard muttered. But Anderson had jumped above cover himself now and was too busy shooting to hear.

Overhead, another ship exploded. Just there, Shepard thought, probably a hundred soldiers had been shot down over the harbor. She immediately tried to reign in that thought, to keep her mind from wandering, but she couldn't seem to find her usual battlefield detachment.

How the hell was a soldier supposed to survive a fight like this? Shepard wondered. For that matter, how would a civilian survive?

A civilian wouldn't, obviously. The thought occurred to her at once, bringing with it the image of that child's face, that little boy who had hidden in the vent. He was just one among many who would die because Earth wasn't ready, because the Alliance had failed to prepare. Because _she_ had failed to persuade them.

_You cannot save him._

The thought chilled her. The deep groan of a Reaper seemed to shudder through the soles of her running shoes, and only Anderson's cursing brought her back to the present.

No, she couldn't save that kid, Shepard thought. But that wasn't her duty right now. Her duty was simply to take the next step, to fight on to the spaceport. She just had to reach the Normandy, had to reach Kaidan. She couldn't take on any other responsibility than that - not just yet.

Shepard gathered her biotic energy again and jumped back up into the fight.

* * *

><p>"What do you mean you can't find them?" Kaidan demanded.<p>

"J-just that," Traynor stammered. "Anderson and Shepard aren't even trying to reach us anymore. I don't have anything to work with."

"Damn it," Kaidan scowled, hanging on to the edge of the CIC for support. The immediate question was whether he should wait here or try to hail Shepard and Anderson directly. If he did _that_, however, he would risk giving away the Normandy's stealthed position.

The other possibility was that they could go out looking for Anderson and Shepard, but Kaidan did _not _like the idea of attempting a search-and-rescue mission in the middle of a battle zone. He had experience leading a ground team, had plenty of experience _training_ a ground team, but he had never been in charge of a space-faring vessel before. There was a reason he'd been made a major and not a captain. While he knew a good deal about the systems on Alliance ships and remembered much about the old Normandy, taking charge of this vessel and directing her out into a firefight was going to be touch-and-go at best.

Kaidan knew he had a difficult decision coming, but he tried to push it from his mind. The very thought of it made him ill. Because if Anderson and Shepard didn't reach them soon, Kaidan was going to have to order the Normandy out into the fight. And if they failed to find Anderson and Shepard out there in the rubble of Vancouver, then Kaidan might just have to give the two of them up for lost.

"Here, sir," Shepard said, unearthing the radio from a pile of debris. "Think this thing will work?"

"It's got a secure ship-to-ship emergency communications link," Anderson nodded. "We can use it to hail the Normandy directly."

As Anderson knelt by the radio, Shepard spotted an assault rifle lying in the wreckage and went to claim it. She swiftly checked to see the weapon was working, then found a few heat-sinks and shoved them in.

"Normandy," Shepard heard Anderson say. "This is Anderson, do you read?"

There was a crackle, then Kaidan's voice cut through the harbor air, low and calm: "Admiral. What's your location?"

Shepard let her shoulders relax a fraction. If Kaidan had reached the Normandy, he was one step closer to safe. And all of them were one step closer to making it out of this battle alive.

"We're by a downed gunship in the harbor," Anderson told him. "I'm activating its distress beacon. Send support."

Whatever Kaidan had to say in return was lost as the comm link went down.

"Major!" Anderson shouted. But static was the only answer.

* * *

><p>"Anderson?" Kaidan called. The link had been lost. The beacon's signal had also gone up in static.<p>

Kaidan felt fear slice through him once more. Every time these comm frequencies cut out, it took a year off of his life. He just hoped this was another case of interference of the radiowave kind, and not the bullet-related kind. God, he hoped Dean got this problem figured out quickly.

"Traynor, did you get their location?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes, sir," she said, voice quavering. "I located the coordinates just before the it cut out."

"Joker," Kaidan called into the comm, "Get us to Anderson and Shepard."

"Got it," Joker replied.

"ETA on our rescue?" Kaidan asked him.

"I'll try and make it a minute," Joker replied. The ship shuddered as the thrusters engaged and punched them out of the shuttle bay.

"That's damn long if you're measuring time by bullets," James shouted from his station, drawing Kaidan's attention. "They could be corpses by the time we get there."

Kaidan couldn't even think of that.

"You stay on the ship's guns," he told James, "I'll get ready to meet them at the door."

"May I recommend that you use the shuttle bay, Major Alenko," EDI put in helpfully. "Given the relative size of the port side airlock, it would be easier for Jeff and me to..."

"Got it," Kaidan said. With that, he hurried into the elevator and punched the button for the hold.

* * *

><p>The blasts above had grown more frequent and Dean seriously hoped the stairs weren't blocked. To die down here of suffocation or starvation, well, that would really suck. He imagined that he could probably rig up some sort of way of electrocuting himself so he didn't have to suffer, but it would be a little tricky to manage what with the overload failsafes on the servers.<p>

Geez, Dean thought to himself. Even when he was contemplating being buried alive he was thinking like a geek about it. No wonder Katie had left.

"It's the end of the world," he muttered to himself, "And what am I doing? I'm sitting in a server room, playing QA, that's what I'm doing. It's fucking armageddon and I'm still fixing someone else's bugs."

Just then, the lights in the room flickered out. The servers dropped to backup generators, continuing to wink and flicker in the dark. A VI voice promptly announced:

"Power failure on levels one through twenty three. Please evacuate according to emergency procedures."

"I'd like to," Dean muttered into the near darkness. That was probably his cue that the building had collapsed on him. Or that he'd been left behind. Or something.

Dean tried not to think about it and turned back to his work. If he died down here, the least he could do was be useful before his time came.

Scanning the network, Dean checked frequency after frequency. When he finally found an open one, he got ready to open up an emergency channel. He had done a few calculations from his broken communications with Alenko and Anderson. Looked like comm links were lasting, on average, about 26.4 seconds. It wasn't much, but if the soldiers kept their conversations short, they just might be able to get info through to one another in short bursts. And when that link got shot down, Dean could observe it and learn how to keep it up for longer than that.

"Okay boys," he announced to the empty room as he set up the channel and prepared the VI notification. "There's your comm link. Use it while you've got it."

* * *

><p>"Emergency broadcast channels enabled," a synthetic voice said cheerfully. The omnitool announcement was loud enough that Shepard could hear it above the roar of the Reapers and the hail of gunfire.<p>

"We're online?" she shouted to Anderson.

"You have..._twen_ty..._five_..._sec_onds...to communicate. Thank you," the VI's voice added.

"Or not," she grumbled.

"We'd better use it while we have it," Anderson shouted to her.

"Yes sir," Shepard hollered back, taking that as her cue to provide covering fire. She tossed out a shockwave to push back the advancing Reaper ground troops. Over the sound of the Cannibals falling to the right and left of that biotic explosion, she caught snippets of Anderson's speech into the comm link.

"This is Admiral Anderson... Vancouver is compromised. All ships, evacuate civilians... Rally to your posts...communications irregular... Expect further instructions... Damn!"

Anderson's last expletive carried over the roar of the Reapers as the link cut out. He jumped up to shoot a concussive shot into a cluster of Cannibals and send them scattering. Then he dropped below cover, grunting as bullet grazed his shoulder. Shepard shot down the Cannibal that had hit Anderson, then dropped down beside him.

"You alright?" she asked.

"Fine." He said, shaking her off. He didn't look fine, but Shepard didn't say that.

"Shit," she said, looking down at her gun. "I've got just one clip left."

"Me too," Anderson said flatly.

Shepard cursed again. The Cannibals were coming in quickly now, and while her barrier could hold for a short time, Shepard knew that dashing out into this kind of gunfire to get more clips was simply suicidal.

_Come on, Kaidan_, Shepard thought. _Where _are_ you?_

* * *

><p>Kaidan stepped out of the elevator into the hold and took a quick look at his surroundings. The place was huge, big enough to fit a Kodiak shuttle and a full armory and training space as well. As Kaidan glanced around, a single soldier came hurrying over at once. He wore the usual Alliance guard's armor, helmet and all. Kaidan couldn't see the guy's face, but his every movement spoke of nervous energy.<p>

"Private Yelankov, sir," the guy said saluting. "Reporting for duty. I'm not part of the Normandy though, sir, I just got on board when the spaceport got hit and Joker said..."

"Get a gun and get ready to lay down some support fire," Kaidan said, shortly. He'd found that direct orders were often a relief to soldiers in uncertain moments like these. He also suppressed the urge to ask the guy if he was a decent shot. Unfortunately, he was all Kaidan had.

"Yes, sir," Yelankov replied, saluting. He headed to the far end of the hold. Kaidan turned to the armory and traded in his pistol in for an assault rifle.

Given how little time they had, Kaidan decided not to suit up. He also refrained from wondering what would happen if he failed to get to Anderson and Shepard in time. His duty was to get the two of them on board and he would.

He had to.

* * *

><p>"Ow!"<p>

Shepard hissed in a breath as her barrier was shot out with three quick bullet bursts. Anderson hit the offending Cannibal with a concussive shot, but two more were on its way. Shepard yanked one off it's feet with a biotic pull, then slammed it the other direction with a warp missile. Anderson held the other off with gunfire until Shepard could gather enough energy to send a second missile of biotic energy after the first.

She was pulling biotic attacks too quickly, Shepard thought, and her body was growing feverish with the effort. She knew that she couldn't keep this up much longer - not without rest, not without heatsinks, not without support. She'd been saving her last few bullets, but just then a situation required them. A Cannibal came out of nowhere and rushed Anderson. Reacting on instinct, Shepard pulled it biotically, but then ended up with the damn thing landing right at her feet. Shepard kicked the monster with the soft sole of her sneakers, then fired the last three bullets from her pistol into its wide, glowing mouth. The light inside of it faded, leaving a rotting corpse behind.

_Great_, Shepard thought, looking down at the twisted body. That was the last of her bullets. Both pistol and rifle were now empty. All she had now was her biotics, and Anderson didn't have anything.

Shepard whipped her head around and saw that even more Reaper forces were advancing.

_Where the hell is Kaidan?_ she wondered desperately.

Just then, a blast rocked the other end of the pier. The advancing Cannibals burned in a blast from a Thannix cannon. Shepard was so surprised, it took her a moment to realize that it wasn't friendly fire from the Reapers. She and Anderson had just been saved.

"The Cavalry has arrived," a self-satisfied voice sounded over the comm. Above, the Normandy flew into view over the harbor.

"Thank God," Shepard said, relief flooding her.

"Took them long enough," Anderson grumbled beside her.

"You know Joker," Shepard grinned. "Always has to have a flashy entrance."

The ship appeared to be heading for the end of a long stretch of concrete, what looked like a parking garage that had toppled into the waters of the bay. Shepard nodded to Anderson.

"Come on," she said, and the two of them took off running for the ship.

* * *

><p><em>Come on, Shepard<em>. Kaidan thought, his eyes riveted on the woman dashing across the wreckage, willing her to run faster. Even though the coast was clear now, he felt like his heart was in his throat, watching her. It was a good thing James had taken out those Cannibals in one shot like he had, because Kaidan didn't think she would have lasted much longer down there without the help.

Anderson followed behind Shepard, a little less skilled than she in jumping over barricades and clambering over downed buildings. Shepard scrambled up an incline and didn't even wait for the Normandy to touch down before she jumped for the open shuttle bay. Her arms and legs flailed against the empty air as she sailed toward the outstretched platform.

The sight nearly gave Kaidan a heart attack. He reached for Shepard, fully expecting to grab her by the waist and pull her to his chest. Instead, he missed her arm by inches. She landed heavily before him, then skidded to a halt and whirled around, looking for Anderson. It was an awkward rescue, Kaidan thought absently, but at least she was aboard. In that moment, he felt like he'd finally gotten a gulp of water, for his throat was no longer bone dry.

"Welcome aboard, Shepard," he said, citing the proper protocol greeting. Kaidan doubted she realized just how welcome a sight she was.

"Thanks," she replied.

For one moment, their eyes met, and Shepard gazed at him with a look of pure relief. It completely matched his own.

_She's safe,_ Kaidan thought, absently. _Thank God._

* * *

><p><em>Home<em>, Shepard thought. That was the word that went through her mind the moment her feet hit the floor of the Normandy and then again, when she turned and looked at Kaidan: _home_.

She pushed away _that_ overly romantic notion at once. Kaidan wasn't home, not anymore - but the Normandy was, at least. And in reaching the ship, she'd completed at least the first step of her mission.

Now she had just a few thousand more steps to go.

"Shepard!" The shout from Anderson had her turning to look back at the admiral. He stood at the edge of the wrecked pier, gazing up at her.

"Come on!" she hollered to him. "We can drop you someplace safe."

"I'll head back from here," Anderson told her. "You go on."

"Go on?" Kaidan said, his dark brows drawing together. "Sir, this location is unsecured."

"I know that," Anderson snapped back. "All of Vancouver is unsecured and I need to pull together what remains of this post. We have soldiers fighting blind down here. But your friend back there on the comms may give us the chance to fix it. It's my duty to give Earth that chance." He fixed Kaidan with a look. "And your duty is to go with Shepard to the Citadel."

Kaidan blinked and looked at the admiral.

"What?" he fairly shouted. "You're not coming with us?"

"He's not," Shepard said, her voice low. She met Kaidan's eyes as his disbelieving gaze flew to her, then back to Anderson.

"But that's..." Kaidan began, but Anderson interrupted him.

"Shepard," he shouted, loud enough for his voice to carry to Shepard, Kaidan, and the one lone soldier standing there in the hold, "As the last remaining member of the Defense Council, I hereby re-instate you as Lieutenant Commander in the Systems Alliance Navy. In your role as commander, I order you to the Citadel to get aid for the fight to take back Earth. In your role as Council Spectre, I expect you to do whatever it takes to make that happen. And you, major," he added, looking to Kaidan, "are to aid her in that endeavor and represent the Alliance in my place. You both have your missions. Now get the hell out of here."

Kaidan just froze, but Shepard nodded at the orders. As she did so, Anderson pulled something out of his pocket and tossed it to her. Shepard caught the object on reflex, then looked down at it. Her old dog tags lay in her hand, worn as they ever were. Shepard suddenly remembered the moment she'd had to give these up:

"_You are hereby relieved of rank, commander, until such time as a formal hearing shall be held to judge your actions. As of now, your questionable interpretation of your duty as a soldier leaves us with no other option but to take you into custody. You are dismissed."_

_Dismissed_, Shepard thought. She had been dismissed for six months and now look what had come of it. Nothing had happened; no one was prepared. Shepard almost felt sick to look at the Alliance insignia on the tags now.

"Consider yourself reinstated, commander," Anderson called to her.

The words stung. She had been waiting to hear them for so long. To hear them like _this_ cut deep. Shepard watched Anderson for a moment, unable to speak. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, she thought. This wasn't how the Reapers were supposed to arrive - to find them scattered and off guard. And she wasn't supposed to turn tail and run like this, especially if it meant leaving Anderson behind. While the man wasn't exactly family, he was the closest thing Shepard had to a father figure in her life. To have him stay behind like this, as the world burned around him, well, it wasn't putting the gun to him directly, but it sure felt like it.

And yet, Shepard thought, there was nothing else to be done.

"I'll bring every fleet I can get," Shepard told him, her voice trembling for a moment. She hoped it was with conviction, and not fear. "So you'd better damn well keep yourself alive long enough to see it. It's gonna be a sight." She paused, then slipped on the dog tags and tucked them into her shirt.

"Good luck," she told Anderson. And that was her goodbye.

* * *

><p>Kaidan stowed his rifle at his back and came to stand beside Shepard as Anderson hurried down the wreckage and back to the pier. Kaidan didn't say anything. He couldn't think of a single thing <em>to<em> say. The attack, the rescue, Anderson's orders - all of it felt distant to his numb mind.

Because as Kaidan looked out over the city of Vancouver, all he could think was that his home was burning. Earth was burning. And he couldn't do anything to save it.

He was tempted, so very tempted, to try and call his father's omnitool. But Kaidan squelched that desire. By now, it was too late for a warning. And he couldn't justify using his access to emergency Alliance channels to try and reach his family. That wasn't how things were done. His father would understand, if he was still alive. Hell, maybe his dad was halfway to his hunting cabin right now, too busy dodging Cannibals to take a call anyhow.

But as he heard the Reapers' groans echoing across the harbor, Kaidan knew he was lying to himself. His family was probably already dead.

* * *

><p>Shepard took a breath as Kaidan walked away.<p>

It suddenly occurred to her that _he_ was now the ranking officer on the ship. And yet, Anderson had clearly put _her_ in charge of the mission to reach the Council. But rather than worry about all that just yet, Shepard decided that the first order of business was to get the Normandy out of the line of fire.

"Joker," she snapped into the comm. "Get us out of here."

"EDI and I are calculating a stealthed path through the Reapers forces," Joker replied. "There's a damn lot of them out there. Give us about a minute more."

"We're just sitting here, Joker," Shepard said warningly.

"But we're sitting here stealthed," Joker replied cheekily.

Before Shepard could reply to that smart-assed comment, another Reaper stalked into view, massive as the buildings it was standing among. It's great purple body seemed slightly bloated, its optical beam - a thing that was like an eye and a knife all at once - swiveled around, slicing through the city. A roar from deep inside of it shuddered the ground, rippling the waters of the bay. Down on the pier, a handful of soldiers were frantically evacuating people from the wreckage. All of that small crowd turned and looked up at the Reaper as it advanced.

And in that mass of people, Shepard saw _him_. Her gaze shot right to him.

_The boy_.

The tiny figure wandered the wreckage below, looking through the crowd wildly as if for a mother or father. She didn't know how she could tell at this distance that it was the boy from the vent, but she was sure of it. She _knew_. He'd survived yet again, and still he was lost.

And then he looked up at her.

From all that distance, Shepard could tell that he had locked his eyes on _her_. Not a mother, not a father, but on the soldier who had tried to help him.

Who had _failed _to help him.

Suddenly, the Reaper roared again, it's low cry seeming to twist the very air. The child whipped around and Shepard could almost feel his fear. He saw the Reaper stalking toward him; he ran for the shuttle.

Shepard found her heart was racing as the boy scrambled aboard without help. No one seemed to see him; no one seemed to notice him. He was so small, just a little victim of this great war, and she was too far away to do anything about it.

The boy got aboard just as the doors slid shut, and for the briefest moment, Shepard thought she saw him glare at her in accusation - or maybe it was a challenge. Maybe he wanted her to see that he had gotten to safety without her help. Or maybe she just imagined it.

Shepard let out a sigh of relief as the shuttles took to the air.

Her relief came too soon.

The Reaper swung its terrible eye to the escape shuttles. With one beam, it struck down the first shuttle; with a blast, it took down the second. There was a burst of fire and metal and then carnage rained down into the murky waters of the bay below.

Shepard winced against the blast, so near she felt the heat of it. But the Reaper did not turn its beam against the Normandy. Sheltered by the stealth systems, she was safe, even within view of the beast. But that child had not been.

A sensation of settled on in her chest, a sensation she knew far too well. It was the crushing weight of guilt, and the force of it seemed to press the air from her lungs. She felt guilt for all of them - for that child, for Anderson, for Matthew, for her family long gone, for all the people who had died under her watch, for all the people who were dying out there now, for all of Earth, too. She had failed to prepare them for this attack. And she had to turn her back on them now.

_You cannot save them._

Shepard gazed out at the burning city, then squeezed her eyes shut and looked away. She wanted to stay. She feared to go. She was the last person who could get help from the Council. No one would listen to her. There had to be another way - they had to be someone else.

But even as she thought that, Shepard knew there _was_ no one else. Duty compelled her. In spite of the guilt, she had to carry out her mission. And, though it felt like cowardice, her mission was to run away from the fight. Shepard turned away and let the doors close on the burning city of Vancouver.

Never before, she thought, guilt settling into her stomach like a stone, had duty felt so utterly and completely wrong.


	7. Entanglement

Author's Note: Because some of these details never got cleared up in game...

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 7: Entanglement<em>

* * *

><p>Beyond the glass, a star was dying.<p>

The tiled floor of the observation room was polished to a high shine, reflecting the star's light as if that heavenly body had thrown itself upon the station, begging for mercy. It found no salvation within. For in the center of that roiling halo, feet crushing the star's reflection underfoot, stood a man.

The man considered the dying star for a moment, then took a drag off the cigarette in his hand. With one long, sighing breath, he let out a line of smoke. His glittering eyes shone in the darkness.

There was a pattern to it, the man thought. There was a pattern to the roiling red and blue plasma flares, a pattern to the cycles, turning in on themselves. There was a sequence to all things: observable, knowable, predictable. And knowing the pattern, one could predict, one could direct, one could control. All it took was time - time and patience.

And yet, he thought with a frown, time was running short. And not everyone had his focus, his drive. Even he had blind spots. He had failed to predict one outcome, at least. That one mistake frustrated him - that one thread, loose from the tapestry, that one flare, spiralling free from the star's orbit.

But no longer, he thought, raising the cigarette to his lips again. The final act had begun. She would enter the stage and he would find her again. Even now, he could see the thread, ready to return to the loom. He would catch hold of her, use her frailties and loyalties against her. There were ways to clip her short. It was too easy, really, to cut off this loose end.

And if she lived, well, she would alter the weaving some, but the tapestry would go on. That may even play out better, the man realized. There was so much inside of her - inside her mind - that she did not understand. Either way, she would fall into place, and the vision he'd dreamed of for so long - the vision he'd chased for years - he would finally hold it in his hands. Patience and time, insight and foresight: his investments were about to pay off.

The man's lips curled upward in a grin.

As he stood there, taking another drag from his cigarette, a figure emerged from the shadows.

"Well?" The voice from the shadows spoke. "Any word?"

"Not yet," the man replied.

"Can she get through with the comms down?"

"Our mobile unit is equipped with a QEC. Static means nothing to her."

"And will she get the intel in time?"

"Most certainly. She is nothing if not single-minded." The man smiled as if this were a private joke. The one in the shadows did not find it so funny.

"You should have sent me, too."

"And run the risk of someone recognizing you? No." He took another drag from his cigarette. "Just be ready for the time in which you are needed."

The figure in the shadows nodded in acknowledgement of the dismissal. As he did so, red light from the star reflected off of the sabre at his hip.

"Understood," he said as he turned and left the room.

The other man stayed where he was, feet planted upon the reflection of the star, gazing steadily into the light of the ruined sun. The patterns were there, he thought, buried in the data, buried in the coil of cause and effect, of stimulus and response. The tapestry was weaving itself, the wheel was turning yet again, the cycle was coming back once more. All these things would happen - must happen - and he would not stop them.

No, he would direct the inevitable ascension. He would clutch hold of the tangled threads and out of the seeming chaos, he would weave a new future - humanity's future.

_This_, the Illusive Man thought to himself as he gazed into the belly of the star, _this_ _is true power._

* * *

><p>Admiral Anderson marched through the wreckage with a handful of soldiers at his back, one tiny squadron amid the massive destruction all around them. In a strange way, Anderson thought, the Reapers' size was allowing his team to slip by unnoticed. Shepard's comparison of humans to mice came back to his mind.<p>

His team was certainly on the mouse-like side, though they were responding to his command very well. The soldiers were young, all of them, ranging in rank from a munitions chief down to a newly-recruited private. Anderson had rallied them from the handful of survivors who had had not gone off with the evac shuttles.

Ironically, the fact that these soldiers had not fled the fight was the only reason they were still alive. Anderson still couldn't shake the sight of those Reapers shooting down rescue transports along with the gunships. The Reapers obviously made no distinction between military and civilian, Anderson thought darkly. And he realized that in the fight to come, he might not have that luxury in his recruitment strategies, either. He was going to have to take whatever help he could, whatever the level of skill or the source.

And the fact that he needed skilled help was the very reason why Anderson marched into the shell of a building and headed down a blasted stairwell. The team carefully navigated the dark passage with flashlights and guns. At one point, two Husks came roaring up out of the shadows. The soldiers opened fire at once. The things fell dead and no one had a comment about it. After everything they had seen, the soldiers just continued on in silence until they reached the lowest basement.

At the bottom of the stairs, Anderson sent two soldiers to check the hallway before he entered it. He hated to put himself on the back lines, but he also knew he had to keep himself alive. Thankfully, the coast was clear. He and his company continued to the end of the hall, where a set of heavy metal doors were nearly lost to darkness, save for the red glowing latch.

Anderson quickly set his omnitool to the lock, punched in his authorization codes, and waited for the doors to slide open. When they parted, he found himself staring into a dark room; he could not see the far wall from here and the whole place was lit by flickering lights from the servers. Everything was silent except for the soft humming of the machines.

Anderson motioned two soldiers forward. They took position on either side of the doorway and Anderson readied his pistol, just in case any Reapers had managed to get inside.

"Mr. Dean?" Anderson called out as soon as the troops were in position.

"Yeah?" a voice called back. Anderson let out a short breath.

"Admiral Anderson," he introduced himself into the darkness. "We need to get you out of here."

"Yeah, yeah. Just a sec,'" came the reply.

Anderson frowned. "Mr. Dean," he said, "We don't have time to..."

"I know, I know," the voice called back. "I just... Son of a biscuit. What the crap, man?" The grumbling was coming from the far corner. After a moment of peering into the darkness, Anderson synched his omnitool to the wall controls and turned on the lights.

"Ow! Shit!" Dean hissed. The other soldiers blinked as well. Anderson strode into the room and around the corner, then came to a stop in front of the man he had come to rescue. The contractor was tall and lanky, with a mop of dark hair that fell into his eyes. Anderson was willing to bet that the man hadn't cut his hair since he'd last been in service. Though his skin was naturally dark olive in complexion, it appeared that Dean hadn't seen the sun in some time, nor had he shaved recently. And aside from the fact that he appeared to be in decent shape, he looked far more at home among the computers than he would be up in the field. All that was to say, the man was exactly what Anderson had expected.

"We need to get you out of here," Anderson told him.

"Whoa!" Dean jumped. "You just snuck up on me like... Wow, you're Anderson? Huh. The way Alenko talked about you, I thought you'd be taller."

"We don't have time to waste. Come on."

"Hang on," Dean said, holding up his right hand. His left hand held a glowing omnitool, the screen of which was covered with text. Everything was scrolling by so quickly, Anderson could not read a word of it. "Just want to make some backups of this stuff."

"How long will it take?" Anderson asked, his brows furrowing.

"Just a minute or two more," Dean answered. "I figured if you came to bust me out of here, this could be the last chance I have to get some of this data. We might need some of this stuff if we try to repair communications."

Then it was important information, Anderson thought, trying to tamp down his impatience. If only they'd had better communications, the initial attack might not have hit so hard. A few of those civilian transports might have had cover. They might have made a better counter attack...

He couldn't dwell on that, Anderson told himself. He had to focus on moving forward, not replaying the past. Unfortunately, moving forward required communications, and that was why he was down here in this basement.

"Can you use any of that intel to get us back online?" Anderson asked the contractor.

"Uh..." Dean made a face. "Define 'online.'" he hedged.

"Can you get us to the point where we're communicating with our troops," Anderson clarified.

"Which troops?" Dean asked.

Anderson scowled. "Troops. All of them. Any of them."

"Well, see, that's the thing," Dean said. "On Earth, we have the point-to-point links, then there's the broadcasts..."

Anderson was in no mood for a specialist's long-winded answer. This man might know his job, but he clearly hadn't seen the battle outside and how bad things were up there. Anderson drew in a breath and strove for patience.

"Give me the short version," he ordered.

"Short version?" Dean asked. The way he asked it made Anderson wonder if the man even knew what that meant. The contractor thought for a second, then said. "Basically, there's a handful of ways we can hack together some local connections. I'll need to go find a working comm tower or something like that to get them up and running. But if you want some way to talk to our troops planet-wide? Gonna be tough. Something sustained _and_ planet-wide? Ugh." He shook his head. "And then there's the problem that the Sol comms are out. From what I can see down here, looks like they're sending a jamming signal to the relay itself. Communications off-world are pretty much hosed."

"So we have no way to talk to the fleets?" One of the soldiers next to Anderson spoke up, his eyes wide with worry.

"Well," Dean said, "if our ships had QEC units, then we could, but far as I know, they don't."

"QEC?" the soldier asked.

"Quantum entanglement communicator," Dean explained. "If you have two quantum entangled particles and mess with the value of one of them, the other will instantly change to have the opposite value. Doesn't matter how far apart they are, either. It allows you can send a binary transmission..." He broke off at the soldier's confused expression. "Basically," he clarified, "it's instant point-to-point communication and the best part about it is, you can't wiretap it."

"So why aren't we using it?" the corporal standing by the door wanted to know.

"'Cause we don't have one. They're hella expensive," Dean said at the same time that Anderson said, "Because it was hit in the initial attack."

Dean's eyes grew wide. "We have a QEC _here_?" he gaped.

"We did," Anderson replied. "It was in a room off of central dispatch."

"Which got hit," Dean said. Anderson nodded grimly.

"Damn," Dean said. "Well, I don't suppose we had many ships with a QEC unit anyhow."

Anderson paused for a moment, then decided the time for secrecy on the subject had passed. "Not true," he said. "Our eight fleet flagships each have one, and they were building one for the Normandy as well. We also have QEC units at every major Alliance station on Earth and in space."

"You had _how_ many QEC units?" Dean gaped at him. "And they could all talk to each other?"

"They were all point-to-point networked, yes," Anderson replied. "All fifteen of them. Though I'm not sure how many are still online. And the Normandy didn't yet have connection to all the other units."

Dean stared at him, his mouth hanging slightly open. "Holy _frack_," he said, astounded. "How did the Alliance afford _that_?"

"It's not important right now," Anderson said stiffly. "The important thing is getting us to a QEC unit that's still live."

"Huh," Dean said. "Well, if you hid the QEC units in plain sight off of central dispatch stations, then it should be pretty easy to see which Alliance stations got hit. Hang on..." He turned at once to his omnitool and began typing at the keyboard. "Sydney," he murmured. "Gone. Mumbai...nope. Rio... Geez, looks like everything's down. Though it's hard to tell if that's on our end or..."

"London," Anderson said.

"London?" Dean repeated. "You sure? UK got hit hard."

"There's a second command bunker in Greenwich," Anderson told him. "Station Nine. It's deep underground and off the record as well. They would have gone into lockdown the moment the Sol comms went out. Also, that's the one Earth QEC that I'm certain has a counterpart on board the Normandy."

"What's the address for it?" Dean asked. Anderson told him the network address and Dean looked it up.

"It just looks like a server room station," he said.

"That's the idea," Anderson told him.

"But it also looks like it's online," Dean said. "Well, if that's the only place we're sure of that has a QEC..."

"Then that's where we're going," Anderson said. "Do you have what you need?"

"Well," Dean said, looking at his omnitool, "I could use some more..."

"Do you really need it?" Anderson asked sternly.

"Guess not," Dean said. "So, um, London?"

"London," Anderson agreed. He turned to the other soldiers and they straightened at once. "We need to find a shuttle or a ship and get to London at once. When we get up to the field, the priority is on protecting Mr. Dean here. He may be our last chance at getting global communications up and running."

The soldiers looked at the lanky technician doubtfully, but said nothing.

"Alright," Anderson said. "Move out."

"Never been to London," Dean mused as he headed to the door.

"I doubt there's much left of it to see," Anderson replied.

"Oh, yeah," Dean said, slightly chagrined. As he rounded the corner, he stopped suddenly, then grabbed something up from the bench by the door.

"My coffee," he explained when Anderson looked back at him. The other soldiers just looked at him like he was crazy. He took a sip, then made a face. "Cold," he said. "Well," he shrugged, then took another sip. "What the hell, right? Might be the last coffee I get. I don't intend to waste it."

Anderson looked at the contractor consideringly. The man was useful, but clearly, he was going to be a handful to work with. Still, beggars couldn't be choosers, Anderson thought. Out loud, he simply said: "This will go much more smoothly if you're an Alliance soldier, you know."

"You mean so you can give me full access to the systems?" Dean asked hopefully.

"So I can order you to get the hell out of the server room the first time I tell you to," Anderson replied. One of the other soldiers snorted at that.

"Oh, right," Dean said sheepishly. "Um, yeah, okay. Cool."

"You are hereby reinstated, Technicians Chief Dean," Anderson announced as he strode down the hallway. That made Dean the second soldier that Anderson had reinstated into the Alliance in as many hours. And like Shepard before him, Dean didn't seem too thrilled with the prospect. Anderson could hardly blame him - or Shepard. It was a tough time to be joining the Alliance, but humanity needed all the help it could get.

"Okay," Dean said slowly. "That's, um, great." He took another swig of his cold coffee, then shrugged his shoulders. "Well," he said, "My pen-and-paper roleplay buddies probably cancelled tonight's meeting. What else have I got to do but duct-tape together Earth's comm systems?"

Anderson actually broke a smile at that. These younger soldiers were nothing if not quick to rally their spirits. They would all need such optimism in the battle to come.

Aloud, Anderson said: "Indeed. Welcome back to the Alliance, Dean."

* * *

><p>The hatch slid shut with a hiss and the sound echoed throughout the hold. Kaidan stood there, staring back at the closed door, trying not to think of all the things he had just left behind.<p>

Just then, the ship pitched in a familiar way, as if gravity was jumping about three feet to the left and to the right at the same time. Kaidan recognized it as the Normandy kicking in the artificial gravity and taking off from the planet below. He his gaze shifted from the hatch and settled on Shepard, who was just standing there in the center of the hold. Her face was turned away; her hair gleamed a sickly shade of yellow under the dim lights. She looked as broken as he felt, Kaidan thought, as though she was preparing to fight a long defeat and didn't want to get started.

Shaking himself to action, Kaidan looked around the hold and his eyes went to the armory workbench. Mechanically, he walked over to the crates nearby and looked inside. They had guns, it seemed, but they were basic models and they appeared to have come straight from the factory.

Kaidan took out one of the assault rifles and set it on the workbench to get it in order. He doubted they would need guns on the Citadel, might even be asked to leave them behind. But, then, Kaidan thought, it never hurt to have weapons in order in a time like this.

* * *

><p>Shepard stood frozen to the spot, still trying to draw her mind back from the destruction she'd just witnessed down below on Earth. She tried telling herself that there was hope, that if she could just get to Liara, she could get the blueprints for that device that might very well give them the edge against the Reapers.<p>

But a single weapon might not be enough, Shepard thought. To defeat the Reapers they'd need lots of guns and lots of ships and resources and tactics and time...

Time, damn it, Shepard thought, running her fingers through her hair. Time was what they didn't have. Time was what they had wasted in the first place.

"Message coming in from Admiral Hackett," Joker's voice sounded over the comm. Shepard perked up at once. Hackett? That was good. She had almost given up the 5th fleet for lost.

"I thought we lost Sol comms," Shepard replied.

"We did," Joker told her. "But EDI did a quick patch to try and get the QEC transmitting right. It's a little rough, but it works. Do you want to take it in the War Room?"

"Send it down here," Shepard ordered, not wanted to bother with the elevator right now.

"Got it," Joker replied. Kaidan set down the rifle he'd been cleaning and came to stand beside her at the display screen. He stood close enough for her to feel the heat of him, which was strangely comforting and distracting all at once.

"Shepard," Hackett's voice came over the screen, quite pixelated and almost lost to static. "We've sustained heavy losses... Earth...?"

"It's bad, sir," Shepard told him. "We're on our way to the Citadel." She she explained how Anderson had stayed behind, trying to ignore the way Kaidan was standing right at her shoulder.

"First...another mission," Hackett said. "...need you...go to Mars."

"Mars?" Kaidan blinked. "Why Mars?"

"Liara got ahold of you?" Shepard asked brightening at once.

Even over the comm, she could tell she'd surprised him. "Yes... how did you...?"

"Uh, Liara's intel came up in the Defense Committee hearing," Shepard said.

It was true, strictly speaking, but Shepard still felt uncomfortable not telling Hackett everything. However, there was little time to talk and no time at all to raise questions about how she'd come by her information. Hackett didn't appear to notice her fib through the static, and she could only hope Kaidan didn't catch on either.

"Liara said..." Hackett went on, his voice nearly lost in the interference. "...way to stop... Reapers... only way to stop..."

"God, I hope there are other ways," Shepard muttered darkly. "'Cause I don't think she found much."

"Do you know what he's talking about?" Kaidan asked her.

"I know a bit," Shepard hedged. "To Mars then," she said to the computer screen, saluting Hackett. "Stay safe, sir." Then she switched on her comm link and gave Joker the order.

"Mars?" Joker replied. "Roger that."

"Shepard, what's this all about?" Kaidan asked at once. He sounded decidedly suspicious.

"Liara has some intel," Shepard replied, not meeting his eyes.

"I got that part," Kaidan said impatiently. "But why didn't Anderson mention it?"

"I guess he didn't think it would add up to much," Shepard shrugged. "But we have to get to Mars before the Reapers take the Sol system."

"Sure," Kaidan agreed, "but how come the Defense Council didn't mention it when I..." But he didn't get much further than that. For just then, the elevator opened and James came stalking out.

"What the hell, Blue?" James called out, his voice echoing into the hold. "Why aren't we dropping back into orbit?"

Shepard had no idea why James would call her 'blue,' but she let that go for the moment.

"We're leaving," Shepard told him flatly.

"Leaving?" James said, his gaze swinging to her. "What the hell? We can't just turn tail and run."

The fact that Shepard had been thinking something very similar just moments ago did not improve her mood.

"We can and we will," she replied cooly.

"Well screw that," James said. "I'm not leaving our guys to die down there. I'm a ground-team fighter, through and through. So you can just drop me off..."

"Shut it, James," Shepard snapped. "You don't like this? We get that. But this isn't up for a vote."

She turned her back on him and headed for the armory.

* * *

><p>James looked from Shepard to Kaidan and the lieutenant's eyes narrowed just a fraction. Then he turned to Kaidan instead.<p>

_Oh boy_, Kaidan thought at once. _Here it comes._

Sure enough, James snapped off a salute and addressed the major.

"Sir," he said, his eyes riveted to a place just above Kaidan's head. "Request that we stay to fight."

At James words, Shepard whirled around, her eyes alight with fury.

"Don't you _dare_," she snarled. "Denied," Kaidan said at the same time, but James apparently didn't hear him.

"Then request permission to stay behind, _sir_." James practically spat the honorific.

"Denied," Kaidan said again, more sharply this time. Shepard stalked up to Vega, her fists flaring with biotic energy.

"Did I miss something, Vega?" she said, her voice low and cold. "Because I think I just heard you question a direct order from your superior officer."

"_He's_ the major," Vega said defiantly, nodding to Kaidan. "You think I take orders from just anybody?"

"You'll take them from me," Shepard said firmly. But James was clearly spoiling for a fight and Shepard looked ready to oblige him.

"I fought with the major just now," James said, stabbing a finger in Kaidan's direction. "He knows what the hell he's doing. So why should I follow _you_ when he's the only sane one here?"

Kaidan would have appreciated the backhanded compliment if it weren't for the fact that it was just the kind of thing to set Shepard on edge. "That's enough, James..." he began, but Shepard spoke over him.

"Kaidan and I are trying to do the same thing," she told James. "Anderson is sending us to the Citadel to get the Council to help Earth. And maybe you missed it, but Hackett just ordered us to Mars. That's _two_ goddamn admirals telling us to leave Earth, in case you lost count."

"And you're going to convince the Council to just, what? Give up their fleets? I don't think so. I watched you for the past six months, Shepard. You couldn't even get a hearing with the brass until today. You needed _me_ to keep the Batarians off of you..."

_Wrong move_, Kaidan thought distantly. Before he could stop her, Shepard flared from the top of her head all the way down to her shoes and took a step toward James. Kaidan grabbed her arm to stop her. Amazingly, James did little more than flinch.

"Drop it, Shepard," Kaidan said sharply, but she wasn't listening. When she spoke, it was in a voice that was low and cold with deadly intent.

"You think you're still my guard?" Shepard demanded, biotic fire flickering all along her shoulders. "You think you're keeping me in line? Well I've got news for you, Vega. You don't know shit about me. You have no idea what I'm capable of. The stories they tell about me? They're true. When it comes to getting the job done, I don't let _anything_ stand in my way. So listen up, lieutenant. You're on _my_ ship now, and we do things my way from here on out."

"That's mutiny!" James exclaimed, his eyes going wide. "Blue's the ranking officer here, and he..."

"Enough!" Kaidan shouted.

"I'm a Spectre," Shepard spat, yanking her arm out of Kaidan's grip, "And I intend to carry out my mission if its the last thing I do. If you do not get in line behind me, Vega, I _will_ tear you apart, if only to make an example of you. So stand. Fucking. _Down_."

Honestly, Kaidan thought, this was getting them nowhere. Shepard looked ready to throw a punch and James looked ready to meet it, With a disgusted frown at them both, Kaidan brought up the comm link on his omnitool.

"This is Major Kaidan Alenko," he announced to the entire ship.

Shepard and James both turned at once to gape at him. Kaidan ignored them both and went on, his voice low and measured:

"Admiral Anderson has chosen to stay behind on Earth. That leaves me as the ranking officer on the Normandy. I am therefore in command of both the vessel and the crew. However," he added, seeing Shepard's eyes widen and her mouth drop open in outrage, "We have a Council Spectre aboard: the newly re-instated Lieutenant Commander Shepard. And that changes things."

Shepard's eyebrows raised and the fury in her face was replaced by a wary expression. For her benefit - and the benefit of James and the few crew still aboard - Kaidan explained:

"Spectre agent Shepard is requisitioning this vessel in order to carry out the final orders of the Defense Council. For the duration of her mission, I will be acting as Alliance liaison to the Spectre agent. As soldiers under my command, you will defer to Shepard as I do. If you have any questions about the jurisdiction of Spectre agents or how Spectre teams work, please review Alliance protocols for such missions as outlined in the Systems Navy Handbook, under the heading 'Nihilus Protocols.'"

Kaidan thought for a moment, then decided that about summed things up. "Alenko out," he said, and let the link drop. Then he calmly went back to adding an upgrade to his assault rifle.

There was a long pause, in which the only sound was the humming of the ship's engines.

"Can you _do_ that?" James exploded suddenly, his jaw dropping open.

"I just did," Kaidan replied.

"You can't just give up command like that," James shook his head.

"He didn't give up command," Shepard said quietly. She was watching Kaidan closely, her expression now unreadable. "The protocols he's referring to were drafted when Anderson picked up Spectre agent Nihilus for the Eden Prime mission. Anderson commanded the crew, but Nihilus was the one we were taking orders from."

"I've heard about that," James said. "But didn't the Spectre get himself killed straight off?"

"I'm hoping Shepard has a little more sense than Nihilus did," Kaidan said, glancing up at her briefly before returning to his rifle.

"Me too," Shepard said wryly. "But Nihilus didn't do much more than use the Normandy as his base of operations. Whereas I intend to lead this crew, Kaidan." The challenge in her voice was unmistakable.

"And _I _intend to follow our last orders," he told her, evenly. "If Anderson had been thinking clearly, he might have promoted you and avoided the issue entirely. But he didn't, so this is my solution to smooth out the chain of command"

"Or maybe he _didn't_ promote her on purpose," James put in. "Maybe Anderson wanted you to keep her in line..."

"I'm here because of dumb luck," Kaidan said baldly. "So are you. So is she. We're making the best of it, and you, lieutenant, are completely out of line to be arguing like this with your commanding officer - _both_ of your commanding officers."

"I just want to be clear on this," James said unrepentantly. "I've spent the past six months being told she's nuts. She wasn't even allowed on this ship. And now you just want me to roll over and take her orders?"

"_Yes_," Shepard growled. At the same time, Kaidan glared and him and said, "That's exactly what I want you to do."

James frowned. "And you? Are _you_ gonna follow her orders, too?"

Shepard's gaze swung to Kaidan and she raised one blonde eyebrow. The look on her face spoke clearly what her voice did not: _Yeah Kaidan, are you gonna follow my orders, too?_

Well, Kaidan wondered briefly. Would he?

On the one hand, he knew the answer was 'yes.' To have two senior officers in conflict was just a recipe for mutiny. Any soldier knew that. There was a reason Alliance protocols clearly outlined a chain of command and stuck to it. And more than that, Kaidan was certain Shepard could still lead a team. She had defeated the Collectors, after all. It wasn't her skills that he was uncertain of.

No, what had Kaidan hesitating for just a moment was the fact that even as he stood here in the hold, he could see evidence of the Normandy's retrofit. This ship had begun as a Cerberus vessel - just as Shepard had recently worked as a Cerberus agent. The woman he was about to work with - that he was about to hand command of this ship over to - had been in the employ of terrorists for months - possibly years. And while Shepard seemed willing to work with the Alliance now, have even been reinstated into Navy ranks, Kaidan couldn't help but wonder if she still had ties to Cerberus.

And so long as Kaidan wondered that, he couldn't completely relax his guard around her. Nor could he completely trust her every decision.

Of course, he wasn't about to say all that in front of James.

"Yes," Kaidan said, certain that his hesitation had passed so quickly as to go unnoticed. "The Spectre is in charge now, James."

* * *

><p>Shepard let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. Kaidan had paused there for a second, which didn't bode well. While he'd agreed to her leadership after the space of a moment, Shepard could tell he didn't like it. She also knew that she shouldn't dwell on it. It shouldn't matter whether Kaidan liked her authority or not so long as he accepted it and that matters were clear for the crew.<p>

Shepard turned to James and fixed him with a stern glare. "Any further questions?" she asked, her tone of warning clear.

"No questions, ma'am." He paused, then added. "I'll follow your orders, but I reserve the right to bitch about it."

Shepard stifled a smile. James' bullheadedness was almost endearing at times. Almost. "Noted, lieutenant," she said. "Go make sure that the shuttle is in order."

James nodded and snapped off a salute. "Yes, ma'am," he said before walking away. Shepard waited until she was sure he was out of earshot, then turned back to Kaidan. He was avoiding her eyes and acting calm, but she thought she could read tension in the lines around his mouth.

"That was neatly done," she said in a low voice, watching him closely.

Kaidan picked up heatsink, and shoved the clip into the assault rifle without looking up.

"It needed doing," he replied stiffly.

Shepard tried to ignore her growing irritation. "So," she said, "Did you mean it?"

"I'm not in the habit of saying things I don't mean," Kaidan informed her.

"And I am?" Shepard bristled.

Kaidan said nothing as he continued his work.

"We need to be clear on this, Kaidan," Shepard snapped, her brows drawing together. "If push comes to shove, are you going to follow my orders?"

"I believe I just gave my answer to the entire ship," Kaidan shot back.

"I want to hear it from you," Shepard insisted.

Kaidan let out a pent-up breath. He set down his rifle with and braced his hands on the table between them. His lips thinned to a line as he considered the guns.

"I meant what I said," he told her evenly. "I'll take the role of liaison. It will make sense to the crew and allow you to move more freely as a Spectre."

"But technically, it puts you in charge of _my_ ship," Shepard observed.

"Technically, yes," Kaidan raised his eyes to meet hers.

"So I'm in charge so long as you agree to follow my orders?"

"That's right," Kaidan said, his voice steady, holding a slight warning.

"And if you disagree with any of my orders?" Shepard pressed.

"Is there some reason I'd disagree?" Kaidan asked. His nonchalant tone didn't fool her for a second. He was testing her, she thought, fury erupting all over again.

"So I'm only in charge until your paranoia gets the better of you?" Shepard snapped.

Kaidan's eyes darkened, and he opened his mouth to say something, but just then, James swung out of the shuttle. Kaidan stopped himself and just glowered at her.

"Shuttle's ready," James called to them. "We gonna suit up or what?"

Shepard glared at Kaidan briefly and he returned her gaze.

"We're not done with this, Kaidan," she murmured.

"No _commander_," Kaidan replied, sternly. "We're not."

Shepard bit back a retort, then turned on her heel and headed for the lockers. She could scarcely reign in her irritation. She ought to be thrilled to have Kaidan safely aboard the Normandy, she thought. Given how close a call it was, getting out of Vancouver at all, she ought to be grateful he was safe, grateful that she had the chance to talk to him again, grateful that the best soldier she had ever served with was at her side for this difficult mission ahead of her.

Instead, Shepard couldn't help wishing that Kaidan _wasn't _here just now and she could run the ship as she pleased. No, she told herself as she unzipped her sweatshirt, that was unkind. She didn't want Kaidan gone. She just wished he wasn't so damn insubordinate all the time.

Though actually, she reminded herself, there was a time when his insubordination had been very welcome indeed, for more reasons than one...

Right, Shepard thought as she stuffed her sweatshirt into the locker. And just look at all the trouble it had gotten her into. She'd gotten close to Kaidan and it had all blown up in her face. It just went to show that if you screwed around with the crew, you entirely screwed up the chain of command.

* * *

><p>Kaidan tried to get a reign on his temper. Usually, he had no trouble keeping a level head when it came to power-plays among soldiers. When some hot-head would test him in the past, Kaidan would just remain calm until the guy started throwing punches. And then Kaidan would stick the guy in stasis and leave him there until he cooled off. It was damn effective at sorting out the pecking order. But Shepard always got under his skin.<p>

He should have known she wouldn't just defer to his rank. She had been given the mission for a start, but beyond that, she always prefered to run things. There was even a time when he had admired her for that high-handedness. In the field, her decisiveness was a clear asset. When the two of them had worked together in the past, Shepard had always been forging ahead while Kaidan had been checking the exits. It made for an excellent partnership.

But now, there was just too much history between them, Kaidan thought with a shake of his head. He probably should have just given Shepard the assurances she wanted instead of implying that he was keeping an eye on her. But damn it, he wasn't going to let anything even remotely related to Cerberus taint this ship or this mission. She had to know that. He had to hold to some standards here, even if Shepard was willing to do anything to get the job done.

"You and the commander get things sorted out?" James asked. Kaidan didn't bother to look up. Evidently, the guy was at least insightful enough to realize Shepard and Kaidan had been hashing things out while he'd been sent to go work on the shuttle.

"Yeah," Kaidan said, even though it wasn't true. "Just be ready to keep up with us when we hit Mars."

"Hey, this isn't my first op, Blue," James replied. "I've seen enough action to... Whoa." James broke off and said nothing more.

"What?" Kaidan asked. He looked up to find James staring past him with a stunned look on his face. Kaidan looked over his shoulder, and then he froze as well.

Commander Shepard stood by the lockers, and she had just pulled her t-shirt up over her head and was now just standing there in her sports bra.

_Oh_, Kaidan's brain noted distantly, _so that's what Commander Shepard wears under her armor_.

What Commander Shepard wore under her armor was a skin-tight running tank of lipstick red. It outlined her figure perfectly; unlike the more utilitarian Alliance gear, it didn't crush her breasts against her body, but outlined each of them in all their fullness. Maybe it was the cold that contributed to it, but her nipples were clearly visible, straining against the fabric. Another shove and Shepard dispensed with her torn sweatpants as well. Underneath, she wore a matching pair of tight red shorts. Oblivious to the fact that she now had an audience, Shepard bent over at the waist to pick up her sneakers.

Kaidan found his mouth had gone entirely dry. His palms, however, felt sweaty, and strangely aching to get hold of something - like perhaps any part of that rear end before him.

"Oye Mamacita. ¿Quién podría culpar a los toros?"

The blatant statement admiration brought Kaidan's gaze swinging back around to a rather dumbfounded James. The lieutenant was staring at Shepard with his eyebrows raised and his mouth hanging slightly open. "Hey commander," he said more loudly. "How come I never noticed how built you were before? Yeow."

Kaidan's brows snapped together at once, but before he could say anything, Shepard turned around and just glared.

"Earth is burning, Vega," she said flatly. "Keep it in your pants."

"Ouch," James said, turning his head to the side as if she'd physically slapped him. "God damn, Shepard. I was just joking. You can't expect..."

"I can and I do expect you to get suited up ASAP and to keep your dumbass comments to yourself. We've got guns and armor to sort out before we reach Mars and that gives us twenty minutes tops to get ready."

She then turned to grab her under-armor body suit out of her locker, leaving Kaidan and James with a perfect view of her backside. The tank top had runched up around her natural waist, exposing a stripe of bare, white skin. Kaidan could see the dimpled spot where her spine reached her rear end, and again had a sudden urge to reach out and...

"Is she always this cruel?" James muttered to Kaidan. Kaidan started and shook his head in order to clear it.

"That's enough, soldier," Kaidan growled at him. "Just follow your orders."

James shrugged, then gave Shepard one more appreciative glance before heading to the lockers himself. Kaidan had to fight back the urge to tell the younger man not to stare.

Okay, Kaidan thought. He was being a total hypocrite, and he knew it, since he was staring as well. And Shepard, for her part, appeared to be completely oblivious to all this as she stabbed her feet into the body suit and pulled it up to her waist.

"So what happened to my jumpsuit?" Shepard asked James, nodding at her locker. "I mean, this new stuff is nice and all, but I miss my old gear."

"That thing was a relic," James said, his tone teasing. "Hard to believe the great Commander Shepard managed to stay alive in that old thing."

"It was my lucky charm," Shepard said. "Like my old favorite pair of cowboy boots back on Mindoir."

"It was merc gear," James said. "Crappy merc gear at that."

"It didn't come with a Cerberus logo," Shepard replied. "That was the reason I chose it over all their fancy swag."

Kaidan paused at her words. If she didn't want to wear a Cerberus logo, then why the hell had she joined them? Her comment confused him. He knew that sometimes Shepard talked like she resented Cerberus, but she had worked with them in the first place. It really made no sense.

Deciding he wasn't going to get any clear answers about that at the moment, Kaidan forced himself to focus on armor - his armor - and not Shepard as she tried to pick out her own gear. He needed to get his suit on, after all, and Alliance groin protection made no allowances for arousal.

Sadly, Kaidan thought, he _did _have experience with that kind of thing. After all, he'd worked with Shepard before.

* * *

><p>Shepard reached into her locker for a harness, then froze. Because beside her, Kaidan had just stripped his shirt off. The sudden motion had caught her eye, and she had turned just in time to see him lower his arms and that familiar expanse of tanned muscle of his back had flexed with the motion. He completely ignored her as he turned to the locker - giving her a brief glimpse of chest hair - and tossed the shirt in.<p>

_I am such a hypocrite_, Shepard thought. Here she had taken James to task for checking out a superior officer, and then here _she_ was, watching Kaidan's muscles flex, watching him unclasp his belt and zipper and shuck his pants...

_Hot damn,_ Shepard thought distantly. Was Kaidan's ass always that toned? And his thigh muscles? And then Shepard noticed a distinct bulge in the front of his shorts that sent the blood rushing to her face. Suddenly, the chilly, cavernous cargo bay felt a little too cramped and a little too warm. That couldn't be for _her_ could it? Well, surely it was for her, right? She didn't imagine it was for Vega.

Shepard just stood there, painfully aware of the sound of Kaidan's clothing slipping off and hitting the floor. Funny how the sound of _his_ clothing sounded so different to her ears than James' clothes, she thought. Clearly she was going nuts after so many months in an Alliance jail. Clearly, lack of sex had warped her mind.

Shepard peeked another glance at Kaidan. She didn't mean to, obviously, but he was just _there_, and then, all of a sudden, she noticed something else.

"Hey," she said, grabbing him by the shoulder to turn him around. "What happened to you?" She looked at his chest with a frown. Distracted by the gashes as she was, she almost could ignore the muscle.

"Husks," Kaidan said, pulling away.

"You need medigel?" she asked. "'Cause I think the medbay...?"

"It's nothing," he said shortly. Shepard wasn't quite sure if she'd offended him or not, but clearly he was still smarting over their argument of a few minutes ago. Feeling instantly prickly herself, Shepard turned back to the lockers and yanked out a pair of boots.

"I was just trying to help," she said, instantly cursing the way her voice sounded rather petulant.

"I'm fine," Kaidan said in that deep voice of his. Shepard avoided looking his way, but just hearing that rasp had her imagining his bare back all over again.

* * *

><p>Kaidan tried not to think about the lingering feel of Shepard's fingers on his shoulder, nor the fact that she seemed to be glancing at his crotch every couple of seconds. For his part, Kaidan kept trying - and failing - not to look over at her, stare at the smooth expanse of unblemished white skin...<p>

Kaidan froze as he registered what he was looking at. He was looking at Shepard's waist: her white, trim waist. And the shrapnel scars that used to criss-cross her left side were gone.

Kaidan instantly froze, then his eyes scanned her quickly from head to toe, picking up other details he'd missed in his initial ogling of her body.

The thin medical scar that used to run from the back of her skull down to her shoulder blades, the tell-tale implant scar for an L3, was gone. The knick on the back of her right elbow, a childhood injury from mindoir, was gone, too. The crescent scar around her eye was gone, and he now remembered that on Horizon, he'd noted that her eyes had changed color to a uniform ice blue. Her nose was straighter too, the bones unbroken.

And more than that, Kaidan sensed the coiled thrumming of her biotics on a completely different frequency than before. Instead of that crackling static that had once marked Shepard's energy signature, Kaidan now sensed a deep pool of power, like and underground river coursing through her. They were subtle changes, all of them, but taken together, they were almost staggering.

Last of all, Kaidan looked to her shoulders and his eyes finally registered what he was seeing there before she pulled her jumpsuit up over her back and flipped her hair out of the collar. The freckles that used to dot Shepard's shoulders, the freckles that he had once tried to kiss one by one, were gone. There were a few freckles on her face, he saw, but they were not at all like the freckles he remembered from before. It was like the skin under her armor had never seen battle, never seen the sun.

Rather than finding her smooth complexion beautiful, the sight made Kaidan's blood run cold. Shepard's words came back to him from years ago on Horizon:

_I was in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me._

_Dear God_, Kaidan thought, the proof of those words hitting him fully. How had they rebuilt her? How far did the reconstruction go? Surely the work was just cosmetic. Surely, he told himself, it was just her body that had needed work after what had happened to her. At least, he certainly _hoped _that they hadn't messed with her mind.

And as he thought that, Kaidan had the sinking realization that he had just handed the command of this ship over to a reconstructed woman. Reconstructed in body, anyhow, and in her mind...?

Kaidan didn't know. Honestly, he didn't _want_ to know. Perhaps Shepard thought her ties with Cerberus were at an end, but perhaps she wasn't as free of them as she'd led the Alliance to believe. Either way, Kaidan knew that he was going to have to watch her more closely than he originally thought.

At least they only had a simple side mission ahead of them, Kaidan told himself, forcing his eyes back to his own locker and his own gear. All they had to do was pick up Liara and get on their way to the Citadel. That shouldn't take long.

The Archives were just a backwater research station, after all. Nothing much ever happened on Mars.

* * *

><p>Dr. Cameron Harrison stood at his station, staring off into space with a dreamy expression. Such an expression looked rather awkward on a man of such bulbous features, but Harrison didn't really care how he appeared to the other scientists.<p>

After all, all he cared about was _her_. He'd actually stolen a caress from her last night. Well, a squeeze of the hand, really. Dr. Core had a surprisingly strong grip, he thought with a smile. And tonight, he might be able to experience that grip again - in a much more intimate way. Because when he had suggested that they have dinner together again, she had taken things a step further. She had asked him to join her for coffee in her quarters instead. He was pretty sure she had meant that as a euphemism. He could hardly wait.

And speaking of the lovely doctor, Harrison thought, there she was now. Dr. Core was walking at an almost impossibly fast pace across the room, her lithe hips swinging, her high heels click-clicking across the metal floor. Harrison called out a greeting to her, but she did not stop. No, she just went over to the airlock, hit the button and then disappeared into the room beyond.

Harrison frowned. Maybe she hadn't seen him. Maybe he should go over there now and say hello. Perhaps she was ready for coffee now. The thought had his heart pounding double-time.

But then, suddenly, there was a whooshing sound and the whole room seemed to pitch. Harrison gasped for breath, feeling as if all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. He clawed at his throat, his bulging eyes darting to the airlock.

It had been left open.

He tried to run to the airlock, but already dizziness overwhelmed him. He heard the other researchers choking, gasping. He tried to scream, but couldn't seem to find his voice.

And then he saw her.

Dr. Core walked past the windows, the same breakneck gait, the same confident rolling of her hips. But now, only now, Harrison could see how wrong it was, how artificial it was.

Because Dr. Core was walking _outside._ Outside on _Mars. _And she was wearing no helmet.

As Harrison fell to the floor, the last thing he saw was Dr. Core striding past the windows without blinking.


	8. Armor

**Author****'****s****Note****:** So I didn't update last week (maybe you noticed). Busy week, burnout, etc., and I wrote a chapter I just didn't _like_. It wasn't terrible; I just felt uninspired by it. So I ended up taking the last few lines I'd written and completely overhauling everything from there. I hope to keep up the chapter-a-week pace and good writing as well from here on out. That's the plan, anyhow. Thanks for understanding the break in my schedule.

Also, a few other things: first, there is a little ceramic mug in this chapter that was inspired by a fanart called "Actually, I wanted to talk" by Dashiana of deviantart. Yes, a ceramic mug. Secondly, thank you multiplayer Rebellion expansion pack for clarifying a question I had about Cerberus augmentation, and finally, holy cow I wanted to change up some of that Mars dialog. So, I did.

-sage

* * *

><p><em>Chapter<em>_ 8: __Armor_

* * *

><p>Liara scrambled on her hands and knees through the air vent, cursing her situation and the foolishness that had led her to it.<p>

She should have been more patient. She should have waited until she was absolutely certain that the way to the Archives was clear. But she had acted hastily instead.

When she had initially snuck out of her room, Liara found her way to a quiet corner and waited for a short time, trying to synch her omnitool wirelessly a local computer and send a distress call. But the same interference that had plagued the Archives all week was in full force. Liara had instead discovered that a few scattered hails had come in from Earth over the emergency broadcast channels. The messages were all cut short, but they all said essentially the same thing: Earth had been lost to an unknown enemy of terrible size and power.

Liara guessed at once what that meant.

Combined with the dust storm forming outside, Liara realized that time was running out. And so she had slipped out of her hiding place, desperate to find a way past the troopers and into the dig site. She hadn't gotten more than a few feet before a handful of Cerberus troopers had spotted her sneaking down the hallway.

She had fought them off, firing off a stasis field to immobilize the first two, a singularity to trap the other three. She shot the guards down one by one, but then half-a-dozen more reinforcements arrived. And so Liara had taken the only sensible course of action: a hasty retreat.

Wearing her lab-suit, Liara was much faster than these soldiers with their bulky white armor and black death-mask helmets. She fired back as many biotic attacks and pistol shots as she could manage to slow her pursuers down, then jumped over a railing to a lower level of the laboratories. From there she slipped through a doorway and down a hall. There was a vent at the other end that should lead to the cargo bay, if she remembered the lab layout correctly. From there, she could get some more ammo for her now-empty pistol and re-think her plan of attack.

Liara had scarcely gotten the vent cover open when a pair of troopers found her. She threw herself into the hole in the wall, narrowly missing the shots they fired at her. And now Liara found herself scrambling through a square-walled maze, occasionally using her native asari ability to biotically teleport short distances in order to get away from her pursuers. She had scarcely gotten to the cargo bay and kicked off the cover of the vent when they opened fire on her. Shooting bullets into an enclosed, metallic space struck Liara as foolish in the extreme, but these troopers were surprisingly single-minded.

Looking down into the cargo bay, Liara spotted a handful of crates stacked nearby and jumped. She landed on the top of them, scrambled to the edge as another bullet went pinging by her head, then rolled off them and down to the floor below. There, right at her feet, was a crate of ammo.

_Finally_, Liara thought. _A __bit __of __luck__._

She shoved a heat sink into her pistol and whirled around just as her pursuers dropped out of the vent after her. Liara shot out a singularity, and the two Cerberus troopers went floating back up into the air again. Liara shot them down cooly. When the singularity faded a moment later, she went to check that they were dead. One moved slightly. Liara walked over to him, pressed her pistol to the vulnerable spot at the back of his neck, where the helmet gave way to the flexible webbing of his body suit, and pulled the trigger.

"Nice work!" Liara heard a voice echo into the vast room. She whirled around, pistol up, biotics flaring, but then instantly stopped. Before her stood three soldiers. They wore mismatched gear, but all of it was clearly Alliance make. More than that, however, the soldier in the center of the trio had hair the color of Sol's sun. Liara recognized her instantly.

"Shepard!" Liara gave the woman an Illium embrace, or one-armed-hug, as the humans called it. "You're a welcome sight."

"As are you," Shepard replied. "We're here to secure that data of yours and get you out of here."

"I can't tell you how glad I am to hear it," Liara said. Her gaze shifted to the other soldiers and she realized that she recognized one of them. "Kaidan," she said with some surprise. "I didn't expect to see you." Liara offered the man her hand by way of greeting.

Kaidan paused for a moment before he shook Liara's hand and gave her a curt nod. Liara felt a certain coolness from the male human - it was a sentiment she shared, actually. She immediately remembered the last time that she had spoken to Kaidan. The two of them had argued about Liara's wish to go and retrieve Shepard's body. Kaidan had not wanted to waste time and resources to scout out a corpse, while Liara couldn't give up hope that Shepard might yet be saved.

And in the end, Liara thought to herself, _her _decision had been the right one. The price had been high, but it had been worth it. For there was Shepard, standing there in that self-assured way that she had. Liara had to marvel a little at that. Even though Liara had seen Shepard in person six months before and had spoken with her nearly every day since, it was still rather remarkable to have the woman back.

"Liara, this is James," Shepard said, interrupting Liara's thoughts by introducing the third soldier. The tall, tattooed man adjusted his grip on his assault rifle and gave Liara a curt nod.

"Hey," he said.

"Yeia," Liara replied politely in asari. Then, in heavily accented English, she added, "Hello James. I am pleased to meet you." While her universal translator could turn her Thessian dialect into human speech, Liara had been brought up to believe that good manners dictated greeting a species in their native tongue, if at all possible. The tattooed human, however, did not seem to notice her efforts.

"Dang," he said, cocking his head to one side. "If I'd known you were going to join us, I'd have saved the nickname 'Blue' for you. But I already gave it to the major."

Liara blinked. "I... What?"

"I'm willing to give it up," Kaidan said. "Really. I don't mind."

"Naw," James said. "Come to think of it, ''Blue' for an asari is a little predictable anyhow. It's like callin' a ginger 'Red.' But I'll come up with something for her. Don't worry."

"I'm sure we were all worried," Kaidan muttered dryly.

"What are you talking about?" Liara asked.

"Nothing important," Shepard said, shaking her head at James. "It doesn't matter. We've got bigger problems."

"Yes," Liara said with a frown, glancing out a nearby window at the dig site beyond. "Cerberus. They've taken the labs."

"Yeah," Kaidan said, with a short, bitter laugh. "We noticed. Quite the welcoming party."

"You already ran into them?" Liara asked. "Then they must have control of the shuttle landing pads, too."

"Not anymore," Shepard said with grim satisfaction.

"Yeah," Kaidan said, slanting a glance at Shepard. "We took out that group, at least."

There was a harshness to his voice that caused both Shepard to frown. She turned to glare at him and Kaidan looked quickly away. Liara wasn't quite sure what that meant, but she now sensed a tension between the two of them. Their posture, the set of their mouths, even the slight crackle of their biotics spoke of some underlying frisson.

Liara had to wonder at that. Surely Kaidan wasn't still angry about Shepard joining Cerberus? She had heard about the reunion on Horizon from Joker, but she hadn't imagined that Kaidan would hold a grudge this long. Humans to forget about things rather quickly, after all. At least, they seemed to forget about things quickly to an asari way of reckoning.

It then occurred to Liara that perhaps Kaidan was upset because of what had happened to Earth. Yes, Liara told herself, that was probably what was going on.

"Let's get going," Shepard said, casting a glance at Kaidan that might have been worried or it might have held a warning. It was rather hard for Liara to read Shepard, after all. She was almost as difficult as read as Kaidan was. The tattooed soldier, however, was much easier to understand. He nodded as if eager to get back into the fight.

"Bring it on," he said in approval.

"Not this fight, James," Shepard said, turning to him. "I want you to head back to the shuttle."

"What?" James frowned.

"I need you at the exit in case Cerberus tries to cut us off."

"Shepard," Liara put in, "If James has the time, I could use my crates of, ah, _gear_ loaded onto the Normandy." She gave the word special emphasis so that Shepard might catch her meaning. "I can set up a base of operations as long as I have the crates numbered five and four. They contain my VI drone and my vidpanels.."

"Right," Shepard said, apparently understanding at once. "James, you heard the doctor. Get those two crates to the shuttle and be ready to pick us up on the other end of the labs."

"Oh, so now I'm playing bellhop while the _scientist_ joins the fight?"

"The _scientist _helped us take down Saren," Kaidan put in before either Shepard or Liara could say anything. "She can handle herself. Get her gear and get back to the shuttle."

"Okay, okay," James grumbled. "I get it. I'm not invited to the biotic party."

Shepard opened her mouth as if to say something, but her words were cut off by a flash of sparks from overhead and the sound of voices shouting from behind a door up above on the balcony. It appeared that Cerberus had found them again.

"That's your cue to get the hell out of here, James," Shepard said, giving the tattooed man's shoulder a shove. "I'll cover you."

"Right," he said, "Have fun storming the labs, guys." He stowed his gun away and ran for the airlock. Under the bravado, Liara thought she detected a note of childlike sadness at being left out of the mission.

"You ready?" Shepard called to Liara as the asari took cover behind a tank.

"To get payback for what happened here?" Liara shouted back. "Of course, Shepard."

* * *

><p>A spray of bullets rained down the hallway, exploding Shepard's barrier in a burst of blue and white.<p>

"Heads up!" Kaidan shouted, yanking her back into cover against the doorframe; Liara dropped down into cover at their feet.

"So Liara," Shepard mused loudly over the rattling sound of gunfire coming down the hallway, "Do all Prothean archeologists protect their dig sites with frickin' _gun __turrets_? Or is that just you?"

As if to emphasize her point, the gun at the end of the hall fired another round of bullets past the doorway. The wall beyond was so riddled with holes as to resemble the far end of a firing range. _This_ was definitely not what she had in mind when Hackett had sent them to Mars, Shepard thought. She'd been planning on boring labs, dull scientists, and a lot of dust - not this state-of-the-art warren of airlocks and hallways.

"This is the largest trove of Prothean data the Alliance officially 'owns,'" Liara returned. "These are merely the automated defenses. Unfortunately, Cerberus seems to have appropriated them."

"That's an understatement," Shepard said darkly. As proof, a corpse lay at the far end of the hallway, wearing a suit of Alliance armor. They hadn't found a single live guard yet. It seemed that Cerberus' attack had been as brutal as it was effective.

Beside Shepard, Kaidan peeked around the corner, then fired a blast from his omnitool at the turret. The gunfire did not let up for a second. Kaidan ducked back against Shepard, his armored shoulder smacking against her own. Barrier still flaring all around him, Kaidan scowled and shook his head.

"That thing is hardwired in the back to protect it from a frontal assault," Kaidan said. "We're going to have to flank it."

"Great," Shepard grumbled, adjusting her grip on her pistol. Then she realized she wouldn't need a gun for this next bit, anyhow. She set the pistol to shut itself up into a more compact mode and clipped the gun to her hip. "I'll take point."

"Shepard, are you sure...?" Liara began.

"Of course I'm not," Shepard replied. "But when has that ever stopped me?"

"Shepard!" Kaidan hollered, but she didn't listen. Instead, she fired up her barrier with all the strength she could muster and ran for the end of the hallway.

Shepard was thankful she'd she'd been training for _this_ kind of thing, at least. She might have had virtually no practice firing a pistol or using biotic attacks lately, but at least she could run like hell with a barrier on.

The turret shot out her barrier at the same time Shepard dropped into cover behind a metal-sheeted railing just inside the room. From here, she could see a few other places she could use as cover: more railing panels and a cluster of abandoned crates. Shepard ducked and rolled to the left, found a safe spot, then waited just a moment before continuing on. She had just reached a corner where the turret could not turn to her when a door before her opened. Out came another pack of troopers, submachine guns at the ready.

"Shit!" Shepard hissed, ducking behind a desk. A bullet went pinging over her head, shattering an abandoned mug and spraying coffee all over her. Half of the mug landed on the floor at her feet and Shepard read "I 3 Science" written on the broken ceramic.

"Shepard!" she heard Liara call from down the hallway.

"I got this!" Shepard shouted back, gathering her biotic power into both her fists.

But before she could attack the troopers on her own, Kaidan was suddenly right there, throwing himself into a forward roll to land right at Shepard's feet. He jumped up and shot out a reaving attack. The Cerberus troopers stumbled back screaming as the distortion field tore them apart a the molecular level, shredding even their armor. Shepard followed his attack with her own, throwing her biotic power as dual warp missiles into the mix. She and Kaidan both ducked as their combined biotics sparked a dark energy explosion. The soldiers were blasted apart; broken armor and gore splattered all over the room.

"Nice work," Shepard said curtly.

"This isn't a solo op," Kaidan told her, his gaze stern. "Stop leaving me in the dust."

Shepard found herself torn between a word of thanks and a sharp retort. On the one hand, Kaidan was right. He could keep up with her just fine and she ought to be relying on him more. Having Kaidan on her team again was incredible. She had fought with biotics since: powerful biotics, controlled biotics, but none of them had Kaidan's strong, steady frequency, not unlike solid Earth on which her own biotics could stand.

On the other hand, there was a definite tension between her and Kaidan now, a tension that had begun back on the Normandy when they were suiting up and then boiled over for a moment there before they'd run into Liara. Kaidan was clearly angry about Cerberus being here, and while Shepard didn't blame him for that - she was pretty pissed off, too - he seemed to be blaming _her_ in this passive way that was totally _not_ helping with the mission. As a result, Shepard kept leaving him behind so that she could charge into the fight, as if leaving a pile of Cerberus bodies behind her could prove her loyalty to the Alliance, once and for all.

But Kaidan was right. Charging ahead on her own made for poor tactics, especially when she had such capable biotics fighting with her. And as much as Shepard wanted to clear the air, she knew that now was not the time, what with these troopers guarding the way before them. Shepard grabbed her pistol off of her hip, waited a second as it went through the automated unfolding process, then went to snap a head sink into it. Kaidan held a thermal clip out to her before she had even realized she was out of ammo.

"Thanks," Shepard said. Kaidan just nodded. Behold the soldier in action, Shepard thought. Kaidan certainly had that cold concentration down. Now she needed to do the same.

Shepard snapped the sink in her pistol, and then, by silent agreement, she and Kaidan ran around opposite ends of the crates into the smoke, both of them with barriers flaring.

Past the smoke screen, Shepard found a heavily armored soldier with full shields blazing. The centurion shot at Shepard with an assault rifle; she ducked down behind a crate for cover, and at the same moment, Kaidan overloaded the man's shields with his omnitool. Shepard used the momentary distraction to jump up above cover and grab the guy by the shoulder. With a roar, she yanked the centurion over the desk, slammed him to the floor, and used a biotic punch to smash his helmet into his face. The body twitched once, then went still.

"My God!" Kaidan exclaimed in surprise.

Shepard ran on into the room, yanking the two troopers off of their feet with a pull, then ducked under their flying bodies and ran straight for the turret controls. Without any time for fancy disarming tech like Kaidan might be able to manage, she just gathered up her biotic energy and slammed her glowing fist into the control box at the back. The resulting electrical pulse blasted off her barrier in a flash. It also detonated the biotic pull behind her. The two troopers went flying out of the door at the far end of the room and Shepard was thrown back into the wall.

Shepard sat up, shook her head and blinked her eyes. Her head was ringing, and she had no memory of landing on the floor. She supposed she had knocked herself out for a second there. Kaidan was running over to her. Liara was right behind him.

"Are you okay?" Kaidan asked sharply.

"I'm fine," Shepard said. "Is that the last of them?"

"All hostiles down," he replied.

"For now," Shepard added, shaking her head again. It was still ringing awfully hard.

Liara looked relieved and turned to the control panel for the tram station beyond. Kaidan walked up to Shepard and stretched out his hand to help her to her feet. Shepard took the offered hand and found herself jerked right up against Kaidan's chest.

Their ceramic armor of his breastplate smacked against her own with a dull thud. And in spite of all those layers of protection, Shepard immediately felt herself blushing to the roots of her hair.

_Well_, Shepard thought, looking down at Kaidan's chest. _This__is__awkward_. And yet, she had to admit, it was also not entirely unwelcome.

* * *

><p><em>Oh <em>_God_, Kaidan thought, looking over Shepard's shoulder at the wall, his throat going utterly dry. He really shouldn't have pulled Shepard to her feet this way. Because now that she was flush against him, even the heavy armor between them couldn't dull the attraction between them. Shepard's mouth was right next to his chin, and he could feel her breath against his skin. He didn't dare pull away from her and look at her face, for fear that she might get the wrong idea and think he was about to do something else - like kiss her. Not, he thought to himself, that he would ever do such a thing. Not on the battlefield in the middle of a mission, for crying out loud.

Though even as Kaidan thought that, even as he continued to stare over Shepard's shoulder and listen to her slightly halting breaths, he had to admit that the idea _had_ crossed his mind. It seemed that he could hold off the attacks of a whole room full of Cerberus troopers, and yet something about Shepard always slipped right past his armor.

There must be something wrong with him, Kaidan thought, that he could simultaneously be attracted to Shepard and angry with her. But then, both attraction and betrayal alike were weapons Kaidan had few defenses against. For the former, he was simply trying to keep his head when around Shepard, and as for the latter, well, he hadn't quite made his mind up about her yet on that score.

Because back there at the start of the mission, he and Shepard and James had come around the corner from the shuttle landing zone and found a group of Cerberus troopers executing Alliance soldiers. And for a moment, for one horrible moment, Kaidan thought Shepard had led them into a trap.

Of course, the next second, Shepard lobbed a cluster grenade into the midst of them and sent the troopers scurrying for cover. James had shouted his approval and tossed a grenade of his own down the hill as well. Shepard had then rushed into the fray with biotics blazing and pistol firing and that had pretty much put to rest Kaidan's fears that she had some part in Cerberus' presence here.

And yet, Kaidan still felt uneasy. This was Cerberus they were dealing with, after all. The Mars station was littered with corpses. The terrorists hadn't been content to shut down the labs or gas the scientists or lock them up. No, they'd systematically killed everyone here: civilians scientists and military personnel alike. All those bodies served as silent evidence of the lengths that Cerberus would go to to achieve their goals.

So even though Kaidan knew that Shepard was not responsible for this attack or what had happened on Earth or any of it, the fact that she had once worn the same symbol as these Cerberus troopers made it difficult for him to keep his anger in check. It was like the same dust storm that was raging outside of the Mars labs was raging inside of Kaidan, too. Red dust whirled in his mind, getting into every chink in his emotional armor and obscuring his vision. So even when Shepard pulled away from him to look up at his face, Kaidan simply could not bring himself to look her in the eyes. His deepest fear was that he might not see Shepard inside that body, but someone else entirely.

* * *

><p>It was kind of pathetic, really, Shepard thought, that something as simple as Kaidan helping her to her feet could turn her into a speechless idiot. Standing here, like this, with his one hand in hers, the other around her waist as if they were ready for some courtly dance, she really couldn't think straight. It didn't matter to her Kaidan was in full armor and so was she. Plastered to him from breast to groin like this - never mind that said breasts and groins were covered in a half-an-inch thick of ceramic plating - thoughts of Earth, Cerberus, even the Reapers grew rather dim.<p>

It reminded her far too much of a similar moment years ago, when Kaidan had found her sitting against her armor locker, angry and frustrated. Back then, he'd offered words of comfort and pulled her to her feet. And then he'd almost kissed her. So just now, when his gaze finally shifted to her face, searched her forehead, her cheek, her chin, before finally settling on her mouth, well, Shepard just had to lean in and...

"They've locked down the tramway," Liara said suddenly, breaking the spell.

Kaidan stepped away from Shepard with a sudden start, as though she had burst into flame.

_Huh_, Shepard thought distantly. _That__'__s __how __this __moment __had __ended __last __time__, __too_. And it was for the best, she told herself. Really, it was. Kissing Kaidan in the middle of the battlefield was insanity. She drew herself up and brushed a hand down the front of her breastplate, as if smoothing out a wrinkle in the reinforced ceramic.

"I have no idea how we're going to get across to the Archives now," Liara went on, her back to them both, her eyes locked on the security feeds. "If there weren't such a bad storm outside, I'd suggest..." She turned around and saw Kaidan and Shepard standing there. No doubt she guessed something was up - or had been up - because she immediately stopped talking and her great blue eyes widened a little.

"Ah-um." Kaidan made a slight coughing sound like he was clearing his throat as he stepped further away from Shepard. "Well," he said, "Here's another idea: we could grab a short range communicator off of one of these guys."

"For what purpose?" Liara wanted to know.

"We can call the squad on the other side and convince them we're Cerberus. We tell them all the Alliance forces are dead and ask them to send a tram over for us."

"That just might work," Liara said, blinking. "Very clever of you, Kaidan."

"Very clever," Shepard said, nodding in approval. Kaidan glanced at her briefly, then swiftly looked away.

"Alright," he said. "I'll go see if any of these guys has a working device. 'Course, your biotics didn't leave me much to work with, Shepard." With that, he wandered out into the cargo bay after the two troopers that Shepard had sent flying out of the room.

Shepard watched him go. Her eyes immediately dropped down from the lights at Kaidan's shoulders, following the articulated 'spine' of his armor and down to his rear end. The suit wasn't quite as flattering as his casuals were, Shepard thought absently, though that was hardly the point of armor, after all.

"Kaidan has become very capable," Liara observed, drawing Shepard's attention. Shepard looked over at Liara sharply, wondering at the tone of the asari's voice. For a moment there, Liara sounded quite admiring of Kaidan. Shepard found herself growing strangely jealous.

"That he has," Shepard said warily. To her surprise, Liara laughed a little.

"What?" Shepard asked.

"You," Liara said, shaking her head with a smile.

"Me what?"

"No," Liara said. "The plural 'you.' I was speaking of you and Kaidan both. But human speech doesn't make the distinction, apparently."

"Some languages do," Shepard told her. "You're coming across in English though, which is a notoriously inadequate language for expressing anything important."

"Ah," Liara said. "I see. That does explain things."

"Explain what?" Shepard repeated.

"Never mind," Liara replied, schooling away her smile. "If you can get a tram sent over, I'm going to grab what little data I can from my centralized files. Once we get to the other end, I doubt I'll have time to grab anything other than the data about the Prothean device."

"Good idea," Shepard replied. She left Liara at the console and went out into the other room to find Kaidan standing before one of the fallen Cerberus troopers.

"No booby-traps on his armor," Kaidan said, running his omnitool over the man's body. "No name or ID number registered with his suit, either. Standard issue submachine gun and a sabre - they didn't even give him an omnitool. It's like they didn't want anything on him that might identify him."

"Sounds like Cerberus," Shepard muttered. "They like their people disposable."

"Except for you," Kaidan said, his voice low and bitter.

"Don't kid yourself, Alenko," Shepard replied, crouching down before the fallen trooper. "I cost more and had a came with an extended warranty, but the Illusive Man planned to use me like any tool."

At his dark brows drew together, Shepard realized that perhaps wasn't the best thing to say. She glanced away and focused instead on unhooking the trooper's helmet lock, exposing his pasty, blue veined neck.

"Whoa," Shepard said, half to Kaidan, half to herself. "Didn't we just kill this guy?" She fumbled with the helmet lock before her gloved fingers found the release latch.

"Huh," Kaidan said, running his tool over the man again, this time on the different frequency. "His body is in some weird state of internal decay. It's not rigor mortis though, it's..."

Shepard finally unlocked the faceplate and pulled it off. Then she jumped back so suddenly that she lost her balance and landed on her backside.

"Holy shit!" she cried.

"Oh my God," Kaidan echoed.

Shepard stared at the body before her, her mouth hanging open in shock.

She was looking at a Husk. Or rather, she was looking at something that was _almost_ a Husk. The trooper had been capable of speech and some degree of rational thought when he'd been fighting and cussing a few minutes ago. But inside his mask, his eyes were dimly glowing with a dying phosphorescence, and his face was crisscrossed with prominent veins and tubes and other evidence of major cybernetic enhancement.

On top of all of that, the body stank like an open sore. Shepard dropped the faceplate to the floor and covered her nose and mouth with her gloved hand.

"No wonder these things don't stay down when you shoot them," Shepard said, feeling her stomach turn. "That thing is more machine than man now."

"So we've been fighting armored Husks?" Kaidan wanted to know.

"Not exactly a Husk," Shepard said. "But they definitely did something to him."

"And by 'they' you mean Cerberus," Kaidan said, his voice low. Shepard turned to see him standing there with his omnitool up, a glowing holograph of the dead trooper spinning like a miniature statue above his 'tool. There were so many glowing lines inside the scan of the corpse that it looked more like a wiring diagram for a robot than the measure of a human's insides.

And suddenly Shepard remembered another holograph scan - the one that Mordin had done on her when they'd discovered just how far Cerberus' 'reconstruction' of her went. Shepard's hand went to the back of her neck and she brushed her fingers over her amp jack. Clearly, she wasn't a thing like this guy here, Shepard told herself. Her eyes didn't glow for a start. But then, when she thought about that damn camera in her head, and all the other tech they had stuffed inside of her to bring her back, she shuddered.

"They did this to their own guy?" Kaidan asked.

"Or maybe he's just a clone or something," Shepard suggested. "There are an awful lot of these troopers."

Kaidan made a soft sound, like he was gasping or choking. There was a tension in his voice that was as unmistakable as the biotic flare on his shoulder when he said, "And if Cerberus rebuilt you, Shepard..."

He didn't finish the sentence, but Shepard knew what he was thinking. She knew, because _she_ had wondered the same thing for nearly a year now: How could she be sure she was the same person she'd been before the Normandy went down? Miranda had said Shepard wasn't a clone, said there wasn't a control chip in her mind. But if her body was completely different now, and stuffed full of cybernetics on top of the native organic tissues, then how could Shepard actually be the same person anymore?

Shepard swallowed back a wave of nausea that had as much to do with the stinking corpse as it did with her own fears. Asking questions about her identity while staring at her reflection in the mirror was completely different than having Kaidan ask the same question while he avoided looking her in the eyes. She found she didn't like the latter at all.

"I'm not like that _thing_, Kaidan," Shepard said with a confidence she did not feel. "I mean, yeah, there's...tech in me." She suppressed a shudder at the thought of just how much. "But it's not like _that_. I smell a lot better, for one thing," she added trying to make a joke of it.

"Very funny," Kaidan said sarcastically.

"Come on," Shepard said, waving a hand from the dead trooper to herself and back, "Look this guy. Do you really see any Cerberus family resemblance between me and him?"

"It might go deeper than the skin," Kaidan said darkly.

At his words, Shepard half expected Kaidan to turn that omnitool of his in her direction and scan her with the same cold efficiency that he'd displayed for the past hour. She knew that he wasn't likely to find the graybox in her head, not on his own. The Illusive Man had hidden the thing in such a way that even Mordin, Dr. Chakwas, and Miranda had missed it in standard scans. Shepard debated whether she should tell Kaidan about it as an act of good faith, or whether that would freak him out even more.

"Shepard, this man's prefrontal cortex has been tampered with," Kaidan went on in disgust, still gazing at the omnitool scan of the dead man. "His ability to reason and think creatively has been hampered, and that's in addition to a level of genetic alteration that's completely beyond what Council law allows for. They've made him into a monster, and then they took away his will to resist orders."

Shepard felt as if her blood was turning to ice water. "They did _what_ to his brain now?"

Kaidan's eyes grew troubled as he continued to study the holograph, deliberately not looking at her.

"It's nothing more than I expected," he said, softly. "Look, Shepard, after Horizon, I studied Cerberus - everything I could find. I wanted to understand... I wanted to know..." He shook his head, then started over again. "You remember back when we fought them, all those years ago? They were running experiments on remote worlds, turning innocent people into Husks."

"I remember," Shepard murmured. She remembered all right: empty pre-fab colony buildings, littered with the corpses of children and parents alike. It was things like that which had made her rage so hard against Cerberus the entire time she had been trapped in their web.

"There were rumors," Kaidan said, "that Cerberus wanted to create some kind of super-soldier. I saw reports - high level stuff that, well, I probably wasn't supposed to see."

"You did a little hacking, Kaidan?" Shepard asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I dug up everything I could," he returned evenly. "And I found reports that Cerberus was studying the effects of indoctrination. They were using Reaper signals to break down the human mind along distinct channels, trying to use that technology as a means to control their own troops. They wanted to make sure that once someone joined Cerberus, that person stayed Cerberus for life."

"They did _what_?" Shepard gaped at him.

"The was no proof though," Kaidan went on, "just hearsay. Because every time someone defected from Cerberus long enough to report to the Alliance about it, that person usually ended up..."

"Dead," Shepard finished for him.

"Yeah. So if Cerberus was protecting their secrets like that, if they really were messing around with Reaper indoctrination... Hell, if they put that kind of tech into _you_..."

Shepard shuddered. Okay, she decided. She should definitely wait to tell Kaidan about the camera in her head until they were back on the ship. And maybe she should get him a drink and make sure he was sitting down at the time, too. She would probably need a stiff drink herself in order to get through talking about it. But the tech inside of her and the tech inside of this Frankenstein look-alike at her feet was _not_ the same thing, Shepard told herself, firmly.

"What they did to me was...extensive," Shepard admitted. "But it didn't go that far. They wanted to use me, sure, but they wanted me as a commander, making decisions, not just a grunt following orders."

Kaidan didn't look convinced.

"Hey, I've seen indoctrinated people," Shepard told him. "I've even just seen people like Miranda, who wasn't brainwashed exactly, she'd just come to believe in Cerberus' cause. Either way, I'm not like that, Kaidan. My mind is my own."

"Are you sure of that, Shepard?" Kaidan asked doubtfully. He let his arm drop, and the omnitool powered down with the gesture. "How can you be sure your mind is the same when your body is so different? Your biotics are overhauled - you're an L5 now, for God's sake. You don't have a scar on you. Shepard, you don't even have _freckles_ on your shoulders anymore."

"I don't..." she broke off, stymied at that last one. "Freckles?"

"I..." Kaidan started, then looked away with what seemed almost like a blush. "When you were suiting up..." He didn't finish that thought.

"Oh," Shepard said distantly. And here she thought Kaidan had been ogling her body in the same way that she had been ogling him. Instead, she supposed that Kaidan had been checking her for modifications, while she had been checking out his ass. That was embarrassing, to say the least.

"It's the skin weave," Shepard explained, trying to sound casual. "They had to regrow it or the scar tissue..." She broke off when she realized that Kaidan was now eyeing her warily. "Its not the same," she insisted.

"But how can you be sure?" Kaidan asked her. "How can you be sure you didn't get programmed into becoming a sleeper agent for that Illusive Man you mentioned?"

The fact that Shepard was worried about the same thing didn't improve her mood any.

"I guess I can't be sure," she said, honestly. "The only proof I have that I'm not brainwashed is that I hate the Illusive man with a fiery passion that borders on homicidal rage."

"I'm serious, Shepard."

"So am I," she returned. "Just what is it you're accusing me of, Kaidan?"

"I'm not 'accusing' you of anything," Kaidan replied. "I'm just trying to figure this all out."

"Really?" Shepard snapped, truly reaching the end of her patience. "Because it seems to me like you've already made up your mind. And frankly, if you _really_think I'm Cerberus sleeper agent, then you should _not_ be standing there, arguing with me about this. If you think I'm compromised, Kaidan, I mean really, truly think it, then you need to take me out."

"What?" Kaidan blanched.

"I would rather die than be Cerberus' puppet," Shepard said fiercely. "I would rather die than become trapped inside of a cage in my own mind. So if you _really_ think I've gone rogue, Kaidan, or that I'm indoctrinated or whatever it is you think, then for God's sake, put a gun to my head and pull the goddamn trigger."

Kaidan shook his head. "Shepard," he said, "I didn't mean..."

"You can't have it both ways, Kaidan," Shepard interrupted. "You either trust me or you don't; you either follow me or you take me out. There is no middle ground."

"It's not that simple, Shepard," Kaidan said, his brows drawing together. "You know it's not that simple."

"Yes, it is," Shepard insisted. "Don't you see...?"

"No, I _don__'__t_see," Kaidan interrupted sharply. "All I've got is a dust storm."

"A what now?"

Kaidan scowled and shook his head. "I heard reports that you were alive," he clarified, "reports you were with Cerberus. I heard what you said on Horizon and got a handful of emails from you that confused me more than anything. All I've got from you is _words_, Shepard. But when I look at your actions, I see a woman who left me alone for years, who then showed up out of nowhere, keeping company with terrorists. So from where I'm standing, I don't _see_ much at all."

Shepard just blinked at him, completely unable to think of anything to say. Or rather, it was because she could think of so many things that she ought to say that she couldn't pick just one of them out of the jumbled pile in her mind.

"Is that what this is about?" she managed after a moment. "Are you mad at me for _leaving_ you?"

"No," Kaidan said hastily, not meeting her eyes. "Well, maybe a little. I don't know."

He let out a breath and ran his hand through his hair.

"I wish I could believe you," Kaidan said. "I _want_ to believe you," he said more quietly, as if he was speaking to himself now. "I want to believe that the woman I followed into hell and back, the woman I lo..." He caught himself and shifted his gaze to the corpse, lying there on the floor.

"I wish I could be certain, Shepard," he said. "But I can't see into your mind. All I've got is what I see from the outside. And the more I've seen of you, the more I know of you, the more confused I get."

"What can I possibly say to convince you then?" Shepard said, bewildered. "Where do I even start?"

"I wish I knew," Kaidan said, half to himself. "I guess I need time. Time to see if I can trust you, time to figure out who you are - _what_ you are... It will be like getting to know you all over again." He continued to gaze down at the dead trooper as he added:

"You've changed, Shepard."

"So have you," she replied, realizing at the same moment she spoke the words that they were true.

"Yeah," Kaidan said, softly. "I know."

The bleak expression in his eyes made Shepard feel incredibly hollow. It hurt so badly, she thought, to feel like she was the same inside, and yet look out at a world that had changed so much. It hurt even more that Kaidan was clearly aching, and that he was aching from a wound that _she_ had dealt him. But there was hardly enough time to staunch that wound right now. She could only hope to put a tourniquet on it until they could have a proper conversation about the past. And right now, the only tourniquet that Shepard could think of for this pain was that of bad jokes.

"Fine," Shepard said. "If you need time, I'll give you time. We'll get this data, take it to the Citadel, and you'll see that I mean to help the Alliance beat the Reapers - and Cerberus - once and for all. And for you," she added teasingly, "for you, Kaidan, I'll even manage to be civil to the turian councilor. Maybe. Unless he does that air-quote thing at me again."

She slanted a glance at Kaidan and saw that this actually got a slight smile from him. That was a good sign, even if he was still looking away from her.

"You sure you can manage that, Shepard?" he asked in that raspy voice of his. "Diplomacy was never your strong suit."

Shepard let out a breath, relieved to see he was willing to see the humor in this situation, at least.

"I'll do what I have do," she replied. "I can see I won't be able to convince you any other way. You always were the most stubborn man in the galaxy," she added with what she hoped came across as a playful tone.

"Me?" Kaidan said, his surprised exclamation ending on what sounded a lot like a laugh. "This coming from _you_, Shepard?"

"I am _far_ more calm, rational and open-minded than you will ever be, Kaidan," Shepard said, raising one eyebrow teasingly. "Anyone can see _that_."

* * *

><p>Kaidan chuckled as Shepard turned from him and reached for the the Cerberus trooper's helmet. That dead soldier lay dead there, like some grotesque Halloween costume stuck inside of a suit of Cerberus armor and here Shepard was, making a joke about the whole thing. That was so very <em>her<em>, Kaidan thought, absently.

That thought brought him up short. A moment ago, she'd been demanding that he kill her if he truly thought she was compromised. Then she had sworn she'd prove her loyalty to the Alliance with a fierceness that impressed him. And now she was teasing him. None of this was calming the dust storm inside of him, but Kaidan felt that somehow, out of that inner haze, he had spotted a familiar silhouette. He just hoped that when the dust settled, he would find himself looking at Shepard, and not a stranger.

"What are you doing?" Liara said behind them, striding out of the control room. "Haven't you got the tram sent for yet?"

"Uh, something came up," Shepard hedged. "We're getting to that now." She snagged the helmet communicator and fired it up.

"Um, hey there," she said into the comm link. "This is...uh...Delta team."

She suddenly switched off the comm and frowned. "Oh crap," she said, turning to Kaidan. "We should have had you do the talking. All these troopers are men. They're going to wonder why their guy had a sex-change mid-mission."

"One of these troopers could be a woman," Liara pointed out. "You can't really tell with the heavy armor."

"And it's kind of hard to tell a boy Husk from a girl Husk," Kaidan added, his voice deadpan.

"True," Shepard agreed. "What with all the implants and the shriveling, it's not like you really notice Husk genetalia when you're fighting them."

Kaidan made a coughing sound, like he was choking back a laugh and Liara just looked confused. Just then, the comm crackled back an answer:

"Delta team, where the hell have you been?" a crusty-sounding voice barked over the comm. Kaidan gave her a bemused shrug and Shepard looked like she was stifling a laugh, her eyes sparkling with amusement. Liara just waved a hand, silently urging them to get on with things.

"Hostiles neutralized," Shepard barked back in what Kaidan assumed she thought sounded like a man's voice. To his ears, she just sounded ridiculous. "Send a tram over, uh...goddammit." She seemed to add the cussing in for good measure.

"Roger that, Delta," the voice snapped back and the link dropped.

"Did they actually believe you?" Liara wondered aloud.

"I wouldn't have," Kaidan said, snorting.

"Yeah, well, you're a bit smarter than these clowns," Shepard said. "Obviously these guys fell for the classic 'join us for the free cookies and cybernetic augmentation' ploy."

"Cerberus has cookies?" Kaidan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The dark side always does," Shepard replied as she stood up. "Speaking of which, admit it: you got this little comm-link idea from that old Star Wars vid, didn't you?"

"I may have," Kaidan hedged, slanting a glance at her and grinning.

"And I was honored to play the part of Han," Shepard laughed. "Don't worry," she added in a stage whisper. "I won't tell Liara you stole the idea from a sci-fi vid. She can continue to think you're brilliant."

"It was a good idea," Liara said. "Regardless of where he got it from."

"Gee, thanks Shepard," Kaidan said. "And what do _you_ think of my brilliance?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Shepard asked slyly and she headed on down into the cargo bay.

_I _would _like __to __know_, Kaidan thought as he watched her walk away. Because given how much he liked the sight of her backside in that extremely flattering armor - not that armor was designed to show off a woman's assets like that, just on Shepard it happened to do so - he really wished he knew what she was thinking. Because when they talked like this, when they joked around like this, there was no way he could think of her and that corpse there as having anything in common.

Shepard still had her sense of humor, it seemed. It had to mean something if Cerberus hadn't robbed her of _that_, right?

* * *

><p>A wall of screens hovered in the air before the Illusive Man, all dark but one. That one screen flickered a little with static, the view focused on a wide pit that was filled with several glowing pillars.<p>

"Data has been secured," a female voice spoke over the comm link. "It will take time to decrypt."

"Do it," the Illusive Man said cooly. The video on the screen before him showed a walkway, then the camera continued its way onto a circular balcony, then down a short, dark passage to a small computer terminal set into a wall.

"I am receiving transmissions from the trooper units," the female voice said, the syllables reverberating with the slightest of synthetic accents. "They are fighting Alliance soldiers in the outer corridor. Also," the screen tilted slightly, like the cocking of a person's head. "my scans detect a Cerberus local area callsign."

"What ID?" the Illusive Man asked, his usually calm voice suddenly eager.

The view of the screen righted itself. "Lazarus013."

"Status?" the Illusive Man wanted to know.

"Graybox unit offline. Requires login..."

"Sending authorization codes," the Illusive Man said. He leaned forward in his chair to type at a screen that appeared in the air before his fingers. "Get into Shepard's head and get everything you can."

"This will interfere with the Prothean data upload."

"Prioritize twenty percent of your processing to get me Shepard's data. Get what you can from her and the Protheans, then get out of there."

"Order acknowledged," the female voice said. There was a pause, then:

"Lazarus013 has entered this room."

The Illusive Man grinned.

"Set up one more link, Eva," he said. "I want to talk to our guests. I'll keep them distracted while you finish your work."

"I will need five minutes to carry out these orders," the Eva unit replied.

"Five minutes then," the Illusive Man said, "Patch me through to Shepard."

* * *

><p>"Ouch!" Shepard hissed, clutching her head. "Son of a...gun," she said, catching both Kaidan and Liara staring at her in alarm.<p>

"What is it?" Kaidan asked

They had just walked up to the glowing pillars of Prothean data at the center of the dig site when Shepard had felt a horrible ringing in her skull. She hoped it was just from having smacked her head on the wall back in the tram station up there. But she feared it was something else entirely.

Then there was a flicker in the air behind them and Shepard knew at once who it was.

"Illusive Man," she hissed, whirling around to glare at the holograph. Suddenly, it was like no time had passed, and she was once against stuck in the dark while this man before her manipulated everything to his will. Maybe she _was_ compromised by Cerberus, Shepard thought distantly. Only not at all in the way that Kaidan feared. The Illusive Man had never controlled her by directly pulling the strings, but by setting out a web around her before she even realized that she had been caught.

"This is your boss?" Kaidan asked her in a quiet aside, blinking at the holographic image that shimmered in the air before them. "He looks like a sleazy businessman, not a diabolical mastermind."

"He only wears his horns and tail on special occasions," Shepard muttered back.

"And you, Major Alenko, look exactly like your photograph," the Illusive Man returned. He flicked some holographic ash off of his holographic cigarette and chuckled. "Shepard must have looked at your picture at least four times a day. Whenever she woke up, on her way to the shower..."

"What is he talking about?" Kaidan asked, his brows drawing together.

"What do you want?" Shepard snapped before the Illusive Man could reveal anything more about her and how he'd been keeping tabs on her. "Why are you even here?"

"Shepard," Liara said, coming up behind the two humans and speaking low in the commander's ear, "Mars doesn't have a QEC. There must be someone nearby who enabled this link."

Shepard turned to look into the darkness beyond the glowing pillars, wanting to get away from the Illusive Man and his poisonous talk.

"I'll find them," Kaidan murmured, holding her in place with one gloved hand to her armored elbow. "You keep him busy." He jerked his head at the holograph.

Shepard nodded. "Be careful," she said, her voice low. Kaidan nodded and walked off alone.

* * *

><p>"Lover's quarrel?" the Illusive Man wanted to know.<p>

Kaidan flinched at the man's words, lobbed so casually into the quiet of the Archives. It disturbed him deeply to think that the too-smooth head of Cerberus spoke to Shepard so casually, that the Illusive Man seemed to know intimate details about Shepard, about _him_, about everything, it would seem.

Though now that Kaidan saw the man, he could begin to understand how Shepard had fallen under the power of such a person. The guy radiated power like a spider in a web, with all of them as the helpless flies. Judging by how quickly the Illusive Man had riled Shepard up and distracted her from relevant details - like who had set up the QEC link and where were they hiding - Kaidan could tell the man had a dangerous influence over the commander, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

Kaidan continued on down the walkway and to the circular balcony at the edge of the room. From here, he could faintly hear Shepard, her voice raised now as she cussed at the holograph and Liara joined in with a sudden cry. But Kaidan didn't pay attention to what they were saying, for he now heard a slight rustling further off in the darkness. A few steps more revealed a growing light, which Kaidan registered it as a holographic panel, set into a recessed computer terminal. A woman stood in the small, booth-like space, her slim back to him, her slight shoulders hunched as she typed furiously at the haptic display.

And here was their mole, Kaidan thought with grim satisfaction.

"Hands up," Kaidan said, pointing his assault rifle at her and speaking in a low, calm voice. The woman froze, no doubt frightened by finally being run to ground by a fully armored soldier. For her part, she was wearing heels and an outfit that was skin-tight and not very well suited to digging around in research sites.

"Step away from the computer," Kaidan went on in his measured voice. "Hands where I can..."

The woman moved so quickly that Kaidan didn't even see her spin around. One second she was in the booth, the next, she had vaulted right in front of him like a gymnast and kicked him full in the chest.

The kick had so much power in it that if he hadn't been wearing his armor, it probably would have cracked his ribs. As it was, Kaidan stumbled back against the wall as the woman took off running for the door.

"Shepard!" Kaidan hollered, his breath ragged. Truly, that woman had knocked the wind out of him. As best he could, he shoved himself off of the wall and set off running after her. Shepard and Liara took off after the woman, with Shepard quickly gaining the lead in their chase. Kaidan stowed his assault rifle as he dashed out of the room and down the hallway. He caught up with Liara and the two of them ran into the nearby airlock together, threw on their helmets and dashed out into the dust storm.

Once outside, the dust swirled about with a fury, the wind tugging them this way and that. Through the red haze, Kaidan could see a biotically glowing Shepard chasing the black-and-white clad Cerberus agent along the exterior railings of the Archives.

"Dr. Coré isn't wearing a helmet," Liara said aloud in amazement.

Kaidan blinked. She was right. And at the same moment he registered that, Dr. Coré fired off an incendiary blast right into Shepard's chest. Shepard stumbled back, her barrier faltering for a moment before she regained her balance and took off after the woman again. Kaidan immediately dashed after them.

"Doctor... is not... human..." Liara gasped as she ran behind him. "She _is_...QEC. Should...have data...on her..."

But Kaidan didn't register any of that. He simply heard Shepard hollering over the comm unit:

"James!" Shepard shouted. "We need backup. Do you read...? Drop down on the northwest landing pad..." The rest of her order was lost to static kicked up by the swirling storm.

"Roger that," Kaidan heard James reply as he and Liara came skidding round the corner. A shuttle suddenly took to the sky, knocking them all back with a blast from its thrusters. Kaidan ducked his helmeted head and held his hands up against the heat.

"She's getting away!" Shepard cried.

"Not on my watch!" another voice spoke over the comm. Just then, a blue Alliance shuttle appeared as if out of nowhere, slamming into the escaping vessel. The two shuttles crashed back down to the roof. Kaidan and Shepard sprung apart in opposite directions as the machines came careening towards them. Kaidan dropped into a forward roll and skidded to a stop, then looked up to find that Liara lay beside him. When she tried to stand, her right leg buckled underneath her. Kaidan scrambled to her side and helped her to her feet. At the same time, the Alliance shuttle's door opened and James came out with a grin and a swagger. The other shuttle was in flames.

"What the hell were you thinking! Kaidan snapped at James. "You nearly got us killed!" His head swung around, looking for Shepard. She was at the other end of the landing pad, pushing herself up onto her knees.

"Shepard said..." James began.

"Just get Liara into the shuttle," Kaidan said, handing the asari off roughly to the other soldier. He took a step toward Shepard, but just then, a booming sound made them all freeze.

The door to the burning shuttle went flying off. Out of the flame and wreckage came Dr. Coré. Only she didn't look like Dr. Coré anymore. Her skin had burned off, revealing a silver metallic body underneath. A golden visor glowed eerily over her face, and that face suddenly swung toward on Shepard. Her silver-lidded eyes narrowed with deadly intent.

"Shepard!" Kaidan shouted, racing for her.

But Kaidan didn't reach Shepard in time. For suddenly, that impossibly fast synthetic woman rounded on _him_, grabbing Kaidan by the front of his helmet and holding him up in midair. He grabbed at Dr. Coré's arm, but it was like trying to bend a steel pole. A resounding crack told Kaidan that she had buckled his helmet. He could feel his hardsuit systems adjust for the decrease in atmospheric pressure and a breather mask snapped over his mouth and nose. Clearly, his armor was going to automatic lockdown protocols to try and protect his body, thinking the outside environment was compromised.

Kaidan flared with biotics from the top of his head to his dangling feet, trying to get free, but it was no use. He tried to reach his omnitool, but he couldn't see and the synthetic woman was shaking him so hard he could feel his teeth rattling in his skull.

One more crunch to his helmet had Kaidan's head swimming with the sudden loss of air pressure and the simultaneous flood of oxygen to his breather mask. He thought he heard Shepard shout his name, thought he heard Liara gasp over the comm. And he definitely heard the next words, spoken by the synthetic woman who was holding his head in a death grip:

"Orders?"

There was the slightest pause, then Kaidan heard the reply.

"Finish him. And make sure Shepard watches."

Kaidan opened his eyes, and it was as if everything was happened in slow motion. Though the armor of his helmet, through the armor of Shepard's helmet, Kaidan finally looked at Shepard, really looked at her for the first time since they had landed on this stormy planet. And in Shepard's eyes, Kaidan saw...

A smash to the back of his head blinded Kaidan's vision. He felt as if his amp jack had been shoved into his brain. His skull erupted in a burning pain as if his helmet had gone up in fire.

And then Kaidan saw nothing at all.


	9. Attached

Chapter 9: Attached

* * *

><p>From his vantage point in the darkened room, the Illusive Man did not see the dying star beyond the glass. He did not see its roiling fires reflected in the glossy tiles at his feet. He did not see how the whiskey at his elbow caught the amber glow of the star's rays, nor did he see the ash falling from his forgotten cigarette onto his highly polished shoes.<p>

His focus was entirely set on the holographic screen before him. The body of Major Alenko dropped out of view and the camera swung around to a landing platform, covered with the wreckage of a broken shuttle. A woman stood there in Alliance armor, a lone, gray figure in the dust storm. Her pistol was trained at the camera, as if she was aiming right through the screen at the Illusive Man himself.

The screen seemed to lurch forward; the Illusive Man felt as if he was shooting forward with it. Time seemed to slow, as though the seconds had stretched themselves out to the length of minutes. Shepard's pistol fired once; the screen flickered with static. The pistol fired again; Shepard drew closer. The pistol fired a final time. The screen went suddenly black.

The Illusive Man clutched the arms of his chair, crushing his cigarette in his fingers. He found his heart had stopped a beat, as if he had been shot through the chest.

The Illusive Man took a deep breath, trying to slow his now-racing heart. At the back of his mind, he felt as though a door had opened a crack and a timid figure - doubt, perhaps - peeked out. If Shepard could do this, he thought, if she could take down his Eva unit, his troops as well, if she could secure the Prothean data in the nick of time, then she was much stronger than he had thought. No matter how well-woven the web, she may yet tug at one corner of his plans and the whole thing would unravel. It might be that the entirety of his tapestry was about to be undone by that one loose thread...

The Illusive Man slammed the door shut at once. No. There was no way that Shepard, in all of her ignorant meddling, could undo his work now. He had used her for a reason, after all. She had the ability to get things done, but lacked the far-sighted vision that was necessary to carry out plans as ambitious as his.

For what the Illusive Man was weaving, as he had told her in their brief conversation over the QEC, was a pattern of control: a leash by which to ensnare the Reapers, to reign them as one might a very large and useful pet. But Shepard, as was to be expected, had rejected his plans.

Shepard, the Illusive Man thought with a sneer, was far too attached to her limited world. She would never understand the truth: one had to let go of everything in order to grasp true power. Her friends, her one-time lover, even her lofty principles - the Illusive Man's lip twisted in a sneer - these things she clutched in her fists so tightly, it was a wonder she could uncurl her fingers in order to fire a gun.

Forcing to his face an expression of calm, the Illusive Man pried his fingers loose from the chair and stubbed out his now-ruined cigarette in the chair's ashtray. All would be well, he told himself. There was no reason for fear, no reason for deviation from his plans. He must - he _would_ - continue on as before. He now had the Prothean data, including the pieces that Eva had deleted from the central servers before Shepard had arrived. In that sense, _he_ held the vital key to this device. From his vantage point, he could see much farther than Shepard's limited vision.

With that thought, the Illusive Man smiled. Yes, Shepard's limited vision, he thought. Thanks to the Eva unit, the Illusive Man now had more data taken from Shepard's graybox, as well. He wasn't sure how long the video feed was, but surely there would be some useful information there.

Settling his back against the chair, the Illusive Man set one of his computers to start decrypting the Prothean data. With a smile, he turned his attention back to the holographic panels before him. He would study the Prothean data soon enough, he told himself. But for now, the Illusive Man sat in the darkness and turned his attention to the thirteenth screen.

* * *

><p>Shepard's heart felt like it was beating as slowly and heavily as the pistol shots she had just fired. She lowered her gun, her gaze shifting from the synthetic lying there on the landing pad to the quiet body of Kaidan beyond. To her horror, Shepard couldn't sense his biotic energy at all.<p>

Shepard instantly holstered her pistol and ran to Kaidan's side. _This __shouldn__'__t __be __happening_, she thought wildly. A simple bash to the back of the head shouldn't be enough to take down a guy as tough as Kaidan. He was wearing full armor, for God's sake, and his helmet... Shepard stopped as she reached Kaidan's side and stood over him. His helmet was crushed onto his face and had buckled upward in the back as well, exposing the back of his neck to the elements. A mass effect shield flickered over the skin, acting as a miniature barrier against Mars' atmosphere. Shepard's mind seemed to freeze in panic for a second. Then she shook herself into action. She dropped to her hands and knees beside him and quickly brought up her omnitool to assess the damage.

Shepard let out a sigh of relief to find that first, Kaidan was alive and that secondly, he hadn't sustained any spinal injuries. Even so, his vital signs were low and he was clearly out cold. Shepard was about to scan on a different frequency to look for head injuries, when she heard Joker hollering over the comm that the Reapers were now in orbit around Mars.

Looking up into the storm now, Shepard could see several large, roach-like silhouettes descending from the red dust to pick clean the bones of the Mars station.

_Yeah__, __good __luck __with __that__, __Reapers_, Shepard thought grimly, _the __Illusive __Man __did __most __of __your __work __for __you __with __those __Husk__-__troopers __of __his__._

"Shepard!" Liara called through the comm. Her voice was nearly lost in the howling of the wind. Shepard turned her attention back to the landing pad to find that the Normandy had landed at the far end of the space, the door to the cargo bay open in welcome.

"Dr. Core," Liara said, pointing to the downed synthetic. "She might have some relevant data stored on her. We should bring her with us."

Shepard didn't like the idea of taking that murderous hunk of metal anywhere, but she had to admit that Liara was probably right about needing the data.

"Do it," she said with a nod. Shepard turned her attention back to Kaidan. It appeared that they needed to get out of here immediately. It was probably for the best, she thought. The Normandy's med bay was a better place for first aid than a dust storm anyhow.

Thank God she'd been in training, Shepard thought as she hauled Kaidan up off of the ground. And thank God that James had always made a competition out of their daily weightlifting PR. Kaidan wasn't exactly a lightweight, after all. Given his armor, his muscle, and the fact that he was slightly taller than she, Shepard was having to use everything she had to get him up and onto her shoulders. Of course, the adrenaline was helping with that, too.

Shepard got Kaidan adjusted on her shoulders and headed straight for the Normandy. James and Liara were already aboard. James used his one arm to help Liara limp to the elevator, his other arm held the synthetic on his shoulder. The lot of them crowded into the elevator together.

"You want me to take Blue?" James offered as the elevator began its ascent.

"I got him," Shepard said, adjusting Kaidan's weight on her shoulders. In truth, it probably would make more sense to let James carry Kaidan and put the lieutenant's meaty shoulders to good use. But there was no chance in hell that Shepard was letting Kaidan go if she could possibly manage to carry him. If anyone was going to haul the major's ass out of the line of fire, it was going to be her.

As the elevator door slid open onto the crew deck, the ship seemed to pitch. Shepard recognized the strange twisting sensation as the Normandy kicking off into faster-than-light travel, racing away toward the Charon relay at the end of the Sol system.

"It's gonna be a near thing getting out here," James said, looking nervously up at the ceiling.

"If anyone can do it, it's Joker," Shepard replied. She carried Kaidan into the med bay, Liara and James at her heels. Walking to the line of cots, Shepard gently laid Kaidan down on the hard metal.

Shepard yanked off her helmet and set it aside, then ran her omnitool over Kaidan again before taking off his helmet as well. His heartbeat was low, his breathing nearly stilled. His biotics didn't even register, not on the omnitool as residual pulses in his nervous system, nor to Shepard, who was feeling for them with her own biotics.

_This __was __bad_, Shepard thought, panic grabbing hold of her once again. _This __was __very __bad_.

Shoving that thought aside, she began looking around for some sort of medical VI to help walk her through the first aid process. Liara came hobbling up to the other side of the cot and James headed over to the opposite wall, dropping the synthetic down on a table there with a careless _thunk_.

"Don't put that thing in here," Shepard said, pointing at the burned chunk of metal. She knew it was irrational, but she didn't want the synthetic anywhere near Kaidan.

"Shepard," Liara said gently, "It's offline."

"Still," Shepard grumbled, glaring at it.

"What, you want me to put it in the closet?" James asked, hiking his thumb at the doors beyond. They led into the AI core, which didn't strike Shepard as the best place to store an enemy robot.

"If you place the Cerberus platform within the AI core," EDI's voice spoke politely over their heads, "I can monitor her for possible reactivation, as well as scan her for useful information."

Shepard nodded at the ceiling. "Alright, fine," she said. That took care of the synthetic, now she just needed to help Kaidan.

"Where's the doc-in-a-box?" Shepard asked EDI. The AI understood the idiom at once.

"The Normandy retrofit is incomplete," EDI informed her. "We do not have medical VIs."

"And we don't have a doctor," Shepard said, gripping the table to keep the panic at bay.

"We're on our way to the Citadel," Liara told her. "We can find medical aid there."

"How far out are we, EDI?" Shepard asked. On the other side of the cot, Liara took off her breather mask, fired up her omnitool and scanned Kaidan from head to foot.

"We are ten minutes out from the Charon relay," EDI replied. "From there, it is an additional twenty minutes to the Citadel."

No one bothered to comment that these time estimates were only valid so long as the Normandy reached the mass relay ahead of the Reapers.

"Shepard," Liara said softly. Shepard turned to the asari at once to see a spinning holographic miniature of Kaidan standing on Liara's arm.

"What have you got?" Shepard asked, feeling her stomach knot in anticipation of the diagnosis.

"Major Alenko's biotic amplifier has been damaged," Liara said, tapping her omnitool. The holograph expanded to show an outline of Kaidan's neural wiring, both natural and augmented. The amplifier at the base of the holographic skull flashed a deep crimson.

Shepard blinked in surprise. She certainly hadn't caught _that_ in her initial scan. As gently as she could, Shepard lifted Kaidan's head and turned it to the side. Sure enough, right there where the helmet had broken open in the back, she could see the glinting silver of Kaidan's amp jack through his hair. She carefully brushed aside the dark strands and saw that the metal disc was bisected by a deep crack.

Shepard swallowed hard as the implications of such an injury hit her.

"Dear God," she murmured.

"Yes, exactly," Liara replied.

"What's wrong?" James asked, coming back out of the AI core and frowning at them both. He'd taken his helmet off and his face was smeared with dust and sweat. "Is Blue gonna be alright?"

"God, I hope so," Shepard said. She caught the meaning of her words and repeated them even more softly, as a kind of prayer this time. The knot that was her stomach seemed to have dropped into her boots.

"We should get Kaidan hooked up to a life support system at once," Liara said decisively. "His vitals are low and we don't want to risk losing him."

"Right," Shepard said, grateful for the suggestion, for something to do. "EDI, do we have anything like that?"

EDI informed them that there were, indeed, ER field-medic crates aboard and directed them to the proper cabinet. Shepard carefully set Kaidan's head down and went to fetch the gear. She carried the box over to Kaidan's bedside and Liara began unloading the equipment at once.

"I thought you were an archaeologist doctor," James said, as Liara worked, "not a _doctor_ doctor."

"I am not a medical professional," Liara said as she took out a heart-monitoring device and fired up the setup sequence. "But I do know a little first aid and a good deal about biotics. Even so, this injury is far beyond my ability to heal. We need to get Kaidan to a medical facility that specializes in human biotics."

"Do you know of one?" Shepard asked her, reaching for the clasp to unlock Kaidan's ruined helmet.

"I'll look into it," Liara said. "Given your Spectre status and the resources available on the Citadel, I should be able to...Oh my." She broke off as Shepard lifted the helmet off of Kaidan's head.

Shepard said nothing. She didn't trust herself _to_ speak. Kaidan's handsome face was a mess of purple-red bruises, like a broken web spinning from his nose all the way out to his ears.

"Damn," James muttered. "That doesn't look good."

Shepard felt rooted to the spot, all words caught behind the lump in her throat just then, Kaidan's eyes seemed to flicker slightly behind his eyelids. She started at once.

"Did you see that?" she asked Liara.

"See what?"

"He blinked," Shepard said.

"I didn't see it," Liara said. "But you may be right. Let's get him hooked up."

Shepard nodded and slipped an oxygen mask over Kaidan's face as Liara pulled off Kaidan's gloves and attached sensor leads to his wrists to monitor his heart rate. Shepard did the same to the pulse points at his neck, while James just looked on with a frown.

"So I'm guessing that a cracked amp is bad?" he asked, clearly uncomfortable with being left out of the first aid process, but apparently not sure how he could help without getting in the way.

"Actually," Liara said softly, glancing up at Shepard, "in this case, it's remarkably lucky."

"Lucky?" James asked incredulously.

"She's right," Shepard said. She could hear her own voice sounded thick with emotion and she tried clearing her throat before she explained. "Most amp jacks are shaped like small cones, partially embedded in the top of the spinal column." She brushed her gloved hand over the back of her own neck.

"Ow," James winced, noting the metal there.

"Well, you're unconscious when they put the thing in, and afterward you get used to it," Shepard said. "The risk of it is, of course, that it's basically a metal wedge right at the back of your head. Give it a hard enough strike at exactly the right angle..." She broke off, unable to finish the thought.

"Holy shit!" James exclaimed, putting together what she was saying. "So that robot was trying to shove Blue's biotic amp into his brain? _Maldito_. What a way to go."

"Dr. Core probably saw Kaidan's barrier and thought to finish him off quickly with hand-to-hand combat," Liara observed.

"It would have worked, too," Shepard said, taking a deep breath. "Only she didn't count on Kaidan being old-school." She looked down at him and just barely resisted running her grime-covered fingers through his hair. "He's an L2. The old-style jacks were more like a plug on the outside of the spinal cord. They aren't half-built into the brain like the later models. His setup is powerful, but it puts a lot of stress on the nerves in and around his head."

"Which is why Kaidan always got such bad headaches," Liara put in. "Humans should have used the asari model from the beginning."

"Yeah, well, they did eventually," Shepard said. "But it's a damn good thing Kaidan was never retrofitted. His L2 implants saved him," she murmured, looking down at him. "He'll be amused to hear that when he wakes up."

"_If_ he wakes up," James muttered.

Shepard was thinking the same thing, but she didn't like hearing James say it aloud. Trying to ignore that worry, she reached under the cot and found a pillow there. Gently as she could, she tucked the pillow under Kaidan's head so that his amp jack wouldn't be resting against the hard metal of the cot.

"It's a miracle he's alive," Liara said softly in response to James' statement. "As far as I can tell, his suit went into environmental lockdown procedures at the same time his amplifier was broken. His body received a shot of adrenaline at the same time that his nervous system went into arrest. He was knocked out cold, but there appears to be no lasting damage."

"I hope you're right. T'Soni," Shepard said, adjusting the pillow a little. All this talk of Kaidan's injuries was making her feel physically ill.

"Still," Liara went on. "I think it best if we give Kaidan a strong dose of anesthesia to keep him unconscious. If he should wake up before we get his hardware fixed and he were to try and use his biotics..."

"Do it," Shepard said tersely. She could just imagine how badly a biotic with a blown-out system could injure himself. At best, Kaidan might give himself a nosebleed or break a limb with improperly directed power. At worst, he could short out his brain forever. The thought seemed to make Shepard's insides twist, although that might just have been the folding of gravity as they hit the Charon relay and jumped to the Widow Nebula relay, a quarter of the galaxy away from Earth.

Shepard gripped the edge of the med bay bed, as much to right herself as to keep her hands from shaking. It seemed that what looked like a simple head injury wasn't so simple after all. The worst part was, she still didn't know if Kaidan would ever wake up, or if there might be lasting damage to his brain if he did.

Before Shepard could worry about Kaidan's condition any longer, EDI came over the med bay comm to tell Shepard that they were now within hailing distance of the Citadel. EDI had started the docking protocols so that a medical team would be ready to pick Kaidan up the moment they reached the Presidium. Also, EDI informed Shepard, Admiral Hackett was trying to reach her on the QEC.

"On my way, EDI," Shepard said. She hated to leave Kaidan's side for even a moment, but she knew that her day was far from over. "Liara," Shepard said turning to the asari, "Can you...?"

"I'll get Kaidan settled and join you in a moment," the asari replied, clearly guessing what the commander was after. Shepard nodded tersely and hurried from the room.

Yet, as she stepped into the elevator, Shepard felt as though, in a way, she was still carrying Kaidan. She felt a weight on her shoulders, anyhow, like the survival of Earth rested on her alone.

Well hell, Shepard thought, running her hands through her hair. It _did_.

Ever since that damn day back on Eden Prime, Shepard thought, ever since she touched that beacon, she had been set on this course. The really strange thing, Shepard thought, was that the day she'd touched that beacon was the same day she'd met Kaidan. It was like the best man she'd ever met had dropped into her life on the same day she'd been given the monumental task of, oh, nothing much, just saving the galaxy.

Shepard chuckled a little at that and shook her head. God, what a thought. She would have wished her fate on someone else, only she wasn't sure if anyone else would have been in a position to _do_ anything about those visions once they'd seen them. Then there was the fact that Liara seemed to think that anyone else would have gone mad from the visions in the first place. The asari believed that Shepard's strength of will had saved her from breaking down under all those visions of pain and death. Shepard wasn't so sure about that, but she did know that she'd seen enough pain and death in her lifetime that the beacon's visions hadn't been quite so harrowing by comparison.

It was odd, really, Shepard thought, as the elevator slid open on the crew deck. The moment she had touched that beacon, it was like she'd become the last Prothean, the last witness to a lost civilization and its untimely end. As a result, the last three years of her life had been nothing more than one long, never ending op, trying to get intel on an enemy no one had ever defeated and mobilize a galaxy that wanted to remain blind to the threat.

And yet, as much as Shepard wished the Reapers _weren__'__t_ coming, that they weren't here now, she was glad, in a way, that she had touched that beacon all those years ago. She wasn't sure if it was some noble impulse like honesty or if it was just plain cussedness, but she wasn't so attached to her own peace of mind that she was willing to accept comfort at the price of ignorance. Even if knowledge of the Reapers was terrifying, Shepard thought, even if it frightened her to the very core, she figured she'd rather know the dark truths of the galaxy than not.

She just hoped that whatever it was that Liara had found on Mars was knowledge enough to defeat the Reapers once and for all - and that they would have enough time to use it.

* * *

><p>Liara stood in the doorway, watching Shepard bow her head, to the QEC, as if it was a Siara temple and Shepard was a supplicant, praying for guidance.<p>

It was a sentiment Liara could understand. She had no real time to compile her notes on the Prothean device before running down here to give Hackett a briefing on the thing. Instead, she had logged into the network of comm buoys to try and figure out which hospital was best for Kaidan. As soon as she had done so, Liara had noticed all manner of reports on the extranet about the Reaper attacks. It seemed that Reaper forces had swept through Batarian space and then concentrated on Earth. There were scattered reports of Reapers sighted in other systems, but no one had been hit as hard as the humans.

Thessia, her birth-planet, was safe, thank the goddess. And the Citadel was completely untouched. Liara smiled sadly to herself. They had the Protheans to thank for that small mercy, she supposed. In many ways, she thought, this cycle had a better chance of survival than the Protheans themselves.

For this device, this 'Crucible,' as the Prothean dialect named it, appeared to be a weapon after all. At least, the device appeared to be capable of harnessing and focusing massive amounts of dark energy. In that respect, it reminded Liara of a biotic amp - on a much larger scale, of course. But where the energy was to come from or how that energy was to be directed, these were things Liara could not yet determine. Hackett had asked for the blueprints to the device though. He planned to assemble a team of scientists to build the thing, and already Liara was thinking of the Prothean experts that she had met back in her university days. If any of them were still alive, she would send word to them at once and encourage them to go help Hackett.

A long sigh drew Liara's attention and she saw that Shepard still stood at the railing by the QEC. For a moment, Shepard appeared weary, as if an unseen load pressed down on her shoulders, but then she sucked in a breath and turned around. By the time Shepard faced Liara again, the commander was back. Her eyes were lined with dark circles that Liara had learned meant a human required sleep, but there was a confidence in her pose and in her gaze that reassured Liara at once. Liara straightened her shoulders in response.

"How's Kaidan?" Shepard asked, walking away from the QEC. Her voice was tight, and Liara thought she heard some doubt there, belying the confident pose.

"Sleeping," Liara replied. "Well, in a manner of speaking. The emergency life support will hold him for a time. The difficult part will be transferring him over to a hospital system and then re-constructing his biotic amplifier. But we'll leave that to the experts."

"Experts," Shepard repeated. "You found some, then?"

"We're cleared to have an ER team aboard as soon as we dock."

"Good," Shepard nodded. "Nice work, Liara." She patted Liara on the shoulder before continuing on into the war room beyond. She walked down a short flight of steps, then stopped in the center of the room. Shepard stared moodily at a holograph of the Crucible that was hovering in the air above the circular conference table. The glowing model spun around once, twice, then exploded into all its various parts, then re-assembled and spun around again. Prothean descriptions floated in the air beside the diagram. Liara could decipher most of the words, but taken together the notes didn't entirely make sense.

_Connector__? __Or__...? _one comment read.

_Power __gauge __appears __here_, read another. Or should it read, _Appears _to be _a __power __gauge __here_? Liara wondered. The trouble with these notes, Liara thought, was that there were a lot of missing verbs. She couldn't tell if that was because of the dialect it was written in, or if the Protheans simply knew their device so well that they didn't bother to write the instructions out clearly for anyone not intimately associated with the project.

"This looks so familiar," Shepard murmured. Liara looked up to find the commander squinting at the holograph of the device as if she might see past the lines and curves to find little holographic Protheans inside, ready to tell them how the thing was supposed to work. At that thought, something occurred to Liara.

"Your visions," Liara said eagerly. "Do you have visions of the Crucible? Have you seen how it works, perhaps? Or maybe a glimpse of someone working on it?"

Shepard shook her head.

"No," she murmured. "That's the weird thing. The beacons were a galaxy-wide communications network and what I saw was some kind of emergency broadcast. Given that, you'd think that news of this would be in there, wouldn't you? Some sort of 'have faith, we've got guns on the way,' sort of message, you know?"

Shepard sighed. "I dunno, Liara," she said. "I seriously don't know what I'm looking at when I see those visions. It's just pain and death and hardly anything useful at all. Well," she gave a bitter laugh. "_You_ know. You've seen them, too."

"I've only seen a shadow of what's in your mind," Liara said gently. "It's not quite as clear - or as...disturbing."

"True. But after three years, you get used to it." Shepard shrugged. "See, the thing is," she cocked her head and squinted at the holograph again, "this thing looks familiar, but I don't know why. I feel like I should recognize this outline, but..." She stared at it for a moment more, then blinked as if to clear her eyes.

"Huh," she said, frowning. "Why _isn__'__t_ this more familiar? Because really, it doesn't look all that Prothean, does it?"

"What do you mean?" Liara asked. "I agree that the dialect is very..."

"Not the words," Shepard said, pointing at it. "The device. Look at the lines. Protheans favored straight columns and triangular shapes. All their stuff looks crystalline, but this is all circular." She snorted. "Well, of course its circular, its a sphere impaled on a curvy post."

"There are Prothean spheres," Liara pointed out. "Like that one we encountered on Eletania, or that one you brought back from Kopis."

"I guess," Shepard said, "But still, when I look at this, I don't think of the Prothean stuff we've seen. That beacon on Eden Prime, those triangular pyramids they built. Heck, the databanks down there on Mars, or even those towers on Feros and Ilos..." She broke off, blinking.

"Ilos," Shepard said softly. "Why didn't Vigil mention this?"

Liara blinked as well. She hadn't thought of that.

"Vigil told us that the scientists on Ilos had put themselves into life support pods as their empire fell," Shepard said slowly. "They were the ones who then got themselves to the Citadel..."

"Through the relay on the Presidium that everyone thought was just a monument," Liara finished for her. "And they prevented the Keepers from responding to the Reaper signals in subsequent cycles. That's likely why the Citadel remains safe even now. Those Prothean scientists gave us all a fighting chance."

"Much good we're doing with it," Shepard said darkly. "But yeah. If those Prothean scientists knew so much, then why didn't Vigil mention this Crucible thing? He was monitoring the best R&D lab the Protheans had to offer, so why wasn't this in the databanks there?" She nodded at the holographic globe for emphasis.

Liara sighed. "There are so many possibilities that it's hard to say. It's likely the various research labs across the galaxy all worked on different projects to avoid being detected by the Reapers. They likely didn't communicate overmuch for the same reason. So Vigil probably only held information on what his creator was working on. He wouldn't have had data about any other branch of research."

"I guess," Shepard said doubtfully. "It just seems strange that information about a device as powerful as this one was found on _Mars_, of all places." She made a face. "I mean, the Archives were just a duck blind."

"A what?" Liara asked.

"A..." Shepard seemed to struggle for a way to translate whatever metaphor she was trying to communicate. "Mars was an observation post. The Protheans only hung out there so that they could watch primitive humans. Why would the details of a device like this be hidden _there_?"

"The Protheans had a vast empire," Liara replied. "Given that the Reapers were so careful to destroy much of their civilization, it's little wonder that the only data archives that survived were on remote worlds. Because Mars was a...what did you call it? 'A goose that cannot see?' That is why the data survived." Shepard looked like she was fighting back a smile at Liara's words, but the asari was not sure why.

"What we found buried deep in the Archives was a data storage backup of many larger files," Liara went on. "We had only begun to delve into its mysteries. Given how disorganized the data was, I imagine that as they fell under attack, the Protheans simply dispersed their information as quickly as possible throughout their galaxy-wide data network. They likely back up their files everywhere they could, with the idea that a later cycle might be able to find such a cache and use the information."

"I guess," Shepard said, though her expression clouded. "It just seems so..." She paused, gazing at the holograph of the Crucible as if searching the Prothean symbols for the right words.

"It seems a little too convenient," Shepard concluded at last.

"Convenient?" Liara repeated. Given how confusing the data was to decode, 'convenient' was not a word Liara would have used to describe the Crucible.

"Yeah," Shepard nodded. "Everything you're saying makes the Protheans sound like these fairy god-aliens, like they're showing up just in time to give us a dress, a carriage and a big-ass gun to take to the ball. But if they had the weapon, why didn't they go to the ball themselves?"

Liara hardly knew how to answer Shepard. Her translator was clearly not making much sense of all this talk of old woman and dances, any more than it had made sense of the visually impaired water-fowl.

"And besides," Shepard went on. "What is the device even supposed to _do_? Shoot Reapers with dark energy? If it can actually generate that much power, should we even let it _near_ our fleets? Hell, for all we know, when we go to activate it, the thing might set off a chain reaction of dark energy that could blow out all of our ships' drive cores."

Liara shook her head. "The Protheans must have planned for that," she said. "I imagine that the instructions for such a safety mechanism are in the data for what they called the 'Catalyst.' Cerberus stole that piece of the data, but once we know what the Catalyst is and how to build it, I'm sure we'll have the information we need."

"Really, T'Soni?" Shepard asked doubtfully. "I'm sorry to rain on your pro-Prothean parade, but I don't like the sound of this - any of this. I've been thinking guns, battles, the tactics of a long rebellion. This Crucible is beginning to sound like a miracle in a box, and I don't like it."

"This was the Protheans' solution," Liara said defensively, pointing at the device. "They were far more advanced than we are and they almost defeated the Reapers."

"Yeah, but they _didn__'__t_ defeat the Reapers, did they?" Shepard asked. "Look, I know you have a high opinion of the Protheans, but what if this device doesn't work out after all? I don't want to get so attached to this thing that we think it's our only solution."

"And what other solutions do we have?" Liara said bitterly, her voice low. "I've researched for years now and found little else. This is the only hope I've found in all my studies..." Liara didn't quite know how to continue.

"You're right," Shepard said with a sigh. "This is the best lead we've got. And you're the Prothean expert, not me. I just..." She let her gaze drop to her hands as they rested on the railing and spoke more quietly now. "You didn't see what they did to Earth," she murmured. "There were so damn _many_ of them. How is one weapon supposed to make a dent in _that_? Across the planet, across the Sol system, across the galaxy?"

"I don't know," Liara said honestly. "But I think we ought to give the device a chance, at least."

Her conviction must have shown through, because Shepard lifted her head and nodded.

"We can try it," she said. "If nothing else, this Crucible - that's seriously what the Protheans called it?" When Liara nodded, Shepard shrugged. "Weird name for a weapon if you ask me."

"Yes, well, your favorite submachine gun is called a 'grasshopper,' Shepard," Liara pointed out.

"It's a Locust..." Shepard broke off and nodded her head to the side in acknowledgement. "Good point. Well, this Crucible will be a good rallying point if nothing else. We'll present it to the Council and hope they help us build it. But I don't want us to lose sight of other options. If this gun doesn't fire right, we're going to need a whole plague of Locust guns and a shitload of thermal clips."

Liara let out a sigh of relief, grateful that she had Shepard's support for this project.

"Let's hope things turn out better than that grasshopper plague," Liara said hopefully.

* * *

><p>"Well that went badly," Councilor Donnell Udina snapped.<p>

The human councilor stormed into the room and glared at Shepard as she leaned against his desk. She couldn't tell if it was her presence or her casual treatment of his office furniture that offended him. She had half a mind to brush the dust off of her armor and into his coffee mug, just to see what he would do.

She had been waiting here for less than a minute, which wasn't very encouraging. Shepard had hoped that if Udina stayed in the Council Chambers for a while, it would mean that he had managed to convince the rest of the Council to help Earth after all. It seemed from his quick return, however, that the human councilor was as ineffective as she in speeding up the great pendulum that was galactic bureaucracy. It was no less that she had expected, of course. Earth might be burning, but God forbid that humanity fail to file the requisite paperwork before asking for help.

And actually, it seemed that no amount of paperwork could move the Council at present. The salarian and asari councilors had listened to Liara talk about the Crucible, nodded grimly, then complained that they needed to protect their own homeworlds, not send armies to Earth. They seemed to think that they could actually keep the Reapers from coming, Shepard thought grimly. Of course, neither Thessia nor Sur'Kesh had been invaded yet, so they didn't know how hopeless it was to try and hold off such an attack alone.

Shepard had pointed out that they were completely ignorant of the Reaper's power and tactics. She had spoken with all her usual candor and the diplomats had not appreciated her blunt manner to say the least. Valern, the salarian, had then asked how she could possibly know the strength of the Reapers if she had simply run away from the field of battle. Shepard had kind of snapped at that point.

"The only reason it's not Anderson standing here before you is because he's trying to hold Earth together with an omnitool and duct tape," Shepard replied. "He sent me, so do him a favor and send help back to Earth."

"Anderson," the asari councilor had said with a slightly condescending tone, "Understood the delicate balance of galactic security."

"Right," Shepard replied. "He understood that humanity protected the Citadel after your own fleets were wiped out, leaving our colonies vulnerable to Collector attacks."

"He understood," the salarian councilor said, his lower lids narrowing up over his eyes, "that humanity was still proving itself in the eyes of the galaxy. He also understood the proper respect due the Council. For you to storm in here, as though you had been digging in a field somewhere like some colonial peasant..."

The little jab at colonists had not curbed Shepard's temper in the slightest.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she sarcastically, her eyes flashing and her brows drawing together, "Does my bloodstained armor _offend_ you? Well you know what? I was in a hurry to get this intel to you in time to _save_your scaly asses and I didn't have time for a shower or a change of clothes."

"Commander..." Tevos, the asari councilor began warningly.

"Don't 'commander' me," Shepard snapped, cutting her off. "You all take a good, long look at the blood and dirt on this armor. Because apparently all of you are long overdue for a dose of reality. _This _is what a Spectre looks like when she's done doing your dirty work. _This_ is what it looks like when a woman has been battling Reapers. I did all this to give you a chance to save us all and it's a chance you're throwing away with both hands, just like you've done time and time before!"

Shepard had flared from head to foot and nearly shouted the last the words. At that point, Udina stepped in and told her to leave while he convened with the others. The asari and salarian councilors said they doubted there was anything more to say; Shepard was clearly as unwilling to see reason in this case as she ever was.

As for the turian councilor, Sparatus, he said nothing at all. Shepard had a childish urge to make little air quotes at him as she left the room, but managed to restrain herself. Instead, she had walked out of the Council chambers in with some semblance of dignity, dusty head held high, and gone to wait for Udina. Sadly, she hadn't waited very long.

"Where did the asari go?" Udina asked, looking around as if Liara would pop out of thin air for him.

"To set up her, uh...stuff," Shepard said. And by 'stuff,' she meant Liara's Shadow Broker command center. Joker had suggested that they call it Liara's 'Asari A-Spy A-Shit' while EDI had suggested that Miranda's old XO quarters had the most wall space for all the screens Liara would need to set up her video feeds. Shepard had been thinking that the XO quarters belonged to Kaidan, since he was, in fact, the XO. But as he was currently unavailable for comment, Shepard agreed to turn the room over to Liara. There were a lot of places that Kaidan could bunk if - _when_ - he got back on his feet.

Like maybe deck number one, Shepard thought hopefully. Though even as she thought that, she realized that she was being a little premature and a _lot_ unprofessional.

"Hpmf," Udina snorted, bringing Shepard back to the present conversation. "Your asari 'scientist' didn't do much to state her case. Though, unlike you, she managed not to curse at the leaders of galactic government."

"I didn't cuss for a full five minutes," Shepard replied. "Not until they refused to see reason."

"To see reason," Udinda he said, sitting himself down behind his desk. "That's the trouble. The Council doesn't _see_ much at all. They don't see this as a war. They see the Reapers as a problem for humanity, one they don't have to deal with until the threat comes directly to their door."

"Then they're idiots," Shepard said flatly.

"Yes, well," Udina said, "On that count, I agree with you. But you don't need to say so to their faces. I do my best to put humanity in a good light, but you undermine that in so many ways, Shepard. It doesn't help that you used to work with Cerberus, the very organization that has opened up a second front against us."

"If the Council had given me help against the Collectors a year ago, that issue might have been avoided," Shepard said. "I would have worked with them instead of Cerberus."

"If you had put me on the Council instead of Anderson," Udina returned, "I would have given you that help."

"I doubt that," Shepard muttered.

Udina just frowned at her and pushed himself up out of his chair. "And while you are sitting here being your usual, unhelpful self, Shepard, people are dying."

Shepard bit back another smart-assed retort. The fact that Udina was right made her realize that she should probably shut up and stop arguing with the one person on the Council who actually wanted to help humanity. She certainly hadn't won Earth any allies with her short temper so far.

"You're right," she sighed. "Humanity got hit hard. Harder than any other race, it seems. Well," she amended, "except the Batarians."

"Hmph," Udina snorted. "Serves them right. The Hegemony insisted on rejecting the Council's law for centuries, and then they wonder why they have no allies. They're reaping what they sowed."

"No pun intended, right?"

"What?" Udina blinked.

"Nothing. It's just hard to imagine all those Batarians dead."

"It's hard to imagine that you _care_, Shepard," Udina had returned.

Shepard glared at him, but said nothing.

"When I heard you had arrived on the Normandy, I thought you had Anderson with you," Udina's voice took on a brittle edge as he continued to stare out of the window, his hands behind his back. "But no. You've left him back on Earth. God only knows how long he'll last. Instead of help, all you've brought to is half of the blueprints for some Prothean device, and we don't even know what it does."

"It generates a lot of dark energy," Shepard told him, repeating the line she'd heard from Liara.

Udina waved his hand, as if he was tossing this explanation over his shoulder and into the trash. "And what does that mean?" he snorted. "This device sounds like nothing more than an expensive pipe dream. How am I supposed to advance humanity's interests with garbage like this?"

"Advance our interests?" Shepard gaped at him. "What the hell are you _saying_? This isn't about a trade agreement, Udina. This is about the survival of our species."

"I understand the stakes, Shepard," Udina said wearily.

"I don't think you do," she said. She turned around, and put both her hands on desk so that she could better glare across the polished metal at Udina's back.

"I'm going to get as many allies as I can," Shepard told him. "I'm going to cash in every chip I've ever earned, that humanity has ever earned, and I'm going to search for intel, search for answers, put together an army and then fight like hell. So as for _you_, what I need you to do Udina, is to keep pushing the Council for all you're worth."

"Save your speeches for someone who hasn't heard them all before, Shepard," Udina said, giving her a withering glance over his shoulder. "I'll do my part. I'll file a petition, set up a hearing..."

"Too slow," Shepard said decisively, pushing away from the desk. "Anderson can't hold out forever. I figure we've got a month, maybe two, before there won't be enough of Earth left to save."

"What?" Udina started at her words, turning around to face her with an astonished expression on his face. "We simply cannot get the Council races behind us in so short a time. Politics don't work on that kind of a timetable." The door slid open behind him, but neither Shepard nor Udina looked up to greet the visitor.

"Then we make politics bend to us," Shepard replied. "We have to."

"Shepard," Udina said, pinching his forehead as though he had a headache, "Without a carrot, you cannot lead the mule. And you not only have no carrot, you're trying to add to the load on the mule's back and you expect him not to kick you."

"That's an incredibly mangled metaphor," Shepard said, raising an eyebrow.

"Humanity needs something to drive the aliens to our side, something that shows our power," Udina went on, ignoring her sarcasm. "A device which is not yet built and which has incomplete plans is _not_that carrot."

"And yet," a voice spoke from the doorway. "It's all we've got."

Shepard turned around at once to find that the turian councilor stood behind them.

"What?" she snapped. "I thought you'd 'dismissed' all claims of the Reapers." Shepard gave into temptation and used air quotes as she spoke. Sparatus' brow plates drew together as he watched her waggling fingers.

"We can argue about the past or we can talk about the future," he said, his twanging voice holding a note of warning. "Both of us are in need of allies at present."

"The turians need allies?" Shepard asked, confused. They'd come running from Earth so quickly, she really hadn't heard much about which other worlds had been hit. Sparatus nodded at her, then squared his shoulders and took a deep breath.

"Palaven is lost," he said. "It appears that the Reapers know our strength is in our fleets and our weakness is in civilian population. They came in moderate numbers but their ground forces have torn through our cities. In fact, I just received word that my mate..."

He broke off and looked away. Though his face remained the picture of turian stoicism, Shepard heard emotion in his silence and immediately thought of Kaidan.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice full of the curt sympathy of one soldier speaking to another. She found that her contempt for the alien was suddenly gone. Funny how war really did make for unlikely allies.

"What can I do?" Shepard asked at once.

"For him?" the turian said, still facing the corner. "Likely nothing. He must fight for himself and his troops." Sparatus turned and fixed Shepard with his sharp little eyes.

"But for my people," he said, "I am hoping you can do a lot more."

* * *

><p>Shepard wandered through the docking bay, taking note of the the humans crowded into makeshift camps in the corners. Already the space was filling up with people who had lost their homes mere hours ago, who had nowhere else to go. Dusty as she was, and with a good bit of gore crusting over the N7 logo on her armor, Shepard looked like just one more refugee who had escaped the Sol system by the skin of her teeth.<p>

Only Shepard wouldn't be staying down here. She had only come down to the docking bay in search of a little bit of contraband to sneak into Kaidan's hospital room. Thankfully, Bailey had been willing to tell her where to get the illegal gift.

Shepard continued walking past a crowd of lost-looking colonists and slipped into the elevator. After all this time and all these detours, she was finally on her way back to Kaidan's side. She supposed she could have squeezed in a visit to see him earlier than now. But she had told herself that the mission came first and it would take the hospital staff a few minutes to get Kaidan settled. Thus, when the Normandy had docked at the Citadel, Shepard had headed straight for the embassies.

Or rather, she _thought_ she had headed straight for the embassies. Instead, Shepard had found the elevator doors opening on Huerta Memorial Hospital. It was strange, that. She was sure that she had punched the button for the Presidium. Clearly, her mind had a mind of its own.

So she had done the responsible thing and hit the elevator button again. The lift had taken her to the embassies. There, she had met with the Council, argued with Udina, and then, surprisingly, gotten help from a most unlikely quarter.

For the turian councilor had come to propose, of all things, that Shepard cutting the Council out of the picture entirely. The leader of the turian Hierarchy had been removed to Palaven's largest moon for safety, but unfortunately, contact with his unit had been lost. If Shepard could find the Primark and get him to safety, she could hold a summit with him and form a pact between the turians and the Alliance.

Shepard had agreed at once. This was exactly what Anderson would have wanted, she thought. Using her Spectre status, she would meddle in turian affairs and then using her commander status, she would broker a partnership with between the Hierarchy and the Alliance. For the first time since she had left Earth, Shepard had a mission that she felt was worth doing.

She just didn't like the idea of doing this mission without Kaidan.

And at _that_ thought, Shepard had left Udina's office and come straight back to Huerta again, well, by way of that shopping trip through the refugee camp in the docking bay.

Shepard now stepped out of the dark elevator into the overly bright light of the hospital reception area and walked to the desk. The receptionist sniffed disapprovingly at her dirty armor and directed her to wait for a moment. Kaidan was undergoing a series of pre-op inspections, but they could allow her a few minutes time with him, if she would please have a seat and wait for someone to call for her.

Shepard nodded and headed to a couch in the corner and plunked herself down. The moment her butt hit the pleather seat, she felt a deep bone-weariness crash down on her. It occurred to her that she couldn't remember the last time she had sat down.

Actually, she realized, the last time she hadn't been standing was when she'd kneeled down to lift Kaidan onto her shoulders back on Mars. That felt like a lifetime ago. Memories of Earth felt even further away. Though technically, now that she checked her omnitool for the time, she saw that twenty four hours had not yet passed since she had woken up in Vancouver, expecting just another do-nothing day.

Shepard sighed and scrubbed her dirty gloves over her face. There was a bitter irony in all of this, she thought. Time had been marching slowly for six months in a cell and then suddenly, the Reapers hit and her world had picked up speed at an alarming rate. And she imagined things weren't going to slow down anytime soon.

God, she was tired, Shepard thought, sprawling inelegantly back against the couch. She knew she had so much left to do, had an op to be planning for, and yet right now, she wasn't sure if she could even stand up again from this couch.

"Sheea' Pard?" A voice politely inquired.

Shepard looked up to see an asari standing there with a datapad, looking right at her. Shepard gave her a slight smile and wearily raised her hand. So much for sitting down. The asari looked down at Shepard with a frown, her eyes seeming to linger on the blood stain on Shepard's right knee. The asari then motioned down the hallway and Shepard forced herself to her feet.

She walked wearily through the doors to the inpatient ward and past a decontamination field. That made her feel a little better about visiting Kaidan now that she'd at least been zapped free of harmful bacteria, if not of dust. The whole of Huerta, she saw, had been built on top of one of those giant struts that spanned the Presidium. It had a metal floor, a metal ceiling, and was glass walls on either side of its narrow length. Frankly, the place gave her a little bit of vertigo.

Shepard found her way down the hall, checking the door numbers until she came to Kaidan's room. She could see through the frosted glass door just enough to make out the outline of Kaidan - or a dark smudge on a table in front of a large picture window, anyhow. Shepard paused there, feeling suddenly and unaccountably nervous. What she was nervous _of_, Shepard didn't want to examine too closely. She also didn't want to think about what might happen if Kaidan's surgery went badly, and if his surgery went well, it was unclear what would happen then. He might want to join her on the Normandy, but then again, considering how angry he'd been with her on Mars, he might not.

Taking a deep breath, Shepard squared her shoulders and touched the door panel for Kaidan's room. It turned green at once and the doors slid open to let her in. Shepard's steps were slow as she walked into the bright, window-walled space. The air was filled with a thin, tinny humming, with small, mechanical beeps and whirrs. It sounded like a garden of synthetic bees and birds, she thought, all cheerfully keeping Kaidan alive.

In the middle of that machine garden was one human figure, lying strangely still on a metal bed in the center of the room. Kaidan wasn't wearing a shirt, which alarmed Shepard a little. What the hell kind of hospital was this, she thought, where they just left guys lying around half-naked in their beds? But then, she thought, maybe the staff just hadn't grabbed Kaidan a hospital gown yet. They'd probably gotten him out of his armor and onto the life-support machines, and who knew what kind of stuff they had to attach to him before an operation?

Shepard supposed that Kaidan was fine, that the doctors knew what they were doing, but even so, she couldn't help but worry a little. She didn't like to think of Kaidan stuck here with no hospital gown, no visitors, no friend nearby to greet him when he woke up. She sincerely wished she could stay and keep an eye on him.

At that thought, Shepard blinked and looked away.

In truth, her hesitation in coming here was largely due to the fact that 'keeping an eye on' Kaidan had a rather nefarious double meaning so far as she was concerned. She still had that damn camera in her head, after all. And if she wasn't mistaken, her graybox had been accessed back there on Mars. She didn't imagine that the Illusive Man would have much of a show to watch, of course. All he'd see was her and Kaidan and Liara and James mowing through scores of his husk-troopers, and good riddance. Maybe it would shake the bastard up a bit to see how easily a couple of good, old fashioned Alliance soldiers had dispatched his overly-modded people.

With that thought, Shepard pursed her lips and turned her attention back to the bed.

"Hey Kaidan," she murmured. After a moment's hesitation, she reached for his hand. She was a little surprised to find his fingers didn't curl around her own, but lay there limply. Well, of course they would, she told herself. Still, it was strange, and it made her heart constrict again at the worry that he might...

No, she told herself, squeezing Kaidan's hand even though he didn't squeeze back. He would be fine. Surely, he'd be fine.

His hand was warm, no doubt a function of the heated hospital blanket rather than his own body temperature. His fingers were calloused, too, just as Shepard remembered. She brushed her own fingers down each of his own, and found that his index finger had a distinct callus right at the left side of the top knuckle. He always did prefer to set his guns to have a heavy pull on the trigger, Shepard thought. It was less convenience for the soldier, requiring a stronger grip and more force. It could also mean a dangerous split-second longer in reaction time. But there was less chance of an accident happening that way. It was very like Kaidan, Shepard thought, to put himself at a higher risk in order to protect others.

That thought nearly undid her. A shaky, wheezing sort of noise broke over the low hum in the room and Shepard was horrified to find that the sniffling sounds had come from _her_. She blinked furiously, trying to stem the tears that suddenly filled her vision. It was the light in here, she told herself, squeezing Kaidan's hand and dropping her head. It was just that the light was too bright and it was hurting her eyes.

Because surely she couldn't be crying over Kaidan. He was fine, after all. He had only been injured, while so many others had died. Kaidan had medical care, a clean, safe facility to recover in, while back on Earth people were hurt, confused, frightened, and alone. It was pointless to waste time, she told herself, pointless to lose focus. It was pointless to melt into tears when what needed doing, she told herself, what had always needed doing was to keep moving, to keep fighting...

_Just __keep _fighting_, __Kaidan__, _Shepard thought. Squeezing her eyes shut, she felt tears dripping down her nose and onto the floor. She heard more gasps, heard herself take a few wheezy breaths.

_God__, __I __sound __like __a __volus __when __I __cry_, Shepard thought. She laughed at that, and the sound was enough to help her choke back those last few tears.

"So Kaidan," Shepard said aloud, striving for a smooth tone, but hearing the ragged edge to her voice all the same, "You missed seeing me cry. Yeah," she said, wiping her eyes with her grimy gloves. "Commander Shepard cries. Sometimes. A little, I guess. Doesn't happen that often, thank God." She let out a long breath. "Probably a good thing, because I turn all pink and puffy like a hanar with allergies.."

She attempted a smile, but when she looked down at Kaidan, all she could manage was a sickly expression.

"Damn it, Kaidan," she murmured. "You're supposed to be the Alliance liaison, remember? You're supposed to, I dunno, _liaise_. You're supposed to be keeping me in line, aren't you?. So get the hell out of that bed and get your ass back to your post."

Kaidan didn't move, of course. Shepard fought back a feeling of complete and utter helplessness. This injury was an enemy she simply couldn't fight. She could only hope that Kaidan would manage this battle on his own. Swallowing hard, Shepard squeezed Kaidan's hand again.

"Look, Kaidan," she said, striving for calm, "I have to go." She let out a bitter laugh and shook her head. "Damn, I always seem to be saying that. But the thing is, this time I really, _really_ don't want to go. I wish I could sit here and talk to you until you get well, but I can't. So instead, I'm going to leave you this."

Shepard reached for her omnitool and synched her 'tool to Kaidan's, grateful that EDI's quick programming had made the gift work properly.

"Technically, this is illegal," she told him, "But they say that when someone is in a coma, it helps if you talk to them, so they can hear voices and all. Since I can't be here, this is the best I can do in a pinch..."

Just then, the omnitool chip that Kaidan had embedded in his left arm activated the holographic mitt over his hand. An image popped out of the omnitool, and it now it appeared that a miniature woman with blonde hair and wearing an N7 jumpsuit was standing right on top of Kaidan's bare chest.

"Hey soldier," the Shepard VI said. "You're a hell of a looker."

"Oh God," Shepard said, shaking her head. "That thing makes me sound like a Mindoiran chipmunk."

"I sound seven percent more like Commander Shepard than any other bootleg VI copy," the VI informed an unconscious Kaidan. The holograph then gave Kaidan a salute and a saucy wink. At the same moment, the holographic N7 jumpsuit disappeared, replaced by a string bikini, before the thing shut itself off.

"Uhh..." Shepard frowned. She hadn't remembered _that_ part of the programming when she'd checked out the demo of this thing down in the refugee camp. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all.

"Well," she said aloud, "it's set up to go off every hour on the hour. It's gonna drive your nurses nuts, but EDI made sure it would keep playing until she deactivates it. See," Shepard added with a weak smile, "now you're going to have to wake up. You have to come back to us if you want to get rid of it."

Shepard paused for one long moment, then impulsively reached out and lifted Kaidan's hand to her lips. She kissed his knuckles, then held his hand in her own.

"I'm not good at this kind of stuff, Kaidan," she said, softly, looking down at their entwined fingers. "I think it takes a much stronger kind of person than me to wait and watch and keep the homefires burning. I've always been more a set-fires kind of woman anyhow."

She set Kaidan's hand down gently upon the blanket and pressed it once before letting go.

"Wake up soon, Kaidan," she said, softly. "We need you." Her throat constricted once again and she added in a whisper:

"_I _need you."

The whoosh of the door behind her told her her time was up. Shepard hoped her eyes weren't red, but clearly they were, because the salarian doctor who entered the room looked at her with obvious alarm. Or maybe, she told herself as she slipped out of the door, it was because she had left some dust on Kaidan's blanket there. The doctor was probably trying to assess how much of an infection risk she was.

Shepard wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand as the doors slid shut behind her. Kaidan was in good hands, Shepard told herself. He was fine. He just needed medical care and some rest and he'd be back on his feet in no time. And as for her, she needed to get moving again. After all, just now, she had stopped to rest and had nearly come undone.

Shepard strode off down the hall without looking back. And so, she didn't see that as she left, Kaidan's fingers curled slightly against the bedsheets, as if grasping for a hand that was no longer there.


	10. Awake

**Author's Note**: So, the extended cut came out. I guess that the story of Commander Shepard has come to a close so far as BioWare is concerned - so far as many fans are concerned, too. I've heard that a lot of people loved the EC. I've heard some didn't _love_ it, but it at least enabled them to play the game again without feeling massive amounts of despair. And regardless of what one thinks of the EC, it _is_ pretty incredible that BioWare bothered to make it in the first place. Free DLC to keep the fans happy? For that, at least, BioWare deserves kudos.

So what did I think of the extended cut? Well, they say that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all... Or re-write the hell out of it in fanfic. That _is_ what they say, right?

I wrote on my blog what I thought about the EC ending, so I won't go into it here. The extended cut did give me the definitive word from BioWare on how they feel the endings went down. And now I feel fully justified in how I plan to riff off of that for my own take on the canon. Whatever else I think of BioWare's ending to Mass Effect, I'm grateful for the story up to that point, and most of all, I'm grateful for the wonderful accident of writing that created a hero like FemShep. She's a gem. And now, with all due respect, I'm going to finish writing her story as I feel it should have played out.

So whether you liked the EC or not, I hope you will enjoy my twist on the canon. However, there is some ground to cover until I get to my own 'extended cut,' so I'd better get back to the writing desk. As always, thank you to all my awesome readers for your support. You guys rock.

-sage

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 10: Awake<em>

* * *

><p>The sudden pitch in movement threw Dean sideways and his head smacked against the wall. Dean started awake just in time to see the shuttle floor rushing at him, then landed face first upon the cold metal. He lay there for a startled second, in a heap between the two banks of benches.<p>

_Ow_, Dean thought, squeezing his eyes shut. Talk about your rude awakenings. He felt rather like an accordion that had been pulled out to its full length and then crumpled up all wrong. Opening his eyes, Dean saw that the shuttle floor was dirty, covered with mud tracked in by about a dozen boots. He turned his head to the side and saw several of those boots - and the feet and legs attached to them. Some of the soldiers were standing, wearily gripping the overhead supports and half-asleep on their feet. The ones sitting were fully asleep, just as he had been a moment ago. Getting to this transport had been a near thing for everyone, and all of them were exhausted. Dean figured that things would only get worse when they got to London.

A hand suddenly appeared in front of his face and Dean looked up. Admiral Anderson was sitting opposite him, his face grim, his expression somewhat withdrawn. If it hadn't been for that extended hand, Dean might have thought the guy was just staring at him, totally unmoved by Dean's clumsy fall.

"Uh, thanks," Dean said, somewhat embarrassed now. He took the hand, hauled himself back up and settled into his seat again. "I guess I..." Dean looked around the quiet shuttle and decided to keep his voice down instead of explaining himself. "Thanks," he muttered again. Anderson just nodded, folded his arms over his chest, closed his eyes and appeared to fall asleep. Dean leaned back against the wall, but didn't think he'd be getting back to sleep again any time soon. He wasn't really sure if he wanted to.

Because just as he'd been waking up, Dean had been having one of those weird kind of dreams where even though he knew that he was dreaming, he also had been aware that the dream meant something. Not that it meant something in a signs-and-omens sense, but more like it meant something in the sense that his head was trying to reason through everything that was going on around him.

Dean had been dreaming that he and Katie were walking through the Citadel together. They'd done that on occasion, back in the old days. And by 'old days,' Dean of course meant about a year ago when things had actually been looking up for him. In the dream, the walls of the Citadel shifted like a kaleidoscope around them. They were walking through their favorite club one minute, and a second later, they were strolling along in the docking bays.

He and Katie were talking about something, he couldn't remember that part now, since the dream was fading off like the horizon. But then the background had shifted and they were walking along one of the narrow paths in the Presidium that lined the reservoir.

"There," Katie had said in the dream, pointing up. A second ago there had been nothing but sky overhead, but now they stood under a great beam that extended from one end of the ring to the other. "That's the hospital where I wanted to work."

Dean looked up at the building on the skybridge. It cast a shadow down around them both, making the comfortable Presidium temperature suddenly chilly.

"You could do that," Dean said in the dream. "My work is just around the corner. It would work out perfect." That wasn't quite true in reality, for the Alliance Communications Network was housed in offices almost halfway around the Presidium ring from the Huerta Memorial Hospital, but in the dream, it hadn't seemed that far away. And from a galactic point of view, it really wasn't. But in the dream, Katie had just shaken her head, her curls bouncing slightly with the movement.

"It's too late for that, Dean."

"Look, I know you're probably dead," Dean told her in the dream. Even as he had spoken, he was aware of the strange practicality of his words. "But if you're not dead, we can find each other. We go back to the Citadel when this is all over. We can start again."

Once again Katie shook her head. "Love is like growing a flower," she said authoritatively, though Dean had no idea if she'd ever raised so much as a potted fern. "You plant the seed and sometimes something beautiful comes up. But then it fades just as quickly as it blossomed."

In the dream, Dean had bristled at this remark. True, he tended to kill any green life that he was put in charge of. It probably had something to do with the fact that he forgot to water plants for days at a time and kept such odd hours that he usually kept the windows shut tight against any light.

"But love isn't like a flower," Dean had protested to the dream-Katie. "Plants wilt, but love can always make a comeback."

"Were we ever really in love, Dean?" the dream-Katie asked him. Dean hadn't said anything to that. Even now that he was looking back at the dream, he couldn't figure out the answer to that question. Back then, it seemed like the answer was 'yes.' But now, he really didn't know.

"What we had on the Citadel was good," the dream-Katie had said then, turning her face back to the hospital above them. "But all I ever wanted was to live and work here. You just fit the part of my boyfriend for a while."

That might even be true, Dean thought miserably, reflecting on the dream. Now fully awake, he scowled, leaned back against the shuttle wall, and folded his arms over his chest.

Okay, Dean thought to himself, that was just a dream and not what Katie had _really_ said. She had said something about not knowing who she was anymore now that all her plans for the future were gone. She had been upset over giving up a good career on the Citadel just to come back to Earth and plan a wedding and try to get a new job. Those two things had stressed her out daily and within a few short months she'd taken off for her mother's house to 'think.' Dean had guessed even then what _that_ meant. He'd tried to persuade her not to go, but she'd been insistent. Sure enough, she only contacted him once after that, and that was to say she wasn't coming back.

'It was never really about you, Dean,' were the last words she'd spoken to him. Dean still didn't quite know what to make of that. Their break-up wasn't his fault? Or their relationship had never worked and there was nothing he could do about it?

Dean knew he was terrible at remembering some things, like watering plants and where his empty coffee cup had gotten off to. But he had a damnably good memory in some respects - like remembering where critical lines of code 'lived' and the ability to keep straight multiple syntax rules in his head while building a new software system. However, he wasn't so great at reading between the lines. He had heard Katie talking about how much she missed her job in the Wards and heard her complaints that she was too chubby to fit into her mother's wedding dress. Dean had figured this meant Katie needed help finding a new job and she needed to tell her mother that she was going to break with tradition and find her own wedding dress instead. These seemed like simple fixes to simple problems.

Yet somehow, Dean had missed the syntax of _Katie_, which was a lot more complicated than any code he'd worked with before. He hadn't caught on that she was so unhappy with the life they were building together until she'd up and run out on him. So all Dean could figure was that the Citadel held some vital key to Katie's contentment and he wasn't enough. Katie had been enough for him, Dean thought sadly, and yet he had not been enough for her.

Dean sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. Maybe the dream-Katie was right. Maybe what people called 'love' was just a good situation that lasted long enough to keep two people side-by-side. It would certainly fit with what he had seen of relationships so far: first his parents, then the come-and-go flings he'd witnessed all throughout his time in the service. For all Dean could tell, the only thing that drew people together was happenstance. And happenstance had a hell of a way of pushing people apart again.

"Approaching European Union from north-northwest," a voice crackled above Dean's head, drawing him out of his morose thoughts. The voice stated the coordinates of approach, causing Admiral Anderson to look up sharply and fire up his omnitool. The map he brought up was reversed from where Dean was sitting, but even so, Dean could tell that from the blinking red dots all over the holographic display that they were in big trouble again.

"All those comm units are offline?" he asked Anderson. The admiral looked up and nodded.

"We've been safe over the Arctic Circle," Anderson said. "But this is going to be dicey getting into an urban center."

The soldiers around them shifted a bit in their seats and on their feet, waking up and looking to Anderson to explain their next step.

"Where's this bunker that we need to get to?" Dean asked.

"Here," Anderson said, pointing to a spot that was right in the center of a cluster of blinking red dots. "It's right in the center of Greater London."

"Figures," one of the soldiers muttered.

"It's going to be impossible to get this shuttle to that spot in one piece," another soldier pointed out. "You saw how they took out shuttles in Vancouver."

Everyone fell silent at that. They had seen that far too clearly. It was only by finding a transport hub on the edge of town that they had gotten to undamaged shuttles at all. And several other shuttles had distracted the Reapers as the admiral's shuttle had flown away. Those other shuttles hadn't made it very far.

"Flying into a hot zone is a big risk," another soldier agreed.

"Yeah, especially considering we don't know what's hot and what isn't," Dean pointed out.

"Sir," the soldier sitting to Dean's left spoke up. Dean hadn't realized it was a woman under all that armor until she started talking. "Permission to offer a suggestion?"

"Granted," Anderson told her evenly.

"Well," the woman said, looking encouraged by the admiral's words, "according to the evacuation protocols you wrote up, an enemy like this is going to target civilian centers..."

"You actually_ read_ that thing?" one of the other soldiers interrupted. "It was fifty pages long."

"I do my homework," the woman replied, her tone steely. Dean saw that Anderson was looking at the woman with a kind of pleased surprise. "Anyhow, I was gonna say that if we just waltz into London, we're going to get our asses handed to us. We ought to target a remote location where those big machine things aren't paying much attention. We get intel, take it a bit slower. Maybe _he_ can build us some comm towers or something when we get there," the woman added, nodding at Dean. "Then we sneak in all careful like once we've got comms up."

Dean was flattered by the vote of confidence, but wasn't too sure he could pull off what this woman was talking about. He could hack existing software systems pretty readily, but that was worlds away from tinkering with hardware and building radios out of old toasters or whatever it was these people thought he could do. But before Dean could explain any of this, however, Anderson nodded.

"Those are good suggestions. Your name, soldier?"

"Staff Lieutenant Griffiths, sir," the woman replied with a salute. "Infiltration regiment, N2 sniper training."

"You're an N?" one of the other soldiers asked. The rest of the transport looked impressed.

"Good to have you aboard, LT," Anderson said to her. "And I think I know just the place to land. Corporal," he added, speaking toward the ceiling now. "There's a British naval base on the Isle of Skye - used to be a submarine base years ago."

"It's showing up as a museum on the map," the shuttle pilot replied doubtfully over the comm.

"Looks are deceiving," Anderson replied enigmatically. "Drop us down as close as you can to the Skye Bridge and we'll secure the area. We can see what's left of the communications network in the UK, then figure out our approach to London from there."

Dean brightened at the idea of landing at an actual naval base, museum or otherwise. With any luck, some of the old tech might still be workable. If not, abandoned base in the middle of nowhere sounded a lot better than landing in the middle of another hellish battlefield.

"Roger that," the shuttle pilot replied over the comm. "ETA, ten minutes."

"Over the sea _from_ Skye," Lieutenant Griffiths remarked. "And this time, we're bringing the king back. Or admiral, I guess." Anderson gave her a wry smile. Dean didn't quite get what that was all about and just brought up his omnitool to look over his notes. He had a few ideas about how to get communications back online, but it was all going to depend upon what kind of tech he could salvage out of the wreckage once they landed.

"Hey, you got a plan?" Griffiths asked Dean suddenly. "What kind of tech do you need us to find for you?"

"Uh..." Dean began.

"I don't get why everyone is in such a hurry to die," a sullen soldier remarked from the corner. "Heading back into London is suicide."

"And yet," Anderson said, glaring at the man. "That's where our mission lies."

"Anyhow, I can't die," Griffiths said, resting her arm on the back of her bench. "My girlfriend would kick my ass six weeks from Sunday if I'm not on Thessia for her Janiris festival."

Mention of the woman's girlfriend made Dean realize that he wasn't the only one in here with someone he'd left behind.

"Yeah, good luck with that," the glowering soldier said from the corner. "She's probably already dead. Or she will be pretty soon."

"That's enough," Anderson said sharply before the lieutenant could reply. "Right now, we can't worry about anything beyond the mission. I understand that all of you probably have people you're worried about. I do, too. But we have to stay focused. Our job is to get communications back online for the entire planet. That's no small task."

"It's a pointless task," the asshole from the corner said. "Against an enemy like this, what does it matter if we can scream to each other before we all die?"

"The situation isn't nearly that bleak," Anderson told him sternly. "Commander Shepard is out there right now, gathering intel and an army to come liberate Earth."

"Commander Shepard?" Dean asked in surprise. Judging from the other shocked faces in the transport, he wasn't the only one. "Isn't she dead?"

"I thought she went rogue," Griffiths said from beside him.

"Turned terrorist, wasn't it?" another put in.

"Shepard is very much on our side," Anderson told them. "And she's been underground, but she's back. She's out there right now gathering an army. She'll be coming for us, and we need to be ready for her."

Dean looked around, pretty astonished by the reaction this got from the other soldiers. All of them, even that grumpy one in the corner, looked impressed. Dean, however, wasn't quite sure what to think. He'd heard on the news vids that Shepard had blown up a Batarian star system because she thought it would slow down the Reapers. And from what Katie had told Dean, Dean's buddy, Alenko, had been in love with some girl on the Normandy - Ashley something or other. Then Shepard went off and got the girl killed during some mission. Normally, Dean wouldn't have much faith in someone who was willing to be that ruthless to get the job done, but against the Reapers, well, he figured ruthless might be exactly what it took to get the job done.

"So," Griffiths said, "All we gotta do is sneak into London, get comms back online, and hold out until Shepard brings an army to save our asses?"

"Not quite that simple," Anderson said, the ghost of a smile on his lips, "but something like that."

"No problem," Griffiths said. "We got this in the bag, right?" She smacked Dean in the arm, hard.

"Right," Dean said, rubbing the sore spot she left on his shoulder. He certainly didn't share the lieutenant's optimism, because he had no idea what they were getting into, and if he failed to get the communications back online then...

That thought brought Dean up short. If he failed to get communications back online, it wasn't like the Alliance would kick him off the job and bring in another expert. For all he knew, there might not _be_ another expert left on the whole of Earth. If he failed, then every soldier here would probably die. Even that asshole in the corner didn't deserve that.

And suddenly, Dean felt like he was waking up, not just from sleep, but from some kind of stupor he'd been in for months since Katie left. This wasn't about a failed relationship or how he wished things might have been. This really was the end of the goddamn world. And there was no room for failure.

* * *

><p>Shepard gasped awake with a start. Her heart was pounding, her sheets were drenched with sweat.<p>

Rolling to one side, Shepard gripped her head with her hands. She felt like her skull was splitting in half, beginning at some spot deep inside her brain. For a second, she feared that it was the camera again, uploading from her brain to the Illusive Man. But then she realized that couldn't be the case. EDI would be blocking any signal from the greybox so long as Shepard was on or near the Normandy. And besides, Shepard reasoned, this headache was nothing like the uploading headaches from before. Those had been a buzzing along her implant wires. This ache, however, felt much deeper, like a heavy rumbling at the center of her head.

The pain remained for a moment, then, just like that fire from her dream, it blessedly began to ease. And as the ache faded, Shepard remembered snippets of her nightmare.

_A wood with no paths through it. A lost child. A hand offered too late._

She had been running, as though she had been in training again, back in the wooded places of Old Stanley Park. However, in the dream it had been twilight, not morning, and she had been wearing her armor rather than her workout gear. There had been no path to run along either, no clear way through the ferns and trees. In the dream, she had occasionally run to a spot only to turn right back around again, as though she could not help but come back again and again to the same clearing.

She had circled back, again and again, and then, unexpectedly, she had stumbled upon a little boy, playing all alone. It was the boy who had hidden from her in Vancouver - the boy she hadn't managed to save. In the dream, he had looked at her with a blank, terrified gaze - and then burst into flame.

Well, Shepard thought grimly, looking down at her shaking hands. It didn't take a certified shrink to figure out what that dream meant. Here she had spent forever trying to warn everyone - _anyone_ - about the Reapers, and no one had listened. She hadn't even managed to convince a child to listen to her. And now, she was having dreams of running helplessly through an endless forest while civilians burst into flames before her very eyes.

Hello post-traumatic nightmares, Shepard thought grimly. This wasn't even one of the worse dreams of her life. She hadn't torn the room apart with biotics, like she frequently did with the Prothean-beacon induced dreams. She hadn't felt crushed by an overwhelming sense of guilt like after Virmire or again after the Viper Nebula. And she hadn't dislocated her shoulder fighting shadows, like she had that one time after Mindoir. So compared to some of the night terrors she'd faced in her life, that dream had been downright tame.

So why was it that she still felt shaken? She could practically _feel_ the oppressive canopy of the dream-trees over her, their branches forking out at weird, unnatural angles, like smudges against the twilight dream-sky. Those trees had looked vaguely like hands, Shepard thought. It was as if they were attached to some giant that was hiding just under the ground, reaching up through the soil to grab unsuspecting travellers. The whole clearing had felt like a planted cage, really. And even now, her heart was racing, as if she was fighting to break free from it all.

Shepard rolled onto her back and looked up. The skylight above her head showed cold, precise pinpricks of stars in the distance, a slight blue sheen of the FTL mass effect field flickering over it. The sight was like cold water on her mind, bringing her back to reality in all its oppressive possibility.

She wasn't trapped in a wood, scarcely able to move. The truth of the matter was much more frightening than that. She had all sorts of options open to her, but very little way of knowing which were the best for fighting back the Reapers. Every decision she made from here on out might be the difference between life and death.

Shepard lay there for a second, feeling almost paralyzed by that notion. How the hell was she supposed to go forward when a single misstep might end up spelling the end for not just herself, not just her team, but the entire galaxy?

Kaidan's face flashed before her mind - pale under all the bruises, his eyes shut, his lips still. She had almost lost him back there on Mars, might lose him still, if things didn't work out right. The thought left Shepard feeling strangely numb. If Kaidan died, she would have to fight on, even though she would feel like her insides had been scraped out. But if he lived, a part of her would always be frightened for him, terrified of losing him to a later battle, another fight. It was possible that they they would both somehow live through this war, but that seemed like such a long shot, Shepard could hardly imagine it.

And yet, Shepard thought, taking a deep breath, it was still possible. That was the crazy thing about war. It was entirely unpredictable and anything could happen.

Even a victory.

With that thought, the dream faded and her resolve renewed. Kaidan was still alive and so was she; Anderson was still alive, too. And the galaxy was filled with people - billions of them - who could fight back against the Reapers if they could be rallied together. And it was _her_ job to make sure they got that chance and turned it into a future free from the Reapers.

Her mission clear once more, Shepard yanked off her sweat-damp tank top and headed straight for the shower.

* * *

><p>A voice was calling to him, shouting his name, but Kaidan was trapped by his own armor. He was supposed to be fighting by her side, but he was crushed under his own helmet, unable to see, unable to breathe. He tried to follow that voice out of the rubble, tried to fight free from the dreams, but sleep made his body heavy, made his breathing labored. Kaidan tried to sit up, tried to wake, and then, suddenly, he heard the voice clearly, right in front of his face:<p>

"You want to help me, get me out of this damn demo mode!"

The words didn't make any sense to him, half in dreams as he was, but they woke Kaidan all the same. He heard the cry for help through the sound of humming machinery all around him and a strange whooshing in the distance. He fought to open his eyes, but they wouldn't open, dry and sticky as they were. His entire body, from his eyeballs down to his toes, felt heavy, like his whole body had been emptied of innards and filled up with wet cotton stuffing. Kaidan tried to lift his head, but found that in addition to feeling heavy and dizzy, something was holding him down - something in his _nose_.

"Shepard?" Kaidan croaked. Or at least, he tried to say her name. It felt like that cotton stuffing had filled his mouth as well. The rancid taste plus the uncomfortable dryness left him wanting to gag. Kaidan managed to open his eyes just a crack, and for a second there, he thought he saw Shepard flicking in the air before him like a mirage. Then he heard the words:

"I have to go," and she disappeared.

_No_, Kaidan thought, his mind reacting slowly, almost drunkenly. He wasn't sure where he was, or what it was that had him pinned down. All he knew was that Shepard was in danger and he had to get to her.

Without thinking, he gathered his biotic energy. It was a pure defensive move, just gathering power to have in hand should he need it.

At once, Kaidan felt like someone had beaten him with a sledgehammer to the back of the head. The world exploded in stars and he barely held onto consciousness through the pain. Somewhere behind him, a furious pinging sound went off, and a sharp, hot something pricked his arm and began sliding upward, like a grasping caress. Kaidan forced his eyes open, but his brain made little sense of the overly-bright glare. He heard murmurs, heard that now-blaring alarm, heard breaths coming in ragged gasps now and realized that the breaths came from _him_. Kaidan lay there, staring in dizzy incomprehension when a whoosh and a movement to his right caught his eye.

"Stop, stop, stop!" A voice snapped at him. This voice was clipped, yet strangely liquid, as if someone had taken a starched university professor and dumped him into a puddle. "Don't use your biotics!"

Kaidan blinked several times, and the face of a salarian appeared over him, frowning down at him in a way that only someone with a lower jaw made almost entirely out of cartilage could manage.

"You already _used_ biotics, didn't you?" the salarian said. "I can smell the eezo, so don't deny it." Before Kaidan could croak out an answer, the salarian brought up an omnitool and scanned Kaidan.

"Oh, for the love of Treyln," the salarian scowled. "Why do you humans always resort to a fight-or-flight instinct? It's like you haven't evolved one bit. It's amazing the Council ever allowed you off of your planet, much less into their ranks."

"At it again, Dr. Freylock?" another voice asked. This voice was female and possessed of a distinct Earth-French accent. "You know it's not fair to discuss politics with patients that are so heavily sedated."

"In my experience," the salarian replied with a sniff, "the presence of consciousness in humans does little to improve the discourse." The red-headed woman didn't seem to take offense at this at all, and instead came to stand by Kaidan's bedside.

"Hello, Major Alenko," she said, nodding to Kaidan in a friendly manner. "I'm not sure if you remember me. I'm Doctor Michelle."

Kaidan tried to say that no, he didn't remember her, but his mouth was still so dry that it wasn't working very well.

"I used to work with Lisa, your girlfriend."

Kaidan blinked at that. Girlfriend? He wouldn't call Shepard a _girlfriend_, exactly. Because while the Mars mission was coming back to him in bits and pieces, he seemed to remember arguing with Shepard about...

Then it hit him that Dr. Michelle was talking about _Lisa_, whom Kaidan had entirely forgotten about. But he was spared from having to explain anything by the fact that his throat didn't want to work at all and Dr. Michelle didn't seem to expect him to make small talk.

"You're in Huerta Memorial Hospital," Dr. Michelle told him. "I imagine this might be a little disorienting, but you need to avoid using your biotics. Your system took quite a shock, so we're going to put you back under for just a little bit longer..."

As she spoke, the world suddenly started fading back out of focus. Kaidan caught snippets of what she was saying, but the words, "didn't expect you to be up for another three days," "highly invasive brain procedure," and "need to adjust medication for the high metabolism" meant little to him.

Kaidan wouldn't have fought off sleep if it had been just himself that he was worried about, but he was sure he had heard Shepard's voice a moment ago. If he was in a hospital, Kaidan had to figure most of them had survived the mission, but he had to know for sure if anyone else had been injured along with him.

"Shepard," Kaidan managed to say in a sluggish voice. "Is she...?"

"She's fine," Dr. Michelle said, but whatever else she might have told him was cut off by the scowling salarian. "Just rest."

"Is she here?" Kaidan asked, but Dr. Michelle didn't seem to hear him.

"Lie still," the salarian told Kaidan. The alien's voice sounded like it was coming from a long way off, down a corridor and echoed through several rooms. "You can go and get yourself killed later. On _my_ watch, however, you have to get healed up, first."

"But I'm fine," Kaidan said, or at least he tried to. "Earth... Shepard... I have to get back in the fight. They need me."

"They need you to get _well_," Dr. Michelle told him gently, but Kaidan scarcely heard her. The painkillers seemed to close in over his head and push him back under the waters into dreams again. As he felt himself falling under, Kaidan heard the salarian say:

"Blast. We should have asked him to turn that damn VI off."

"Somehow, I don't think he was the one who turned it on," Dr. Michelle replied. She sounded like she was trying to hold back laughter.

Then Kaidan slipped out of consciousness and heard nothing more.

* * *

><p>"Shepard and Alenko?" The words were accompanied by a loud snort. "You must be joking."<p>

From his vantage point overlooking the dying star, the Illusive Man did not even bother to turn around and address the man whose face currently flickered on the vid screen. The human councilor had his uses, the Illusive Man thought, but actually _talking_ to the man was tiresome. He was yet another person who lacked any kind of vision. Stifling a weary sigh, the Illusive Man blew out a mouthful of cigarette smoke and turned back to the screen.

"Shepard and Alenko," he repeated. "Were once close." He walked back to his chair and sat down. The line of hovering vid screens lowered slightly to accommodate his movement.

"Hmph," Udina said after a moment's consideration. "I can believe it of Shepard. What's astonishing is that she managed to keep quiet about it for so long. She tends to make a spectacle of herself wherever she goes. But the major?" Udina shook his head. "I would have thought him above getting mixed up with the likes of Shepard."

"It seems he had thought better of the association as well," the Illusive Man said. "I have reason to believe that the scales have fallen off of his eyes, as it were. Love is not so blind, it seems, that it can overlook wounded pride."

"Love. Pride," Udina said dismissively. "How is this relevant? I tell you that Earth is burning and the Council won't help. And what do you do? You tell me about a pair of troublesome soldiers and their love affair. What does it matter in light of what's happening in the galaxy right now?"

The Illusive Man took a drag from his cigarette and considered the question. Udina was right, of course. A single partnership was nothing against the force of the Reapers. After all, love was no more than a complex cocktail of hormones driving a person to mate. Friendship was slightly more complicated, but essentially was build on the same drives: to find protection within a group and raise one's young there. Survival, not affection, was the root of all human interaction. Every partnership ever forged was mercenary in nature, the Illusive Man told himself. Though thankfully, Shepard was still too much a dreamer to see this.

"It matters," the Illusive Man said patiently, as if he were explaining this to a child, "Because Shepard _believes _it matters. Alenko is her Achilles heel, you see. We'll use him to cripple her."

"You do love your Greek mythology, don't you?" Udina grumbled. More loudly, he said, "Even if this were true, I hardly see how getting at Shepard helps _me_. You made promises to me when I agreed to work with Cerberus, and you still haven't delivered. Now that humanity is under attack and the Council won't budge on the issue, I need you to give me what I asked for back then. I need the power necessary to save humanity."

The Illusive Man cocked his head to one side. Truly, he thought with some amusement, Udina had no vision at all. "But it's all related, don't you see?"

"No, I don't see," Udina's flickering image snapped back. "I see that our species is under attack and, as usual, we don't have the power to push back the threat because the aliens have our hands tied. I see Shepard pushed me out of the running for councilor years ago and Anderson did nothing to advance humanity's cause in the meantime."

"He simply refused to work with the people who could actually get the job done," the Illusive Man observed.

"Precisely," Udina replied with a sniff. "Him and his principles. Which is why," he added with a glare, "I turned to _you _all those years ago. I've been sending you intel, got those Argus security programs uploaded into Alliance systems..."

"You did that to spy on your associates as much as to help me," the Illusive Man put in.

"Yes, well," Udina admitted, "That was a rather useful side effect, I admit. But the point is, you owe me."

The Illusive Man bristled at the words. By his reckoning, Cerberus owed Udina nothing at all. However, it would accomplish very little to wound the councilor's pride at this point. Setting aside his own annoyance, the Illusive Man calmly said:

"As it happens, that is precisely why I am telling you about Shepard and Alenko..."

And then the Illusive Man stubbed out his spent cigarette and carefully explained his plan. Even through the flickering holograph, the Illusive Man could tell that his words struck a nerve. Udina's eyes grew wider and wider with each word spoken, each twist and turn of the plot unfolded. The councilor didn't say a word until the Illusive Man concluded with:

"And then," he paused to pull out another cigarette out of his breast pocket, "Humanity takes control."

There was a long pause on the other end of the QEC. It was convenient, the Illusive Man thought, that Udina had never questioned why Cerberus had given the human councilor a quantum entanglement unit and then contacted him so rarely. But then, Udina was arrogant enough to assume the expensive communicator was a mark of his vast importance in the galaxy, and not a promise of things to come. Even now, he was likely to accept the Illusive Man's plans without question, seeing only the advantage to _him_, and not the hook on the other end of the thin thread. The Illusive Man waited patiently for the answer.

"That's... I..." Udina sputtered. "My God."

"That's exactly what you want, isn't it?"

"Well yes, but..." Udina shook his head. "I thought you would suggest that I assassinate Major Alenko. That would be easier, don't you think?"

"No," the Illusive Man said sharply. "Killers always lead trails right back to their lairs. An effective scheme allows us - allows _you_ - to wash your hands of everything. You will get what you need, and you don't have to fire a shot."

Udina was quiet for a long time, then he spoke again.

"It will be a challenge to convince the Council, you know. Major Alenko is currently comatose. That's hardly a recommendation of the man's competence."

The Illusive Man allowed himself a small smirk. He had managed to crack security on the Huerta Hospital terminals in order to get the diagnosis of Alenko's injuries. It was some consolation that even though Major Alenko had survived his encounter with the Eva unit, he had been injured badly. And by the time the major made a full recovery, the time would be ripe for their plan. In some ways, the Illusive Man thought, things were almost working out better with Shepard and Alenko alive than if they had been dead.

"I'm sure you can persuade the Council," the Illusive Man told Udina. "If they believe that honoring your request will appease humanity, they'll do it. Better to appoint a token Spectre agent than to send expensive aid to Earth."

Udina nodded slightly, then the nod grew more marked. "Yes," he said. "Yes. This will work well."

"Good," the Illusive Man replied. "I'll contact you when we're ready to begin."

"Very well," Udina returned. "I'll get everything in place."

The two men exchanged a few cursory good-byes. Usually, the Illusive Man never bothered to glad hand the hired help, but with Udina, he had found it paid to be a little more civil. It was best to keep the man believing that Cerberus was just a lap dog.

Then, once the vid screen to the councilor fell dark, the Illusive Man rubbed his forehead wearily. He was getting tired, it was true. He slept rarely these days, if at all. Instead, he spent his time here, in this room, wide awake and planning the next move - always look for the next move.

There were so many strands in the web, the Illusive Man thought, lighting up another cigarette. So many strands, and this next knot would require careful weaving. For what he had received from the Mars Archives was all that he needed to know in order to finish this scheme.

With that thought, the Illusive Man turned his attention to the thirteenth screen and unpaused the vid feed. The scene that appeared before him was that of a rocking camera, focusing unsteadily on the fallen body of a Cerberus trooper.

"Just what is it you're accusing me of, Kaidan?" A voice from off camera asked. The tone was angry, officious, with just a hint of hurt lacing the words. The screen went dark for the briefest moment as eyelids blinked down over the camera. When the screen cleared, the view had shifted to a man standing by a railing. He was wearing an Alliance uniform, and though his face was turned away, the outline of his jaw appeared to be set in harsh lines of repressed fury.

"I'm not 'accusing' you of anything," the man said without turning around. "I'm just trying to figure this all out."

The Illusive Man watched the man carefully through the vid feed. The major was rather difficult to read, after all. His disgust with Shepard was evident; his suspicion of Cerberus was clear. The Illusive Man had heard the reports: Alenko hadn't mourned Shepard at all. He had left her on Horizon with little more than a backward glance. There had even been rumors that he had proposed marriage to a doctor on the Citadel. The Illusive Man's intel regarding the major's actions was spotty at best, but he believed he had enough to piece together the picture.

For here, on the vid screen, was the man himself. Alenko's coldness in the face of Shepard's fire was impressive. It was a pity the man had such lofty principles. He might have made a fine ally, if Cerberus had been able to turn him. But even on the vid screen, as Shepard implored the major to listen to her, his face remained turned away, his expression unmoved.

_And now_, the Illusive Man thought, _now comes the thrown gauntlet._ As if on cue, the voice on the vid screen hardened to flint.

"I would rather die than become trapped inside of a cage in my own mind," Shepard informed the Illusive Man and Kaidan both. "So if you _really_ think I've gone rogue, Kaidan, or that I'm indoctrinated or whatever it is you think, then for God's sake, put a gun to my head and pull the goddamn trigger."

On the video screen, Alenko's startled gaze swung to the camera. The Illusive Man grinned to himself and stopped the feed there.

_Yes_, he thought to himself. The major would never work for Cerberus directly, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't work for Cerberus all the same. A simple push in the right direction, a further suggestion or two, and Kaidan Alenko would fulfill his purpose just as Shepard had done. Both of them were stubborn and distrustful.

And it would be their undoing, the Illusive Man thought with a smile.


	11. Numbers

Chapter 11: Numbers

_flashback: 0700 hours, two days after the explosion of the Viper Nebula's Alpha Relay_

* * *

><p>"I don't like this, Shepard," Miranda said, folding her arms over her chest. "If you turn yourself in, it's like you're admitting that you did something wrong. And you <em>didn't<em> do anything wrong."

All around the comm room, the heads nodded and various voices made small noises of agreement. Although the situation was quite serious, Shepard smiled in response. She hadn't expected this kind of reception. Instead, she had come to this meeting thinking that she would be regarded with fear and disgust. What she had just done back there in the Viper Nebula - sacrificing hundreds of thousands to save billions - it had been necessary.

It was still monstrous.

But the team of the SR2 knew the score. Shepard gazed around the room, feeling a fondness for these men and women - and aliens and synthetics - that surprised her. These people knew what the galaxy was up against; they knew the kind of sacrifices that had to be made in order to stop the Reapers. They hadn't abandoned her, either, not even when she'd told them she had to do this mission alone. They'd been waiting for her call, and when she hailed them, they were ready to pick her up in the nick of time.

And they weren't too happy to hear that she was about to go off on her own again - Miranda especially. The XO was currently voicing her disagreement with all her usual insubordinate candor.

"The best case scenario is that they'll simply put you under house arrest," Miranda pointed out.. "And the worst case scenario..." she broke off, brows drawn, mouth turned down in a frown.

"The worst case scenario is that they hang Shepard's ass out as a flag of surrender for the Batarians," Zaeed finished for her. "And when they Batarians get hold of that ass..."

"Yes, thank you," Shepard cut in, glaring at the mercenary. "I'm well aware of what Batarians do to prisoners. But," she added, seeing Miranda's worry reflected throughout the room, "it won't come to that. I just spoke to Admiral Hackett. The Alliance won't give me up without a fight."

"And what if they lose that fight?" Garrus wanted to know. "Shepard, I don't like this. You're just one soldier, and the Batarians are _really_ pissed."

"Yeah," Joker put in from over the comm, causing everyone to look up at the ceiling. "This is Anderson all over again, Shepard. Survive the battle, get taken down by politics."

"Anderson became a galactic councilor," Shepard pointed out, speaking at the ceiling. "It worked out okay for him."

"Yeah, only because _you_ put him there," Joker countered. "Besides, I'm not sure if you heard, but Anderson left the Council because of all their political bullshit."

"Exactly," Shepard nodded, looking back down at the people standing around the comm room table. "Anderson is the Alliance officer I'm supposed to rendezvous with. He isn't going to hand me over to the Hegemony. Not if he has breath left in his body."

"But he was your friend _before _you started working with Cerberus," Garrus pointed out. "And didn't you already ask him for help?"

Shepard didn't really want to answer that question, but Joker stepped in and replied for her.

"Yeah," Joker's snort rattled the comm link, "If I remember right, he said 'Sorry.' They all said 'sorry': Anderson, the Council, hell - _Alenko_."

Shepard winced involuntarily at the mention of that last name.

"Seriously, Shepard," Joker went on. "The Alliance has done shit for us so far. All they've gone is get you tangled up in this mess with the Batarians. So call me crazy, but I say we can't trust them."

"Let's ask for asylum from the Hierarchy," Garrus suggested before Shepard could reply. "I'll talk to my father, see if he can help us out."

Shepard had to wonder at that remark. She'd only heard Garrus mention his father once, and from what she could tell, the relationship was a cool one. What Garrus offered was generous indeed, but it still wasn't going to work.

"I appreciate the gesture, Garrus," Shepard told him, "But if the Hierarchy takes us in, we could end up with a diplomatic incident between the turians and the humans."

And the last thing they needed right now was a fight between the two biggest fleets in Council space, not when they needed every ship in the galaxy at top fighting shape in order to take on the Reapers. But before Shepard could lead into that thought, Tali jumped in with a suggestion.

"We could join the Flotilla," she offered. "After what you did for my people, they would welcome the Normandy gladly. The quarians are already wanderers. It would be easy to hide one more ship among thousands."

"And if anyone found out about that arrangement, there'd be hell to pay," Shepard told her.

"But we _should_ find some place to lay low for a while," Jacob urged. "There are a few abandoned Cerberus outposts that we could take shelter in. They ought to have stockpiles of supplies left. We could form a base of operations from there."

"No way in _hell_ I am hanging out in a Cerberus facility," Jack said fiercely, glaring at him from across the table. "Abandoned or not."

"Cerberus frequently monitors old facilities," Mordin pointed out more reasonably. "Leaves behind skeleton crews, surveillance devices, even explosives. Not the wisest course of action."

"Eh, yeah," Shepard said, her ears perking up at the mention of surveillance devices. She felt a twinge of guilt that she still hadn't told the crew about the camera in her head, but truthfully, that was a part of her decision to leave. So long as she was among them, there was always the danger that her greybox could be hacked. And if that happened, the Illusive Man could track down the entire team.

"Forming a base of operations isn't a bad idea, though," Garrus said, cocking his head to one side as he considered the idea. "Not in a Cerberus facility, of course, but there has to be somewhere we could bunker down."

"Yeah," Zaeed snorted, "Remind me, Archangel. How well did that work for you on Omega?"

Garrus shot the mercenary a dark look.

"Having our own territory is a good idea, though," Jacob put in.

"We could find a virgin planet and conquer it for ourselves!" Grunt punched his fists together in barely restrained excitement.

"Right," Garrus said sarcastically, "_that_ won't get the attention of the galaxy: stomping all over some uninhabited garden world. All the unpopulated ones are monitored, you know."

"Let them come," Jack interrupted with a sneer. "We'll take the lot of them."

"Us and what army?" Miranda scowled at her.

"We could stay with Liara," Garrus suggested. "Her base is hidden - and it's a good place to gather intel."

"Uhhh," Joker put in from over the comm, "I don't think so. It's not like that place has a garage where we can park the Normandy. And just how long to do you think our kinetic barriers would survive in Hagalaz's atmosphere?"

"Calculating frequency of electrical strikes and the wind velocity..." Mordin began.

"I do believe that Jeff was asking a rhetorical question, Professor Solus," EDI put in politely.

"Oh, yes," the salarian blinked. "Very well. Can calculate survival rates if needed."

"So we don't battle," Kasumi said with a shrug, "and we don't bunker down. We just keep one step ahead of everyone. It's not so bad once you get used to it," she added. "It can even be kind of fun. Running from port to port, stealing the supplies you need - or bartering for them," she amended, noting Jacob's disapproving frown.

"We've got the fastest ship in the galaxy," Joker said over the comm. "Should be easy enough."

"Turning pirate and looting," Jack said, her blood-red lips twisted in a grin. "I _like_ it."

"Or we stay out of trouble and stay alive," Miranda said, glaring at the tattooed woman.

Everyone at the table nodded at Miranda's suggestion - all except for Grunt, who looked decidedly disappointed that he would not get to conquer a virgin planet.

"But trouble seems to find _us_," Shepard said, deciding this line of conversation had gone on long enough. It was one thing to let her crew exhaust the other possibilities, but now it was time to show them that only one course of action made any sense. But before she could do so, a low, guttural cough drew her attention to the other side of the room.

"Forgive me, Shepard, but I, for one, do not wish to live my final years in hiding," Thane said politely. "I have little time left, and I would like to spend it with my son."

"And I as well," Samara said from her place beside Thane, "I have performed the mission as promised and my oath to Shepard is at an end. I have stayed with you all for a time out of respect and friendship. It has been pleasant to spend time in the company of people I can respect." The asari paused for a moment and gave Thane a kindly smile. "But I, too, have other responsibilities, and I can no longer ignore the dictates of my Code."

"Couldn't you just swear to protect us all from Cerberus?" Tali wondered aloud. "Then your Code would dictate that you have to help us."

Samara shook her head. "The Code is unclear in a case such as this. Normally, I would be under oath to apprehend Shepard and take her into custody so that she could answer for her actions..."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Jack muttered.

"But I believe her actions were justified. Still, Shepard, however, has simplified the matter greatly by agreeing to turn herself in. She submits to Alliance regulations as I submit to my Code, and I must honor her wishes in this. As must we all."

"And here we come to the heart of it," Miranda murmured thoughtfully. "You still think of yourself as Alliance, don't you, Shepard?"

"I do," Shepard replied, just as quietly. "I always have."

There was a long pause. Then Zaeed broke the solemn silence by snorting loudly.

"So that's it then?" he asked. "Shepard blows up some guddamn Batarians and the party is over?"

"But the Reapers are still out there, Shepard," Garrus said, his plated brows drawing together. "Code or no code, regulations or no regulations, _that's_ our first concern."

"Exactly, Garrus," Shepard said, meeting his eyes, sure that all the worry and frustration of the past few years were plain on her face. "That's exactly what I'm thinking about. We can't do this alone."

"Alone?" Miranda frowned. "You're talking about 'alone' when _you're_ about to go off alone?"

"But we're already alone, Miranda," Shepard said. "We're just one ship out here."

"And this one ship has done more to stop the Reapers than all the fleets in the galaxy," Garrus argued.

"Intel gathering, yeah," Shepard said. "Slowing them down, yeah. But in a direct fight? Come on, Garrus. Think back to the Battle of the Citadel. It took the entire Fifth Fleet to take down _one_ Reaper. There are _thousands _of Reapers on their way - hundreds of thousands, maybe. We need to mobilize the Alliance to fight them," she gave a bitter laugh. "Hell, we need to mobilize the galaxy."

"The Alliance knows this is coming," Garrus pushed back. "So does the Council. They just don't want to admit it. If they didn't help you before, what makes you think they'll help you now?" A murmur of agreement met Garrus' words.

Shepard sighed and braced both her hands on the comm room table. She could see her team's concern, but she also knew they were blinded by their distrust of the Alliance. They had only seen the human military's bureaucratic, inefficient side. They had never seen the sight of Alliance ships flying in to save a helpless colony from the likes of Batarian pirates. They had no loyalty to the Alliance. And they had no loyalty to Cerberus, either. They were really only loyal to _her_, Shepard thought. That brought her up short.

"I don't know that they'll help me," she admitted. "But I have to be there to help _them_. Earth is the next stop for the Reapers. You know that. I have to be there. Even if all I can do is hold a gun... No," she said, breaking off that line of thought. "I have to prod and annoy and do anything I can to get humanity to listen. And if the only way to do that is to appear before the Alliance defense council and face the music, then by God, I'll do it."

"And what about the rest of us, Shepard?" Miranda want to know.

"I'm not going to leave you high and dry," Shepard assured her. "You signed on for a single mission, and all of you have stuck around through that and more. That means the world to me. So trust me when I say that nothing but the craziest situation could force me to leave you now. And this situation certainly counts as crazy.

"But this isn't just about the Batarians," Shepard went on, "or even about Cerberus. There's a big price on my head right now - you know that. In addition to the Hegemony and Cerberus, there's also mercs and bounty hunters out searching for me. And if I don't turn myself in, the Alliance is going to be after me, too. And you'd better believe that if the Alliance is after me, it won't be long before they put pressure on the Council to send a Spectre agent to take me down."

Suddenly, everyone looked a lot less confident. Hiding from the Batarians, Cerberus, mercs, even the Alliance seemed easy enough. But everyone knew how dangerous Spectre agents could be. After all, they had been working with one for the past year.

"You're the only allies I've got," Shepard said. "But pretty soon that's not going to be enough. Because..."

"The Reapers are coming?" Joker put in over the comm.

"You stole my punchline," Shepard said, forcing a smile. "But yeah. Pretty much." Fixing each person in the room with a pointed look, Shepard continued with the speech she'd rehearsed a couple of times in her head before coming down here.

"Look. We all knew this day was coming. Maybe not with an exploding relay thrown into the bargain, but we knew we couldn't stay out here forever. We managed to take out the Collector base, to get some intel, to push back the invasion just a little longer. But we've been testing our luck for months now. Pretty soon it's not going to be about getting ready, but about actually fighting the war we've been preparing for. And when that day comes, one ship isn't going to cut it.

"I'm aware of the risks here - to you and to me. I know full well that if you go off on your own, you've got a much better chance of winding up dead. First rule of an ops is always 'stick together.' But right now, we have to split up to cover more ground."

"The last time we split up," Garrus pointed out, "You nearly died at the hands of a bunch of indoctrinated Alliance soldiers."

"And before that," Kasumi added helpfully, "_I_ nearly died in a vent in the Collector base."

Shepard held her hands up in concession of that point. "I admit that splitting up is risky," she said. "But sometimes it's the only option. Right now, it's our only option. I'm sending myself on ahead to forge a path for the rest of us. I'm only leaving you all because I know that you can carry out what we started here - get other people on board. We need to make a team out of the entire galaxy in the same way that we made a team here, out of a bunch of mercenaries, soldiers, and scientists. Just remember, people: wherever you go, you'll still be a part of my team. Always."

There was a long pause in the room as everyone just stared at her. _Too much?_ Shepard wondered to herself. Maybe that was a little too emotional and 'hold-the-line' like. But she did need to motivate these people to do the last thing that they wanted to do - which was leave her behind.

"Well, when you put it like that," Joker's voice broke the silence from over the comm. "Sign me up for Team Incarceration."

"Fair enough," Garrus said, with a characteristic chuckle disguised as a cough, "If you're determined to go off and get yourself arrested, Shepard, I'll head to Palaven. I'll see what kind of support I can scare up from the Hierarchy. And if you need me to spring you from jail..."

"Thanks for the offer, Garrus," Shepard said. "The support of the Hierarchy will be essential. I'll pass on the jailbreak."

"And I'll get to work on persuading the Quarians to help," Tali said. "That may be a bit difficult to do though, considering some of the messages I've been receiving," she added in a worried tone.

"Legion," Shepard said, looking at the figure who had remained quiet in the corner. "You think you can get the geth on board?"

"Uncertain," the synthetic replied. "Difficult to reach consensus at this distance from the Collective. We must to return to Rannoch to determine probability of support."

Tali visibly stiffened at reference to the Quarian's lost homeworld, but said nothing.

"So that's our marching orders, then?" Jacob asked. "Get ourselves to somewhere where we can gather supplies, people, intel, and try and get ready for the Reapers?"

"It's a hell of a tall order, I know," Shepard said, "but yeah. That's your order."

"We'll do it, commander," Miranda said. Her voice still sounded uncertain, but she met Shepard's eyes all the same.

"Thank you," Shepard said to her, then turned to extend that thanks to the rest of the room. To the rest of the team, she added, "Liara T'Soni is working out a way to keep in touch with you all. If you find any useful intel, let her know about it. In the meantime, let me know where you want to go. We'll make sure everyone is in safely in hiding before we meet up with the Alliance. Kasumi has excellent connections if you're uncertain where to go or what to do. For those of you who have been long-time Cerberus," she looked apologetically at Miranda and Jacob, "I realize this will be hardest of all. EDI can't hack into Cerberus bank accounts anymore and it seems the Illusive Man isn't interested in doling out severance pay."

Zaeed scowled, while Garrus just shrugged.

"Good thing I'm used to living off of a vigilantes' salary," the turian said.

"Yeah, well, it's going to be awfully hard for folks to go into hiding without a bankroll," Shepard pointed out.

"I can manage," Kasumi offered helpfully.

"I can only imagine," Jacob muttered.

"I'll give you all a cut of the creds I've got left," Shepard told them. "Liara managed to sell the last of our palladium and eezo claims around the galaxy, so that brought in a tidy sum. Ought to be enough to get you each started. It's not what you were promised, but it's something."

"I still don't like this," Garrus said. "I mean I'll do it, but I don't like it."

"I don't like it either," Shepard replied. She refrained from adding, _But I there's a lot of things I haven't liked since I woke up from being in a coma for two years._ Instead, she just said, "But we're soldiers. We do what we have to."

"Yes, ma'am," Garrus said, saluting her. "Distance might separate us, but we're still your team. We'll be ready when you call."

"Thanks Garrus," Shepard said. Her nod was small, barely the inclination of her head, but the gesture held all the gratitude and respect that she couldn't quite find the words for.

Then, following Garrus' lead, every hand in the room went up in salute as well. Everyone stood at attention, even Legion, who looked around as if in curiosity, then held his metal hand to his lightbulb face in an approximation of the others. Even Jack saluted, with surprising military-like rigidity. The only person who did not join in was Zaeed, who stood scowling in the corner.

And for a moment there, Shepard almost expected to see Kaidan there, saluting with the others, a determined look in his eyes. It was that look that always made her feel as if any crazy plan of hers was actually possible. But now...

Now he was still missing from her team, just as he had been for months. And that made Shepard feel unbelievably lonely, even in this company of friends and allies.

Shepard shoved that thought aside and raised her hand to salute her team - the team that had actually stood by her all this while. Kaidan had made his bed with the Alliance, Shepard thought with a flash of anger, and now, he could damned well lie in it.

Calming herself down so that she could grace her team with one last smile, Shepard snapped her hand down to her side.

"Dismissed," she said to her rag-tag band of mercenaries and friends. "It's been an honor."

* * *

><p><em>present day, 1300 hours, Menae, 1st moon of Palaven<em>

* * *

><p>There was nothing quite like a battlefield promotion, Garrus thought as he watched General Victus accept that particular honor. Then again, there was nothing like a battlefield, period. And there was nothing, absolutely nothing, like fighting through a battlefield with Commander Shepard. The air still smelled like a seaside thunderstorm, and little waves of blue flickered through her hair.<p>

"How long do you think he's going to need to say goodbye?" Shepard asked in an undertone as Victus wandered away to talk to his men. "Because we need to get moving ASAP."

"Don't worry,'" Garrus replied. "Turians aren't exactly...I think the human word is 'chatty.' Then again," he added in amusement, "Neither are Alliance soldiers. By the way, it's good to see you again, Shepard."

"Hey," Shepard said with a shrug, "When you're under fire, reunions get cut a little short." She paused, then cast him a sideways glance and elbowed him in the ribs.

"Good to have you back, Garrus."

Garrus acknowledged the belated, understated greeting with a nod. Shepard had never minced words, but today, in particular, she was all focus and barely controlled tension. Given the rather dire circumstances, it made sense. But even so, Garrus sensed something more going on here, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"So were you out here looking for Shepard?" the other human, the one with the tattoos, asked. "'Cause I gotta say, that was damn good timing, you showing up and all." Garrus couldn't quite remember this human's name. He was sure Shepard had introduced him. But racing all across the battlefield to reach Victus had wiped that bit of information from Garrus' mind. He could only recall that the man had one of those bland, flat-sounding human names, like you took a proper turian names and then squashed it underfoot.

"Good timing," Garrus admitted. "But not exactly unexpected. Shepard and I are both drawn to chaos. Our paths were bound to cross again."

"Still, it was lucky," the tattooed human said. "Dunno if we woulda saved the king without your help."

"Primark," Garrus corrected. "Not a king."

"Still," man replied. "It all reminds me of Henry the seventh."

"Henry the seventh?" Shepard asked.

"The Battle of Bosworth Field," the tattooed human said, waving at Victus, "Henry gets promoted and handed the crown, fresh from Richard's head. Richard the third, that is. You know. _Now civil wounds are stopp'd, peace lives again..._" The man realized Shepard was staring at him with raised eyebrows. He shrugged, lifting his ceramic shoulder plates with the motion.

"What?" the guy said. "It's in Shakespeare."

"I didn't know you were so into history, James," Shepard replied. "Or literature."

Ah, _James_, Garrus thought. Right. A name that sounded like oxygen hissing out of an airlock.

"Hey, I went to public school," the human said defensively. "We read the Bard, same as everybody else."

"Yeah, but _Richard III_?" Shepard shook her head. "Not exactly standard fare. Most of us read _Romeo and Juliet _and that's it. Maybe _Hamlet_ during senior year."

"Mr. Cordova made us read the entire Norton anthology," James said with another massive shrug. "Said Shakespeare was one of the few writers that would be relevant forever." As he spoke, the soldier shifted on his feet again and checked the sights on his rifle. Garrus noticed that the man was filled with a kind twitchy, nervous kind of energy, which he was currently directing into making sure his guns were in working order. Garrus approved of that. When in doubt, clean the guns - it was a familiar turian military maxim.

"Well, I guess he was right about that," Shepard said, turning back to watch Victus talking to his men. "So Garrus," she said, turning back into business mode. "Do you have enough seniority to drag the Primark away from his men? Because we need to get going."

Garrus shook his head and chuckled. "I don't know if anyone has enough seniority for that. But on a battlefield, seniority doesn't count for too much, does it?"

"I guess not," Shepard replied.

"Give him just a minute, Shepard," Garrus advised. "He's too much of a soldier to take very long. And his men need this." Shepard made a face, but said nothing, so Garrus took that as evidence of her concession.

"I'll go call the shuttle in," James volunteered.

"Good idea," Shepard said. "And hail Joker, too. See what that little power flux was all about. I don't want any surprises when we bring the turian leader on board."

"Got it," James nodded and ran off with all the grace of a krogan. Garrus watched him go, then turned his attention back to Shepard. Even in the dim light of a Menae twilight, she looked washed out, with dark circles under her eyes.

"You look like hell, Shepard," Garrus said baldly.

"You don't look so great yourself, Garrus," she replied. "I can see you ignored Dr. Chakwas' advice to get your face fixed up."

"Someone once told me I couldn't get much uglier," Garrus said with a shrug. "Didn't think it was worth the bother."

"You know I was kidding," Shepard said, gazing out at the landscape. The fact that she wasn't rising to his jokes concerned Garrus more than even her tired features did. Garrus shifted his feet and clasped his hands behind his back in a military pose.

"So what's the score, Shepard?" he asked, his gaze going up at once to the giant planet that hung in the sky above the moon. There were fires everywhere on Palaven. Garrus tried not to trace the outline of the continents, tried not to to let his mind identify those cities. But it was no use. That was Diolectus there, and Sulla there. His hometown of Cipritine was likely burning in daylight on the other side of the world. The proud turian race was going up in smoke before his very eyes.

"I think that's the score right there," Shepard said, motioning at the planet above.

"So the Alliance is asking us to stop fighting _here_ to go fight on Earth," Garrus said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "Even though they failed to believe you before, now they want _our_ forces to go save your planet."

"It's not _my_ planet," Shepard said coldly. "I'm a colonist, Garrus. I grew up a billion miles away. So it's not about that." She drew in a deep breath and let it out. "Truth is, I don't know if we'll make our push at Earth or somewhere else. But right now, they're targeting humanity first and hardest."

"Hmpf" Garrus snorted, letting that information sink in. It seemed that in that prediction, at least, the Illusive Man had been correct.

"You have a plan?" Garrus asked, still not looking away from his burning homeworld.

"Yes. No. Sort of," Shepard sighed wearily. "Liara found plans for some Prothean device. A weapon, she thinks."

Garrus let out a sigh of relief. "A gun," he said. "Good."

"No," Shepard shook her head. "Well, maybe it's a gun, but I'm not as certain."

"And why's that?"

"It just seems too...convenient," Shepard said, still gazing off into the distance.

"We could use a little convenience about now, Shepard," Garrus teased.

"Come on, Garrus," Shepard said, giving him a sarcastic look that seemed much more like her usual self. "When has war ever been convenient?"

"True enough," Garrus said.

"I just don't like putting all our hope in a weapon that we don't understand. You need to learn how the gun works before you fire it, you know?"

"Agreed," Garrus nodded. "Turian recruits aren't allowed to touch any weapon until they're well-versed in its specs."

"Same with the Alliance," Shepard replied. "You should hear some of the drill sergeants go on. They'll lecture you all day on the dangers of shooting from the hip. But Hackett, Anderson - they all want to fire this weapon blindly, without knowing what it even _does_. They seem to think we can't win the war without it."

Garrus waited for Shepard to go on. When she didn't, he prompted:

"And you, Shepard? Do you think we can win this?"

"I..." Shepard let out a long breath. "I don't know. There were so damn many of them on Earth."

"How many?" Garrus asked.

"What?" Shepard started.

"How many Reapers?" Garrus repeated. "Because there really aren't all that many here. Only three of the Sovereign-class Reapers that I can see. There's a lot more ground forces, obviously. And they're making Mauraders out of the fallen, which boosts their numbers and demoralizes our troops. But I figure they must be swarming Earth, since there aren't that many Reapers ships here. They're just doing a lot of damage."

Shepard thought for a moment, nodding her head as if she was silently counting.

"I only saw three in Vancouver," she said at last. "Or no, wait. There must have been some above the cloud cover. One more landed... And then there was the Destroyer-class Reaper that killed the boy..."

If Shepard looked tired before, she looked utterly drained now. Whatever memory she was facing, it seemed to suck her in, causing her to withdraw back into some vision of pain that Garrus could only guess at. Shepard's went glassy and unfocused, then she shook her head hard. The motion seemed to suddenly snap her back to the present. The bleakness in her eyes was replaced by the fierce light of determination.

"There couldn't have been more than, what, seven?" she continued. "And that was in downtown Vancouver, right around Alliance headquarters. They only sent seven..." Shepard broke off, staring at the Reaper on the horizon, now with wonder rather than fear. "Only seven in the initial assault..."

"Anderson said something about there being so many of them," she said. "But there weren't, not really. I mean, a Reaper can do a lot of damage, and the ground forces were everywhere, but the actual Reaper ships..." She turned around and looked up at Garrus. "How come I didn't think to count them? I just assumed there were hundreds of them."

"Maybe because you were too busy fighting to stay alive?" Garrus suggested. "Or maybe because you're not a sniper. I'm always counting. I need to know where everyone is so I don't get flanked. You probably just don't think about that because you've got the biotics to rely on."

"No," Shepard said. "It's not that. It's something more. The space around the Reapers: it shifts and ripples somehow. It's the sound - it's the air. I don't know. But they distort things and they _feel _infinite. I didn't even _think_ to count them. But you're right, Garrus," she said, speaking more quickly now, with more enthusiasm, "They have a number. Once we have that number, we figure out how to subtract from it. One Reaper at a time."

"We just have to hope our own forces don't get whittled down faster," Garrus told her. "Remember what happened when the Citadel fleet took down Sovereign?"

"I do," Shepard said grimly. "We made a lot of mistakes then. But we learned that if we can get their shielding down, a fleet of our ships can take down one of theirs."

"So we need to figure out how to take out their shielding and then force them one by one into a choke point," Garrus said. He looked around skeptically. "Outer space doesn't have a lot of choke points, Shepard."

"Then I guess we'll have to make one," Shepard said absently.

"So hey," James said, running up to interrupt their conversation. "Esteban's on his way. Better get the turian king ready to go."

"Primark," Garrus corrected.

"Esteban?" Shepard asked.

"Shuttle pilot," James explained. "Dropped us off. Remember?"

"Oh," Shepard said, looking a little sheepish. "I guess I didn't catch the guy's name. I thought he was named Steve or something."

"He isnamed Steve," James replied. "But I call him..."

"By a nickname," Shepard interrupted. "Right. Okay, just do me a favor and translate next time. I still don't know this crew very well."

"That's not like you, Shepard," Garrus said. "Usually you know most everyone - even the guy who washes the dishes."

"Yeah, well, we left in a hurry. Not much crew to speak of and as for the ground team..."

Shepard's face fell suddenly, and Garrus guessed at once what that meant.

"You lost someone?" he asked.

"Yeah," James said at the same time Shepard said "No," with a fierceness that surprised everyone.

"Well, Blue isn't dead," James conceded. "Not yet, anyhow."

The look Shepard shot the lieutenant was positively murderous.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Liara looked fine to me," Garrus said, confused.

"No," James shook his head. "Aw, dammit. I _knew_ I should have come up with a different nickname for the major."

"Major?" Garrus repeated.

"Kaidan," Shepard said curtly, not meeting anyone's eyes. "It's Kaidan."

"Kaidan?" Garrus asked. "Kaidan Alenko?" Though really, Garrus thought, he didn't know why he bothered. Who else could cause Shepard to look quite that concerned? And now, Garrus could finally read the set of Shepard's mouth, the weariness in her eyes, the apparent distraction that bordered on desperation. She was worried. About Kaidan. In the middle of a battle that might well have spelled the end of the turian Hierarchy if she had failed.

Figured.

The thought instantly annoyed Garrus. Not because he still had feelings for Shepard, Garrus told himself. Shepard had never returned those feelings for a start. And after all, just last week, he'd met a female turian who... Well, he was over it.

But the thought of Kaidan still made Garrus feel raw. The Alliance was filled with officious idiots who ignored the Reaper threat, but that kind of blindness was typical of military operations. Yet Kaidan had seen the threat first hand. He'd known Shepard better than anyone. He'd been a friend to Garrus, too. But then then Kaidan had turned his back on both of them.

"We met up with Kaidan on Earth," Shepard said tightly, the expressionless tone of her voice giving away more than her words. "He got injured on Mars. Got knocked... unconscious." She bit out the last word and said nothing more.

"It must have been bad," Garrus observed, gauging her reaction. "Kaidan doesn't go down easily." That was the only concession Garrus was willing to make in Kaidan's favor right about now.

"It is bad," Shepard said quietly.

Garrus looked down at her, his eyes narrowing. The worry on Shepard's face was alarming him. If she got this upset when Kaidan was merely injured, how badly would she take it if he died?

"There's Esteban," James said pointing to the distance. If the other human was aware of the tension rolling off of his commanding officer, he didn't show it. He seemed to be as bad at reading Shepard's moods as most humans were with reading turian body language.

"I'll go direct him in," James said.

Garrus waited until the tattooed human was out of earshot, then said: "Shepard, about Kaidan. If he doesn't make it..."

Garrus stopped himself before he could press any further. He didn't know why he was forcing the issue, except that he needed to hear what she had to say. Because Kaidan had always been something of the light at the end of the tunnel for Shepard. He knew that. And if that light was snuffed out, Garrus needed to know that she'd keep going. If she got all the fleets in the galaxy together and then broke down because just one man had been hurt, what good would _that _do?

"You know how it's going to be, don't you?" Garrus said, his voice low. "It's going to be ugly, Shepard. We may have to sacrifice millions to save billions..."

"And we may have to sacrifice friends to save total strangers," Shepard finished for him, raising troubled eyes to meet his. "I know, Garrus. I've seen this kind of ruthless arithmetic before."

"But have you lived it, Shepard?" Garrus pressed. "Have you sent your best man down into trenches, knowing he may never come back?"

"You're talking about Omega, aren't you?" Shepard asked softly. Garrus started at that. He'd forgotten that just as he saw through Shepard's icy shell, the reverse was true of him, too. Most people just saw him as the scarred, tough-guy turian who hung out down in the forward battery calibrating the guns all the time. But Shepard knew him better than that.

"Eleven body bags, Shepard," Garrus said, not meeting her eyes. "You saw them."

"I did." She let out a sigh, then added, "I hear you, Garrus. I'm worried about Kaidan, sure. I'm worried about Anderson, too, and all the SR2 crew. But I'll keep fighting. Whomever we lose, I'll keep fighting. I promise you that right now. Even if it's...Kaidan." She paused slightly at his name, almost as if she was touching it gently with her voice.

"Even if it's you," she added.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Garrus snorted.

"I'm just saying," Shepard said with a shrug. "But I have hope that you - and Kaidan - are tougher than that. Don't worry. We'll get through this forest together."

"Forest?" Garrus blinked.

"Did I say forest?" Shepard asked, seeming to be genuinely confused. "I meant war. We'll get through this war." She looked at the Reaper in the distance, her voice taking on a wondering tone. "Look at them, Garrus. It's bad, but this is all they can do. But we - humans, turians - all us little sapients - we haven't even begun to fight. We haven't even begun to tap into what we're capable of. We can do more than this. We can _be_ more."

And for a moment, Garrus found himself just staring at Shepard. There it was - that conviction that had caused him to walk into hell a dozen times over just because she was sure they'd be coming out the other side with nothing more than a few scratches and some serious bragging rights.

"Or we die trying," Garrus pointed out.

"True enough," Shepard shrugged. "But if we do that, we'll take as many of them with us as possible."

Garrus nodded, once slowly, then again with more certainty. She had a point, he thought to himself. Turians were no strangers to stories of last stands and heroic deaths. And if, in the off chance that she was right and they lived, he fully intended to be there to see it.

But instead of saying all of that, Garrus simply nodded into the dark twilight that surrounded Palaven's moon and checked to see that his sniper rifle was stowed properly on his shoulder.

"Right behind you, Shepard," Garrus said. "Just like..."

"Old times?" she finished for him.

"Exactly," Garrus nodded. "Like old times."

* * *

><p><em>present day, 1400 hours, Huerta Memorial Hospital, ICU<em>

* * *

><p>Kaidan woke in a bed surrounded by whirring noise and a light so bright that it made him instantly wish for sleep again. The transition from oblivion to consciousness was so sudden, so stark, that it caught him gasping aloud, reaching at once for his biotic power.<p>

"Don't!" a voice sounded like an alarm in his ear. "You'll hurt yourself again."

_Hurt_, Kaidan thought dimly. He'd been hurt. He thought he'd died. He _should_ have died. So many times, he should have died. But instead, he just kept surviving. Over and over again, he walked out of hell on his own two feet, while far worthier people were burned to ash.

Ash. Yeah, she was one of the people who'd burned. Then Shepard died, down in flames with the Normandy. Now Earth. Oh, God, Earth. Kaidan groaned and tried to clutch his head, but his arms were tangled in a mass of rubber tubes that connected him to a machine, to an IV, to another machine. He could only lay there, eyes dry and unfocused, staring at a too-bright ceiling.

Earth had burned. Earth was burning. People were dying, right now, and he was just _lying _here. The thought made him feel frantic. His father, his stepmother, all his students back in Rio, they were probably dead now, or would be soon. All those young soldiers in Vancouver, dead... God, he was getting so damned _old_.

Visions of Vancouver came back to him - people ripped apart by Husks, people shot down as they raced helplessly into the streets. The sheer number of dead - Kaidan could only imagine that kind of horror playing out everywhere, all over the megacities of Earth, all over the known worlds. Soon, the dead would fill the galaxy, every space-faring planet a mass grave.

And then there would be silence, Kaidan thought numbly. And in that silence, the Reapers would plan for the next time.

It was _that_ thought that horrified him most, that filled him with a sense of despair so overwhelming, Kaidan hardly knew what to do. It wasn't enough that the Reapers were here now, that they were already beginning their systematic slaughter. The real terror was that this would happen again.

And the next time it happened, there might be no warning.

The next cycle wouldn't have Shepard with her visions and her bull-headed determination to make people listen. They wouldn't have her insight, her planning, they wouldn't have the chance she'd provided.

But this cycle had a chance, Kaidan realized. He grabbed onto that thought as though it were a lifeline. Shepard was still alive, right? She must have survived. She'd screamed his name as he lost consciousness on Mars. And Hackett was alive, and maybe Anderson, too. And Kaidan himself was alive. He had lived to fight another day. He might as well make the best of it. As soon as he got out of this stupid hospital bed, anyhow.

Pushing despair aside, Kaidan turned to the salarian hovering at his elbow and tried to croak out the question.

"Where...?" he got that far before his question devolved in a fit of coughing.

"Where are you?" the salarian snapped, as if annoyed to be addressed. "Huerta Memorial Hospital. Who am I? Dr. Freylock, antique biotic systems expert."

Kaidan blinked at that. He wouldn't have called his implants _antiques_, exactly. More like vintage, if anything.

"How bad are your injuries?" Freylock went on, asking questions for Kaidan and then answering them with rapid-fire cynicism, "You nearly died. What happened? Your amp jack got slammed into your skull. When can you leave? Not until I say so, so lie still and don't use your biotics."

"And Shepard?" Kaidan asked, his voice raspy.

The salarian's face dropped into an expression of anger so intense, it was as if Kaidan had insulted his family line for five generations back.

"What?" Kaidan asked. "Is she okay?"

"Oh yes," Dr. Freylock snapped. His voice had the strange quality of sounding waterlogged, like all salarians did, and yet crisply starched all at the same time. "She's still there. Haven't been able to turn her off."

"Turn her off?" Kaidan asked, utterly confused.

"Should be just about time for her," the salarian went on. "She shows up every hour on the hour, you know. That's why I'm trying to finish up here quickly."

"Every hour?" Kaidan asked. Shepard had been visiting him every _hour_? His heart lifted to hear it.

"And you've been out for over thirty hours," the doctor added, his voice becoming ever more hard-edged. Well, hard-edged for a salarian, that is.

Kaidan just gaped at the alien in astonishment. Shepard had wasted _thirty hours_ at his bedside? Kaidan wasn't sure if he was more surprised by the depth of her care or at her complete and utter lack of judgement. Surely she had more important work right about now than to babysit _him_. But then again, Kaidan thought, maybe Shepard was running back and forth from the Council chambers to the hospital, and wasn't being quite so frivolous as all that.

"Oh yes," Freylock went on, irritably. "Every hour for thirty hours and I haven't been able to go home and sleep in all that time. I had to get you stable, first. You're lucky I have such steely nerves. Otherwise, Shepard's interruptions might have caused me to _slip_ while I was rooting around in your skull."

_And I'm also lucky you have such a cheerful disposition_, Kaidan thought wryly, but of course, he didn't say that. The doctor was scanning him with an omnitool on the one hand, but a scalpel lay on the table just beside the bed. Kaidan didn't want to give the sleep-deprived salarian any reason to use the sharpened object.

"Wait," Kaidan said, finally registering what the doctor had just said. "Shepard showed up _during_ the surgery?"

"Oh yes," Freylock snapped. "Couldn't shut her off."

Kaidan assumed that the doctor meant to say 'shut her up,' but the translator was glitching. Still, that made no sense. Even as impulsive as Shepard was, she knew better than to interrupt a biotic specialist at work on a risky implant procedure. Kaidan said so to the salarian and got a death glare in response.

"If you didn't want her _here_," Freylock told him, "then you shouldn't have programmed her that way."

"Programmed?" Kaidan asked. He made a face involuntarily, and the gesture hurt. There was some surgical tape on his eyebrow and it pulled as he frowned.

"Ow," Kaidan said reaching for his eye, then, "Ow," again as he pulled the tangle of tubes in his arms. "What do you mean, 'program' Shepard? She's not..."

Kaidan was about to say that Shepard wasn't some machine that could be turned on or off at whim. Even though he'd accused her of just that back on Mars, he didn't _quite_ believe it. He feared it, sure, but that was a far cry from having accepted it as true. But before Kaidan could say anything more, his omnitool chimed and the salarian doctor flinched.

"Oh no," the alien groaned.

And then, there it was: shining in the air above Kaidan's arm, complete with a chirpy voice that echoed throughout the room.

"Hello soldier!"

Kaidan just stared. A glowing, miniature VI of Shepard stood on his chest. Only the outfit it wore looked nothing like anything Kaidan had ever seen on Shepard. Instead of armor or even Alliance casuals, the thing was dressed in an asari stripper suit, complete with tiny high-heels. Kaidan's mouth dropped open in a perfect circle of surprise.

"Shepard?"


	12. Endings and Endings

Soooooo...

**Author's**, um... note? apology? Dear John letter?

Okay, here's the thing: I'm finally coming around to a decision I wanted to a make a while ago and yet, ugh. Alright. Spit it out, Sage.

**I'm not going to finish this fanfiction after all.**

AUGH!

I know, I know. Really, I _know_. I want to. I want to have it done and off my plate and out of my hair. And that is _so_ different from the days when I _wanted_ to write this thing. That, right there, is the double-edge sword that is fanfiction. I get to borrow an amazing, ready-made fictional universe, but if that universe changes from the way I imagined it to be (And it certainly did with those endings), then it's hard to know where to go from there.

These days, whenever I go to play ME3 to get info for my dialog and plot and so on, the mere playing of the game leaves me depressed as nothing but playing Mass Effect 3 can leave me. I posted on my blog - gametourists - a more lengthy explanation of all this.

**Also, I posted my notes for how I planned to end this story**. Notes appear to be off-limits for fanfic dot net or I'd post them here, too. But you can go and read them there.

The long story short is I'm going to let this story lapse. I hate doing this. Really, I do. I feel like I'm letting folks down - I feel like I'm letting myself down. But then the whole game is a bit of a let down so, yeah. I don't know what do to with all that. I really don't. As I said on my blog, I don't have so much freetime or, frankly, optimism to spare such that I can spend all my spare hours depressing myself with Mass Effect might-have-beens.

So that's that. I'm sad, I'm in mourning, and yet, I'm moving on. I'm retiring sagequeen and I'm knuckling down on my original fiction writing. Maybe someday you'll pick up a novel and think, "Huh, this sounds a lot like Sage." And you may be right. :D

Anyhow, thank you for your support, your reading, your comments, just, thanks. Thank you so much. I feel I've learned so much from this process, and for that I am profoundly grateful. Again, if you want to know how I planned to end stuff (you may hate my plotzoring, so perhaps you might think it best that I didn't finish!) you can find that on my blog.

I'm going to leave this fanfiction profile up and running, so the archive of my work will remain here. I will be pulling down my personal fanfic site though (costs, etc.)

Oh, and as a parting, um, gift? Here's some of the (rather rough) work I had done from chapter 12 and then 13.

Take care, everyone. And thanks again for everything.

-Sage

* * *

><p>Daylight hit Kaidan full in the face. No gentle sunrise aided the transition from sleep to waking; no curtains softened the blinding light that streamed in through the windows. Instead, Kaidan had just a second to wince before it began again.<p>

"Hello soldier!"

"No," Kaidan groaned and threw his arm over his face. He found this simply put his glowing omnitool right over his eyes. With a scowl, he dropped his left arm to his chest.

"My internal clock says that it's 8am, galactic standard time," the Shepard VI said in its syrupy voice. "Time to get up!"

Kaidan scowled and threw his right arm over his head, hiding his eyes under the crook of his elbow. It did little to shut out the daylight and nothing to shut out the noise.

"I didn't ask for a wake up call," Kaidan told the VI. His voice was so roughened by sleep and muffled by his arm that it came out as little more than a moan. He didn't bother to add that he hadn't asked to be woken up all night, either. He had managed to sleep through some of the program's cycles, but the constant interruption to his sleep left him feeling like he'd pulled an allnighter.

"You know," the VI told him, as if he'd asked, " find the best battlefield strategy is to have more bullets than the other guy."  
>Kaidan said nothing.<p>

"Technically, it's thermal clips, not bullets," the VI explained. "But who says, 'I filled him with five detachable heat sinks?'"

"Garrus would," Kaidan said, his arm still over his face. Of course, Kaidan thought, Garrus would never waste a full five heat sinks on a target. One was enough.

"I can see you've been in some fights lately," the almost-Shepard voice went on.

Kaidan figured be recovering from his fights a lot faster if this thing would let him rest.

"Install me in a combat mech," the VI continued, "and I could do some pretty crazy damage myself."

"Go away," Kaidan grumbled. He was starting to get a headache, he was sure of it. Only this headache wasn't biotically related.

"Wait, wait! Install me in one of those flying drones and stick a Cain on it."

Kaidan paused at that one. The VI's suggestion almost sounded like Shepard, if only for the sheer level of chaos and destruction that it would cause.

"Yeah," Kaidan said, "like I'd let your programming near any kind of..." As he spoke, Kaidan looked down at the holographic figure standing on his omnitool, then instantly wished he hadn't.

"...weapon," he finished.

The Shepard VI was wearing an Alliance beret, the only concession to the fact that her appearance was based on that of a soldier. The rest of her outfit consisted of impossibly high-heeled shoes, a pair of tiny short shorts and a button-down shirt that hadn't been buttoned. Instead, the tails of the shirt had been knotted right under the VI's holographic breasts. In theory, the shirt covered just enough to keep holographic nipples from being exposed. In reality, the clothing was semi-transparent, just like the doll itself. Kaidan could see everything.

"Holy shit," Kaidan said without thinking.

"I can see that you like this," the VI said proudly. "Your heart rate is increasing."

Kaidan just shook his head, his mouth still hanging open. Okay, so maybe his heart-rate was increasing, but the curves on the VI was only part of the equation. His heart was also pounding from the fear that Shepard would find out about this VI someday and destroy anyone who had ever used it - even unwittingly. Though on second thought, maybe Kaidan would aid her in that crusade. And he knew just where he would start.

"Joker," Kaidan muttered under his breath. "You vindictive bastard."

Kaidan hadn't realized that Joker was so pissed off about Horizon, but clearly the man was. Because only the most twisted revenge scheme could explain why the pilot had subjected Kaidan to this torture. A quick perusal of the VI's installation path had confirmed what Kaidan suspected from the first: the Shepard VI files had been sent from the databanks of the Normandy, altered and installed by the ship's VI, EDI. And since the VI had been programmed by none other than Jeff Moreau, Kaidan knew where to lay the blame.

Sadly, the hospital staff had blamed Kaidan for the VI at first. It had taken him all of an hour to realize that the VI had earned him the scorn of every worker in Huerta Memorial. Kaidan had made a bad impression on everyone in the hospital and he hadn't even been conscious when he'd done it.

Thankfully, he had managed to regain the lost ground. He immediately set to work trying to remove the VI program. At first, everyone thought he was simply trying to cover up for his dirty taste in VI personalities, but after a while, the staff began to realize that Kaidan really couldn't get the VI deactivated. Soon, every self-proclaimed tech expert in Huerta had stopped by to take a whack at Kaidan's VI problem. None of them were able to help, not even Dr. Freylock. The salarian was incredibly put out to find he couldn't shut down the VI, even with Kaidan's user access to the files. The good doctor was only slightly less hostile now, but the rest of the hospital staff had warmed to him considerably. Instead of being the jerk who shoved his naughty VI program in other people's faces, Kaidan was now known as the unfortunate recipient of an elaborate practical joke. Everyone avoided him room when they heard the VI chime, but the glances they shot him as they scurried away were sympathetic rather than revolted.

As for Kaidan, he spent his waking hours - and hours he would rather have been sleeping - trying to puzzle out a way to delete the VI. It was, in a perverse way, as though Joker had delivered Kaidan the ultimate logic puzzle - only the incentive to solve it wasn't a mere mental exercise, but a fight for his own sleep and sanity.

"Oh, for God's sake. Put some clothes on."

The VI pouted, but mercifully, the shirt made a return. Instead, it now began to work its way through a series of pin-up girl poses and stock phrases, as if preparing for some lewd morning workout.

"VI," Kaidan said, hoping to get through to the program before it found another reason to lose its clothing, "Deactivate."

"I can't do that," the VI said cheerfully.

"Deactivate." Kaidan spoke slowly and loudly, the way Earth-tourists sometimes did with aliens before they got used to translation programs.

"I can do anything you like - so long as it is within my protocols."

"Deactivation is within your protocols," Kaidan insisted. "It has to be."

"It is!" the VI said happily. "But first, you need authorization from your..."

"...systems administrator," Kaidan finished for it. "I understand. And I am the ranking officer of the Normandy. That gives me the necessary authorization. De-activate."

"I'm sorry," the VI said, cocking her head to one side. "You'll have to contact..."

"Then contact Joker already!" Kaidan said, throwing up his hands. This caused the VI to stand out from his omnitool as if she were walking perpendicularly up his arm.

"I am sorry," the VI said, her body at an angle to the floor. "But I cannot locate the Normandy at this time. It's on a top secret mission." The VI said this in a stage whisper, as if delighted to be in the know - and to keep Kaidan out in the dark.

"Come on," Kaidan said, returning his arm to his chest. The VI came with the omnitool until it was standing right side up again. "Can't you find anything on the Normandy's location? Any wireless trace back to where you came from. Anything?"

"Nope!" the VI replied.

"Dammit, Shepard," Kaidan murmured. "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm right here, silly," the VI said, shaking her holographic head as if he were a simpleton.

Kaidan's brows drew together, both the singed one and the one that had two thin pieces of surgical tape on it to close up a rather nasty gash.

"I mean the real Commander Shepard," he clarified.

"That's me!" the VI said. She rolled onto her back, stuck her legs up into the air, crossed her ankles and looked back at Kaidan expectantly. Lying on his wrist like that, the VI looked like a doll-sized stripper, lying right there on his chest.

"Oh, for God's sake." Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Okay, if you won't shut off, and you won't do anything useful, can you at least be a little less...obvious?"

"If my programming offends you, please contact your systems administrator," the VI said cheerfully. "If my looks offend you, then you're probably gay."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes," the VI insisted. "This body mod was designed to appeal to straight human males, asari, and hanar fetishists."

The VI displayed her chest proudly at this announcement. Kaidan recoiled from that last item on her list. Apparently that was the kind of person who used this thing for their own pleasure. And he really didn't want to think about that. Really, he didn't.

"The real Shepard is off limits," Kaidan said without thinking. Though even as he spoke, Kaidan realized he really had no right to be defensive - not anymore. The thought made him grit his teeth.

"Besides," he added, mostly to himself, "Shepard looks a lot better in person."

"I can look just like her!" the VI said, jumping to her flickering feet eagerly. Instantly, the pin-up body was gone and Shepard was standing in something that looked like sane Alliance casual uniforms, though the pattern was from gear that had been phased out a few years ago. The VI put her hands behind her back in an approximation of a military pose.

"Much better," Kaidan told the VI.

"No, this is better!" the VI exclaimed. Her shirt suddenly disappeared, revealing a nude chest. Kaidan's mouth opened, but no sound came out for a moment.

"What the hell?" he said at last. "How do I get rid of you?"

"You can't get rid of me," the VI told him, helpful as ever.

"There has to be a way," Kaidan muttered.

"If you would like to see more of my programming," the VI encouraged him, "Then get me out of this damn demo mode."

"You've been stuck in demo mode this whole time," Kaidan snapped in frustration. "Strange how your demo mode involves so much nudity."

"Soldier, you ain't seen nothing until you buy my premium package," the VI said with a wink.

Kaidan wasn't sure if that thought was tempting or revolting.

Revolting, he told himself. Definitely revolting.

"Damn it," Kaidan grumbled. "Where the hell are you, Shepard? Why did you leave me alone this thing?"

"Shepard didn't leave you alone," the VI said, its tiny shirt returning just as swiftly as it had disappeared. "I'm her gift."

"Gift?" Kaidan blinked, and lifted his head to look down at the VI. That was the first new piece of information the VI had given him in the two dozen times it had popped up. Just one day awake with this thing, and Kaidan was already counting the encounters. "What do you mean, gift?"

"They say that when someone is in a coma, it helps if you talk to them, so they can hear voices and all..."

Kaidan's eyes widened as he heard the words coming out of the omnitool. But this time, the VI was not moving its tiny mouth and the voice was deeper, huskier, and laced with the slight crackle of ambient noise that marked it as an actual recording.

"...since I can't be here, this is the best I can do in a pinch."

"And I'm the pinch!" the VI concluded brightly. The contrast between the syrupy, synthesized rendering of Shepard's voice and the real thing so stark that Kaidan could hardly believe they were based on the same person.

"Wait, what was that?" Kaidan asked, half sitting up in his hospital bed.

"That's a recording from when I was installed!" the VI announced happily.

A sudden, almost childish hope blossomed in Kaidan's chest. Shepard had installed this? Shepard had left it with a message? No, Shepard had left it as a message.

That meant Shepard had been here. She'd thought of him, wanted to stay and then... Then what? She got a kinky blow-up doll version of herself? That made no sense. No matter how much Cerberus might have changed her perspective, Kaidan highly doubted that Shepard had lost her pride so completely. No, it must have been Joker's idea. Joker must have tricked Shepard into installing this thing and then...

Well, that didn't make much sense either. But either way, the message was clear: Shepard had been thinking of him. Kaidan's insides suddenly felt like sunrise on a frosty morning, which begins to warm the world ever so slowly. He could almost feel one thin strand in his heart, trailing off to wherever Shepard was. And here he had thought all ties had been cut forever.

"VI, play that again," Kaidan commanded.

"Play what again?" the VI asked innocently.

Kaidan's eyes narrowed at once. "Give me more of that recording of Shepard."

"What recording?"

"Oh, for God's sake," Kaidan growled. "The recording you just played. Is there more of it?"

"This has been a great visit, soldier!" the VI said, returning to its pin-up outfit and saluting him. "But I have to go."

"No!" Kaidan practically shouted at the VI. "Goddamnit, go back to that recording."

This was just great, he thought. All this time, the damn thing had been going off all night, even interrupting his sleep, and now, the one time the VI had something useful to say, it was going to shut itself off. Well, Kaidan thought, at least it would be back in an hour. Though the chances of getting anything useful out of it again were highly unlikely. It seemed to have a protocol for stupidity built into it, along with that protocol for continually losing its clothing.

"It's been a real treat, soldier," the VI said with a wink. "Take care of yourself, and remember, you're my favorite fan."

"Wish that were true of the real Commander Shepard," Kaidan muttered.

"I am Commander Shepard," the VI pouted. And then it saluted itself away.

* * *

><p>"Hey Kaidan."<p>

The voice spoke softly and low, but Kaidan heard it through all the humming instruments that crowded his hospital room. He turned in his bed at once.

"Shepard! Hey!" Kaidan tried to sit up, then felt a sudden pain flare through the base of his skull. Wincing, he lay back down again and smiled lamely in the direction of the doorway.

Shepard stood there, the light from the Presidium shining around her. She was so lovely, Kaidan thought, wonderingly. Her fair hair seemed to shine, her pale skin to glow. But what struck him most of all was her expression: a furrowing of her brows and a parting of her lips and what appeared to be a deep a longing in her eyes. Kaidan suddenly felt as though his heart was twisting in his chest. Or rather, it felt like his heart was untwisting, fighting free of the ties that had constricted it for so long. Shepard tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gave Kaidan a hopeful smile. Kaidan smiled back.

She looked just like an angel, he thought. An angel in dress blues, he added silently, his smile widening.

Then she opened her mouth. "My God, Kaidan," she said. "You look awful."

Kaidan blinked, that beautiful moment stumbling as though a jarring note had been played in an otherwise harmonious tune.

"Seriously," she went on, taking a step forward. "It wasn't this bad the last time I saw you. Then it was just all red. Now the bruising has turned green."

Well, so much for that look of longing, Kaidan thought. The furrowed brows had probably meant disgust, not concern.

"Thanks Shepard," Kaidan said wryly, his eyes sliding shut in embarrassment and - he hated to admit it - hurt. "Leave it to you to tell it like it is."

"No, truly. Have you seen yourself?"

Kaidan gave a sound halfway between a cough and a laugh. "Wow, Shepard. Really?"

She frowned. "Okay, sorry. That probably sounded rude."

"It did."

"But look at yourself."

"I can't exactly look at my own face," Kaidan told her.

"Don't they have a mirror in here?" she asked, looking around the room as if searching for one. "With any luck the damage won't be permanent."

Kaidan winced and chuckled at the same time. "Leave it to you to see the bright side, Shepard."

"No," she said cheekily, "the bright side is that she didn't attack that lovely hair of yours. Then you'd have been in real trouble. I know how you feel about your 'do."

"You're cruel, Shepard, you know that?"

"Always was," she agreed as she picked up the wastebasket by the door. It was a reflective metal, brushed to a shine. Shepard brought it to Kaidan and held it over his face.

"Here," she said. "Read it and weep."

"Damn," Kaidan muttered, looking at his reflection.

Convex as the wastebasket was, it distorted his face in addition to showing him the bruising. She was right, Kaidan thought. He looked awful. He swallowed, feeling rather self-conscious all of a sudden. No wonder she had reacted so strongly. Kaidan certainly didn't think of himself as vain, but there was no denying that Dr. Eva - or that synthetic or whatever it was - had made a gruesome mess of his face.

"Well," he said, gingerly touching the bruised skin, "They did say I broke my nose and cheekbones. That'll leave a mark."

"Not a lasting one, I imagine," Shepard said, setting the wastebasket down. "Besides, broken noses give a face character."

"You have experience with this?" Kaidan asked her.

"Sure," Shepard said with a shrug, "Take a look at Garrus, next time you see him. Hell, take a look at me," she added, turning her face to the side. "No, wait. Cerberus fixed that after I..."

She seemed to realize what she was saying. Shepard flinched, then looked away. Kaidan looked down as well, uncertain of what to say.

"So, um, hey," Kaidan said after a moment, trying to break the awkward silence. "I guess it's a good thing you missed lunch. I'd have offered you some, but if the sight of me hadn't turned your stomach, the food would have."

"Okay, I'm sorry I said anything," Shepard said, letting out a breath that fanned the hair from her eyes. She sat herself down in the chair beside the bed. It might have been Kaidan's imagination, but she appeared to stare at his chest for a moment before drawing her eyes up to his face again.

"I just figured you'd rather have the truth," she said. "If I pretended it was nothing, then you'd know you were in trouble."

"Is that what you were doing?" Kaidan asked. He watched as Shepard's eyes dropped to his chest again. Once more, she stared for a moment at his pectoral muscles before her gaze flicked back to his eyes.

"Don't tell me I'm bruised there, too," Kaidan said, trying to look down at his body.

"What? No!" Shepard started guiltily. "No, just, um... Don't they have hospital gowns in here or something?" Her voice sounded a little forced. To Kaidan's amusement, she actually blushed.

Well what do you know? he thought distantly. Shepard is checking me out. And she was clearly disconcerted by that fact. That made him feel better - a little better, anyhow. Even if she found his face totally repulsive, she still liked his body. Well, then again, Kaidan thought, maybe she was just uncomfortable sitting next to a half-naked guy with a bashed-in face.

"They have these really ugly uniforms for the patients," Kaidan told her. "But one of the nurses said they don't have enough of them in my size. I dunno." He shrugged. "Sorry if it bothers you." He pulled the blanket up to his chin, leaving his feet sticking out at the other end.

"No," Shepard said quickly. "It doesn't bother me at all. Nope. It's fine."

Kaidan gave her a skeptical look, but said nothing. Shepard looked away again.

It wasn't fine, actually, Shepard thought to herself. Because here she was, with Kaidan only recently recovered from a coma and his face all bashed to hell and here she was staring at his chest like he was a glass of water and she'd been in a desert for the past year.

Though, sexually speaking, that described the situation well enough.

To be fair, however, she wasn't staring at his chest so much as staring at his nipples, because, well, hell, they were right there and had kind of caught her attention. And, of course, Kaidan had noticed her noticing. It was mortifying, really. Shepard tried to return her eyes to his face, but he looked so awful with his face all bruised like that and she hadn't quite gotten used to it yet and so her eyes trailed right back down to the part of him that looked the same. Then she noticed the chest hair - and she did like his chest hair - and that lead back to the nipple-staring...

I am clearly losing my mind, Shepard thought to herself.

That had to be what it was. Either that, or it was just relief - relief over Kaidan being awake, being lucid, sounding just like himself even though he looked like hell. Add in the embarrassment of finding him mostly disrobed, and of course that had clearly triggered entirely inappropriate thoughts. Of course, it didn't help that Shepard knew exactly what Kaidan's body looked like under that thin blanket. Or at least she thought she did. She had a sudden itch to see if her memory served...

God, stop, woman, she told herself, dragging her eyes back to his face again. You're staring at his crotch while the guy is still bleeding.

"Whoa," Shepard said aloud, seeing said bleeding and finally registering it. "You've got blood running from your nose, Kaidan."

"I do?" Kaidan asked. He touched his fingers to his face to check.

"What kind of second-rate hospital is this that they let you just lie here bleeding?" Shepard asked. "You were like that the last time I was here, too."

"It's the implants," Kaidan said, touching his nose again. "They got rattled. Causes nose bleeds."

"Rattled?" Shepard asked.

"That's not the technical term for it, but that's what I'm calling it," Kaidan said. "Bashed up the amp jack, left scar tissue around the top vertebrae. I'm lucky it didn't permanently damage the spinal column."

"Ow," Shepard winced, touching the back of her own head in sympathy.

"It's getting better," Kaidan said. "Actually, some of the stuff they did to stabilize the injury has cut back on the headaches a little. But with the new jack wiring, I get these nosebleeds. They should slow down as my system gets used to the new hardware." He touched his fingers to his nose again, but the blood had already dried on his face and he came away with nothing.

"Here," Shepard said, unable to look at that line of blood any more. She stood, crossed to the nearby counter and grabbed a tissue from a waiting box. She then returned to her seat, licked the tissue with her tongue to wet it, and went to wipe Kaidan's face with it. Startled by the gesture, Kaidan pulled away. Shepard saw him flinch and caught herself with the tissue just above his nose.

"Uh..." She looked Kaidan, then at the tissue. "I can't believe I just did that." She let out a snort. "My mother used to do that to me and my brothers when we were kids and I swore I never would do that. But I almost did." She smirked, then let the tissue fall into the basket. She stood, grabbed another tissue, and held it out in front of Kaidan's face.

"You lick," she said.

"Uh... Come again?" Kaidan asked with raised eyebrows.

"Lick it." Shepard held the tissue over his mouth.

"Ew. Shepard..." Kaidan tried to grab the tissue from her, but she snatched her hand away and gave him a mock glare.

"Hey, I'm trying to help you, here," she said. "I couldn't be here for the past few weeks. I figure the least I can do for you is wipe your nose." She shoved the tissue in front of his mouth again.

"Stop. Let me do it myself," Kaidan said, holding his hand out to block her.

"Alright." Shepard handed him the tissue, then frowned as he dabbed at his upper lip. "No, Kaidan, you're not getting it." She reached for his hand, trying to snag the tissue back.

"Hey," Kaidan said, yanking his hand away.

"You've still got blood all over you," she complained. "Give it here."

"I've got it," Kaidan said, holding his the tissue away so she could not reach it.

"No you don't, Kaidan." Shepard scowled and leaned over him to grab at his hand. The motion put her breasts right over his chest and if he looked down, he had a really good view of them from the side. Given the cut of her casual uniform, those breasts were outlined very nicely by the heavy black kevlon of the front of her shirt and the tight, blue rayon on the side.

"Here," Shepard grunted, her shirt front now brushing his skin. "Just..."

"Just what?" Kaidan asked, trying not to get too excited by her sudden proximity. After all, the blanket covering his legs was rather thin and he didn't need to be giving the hospital a show just now. Shepard turned her head and glared at him for just a moment. Then a familiar, competitive glint sparked in her eyes. She pursed her lips together and lunged for the tissue. Kaidan snaked his hand out of the way and Shepard's hand followed, weaving after his in pursuit of that poor, mangled bit of paper.

Kaidan couldn't help himself. The situation was so incredibly ludicrous that a laugh escaped him. Shepard scowled in response, but betrayed herself when her frown turned up at the edges. She was clearly fighting back laughter as she followed the motion of his hand with her own. Kaidan waved the tissue at her, knowing that would bait her all the more. She fell for it, of course, and swore under her breath as she got up on her tiptoes to lean over him. The struggle crushed her chest against Kaidan's, and he found he didn't mind that one bit.

"I've got this, ma'am," Kaidan said, grinning at her.

"Obviously you don't, sir," Shepard countered. Her hand closed around Kaidan's wrist and she tried to pull his arm so she could grab the tissue with her other hand. She was knocking him off balance now. So of course - of course - Kaidan had to wrap his other arm around her waist to keep from falling off of the bed.

"Oh, that's right," Kaidan said, thoroughly enjoying the excuse to have his hand on her. "I outrank you now."

He held his left arm out as far as he could without rolling off of the narrow hospital bed and taking Shepard with him. Although, that didn't seem like such a bad idea, provided they didn't get tangled in the IV setup on the way down.

"Gonna take advantage of your rank, are you, sir?" Shepard grunted, tugging at his arm.

"Damn straight," he replied, sliding his right hand down to grab hold of her hip. "Let me wipe my own nose, soldier."

"But you missed a spot, sir... Kaidan... Seriously!" she cried, lunging again for the tissue with each word. "You are so...damn...stubborn!"

On the last word, she snagged the tissue, but it tore in half as Kaidan yanked his left hand away. Shepard pushed away from him and he let go of her rather than fall off of the bed. Shepard collapsed back into her chair. For a moment, she just glared at him.

Then, suddenly, she burst into laughter. It transformed her whole face, making the light from the Presidium seem even brighter. Kaidan felt his heart doing that whole twisting/untwisting thing again. He found he was grinning like an idiot, even though he knew that he still had blood all down his face.

"Oh, God," Shepard chuckled, holding up her half of the tissue.

"I have never had someone fight me for the honor of wiping my nose," Kaidan said, chuckling as well. Shepard was laughing so hard she couldn't reply.

"I didn't realize my runny nose was so important to you," Kaidan said, still amused by how hard she was laughing. "It's gratifying. Really."

"No, it's not that," Shepard said trying to bring herself back under control. "'I had it ma'am,'" she said, pitching her voice low in what Kaidan guessed was supposed to be an approximation of his voice. "'I had it. As soon as the geth Prime was done melting my armor to my skin, I was going to eat it with my teeth.'"

"What?" Kaidan shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember that?" Shepard said. "When I was trying to give you first aid that one time? This is just like that. Only with a hospital bed involved. And your nose."

"Oh, really?" Kaidan said, leaning up on one elbow. "Just how is wiping my nose with your spit anything like that day?"

"It's exactly the same," Shepard insisted.

"A bloody nose is like a prime charging us?"

"Sure. Or putting yourself between the damn robot on Mars and me..."

"If memory serves, you were the one who wouldn't accept my help with that Prime all those years ago."

"Oh come on," Shepard folded her arms over her chest. "That was your stupid call. I could have handled myself, but you always insisted on stepping in like some white knight."

"White knight? I was just doing what I had to."

"Bullshit. Face it, Kaidan. You were always too stubborn to admit when you need help."

"Look who's talking," Kaidan shot back.

Just like that, her laughter fizzled. Shepard coughed awkwardly and let the tissue fall into the wastebasket. Kaidan cleared his throat and looked away.

"It's a fault we share, I think," he said, trying to gentle his tone. He looked down at his half of the tissue, then dropped it into the wastebasket after Shepard's half.

"Yeah," Shepard said softly. She looked at her hands for a long moment, then her brows drew together.

"I am pretty difficult, aren't I?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. She sighed and let her shoulders slump. "Well, when the galaxy is on the line, it's hard to turn it off. The commander act, I mean. Then again," she added, straightening her shoulders once more. "It's probably best if I don't."

Kaidan wasn't quite sure how she'd done it, but it was as if she'd dimmed the lights in the room. Or rather, it was as if Shepard had somehow slid back into some kind of shell that was molded to the outline of her body and had taken the brightness of the Presidium in there with her.

"Well, it works for you most of the time," Kaidan said, already missing the easier banter of a moment ago and wondering how to get it back. He couldn't think of anything else to say, however, and Shepard didn't reply. Silence fell in the room.

"Your nose is still pretty bad, though," Shepard said after a long pause.. "Let me... No, let me try that again. _May_I wipe your nose?"

Kaidan raised his eyebrows at her.

"Please? It's bugging me."

"You're asking now?"

"Sir?" she added, hopefully. It was enough to ease things a little, and Kaidan felt himself relaxing just a bit.

"What the hell," he said with a shrug.

Shepard immediately stood and grabbed another tissue. She looked around, then dunked one end of it into the glass of water on the beside table. Very deliberately, as if she was applying medigel to a wound, she leaned over Kaidan and dabbed at his upper lip. He lay still, looking up at her face from underneath her arms. The water was freezing and the situation was so odd that he found himself holding his breath.

She's wiping my nose, Kaidan thought absently. Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel, the woman I once fell in love with, the woman who spent the last few years working with terrorists, is wiping my nose. What. The. Hell?

The moment was so surreal, Kaidan didn't move a muscle until she was done. Shepard gave a little frown, then tossed the tissue into the wastebasket with the others.

Kaidan meant to say something like "Thanks" or "Did you get it?" or something equally neutral. He meant to play it cool - as cool as one could when one's nose had just been wiped by one's former, well, whatever Shepard was to him. Instead, he found himself giving her a completely goofy smile and saying far too warmly:

"You know Shepard, being here with you like this. I'd forgotten how much I _like_ you."

Shepard's head whipped around.

"I mean..." Kaidan said, beginning to backpedal and then wondering if backpedaling might make things worse. Shepard just stared at him for one long moment, and then she smiled. This time, the smile remained, and the room felt sunny once again.

"Thanks Kaidan," she said softly. "I'd forgotten how much I like you, too."


End file.
